Dating Q and A 11-11-23

It.

Hello, hello. Hello, everyone.

Hello, hello. Hello. Good to see you. Happy Saturday. I hope everyone is doing well.

Good morning. Good morning, everyone.

Good morning. Happy Saturday.

Hello, hello, hello.

Thank you for the likes already. Whoever's giving me all those likes, grow. Y' all already being generous with these likes, honey. I hope you don't get carpal tunnel arthritis. Hunty.

Hello, hello, hello. Good to see you all. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar. White people call me Coach Anwar, and I am a dating coach for black and brown women. So what I generally do when I'm on here is I'm here to answer some questions, if you have anything that's on your mind as it pertains to love, dating, relationships, men or women. And, yeah, we'll get the party started. Yeah. So put your questions in the chat. I will read them in the order that I see them. If I don't get to your question, it's probably because I answered it already or I don't want to answer it.

And guess what, girl? I'm grown, so I get to do what I want to do. Yeah.

Good, good, good, good. Okay, let me see what the girls are talking about already. Hello, I. Hello, Dren. Hello. Aa or Aida. Hello, Cherry. She said hello from the uk. I know. That's right, girl. Cheerio.

Hello. E. Isa, I think it is. Or Lissa, pop culture troll, says, what do you think is an appropriate age gap? Older woman and younger men? Well, you know what's really interesting? The relationships that are working for many of my clients are ones where the guy is three to six years younger than them. I don't know what it is. These old guys are just not coming with it. They're just, like, less emotionally available. And the youngins are coming with the heat, the meat, the heart. And they want to serve, honey. And guess what? We got to let them. So I always say minus five years plus, plus 10 years in terms of age range, in terms and, like, how you want to date. But, girl, if there's a guy that's eight years younger than you and he's. He's stable, go for it, girl. Get your life, honey.

X day says, going on, oops, going on a date today. Was wondering about who pays the check. Girl, we don't pay. We don't pay checks. We don't pay bills. I don't even know what you're talking about. Girl, we don't do anything. Don't even go for that fake aoo, girl. This is what I tell my clients to do. I just go give them. Get your nails done. Show the nails and say thank you so much for this. Thank you for paying. Thank you for taking care of it. He should have asked you out. If he asked you out, he should pay. Girl, the fact that you're asking me this lets me know that we have to sit the hell back. Yeah. And allow these men to show up for us because ultimately that's what they want to do. Girl, who pays for the check? Girl.

Him.

He.

Whatever the other gender pronouns are. Girl, him, his, he, all of that. Yeah. Cindy said, not a question, but love joining your lives. Girl, I'm glad that you're here. We like to have a good old time talking our honey where the girls can. Can spill tea. Honey. Yeah. Fill in your own blanks. I love that. Says, how can I make the switch from dating men to women? Girl? Two clicks on a dating app, go to gender you're interested in and click female. Girl, straight up. You know what the gag is? The gag is there's not much difference. Here's what I know. It's going to be really important for you to understand just like what your energy is. And that has nothing to do with gender. Like, you see me, girl, I am. You would never know it, girl, because my voice is like a valley girl and my mannerisms are femme, femme, femme, femme, femme. But girl, I'm in my masculine energy. I am type A, I am a doer, I am strategy in my same sex relationship. I'm in my masculine. So what you've got to figure out is are you more in your femme or in your masculine? And find the yin to your yang. Yeah. Because relationships are about compliments. They're not about clones. So you've just got to figure out are you in your mask or are you more in your femme? And based on that, fine women that are the complement of whatever energy that you're about. Okay. Jenna says says hi. Hi, girl. Felicity said, I love your videos. Thank you, girl. I appreciate that. Extraeb says, love your advice and videos. Thank you. Of course. Drinking said, cheerio, girl. That's my UK language. Nina Parker says, hello. Hello, girl. Angeline said, Oop. That's all I needed to hear. Dr. Megan says, Good morning. Good morning, girl. Drea says, hi, Amber. What does it mean if a guy hasn't contacted you in a month and then suddenly calls? Not a damn thing. It doesn't mean a damn thing. Don't take his call. That's all I gotta say. Don't take his call. Because here's what I Know, girl, your future husband, if you choose to get married, some of us don't. Would never do that. That's not what the love story is. Yeah, if he hasn't contacted you in a month, that means that he didn't care about you. You're not the one. Unless. Cause here's the thing. If there was an emergency death in the family, he would have messaged you and said, hey, I'm going through a lot. I just had a death in the family. Because he would trust you enough and love you enough to let you be of support to him.

