Dating Q and A 11-12-23

Lordy, lordy, Lordy.

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello, hello, hello. Good to see y'. All. Happy Sunday night. I hope everyone's doing well.

Hello, hello, hello.

Yeah.

Awesome, awesome, awesome. Good to see you all.

Hello, hello. Happy Sunday, everyone. Happy Sunday.

It's like Sunday.

I usually was. Usually come on on Sunday mornings, but, girl, life has been crazy. And my son's fencing lessons are now on Sundays, so I might have to go on Sunday nights, which is fine.

And I'm gonna put some neo soul on for the night, honey, so that we can.

Ease into the next week. Yeah, the Solange always gets me together. I don't know about you. All right, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar White. Everyone calls me Coach Anwar, and I am a dating coach for black and brown women. I help them get into the best relationship of their lives. And so if you want to learn a little bit more about me, definitely go to the link in my bio. There's a link to my podcast called the getyourguy coaching podcast. There's a link for my free trainings. There is a link for booking a consultation. Call with me if you want to work with me professionally.

And if I say anything on here that resonates with you, tap the screen. Double tap, triple tap, honey, so we can get these taps going. Now, I come on here two times a week.

Maybe three times a week now.

And I answer any and all of your questions as it relates to. To. Well, not all of them as it relates to dating and love and relationships and men or women. We're inclusive here. So put your questions in the comments, and I will respond to them in the order that I see them. Now, I didn't say all of the questions because if I've answered the question, I'm not going to repeat it because I don't like to be redundant. And also, yeah, I answer the questions that I want to answer because I'm grown.

Thank you all so much for the almost 2000 likes. Akiliak. Hi, girl. Doctor. Hey, Pluto. Nian said, any advice for the girls in Ohio? Yes, girl. It's gonna be a long road. Yes. Akilak said, I really look forward to our Sunday night lives. I do, too, girl. Janelle said, hey, amore. Hey, girl. Uche Mari said, hey, hey, girl. Dominique says, yay. Yay to you too, girl. Supreme Thunda said, happy Sunday. Happy Sunday to you. Malaysia said, hey, amore. Happy Sunday. Happy Sunday. Sierra said, I hope you're doing great. I've been telling all my friends about you. Thank you. I appreciate all of the love and support that I get from you all. When I hear like you guys are spreading what I say and what I do, it definitely brings a smile to my face.

Dominique said, your voice just makes me so happy. That's good to hear, girl. Cam said, I took your advice and had the best date ever today. Short kings might be where it's at, girl. Some of them. Some of them have huge Napoleon complex, girl. But that's why you gotta sift through them, girl. Just like the. You know those games in the arcade where the hand goes in and you have to try to get one of them, girl. That's what you gotta get one of these short kings, girl. Not all of them are good, girl. Hello, Lola. Hey, J. Free. Hello, Devin or Divine. Hey, Rashonda. Hey, Chrissy.

Emily said told me he wasn't seeing anyone else. Next few days became distant and said, something's missing. Yes, girl, you. You're gonna be missing in his life, girl. When we move on.

Yes. Risa said, good evening. Good evening. D said, chess club tomorrow night, girl. Yes, girl. I remember you. Just for the girls that don't know, Ms. D was on the Lives, I think, earlier this week, and she was talking about this Asian guy who she. Who always wants to talk to her, but she hasn't really been giving it a lot of life. But they always do that one on one, girl. And that's when he gets his combo on, girl. You gotta rope him in, honey.

Yes, honey. We're playing. If you win this match, you get to take me out. If I win this match, I allow you to take me out.

Sarah said, hi, amore. I'm turning 21 soon. Never dated, but want to date hypergamously. Any tips? Yes. Well, first, let me answer me this. Are you still in school or not in school?

Because it's a different. It's a. It's a different game out there, girl. Depending on what your tea is. Yeah.

Let me see where I'm at, girl. I'm already losing my place.

Allison said, should we give up on dating apps? I don't think so, but I just think that you have to manage your expectations. I think people think that, oh, my God, I'm on dating apps and I'm going to find my guy in a week or two. You know, it's going to take three or four months of consistent apping with strategy. Now, if you don't have a strategy, girl. Yeah, girl, don't do it because you're not doing nothing, girl. Right. It's like if you went to work and you didn't have a strategy, you get fired. That's why these apps girl you trying to work the apps. The apps are working you because you don't have a strategy. This is like the first thing that I teach my clients when they come into my programs. How I want them to date with strategy both online and offline.

