Dating Q and A 11-14-23

Hello, hello, hello.

Let's get this party started, honey. I'm on a little bit late, girl. I was busy, girl. I was helping my clients.

Girl. We were doing that work, that deep work, honey. Hello, hello, hello, ladies. Good to see you. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I know that I'm a little bit late to the game, honey, Tardy for the party, as some of the girls say, but I'm hoping y' all are doing well. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar. Why? People call me Coach Anwar. Yeah. And I'm here because I want to.

Spill some tea. Tuesday tea, that is. Yeah.

So.

If y' all are new, if y' all are old, please understand that what we are thinking about, what we're gonna do tonight is I want you to ask the questions, the questions that you have that have kept you stuck and dating, and I will.

Do my best to give you my perspective on how I think about it. Yeah. And we'll have some fun in the meantime. So put your questions in the chat. I will answer them in the order that I see them. If it's a repeat question, I probably won't answer it again because I don't like to repeat myself. No shade. But I don't want to be redundant. I just want to keep it going. Yeah. So.

Also, if you want to learn a little bit more about what I do, definitely click the link in my bio. You'll see a link for my podcast, the get your guy coaching podcast. You'll see a link for my free trainings if you sign up for them. I have three of them. Three free trainings, honey. I like to over deliver.

And. And also I have a link to book a consultation call now. It's kind of packed. I think the earliest availability might be on Saturday. I think some people might have canceled, so I might have one on like a Thursday, midday or something like that. But otherwise, I have some availability on the weekend. So if you are interested in working with me now, definitely book a consultation call. So we get you up and stock started and ready for January, which is the super bowl of dating, where you have 50% more people on these apps so that we can. That's why, like, I get a lot of of my clients that are getting into relationships in March because they've maximized December and early January. Yeah. Now let me read what the girls are saying on here. Honey, Queen of roses said, hey, girl. Hey. Hey. Imani. Queen of roses said, booked and busy. Sure am, honey. What a blessing. What a blessing indeed. Yeah, I am mostly focused on just helping my clients think about this differently and heal. So tonight we talked about, like, the 13 deadly dating patterns so that we can be aware of them, we can know where they come from, and we can also know how in my programs we are tackling these patterns so that we don't have to repeat them anymore is very important work. If you don't do the deeper work, you will continue to.

Do and redo your patterns. Okay. Phil Bestina said how to keep a guy interested. Not our job to keep a guy interested. We are not a freaking TV show. Our job is not to keep him on this channel. Our job is to be ourselves. And if he can't stay on our channel, he's out. Yeah. Yeah. So many people put pressure on themselves thinking that, like, oh my God, I have to do all of this stuff to get a guy to like me or to keep him interested. Nope, not your job. And if you feel like it's your job, you're doing too much and it gives me. We have some deeper wounds what like, we need to heal. If you feel like you have to keep a guy interested, you probably felt like you needed to prove yourself to your parents. So this is the inner child wound that we need to heal. Okay. Valencia said, I was justifying or maybe just thinking about you. Thank you, girl. I appreciate that. What were you thinking about, girl? Hopefully it was something positive, honey. I'm trying to. Trying to keep all the positive energy up and up in my space and my energy. Hi, Makata. Good to see you. Kiki said, I just downloaded the Whoop plus dating app. I talked to them, they wanted me to sponsor them, but I said no. And the reason I said no is because actually there are a lot of fetishizers on their. On their app. So you want to be really aware of that as you're navigating it. And that's the case for the. For other plus size or curvier women as well. And I don't align with any apps because one year they're good, another year they're not. And girl, even now, a couple years ago I said hinge was good because it was during the pandemic. And now when I tell them hinge is out and. And bumble is good, this, the girls are confused and they're like, you said one thing and not the other.

Craziness. Absolute craziness. Yeah. So.

Let'S see what's up. What else is going on here?

Summer said, I love your voice. Thank you, girl. Avenette said, hey, hey. Towel throne. In I answer for real. For real. What do you mean? Girl in dating.

Apple user said, hi, I'm wear hey girl. Book by Brit said, hey, I'm wearing hey girl. Laura said, I love your voice and eyes. Thank you. You sound like my mom. Not in a bad way. She says the same thing. Oh, I love when you cut your hair short. Your eyes really pop. That's what I know. She says every time I cut my hair. Taejean or Jin said, hey, you never texted back. Really? I don't really give people my number so I don't know how I would be able to text people back.

Taylor made hey girl. Good to see you.

Dula said, why do men practice the boomerang effect? Do you mean coming back and forth and back and forth into your life?