That means he's not ready. He's not ready for a relationship, and he doesn't like you or love you. And I don't mean to be harsh, but I want to keep it real with you because so many of us can, like, romanticize our love lives. No, girl, this isn't the rom com that you've been waiting for. This isn't the Hallmark movie that you might want. Girl, he's calling you because he's bored, because he's horny, and because he needs emotional support and potentially.

Yeah, an ego boost.

Okay, let me see. Oh, my God, y' all are talking ish already. Girl, I'm already late to the game. I'm late to my own party, honey. Okay, let me, let me, let me. Hurry up. Brandy said, you are not lying. I try not to, girl.

Karina says, omg, you were totally right about nerdy lanky guys loving plus sized girls. He treats me like a queen. As he should now. Girl, it's Christmas time and you know what that means. You better get that gift card to GameStop, honey. That's what he's loving.

Brandy, thank you so much for the rose. Pop culture troll said, thank you. You're welcome, girl. Angeline said, as Uncle Steve told Kiki, a man with a plan mm doll said, hot and ready like Little Caesars. I know that's right, girl.

Drea said, I assumed that he's not interested, and then he got bored and so he called 100% Jazzy said, I need some serious advice. Can I schedule a call with you? Only try to book a consultation. Call with me if you want to work with me professionally. I. I love. This is why I come on lives. Because if you. If you have questions, put them here. Girl, I don't have the time to have free one on ones with anybody that just needs dating advice. Yeah, I am interested in helping my clients. If you want to work with me professionally, get their guy. And actually, I had two women in My program get their guy this week. And generally it's anywhere from one to three every week. Yeah. So if you want to work with me professionally, definitely apply to book a consultation call. The link is in the bio, but otherwise, girl, ask your questions here, and I'll try to get to them as quickly as possible.

Renita said, who pays? Not us.

D. Brown said, why do a male set the bar high and don't show up?

Because they're not ready. Our job's not to figure out the why. Why are they doing this? Why are they doing that? Girl, who cares about what men do and why they do it? I care about how you feel, and that's what you should be caring about, too. And if it doesn't feel good, we just step away.

Coco said, where can I meet men in public? Girl, they're everywhere, unfortunately.

Everywhere. Girl, first of all, live your life and go to the places that you absolutely love.

That's first and foremost. You never want to be that girl. That's just like, going to places to meet men that's super thirsty. And guys can, like, sniff that out because guys are actually quite intuitive as well. So, like, some of these girls will be, you know, going up and down the halls of Home Depot. Like, girl, get your life like, it's messy. Don't do that. Don't be that. Girl. Do you like to do. Do you like to work out? Go to the gym? Do you like to volunteer? Do that? Do you like to do intramural sports or book clubs or hiking clubs? Girl, do that. And whatever you do, Whenever you're out TT1G, talk to one guy every time you're out. If you do this for three months, you will find a guy. The gag is, most of the girls don't talk to men, so you stay.

Cute and mute. And that leaves baby in the corner with no guy. So you got to be talking to people. Yeah.

Kennedy said, dating a guy for a month pulls back because he said his brother got deathly ill. What should I do? Give him time and space. Say, I totally get that. I totally understand wishing you and yours, you know, lots of love and support during this tough time and give him the space that he needs.

Mia said, I just want a white man. That's it, girl.

Get him. It's white boy. It's white boy winter up in here. I literally called it two to three weeks ago. And now all these white boys talking about his white boy winter. I was about to backhand these white boys. Girl. But girl get you one. They're everywhere, unfortunately, Antoinette said, have you made a video about Kiki? No, I haven't. Because.

If you've been on these lives with me for a couple of months, I have spoken on this. It was never meant to be. He was not at her level. So he is going to try to humble her in whatever way he can to empower himself. Which unfortunately meant probably emotional and physical abuse. As someone who has had a front row seat into relationships with my that my female family members have had.

Already knew it and no shade but so many times. This is definitely like.

There'S something about these light skinned boys. I think I need to make a video about that more so than the Kiki situation. I pray for her, I live for her. So I want my focus is just on her. I'm not here to try to sensationalize it or put more cooks in the fire. Like, no. But she doesn't need analysis of her situation. She needs love and support and even from a distance, just positive energy for her and her baby. And that's what I want to give to her. I don't want to do a video about that situation. I will talk about it on these, on these lives, but I'm not gonna make a video about it. I want the best for her.