Rubbish said. Should I give the guy I'm not attracted to a chance? I'm tired of being alone. Well, has attraction grown from when you met him to now? If not, no. If it has, keep on going and see where this roller coaster takes you girl.

Good evening Sasha. Good to see you. Hey Queen G. Hey lady Amanda. My God, I got a lot of my my my my lovelies, my regulars, my ride or dies here tonight period. Said how often should a woman reach out during the talking stage? None.

Tasia said I'm going to need your services girl. Go to the link in my bio and book that consultation call Girl I think I'm almost. I'm like all booked for the week. I think someone canceled for tomorrow so I have a session. I I have an opening for tomorrow at 2:30 but beyond that I think the week is already booked up. Yeah.

Let me see. Hey Leticia, Nicole says what to do when you're with someone who triggers your anxious attachment?

Well it depends what do they do exactly that triggers it? Because sometimes the anxiousness is coming from you and sometimes it's coming from them.

Eloquent said I'm in North Dallas. Where should I go and meet dateable men? Yes girl say in North Dallas, Around Plano, honey. That's what I'm looking for. One of my clients lives near Plano and she got her guy I want to say about a month ago within my in my VIP program.

Hi Crystal from Austin User four nine eight. You have amazing teeth. Beautiful. Thank you girl. Hey N. Hey Renee. Nicole said wait. Okay. Chrissy said Saga I went out with at the mall. Is it bad I had the urge to talk to him? No girl, but I hope that you didn't talk to him.

He's got to come to you.

Yeah.

Kiss said dating someone whose ex is half his age, is it a red flag?

Well it depends. Is he 30 or is he 50.

K? Will said I recently started dating a much older gentleman. I'm 40. I still feel a bit awkward. Is. Is it normal? Is what normal? Feeling awkward or dating a man that is much older? Cuz in this dating.

Three and and definitely not in 2024.

Yeah, nothing's normal. How old is he? K. Will, you're 40. How old is he?

Uji Mars are currently dating a Sri Lankan. We communicate every day. I suggested that the second date. Is that okay? Nope, nope. Let these men court you, honey.

We can't nudge men, especially if you're a black woman. Recipe for disaster.

Okay, let me see what's going on here.

Yak said how to not feel nervous during dates. What do I say? You know what's interesting? Go out on a lot of dates so that they don't mean that, like, they're not a big deal in your. Your head right now. It's like do or die. And there's probably a bit of love scarcity mindset. So you're like.

I don't want to ruin it. I don't want to mess it up. Girl, a date is a date is a date is a date. Half the time you're not gonna have a second date with a guy. Yeah. And.

5, 10% of the time, you'll probably have more than a third date with him.

Have fun. Talk your shit. The other part is sometimes unconsciously women will put these guys on a pedestal. And, girl, they're not even on your level most of the time.

Renee said, should I take a break from dating if all I keep meeting is build? Building a bears. I think you meant build a Bears.

You can, but I think it's interesting to.

Understand why.

Guys that need to be built are coming toward you. Yeah. There's something that's happening on your end. You're probably giving too much and probably in your masculine energy. And so because you're in your masculine energy, these guys think that you got the construction hat on and you ready to build, girl.

So we have to work on. There's stuff that we get to work on on our end to make sure that.

These builder bears are not coming toward you.

Sarah said, do you have book recommendations for relationships and self help? I do. I need to take. I need to do a video about this because I have a shit ton of books. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Five rows of books that I read every day.

Hey, diva. Monroe. Good to see you, girl. The bunch said, hey there. Love you. Can you explain the white man feet pointed towards you concept? Yeah. And this isn't just a white man thing. This is an any person thing. When people have their feet pointed towards you, it means that you have their attention. And oftentimes when it has to do with the other sex or the one that you are trying to attract, it most often it means that they have a romantic attraction toward you. So when you see a man, if he's sitting down, if he's standing up and his feet are pointed towards you, it means that he's interested in you. This is especially important for women of color because white men often will not be approaching them. So you have to, you have to see who's, who's feeling you. And once you see that, then you can understand like if he's interested and then you can start flirting, giving the green light, starting conversations, so forth and so on. Okay.