Amarian said, for once I made it on time. Hi kay, luna. Hey maran.

People, guys will come back into your life. First of all, you have to understand that it's seasonal. Yeah. So oftentimes what will happen when guys do this boomerang effect is.

If you have my number, Taejan text me back. And if this is because you have questions about the program, I can definitely answer them. If you want to reschedule a consultation call, I can definitely send you a link to reschedule. But you'll have to let me know what your name is so that I can have my team send you that link. Guys will come back into your life for a variety of different reasons. One, it's seasonal. So for example.

Right before the Q4, so like around Halloween, guys will show up, reach back out. In the new year, they will come. They will show up around July 4th when they're out and about, they will come back. These are like major times in the year where a lot of guys will come back because they're lonely because they're out and about. And oftentimes they will come back to see if they still have any sort of control or pool over you. Yeah, don't give it to them because what I know is that your future husband will never boomerang you. You girl, you won't be able to get rid of him. And that's the tea.

Okay.

Jordan said, oh, I'm early tonight. Hi, Amar. Hey, girl. Good to see you. Tamara said, my favorite person is live. Well, thank you, girl. I appreciate that, but I don't tell your mama.

Indigo, thank you so much for the heart me. Ms. Ashley said. Tips for being approached in person.

Well, one, I think it's important to understand that like your if your first intention is like Trying to be approached in person. Your energy is going to be off, girl. Totally off. When you're in a space, I want you to be thinking about how can I connect with the people around me? Yeah. More than anything else, men and women. So one of the things that you can do is talk to people that are around you because what that will do is let the guys know she's open for a conversation most of the time. Guys are not approaching now because they think that they're going to get rejected as well as the fact that we are post metoo and post pandemic. So they're like, they're approaching like at the 50% of the rate as like they were before.

So.

The other thing that will be helpful is going to the same place at the same time on the same day so that you, they know where to find you. Because now what they're doing is they're not necessarily going to approach you the first time that they see you. They're going to approach you maybe the second or third time. So you want to be consistent if you're going to certain places. Okay. But again, like I don't want to sensor being approached. I want, I want you to center feeling good in the spaces that you're in and having a great time because your energy will radiate and people will be attracted to and it will be like a magnet for people, both men and women.

Shay said. Hi. What to do when you feel a guy is trying to find a flaw or humble you, girl.

Run, don't walk. Run away, girl. Because when they do that, the only thing that will follow is toxicity.

And that's poison.

Yeah. Lindsay said dating plus size and tall is hard. Any advice? Yes, girl. You gotta know who's checking for you. Yeah. One, we got to be more open to shorter guys. But two, like I did a video about this that has gone quite viral. I think it is like 1.2, 1.3 million views.

You want to check the guys that are. These are the guys that are into plus size women. Number one is tall. Lanky gamers get into those guys. Black and brown guys are in into plus size women. Guys that are 20 years older than you, guys that are half your size and the gym bros. Yeah. It's important to know that so that you can hyperfocus on this. That's number one. Number two, if a guy is talking about your body at all before meeting you, you've got to let him go immediately. If he is touching you on a first date, you got to cut that date short. Because he's trying to butter you up and trying to use your body. Yeah.

So I want to make sure that you are thinking about those things as you navigate this. Okay. Daphne said, what's a healthy amount of days to hang with my boyfriend? Right now we hang out like every two to three weeks. If you have a boyfriend, I suggest hanging out with him one to two times a week. So we got to. You said two to three times a week. Okay. So that's good. That's excellent.

Frodo said, hello, everyone. Me said, good evening. Hey, girl. Definitely say hi, Elmo. I love your work and podcast. Thank you. And you're live lives. Shiny said, I just wanted to tell you that I got engaged. Congratulations, girl. Happy for you. Book by Britney Said, Love your life. So reassuring. Definitely one of my favorite tiktokers. Thank you. Burn said, are there any straight men? Nope. So glad I don't have to deal with this.

I know that's right, girl. Triple Rose said, what do we say when a man says we're a user because we haven't offered to pay for dates? Let him know that's your opinion and I totally respect that and I want to wish you the best of luck.

Yeah.

When a guy labels you or calls you a name, he's dangerous and you need to leave immediately. Okay.

I am Shia Marie Said, how often should I reach out? It depends where you are in the courtship process, girl. Okay, just FYI, if there's anything that I'm saying that's resonating with you, definitely tap, double tap, triple tap the screen. Thank you guys so much for the already.

Five and a half thousand likes. Y' all appreciate it. Rejoice. Said, hey, I'm noticing that I don't like them. I'm attaching. What are some tips you don't like who?