Karina said, I haven't had to lift a finger or pay a penny. He does all without me asking. That's why I tell the girls, get you a nerd, honey. Get you a nerd. They're probably working in it, honey. Got some money, got some coins. Here's what they're gonna do. They're gonna get you right? Make sure you're good, girl. Once you good, then they're gonna go and play their games, girl.

Autumn Love said, hey, first time here? Hey, girl, good to see you. Renita said, the only time your wallet should be pulled out, girls, is if you're single.

Kind of like, girl, like, let everybody pay for you even when you are single. Like, here's what I know. For so many of my clients who are like the responsible girl, the older sister, the counselor, the mentor, the sage, like oftentimes what happens is that we will use our money and our time and our expertise and give, give, give, give, give, and we're not getting anything in return. And then we turn out like super resentful. Allow people to pay for you, show up for you and do things for you. Everyone on this live, if you're hearing me right now, I need you to ask somebody.

That's your homework. Okay.

Mona said, you have such a beautiful smile. Thank you. So much, girl. Gianna says, a guy asked me if I can allow him to pay this time, which of course then said, you pay next time. You just let him know. Well, that's not something that I'm super comfortable doing, but if that is the sort of relationship that you're interested in, thank you so much for letting me know that. And I want to wish you the best of luck.

Yeah. Julia said, we're in a femininity or white woman privilege era. Yes, honey, most definitely.

Share the knowledge. Said, amazing advice. Thank you, girl. John said, I'm mid size and I get more matches on Tinder than Bumblebee.

I want this white father let his little kids run down the street and then they fail, honey. No comment. Doreen says, anwar, I'm back on these abs and I'm determined not to be a start and stop, girly. I know that's right, girl. You got to start how you finish, girl. Get that marathon pace. Sometimes the girls go hard with these abs and they're on them all day, every day. Don't be that girl. Here's what I want y' all to do. 10 minutes in the morning, 10 minutes in the evening, that's it. Like when you're eating breakfast, do a little bit. When you're eating dinner or you're watching a little bit of tv, do that. Don't. Don't do more than that. You'll burn out. Jula, thank you so much for the heart me. Fill in your blank. Said, thank you. You're welcome, girl. Lewis said, daddy, well, I am a father of three, but I think you're trying to give the other daddy, which that's closed for business for the past 15 years, girl.

Michelle said, hey, from Amsterdam, Netherlands. I know that's right, girl. The gag is. And you probably know this, girl, Amsterdam doesn't really give to the black girls like it needs to. You need to go to Rotterdam, girl. Get you one of them Rotterdam bros.

Fashion designer said, getting ready to go to a museum in TT1G. I know that's right, girl. You better TT3G, honey. And 5G. If you're with the future, honey. Talk to five guys, girl. The reason I always say five guys, girl, because when you're at a museum, half of them are going to be gay, girl. So you're going to have to talk to five guys to talk to two straight ones.

Let's see.

Mariposabella said, I made him do an activity I like. Should I have him pay for dinner to make it a wash? No.

Why do we Feel guilty about want, having the things that we want. You get to. You get to have everything you want.

Honey, I'm over this. Y' all are doing tit for tat. This equality thing. There's no equality in relationships. It's just you.

There's no mlking in these relationships, girls. Yeah.

There'S. Girl, it's you. That's it. And, like, the quicker that you can get to that place, the quicker you will find an amazing man that's going to be a provider for you and being in a. And be in an amazing relationship. Eddie said. Hi from Ireland. Hey, girl. Ish Kadish said. Going on a second date with a white boy for the first time today. Girl, I'm so proud of you. Super sweet. And we text every day. Girl, I hope you name this biracial baby after me.

In 18 months.

I'm kidding, girl. Just get your life and have fun. Morning. Just me.

Jenny said. I'm a huge introvert. Apps have been horrible. Any tips? Well, my question is, what is. What is the.

What does your introversion have to do with these apps? Because actually, introverted individuals have a better time engaging in the apps than they do in offline in real life.

Ish Kadish said. Any advice on how to navigate differences in humor and culture?

I think you just, really just want to be yourself. Here's the thing. I think that sometimes when you're with. And this is so important because a big question. I've had so many conversations about white boys and my groups because they've had really great guys, but they're like, my clients are kind of hesitant about getting with them. So in my private Facebook group, I just said, girl, what's the tea with these whiteboards? And why are we hesitant? And many of them were like, I don't know if I'm going to be able to connect with them. And do you know what I say to them? I say, girl, just be you. And, like, they're just gonna have to catch up. And if they don't get the joke about your nappy kitchen. No shade, then you're just gonna have. They're just gonna have to ask the question and get on board, honey. Yeah.