Believe in me.

I'm so lost while I'm finding my space, my place. Please, please, please, please please check the link in my bio and I have free trainings there link to my podcast called the get your guy coaching podcast. And.

You know, if you want to work with a professional, book a consultation call as well.

Let me see Toya Supremo, what's your take on Takify? I've known a number of people that have been doing tacify. It hasn't given them anything. Yeah.

Spaghetti said. How do I get men to actually approach me in person? It's not our job.

If there are people on this site that is telling you that it's your job to make men approach you, they're in the wrong business.

The fact that we are so focused on guys approaching us lets me know that we're not centering ourselves, we're centering these men and we're focused on what they do, on what we versus who the hell we are. Yeah, we don't get men to do anything. They have to do that themselves. And even if you were to get men to do something, it would be based on manipulation.

Rubbish. Said. Why are the guys seven years younger than me coming in the clutch for me, girl, don't ask questions, roll with it girl. The young men are coming with it and I don't know what it is. Girl. I don't know what they put in that water for the youngins. Girl, they're showing up much better than the guys that are a bit older 40 year old men and over something generationally not hitting younger guys for some reason. They're coming with the emotions, they're coming with.

The heat. Honey.

I don't even know how to say this. Alrjc says what should I do when he suddenly stops showing interest?

Divert your entrance, your interest and your attention to two or three other guys. We can't put all of our eggs in one basket and one man. Honey.

Yeah.

When you ask me this question it lets me know that we're hyper focusing on One guy. That's not how I want you to date. I want you to Olympic date. I want you to have a gold medalist, a silver medalist and a bronze medalist.

Okay? And don't stop dating till you have your podium full.

Iman said is being skinnier more an advantage in dating? I'm not fat, but dieting. The research says that.

Your size will determine or attract certain kinds of guys. So like a bigger woman, a curvier woman will more than likely attract men that.

Have higher stress levels and are more impoverished. Yeah, that's what the research says. Am I saying that you need to be skinnier? No, because the men. The guy that's for you is going to be for you. And it's going to love all of you. The totality of you. Not not just focus on the physicality. Right. The physicality is beautiful. Anyway, so.

Future said Anwar moving to Omaha, Nebraska Give me the tea for a sister girl there's no tea in Omaha girl.

There's no tea girl.

Oh Maha oh ma ha. There are no guys there. Go somewhere else. No shade.

Step tux said I caught the live you did girl. Nene said hey more hey girl Nailed by Tammy said hi and I love your content. Thank you girl.

Brandy said he said he would call and has not what to do. Move on. Move on. Your future husband will never do that.

Following Miami said not and we're in a tank top. Well girl it's gotten real cold here in Miami so I'm trying to get my mind sorry. Here in Montreal my mind is like on the beach in Miami, honey.

It's like candy said hi babe. Hey girl True said hello amore. Yes I'm always here to support and learn. Also so good that you're here. Juan Diego said I found out I was not undateable. I just lived in the wrong damn city. You know what? That's the true tea. The tea is that your person is might not be in your city. I would say a third of my clients are with guys that are anywhere from one to three hours away.

Mimi good evening. Good to see you.

Hello Jordan. Good to see you.

To.

Sage hello from Canada. What part of Canada? Girl hello Noel.

Latin Day said Do you think 16 years is too much of an age difference? I'm 38, he's 53. I normally say plus 10 years minus 5 years. But if it is to be girl what girl don't listen to me. Yeah Nailed by Tammy said hi love your content. Thank you girl Angeline said hi amore how should we navigate? Shame after making a mistake While dating particularly early on. What was the mistake? Girl Depends on the mistake. Bria Marie said hi Amore. Should the man pay for every day? Most of them. Girl so in my program what I do is I teach my clients how to manage the court. She'll through making sure that certain things happen on each date from first date to exclusivity.

Jess Said went on a date yesterday. Attracted but no spark. Second date or no, definitely second date. Here's the thing you don't necessarily please don't think that you need spark works. I think that's a fallacy that a lot of the media, the romcoms that Disney like perpetuates.

The spark. Girl. You want the slow burn. Okay.

Boo Bear Said, what are good traits to be on the lookout for White men. I did a video about this called Black Flags. Not red flags, not green flags, but black flags where I go through the exact things you want to look for for a white guy. Yeah.

So definitely take a look at that one.

Karina Said, Got me a nerd. He pays for everything, cleans everything and is packing. Girl, you got the trifecto.

Let's see what else is going on up in here.

Girl I am like so behind. Okay.

Starry emojis. Said I know that men find me attractive, but I've never had a talking stage or boyfriend or anything. Girl, you'd be surprised, but there are a lot of people out there that don't have a lot of experience. Here's the thing.

You want to.

Put yourself out there in a way that the experiences that you do have are worthy and rich. So I'm glad that you're on this live so that you can be leveling up your knowledge because so many of us don't actually.

We'Re not taught how to date. Yeah. So keep on coming to these lives. Keep on like listen to my podcast so that you can hopefully have a bit more information and learn how to date so that when you do start to have some more significant experiences, you'll know what to do instead of like giving away or abdicating your power to these men who don't know what to do with it. Yeah.

Shatib Said, is it bad to be searching for wealthy men? If that's the first thing that is on your list, then I would say that that is probably not going to serve you. Now you do want someone that is self actualized and stable in their career because that is how men self actualize. Yeah.

Here's the thing. Just because a guy is wealthy doesn't necessarily make Him a good boyfriend.

A lot of wealthy men will financially control and abuse you. Some wealthy men are narcissistic. A lot of wealthy men are busy and won't have time to give you the attention that you want and deserve. So.

What does it really mean, girl? Yeah.

FM said hi from Colombia. Come visit soon. I love your content, girl. I was in Colombia earlier this year was so such a beautiful country.

Adora Dairy said the music is everything. Thank you girl. He has all about that neo soul. Honey.

Jane said I should have been here 50 years ago. Not 50 years ago, girl. I should. I wish I was on this Earth 50 years ago.

I know, I know.

Yes, honey. They're getting me together tonight, honey. They're getting me together tonight.

Honey. That. That part woke me up.

Hey Julia girl. Francesca said things were going very well but now I haven't heard from him in a week. Should I cut it off? Yes.

Deja said your thoughts on pretty women feeling lonely because they people assume they're taken. It's. I was talking about this yesterday when I was on live pretty privilege is oftentimes not a privilege in dating. It's actually a net negative.

Latrice, thank you so much for the heart me.

Juan Diego said any thoughts on Sacramento area for. For dating and black women? Yeah, honey, you can go to. You can stay in Sacramento but you might have to get with a whiter Hispanic man. Put your radius wide girl so you can get some of that northern Bay area.

Smile.

Randy, thank you so much for the rose.

Booker said he only reacts to my stories with emojis but never writes anything. Why Our job's not to figure out the why.

He playing games girl.

Like I don't want you to have time for that. Ain't nobody got time for that. Yeah.

And pops that size doesn't matter. Everyone in 600 pound life does have somebody 100%. What I am saying though and what the research says is that you will attract more men when you are like curvier or bigger that are more stressed or poor. And all the curvy girls in here know you got a lot of brokies that are coming toward you and asking you for money.

Hello, Ms. National USA. Hello Selena.

How should we. Okay, wait, I read that already. I'm waiting to see what the mistake was.

Nikki said, hello, I was just talking to my friend about your content. Thank you girl. I appreciate that. Nazira said, is it wrong if I decide not to see a man anymore after he asked me to go 505050 on a dinner bill? Not wrong at all actually. So right.

100%.

Valena, thank you so much for the heart me.

India said dating black men in Boston. Should I look in nyc? I will tell you this. I've been a dating coach for 13 years and all of my clients that I had in Boston never got with black men. I think that the.

Net worth of black men in Boston is zero and will soon be negative.

As a statistic.

Okay, let me see what else is going on up in here, honey.

JK said, I love what you do when you change, when you change my life. Please, any advice on where to find men in Toronto?

Girl?

Well, probably want to be on Bumble and you're probably gonna find the guys that are. All of my clients that have been in Toronto have been like have found their guys in the outer suburbs of Toronto.

Yeah.