Or whatever it may be.

I, like, someone had spoken about Kiki. Kiki is like her full, authentic self. She doesn't whitewash it for anybody. And, girl, the whites love her for that. And so I just want you to do that for guys that you're, you know, dating. Black, white.

Anything in between, girl. And thank you all so much for the 7000 likes. I appreciate it. If there's anything that's resonating with you that I've said that has helped you, definitely tap, double tap, triple tap the the screen. Alrighty. And if you are interested in learning more about what I do, definitely click the link in my bio. I have free trainings. I have. You know, you can book a consultation. Call with me if you want to work with me. There's a link to my podcast, all of that.

Pretty girl, pretty black girl. Girly says, I asked to talk to TikToker on a DM, but he hasn't responded. But he didn't see it. What should I do? Girl? Nothing. Move on. Get out of these people's dms, girl.

Have these people pursue you. Stop pursuing these men, girl. Just leave a comment. And if he responds, great on one of his videos, but don't be in his dms.

Latrice said, hello, my favorite dating coach on social media. I love you. Love you too. Girl Edits said, hey girl. Hey girl.

Ambrosia, thank you so much for the. I think it was a hard girl, I lost my. Lost my place.

Tally said, what to do with a passive guy in his life when I am a very ambitious girl. It's not gonna work. It's not gonna work.

The reason why so many of my clients are in my program is because they're an ambitious girl and that masculine energy only attracts feminine energy. And what happens is you might be in a relationship with him for six months or even a year, but you're going to get tired of the fact that you have to do everything and he doesn't do anything for himself.

It's not going to work. What you're going to need to do, you're going to have to create the space to see how he makes things happen for himself. Does he just talk and complain about things or does he do things? If he doesn't do things, you're going to have to move on.

Because if you just stay with him, it's like you are will be a single mother.

Jazzy, JJ said, I wasn't asking for anything free. I just need one session. Sorry if my comment wasn't clear. Oh, no, girl, I. I wasn't. I wasn't coming for you. We're all family here. Like, I would just put your question here and I can answer it here. That's what I meant more than anything else. Yeah. So if I came off as flippant, not my intention. Apologize for that.

Flatiron said, if you tell a man to never contact you again out of anger, will he still try to contact you out of love? That's some romcom stuff. Yeah. If he is a man of integrity, he won't contact you again and he'll respect your boundaries. But if, like, if you don't want to do that, if you don't want him to not contact you, you're going to have to control yourself when you are angry.

Dami said, can you take a bi man serious? I couldn't, but there are some girls that can. That's a personal choice.

Monica said, y', all, who's Kiki? Kiki Palmer?

Keith says this guy says he wants to talk to me but never makes time. I'm gracious, but I also don't want my. I think it says time wasted.

If he's not making it happen within a week, let him go.

Rashonda said, is he flirting? If he says always playfully teasing you, he's never made a pass but always jones in.

Probably.

But when he does that, you need to call it out and say, it feels like you're flirting with me, sir. And you need to stop.

And you say it playfully so we can put the elephant on the table. I think that's okay to say.

Nicole said, you need to make a video about these light skinned guys. I think I do, girl. Jaz said, I know you.

Hey, there was a man right next to this car, honey. Didn't know if he wanted to try to.

Jaz said, I know you may have spoken on this, but how do you feel about Tyler Perry's statement? Yeah, I did a video about this. He's Ms. Perry is Rongo Dongo, as my mother would say.

Troy said, please make a video about colorism and dating. Okay.

Monica said, I started Bumble yesterday. Are we paying for it? So here's what I generally say. Be on the apps for about two to three weeks before you make that decision. Because oftentimes what will happen is like because you're the new girl at school, you'll get a lot of hits but sometimes it'll like dry up on the second week and then you're pissed because you paid for six months on something that like only had a week of. Runway. Yeah. Latrice said, yes, Amore will always be dead on point. You certainly called the Kiki situation a long time ago.

Mm.

Flatiron said, she could have had any man in the world. Here's the thing about being successful and smart and black. What you will do is because there are a lot of people in your community that might not be at your level and I'm not shading our community. Love them to feel like you are part of the community, you will often minimize yourself to be a part of the tribe instead of just finding a new one.

You're tribal beings.

Cherry said. How to get the most out of someone cheating one and a half years in a relationship or do you recommend cutting them off? Cutting them off? What do you mean getting the most out of them? Girls, you don't want to have anything from them. Girl, you don't know what they're bringing back to their relationship.

Louise said, you have to do a post on long distance relationships. I promise you that I will this week.