J. Dell said, been waiting for to see you pop up. Thanks girl. I'm here now, honey. Pop, pop, pop. Resi said, I haven't colonized yet. They all tan, girl. You gotta diversify that podium, girl. White boy winter hunting white boy winter hashtag WBW. Ms. Tella said, what's your podcast name? It's called the get your guy coaching podcast, girl.

Rezi said when he keeps hey friend. Lol girl, drop him.

Drop him.

That's the thing guys will tell on themselves. When he says hey friend, it means he really does think of you as just a friend, girl.

Yeah.

Ambie says everything about your life is comforting. Thanks, girl.

I appreciate it.

Tanya said, come through. Smile, girl. Yes, honey. Speaking of Colombia, I got this smile in Colombia, sweetie.

Adam said Kim will get you right every time. Yes, ma'. Am.

Let me see what y' all are talking about.

JFK, thank you so much for the ten finger hearts.

So do I need a bad wig to get a non black man? Nikki Sweet says.

Here'S the funny thing, you don't need a bad wig.

The bad wig will make you more approachable for non black men or mostly white men, but you don't need it. You can literally just start a conversation with them. Here's the gag about white men when you are talking, like if you talk to them for more than like three minutes, you need to know that they are flirting with you.

Like, nobody needs to have a conversation with you for more than a minute. So if it's more than three, that's how they flirt, girl. They just will have a normal conversation with you and then that's their flirting. That's the gag. Because you are used to like a more aggressive flirt from like a black Or Hispanic man. Well, they will be, like, looking you up and down and doing one of this and licking their lips and sometimes growling or barking or. I don't know how they. How these men flirt anymore. Sweetie, I'm married.

But that's not what the white guys are gonna do. They're gonna be like, so, how's life?

And you're, like, unscrewing. What's up, girl? They're flirting.

It's Rae Hab. Are you going to do a podcast on how pretty privilege is the disadvantage in dating? I'm probably going to do a video and a podcast about it. As someone who knows so much about it.

Sorry. Caprona says, is it a red flag if a man is always too busy with a job? With job. So one of the things that I try to get my clients away from is.

This notion of, like, red flag and green flag. Fuck the flags. It's about how things make you feel. Yeah. If it doesn't feel good, stop away. Honey.

Here'S what I know. I have clients that are with investment bankers, with consultants, still reach out to them every day. It's possible this guy's just not making you a priority, so he's got to go.

Dana said, is military off limits? Yes, honey, just like you can't get on base, they shouldn't be getting on you. He's retired and a really nice guy. Well, girl, I'm not here to tell you what to do. What. What I am here to say is they got a lot of military guys that have PTSD. PTSD.

Yeah. And might come with a bit of God complex.

So you want to watch out for that.

Maya says what to do if he doesn't text in 24 hours. Girl, don't trap, talk to. Talk to two or three other guys. If he comes back, great. If he doesn't, sucks for him.

Hi. Says, what if a man pays for your bills but nothing else, what is he supposed to pay for?

That's what I want to know.

What types of pics should you upload to Bumble?

A lot of face. Like three to four. Just like face pictures. Make sure there's no sunglasses. Make sure you're smiling with teeth. One to two body pictures. You don't want to show a lot of skin. You don't want this. You don't want it looking like a V. You don't. I don't want to see. I don't want to see any of this. Yeah, and I don't want to see a lot of leg. Sometimes the girls do pictures like this. None of that. You leading with your booty, right? So you're telling him I'm just worth my booty? Yeah. Straight on.

Don't put a lot of pictures. Like, don't put all your pictures, traveling pictures. It's a humble brag and it's a turn off. Don't. Don't do pictures with friends because the gag is if one of your friends is hot or if you're in a picture with a guy, like, consciously, subconsciously, it's going to be a turn off. You're not going to be the center and your profile, You've got to be the center. You've got to be the main character in your own freaking profile. Those are a few tips, girl. If you want more, you definitely have to join my program so I can give you the whole tea. Girl.

Nissa said you said bumble is where it's at. But I hate starting the combo with these men. Girl, you just have to start it up, girl.

Thanks for the match. How's your week going, girl? Copy and paste. Copy and paste. Yeah. Hannah said, I want a Chinese New Year. Girl, you got to wait till February on that, honey.

Aries said it.