That's what I want to know.

Let me find my, my, my where I was. Indigo, thank you so much for the heart me.

Let me see while I'm looking for my place. Let me know if you.

Let me know if you have any specific questions. Yeah, put them in the chat. I might be a little bit behind, but I'm going to go as fast as I can. I generally catch up within like an hour, hour and a half. Okay, so let me just go on to IG real quick because I don't want the IG girls to think that I'm shading them. Kay. Luna said, I'm on bumble. It hasn't been great lately. Any tips? Where are you located? Kayluna Star Goddess said, I can't do 90 day rule. But what's the soonest we can give him? Give them the draws. Well, I guess the question is why do you feel like you need to do.

Seaside? Girl said, my ex fiance is trying to reconnect with me after two years. I don't know if I should.

How did you guys break up is the question.

Lynn Allen said, should I reach out to an ex if I am constantly thinking about him? No, you're probably constantly thinking about him because I don't know if I can say this. People don't know this but like if a guy is pleasuring himself and thinking about you, he is conjuring up your spirit. So oftentimes that might happen. Especially if you haven't been thinking about him in a while and you randomly start doing it, it means that he's probably thinking about you. And that is not your. That's not like a oh, it's a meant to be situation. It is.

Xxx and all the wrong ways.

Okay, got it. You're in NY and I change my location ever so often. Good. New York. Like New York City or upstate, girl. Because there's a difference. Caught him cheating. Okay girl, then hail to the no. Hell to the no. Hell to the no. Missy said, what time do you join live? Do you have a schedule I don't want to miss? I generally come on on Tuesday nights.

Around 10 or 11, Sunday mornings. Although recently it's been Sunday evenings. So yeah, Tuesday and Sunday evenings around 10.

Yeah.

Janelle said, you're right on time. I'm in need of your help. Going to pay attention to your life. Yeah, girl. Ask the questions, girl. Chris said, what's a good time frame to expect things to move from dating to a relationship? I would say two and a half to three months.

Okay.

If he's not ready to make that happen, he's out.

Star Goddess said, amy, I didn't know you were into spirit spirituality. I always tell my friends that it's 100% true.

Just like if you start thinking about a guy or if you owe with him on your mind, you will hear from him in a couple of weeks. Trust. Trust. That's the power of the punani, y'. All. If y' all don't know, now you know.

Ashley said, I'm 34. Much more extroverted than my boyfriend who would rather spend time at home. Date ideas grow a little bit out, a little bit in. Right. Here's the thing about being in a relationship. Sometimes people feel like you have to do everything Together, but in a relationship, one of the things that I call. There's a concept that I call your oso. If you're more extroverted, you're gonna have to do things that he won't like to do, and you'll have to do it with someone else. Oso means your other significant other. So this is like. So, for example, if he doesn't like to go to the bar or he doesn't like to go out to museums, he doesn't like to do a lot of things where a lot of people are there. You'll have to find someone else that needs to do it. Like a best friend. Right? Let's say he's kind of like a guy that works with his hands and isn't as intellectual. You might need to talk about those intellectual things with an oso and other significant other that's really into talking about deep shit physics, whatever you want to talk about. So. So find an extroverted oso that you can do things with when he is not feeling like he wants to go outside. Okay. Letta said, I like you already, girl. You better.

Clea. And if I'm butchering your names, y', all, I apologize. Sometimes I literally just don't know how to read. Usually when a man blocks you, what does it mean? It does. It means he doesn't want you. He doesn't like you, girl. Go away, girl. Don't follow him. Don't chase him. Chase yourself. Yeah.

Wendy said, can you explain the feet direction thing, please? Anwar? Thanks so much. Okay, so here's the thing. When you're. When you go into a room, when you enter a room, when a guy is interested in you, his feet will be pointing towards you. This is body language 101, and I tell this for everyone. This is how I used to like when I was out in the club with my friends when we were single and we were those girls, I would always know who was into whom by where their feet were pointing. This is also how I knew when guys who were not gay presenting but really gay were checking for me. If their feet were pointing toward me, I knew that I already had them. And I want you to have that power too. If a guy's feet are pointing toward you, you, he wants you. And this is especially true for white guys who will not be approaching you. So I want you to know who those guys are because there's a ton of white guys and non black guys that are checking for you, but because they're not aggressively pursuing you, you don't think that they're into you. If you have a conversation with a white guy that is more than two or three minutes, please understand he's flirting with your girl. It's flirty.

It's the flirt game, girl. And you better tag yourself in. Alrighty. Journey to Lose Pounds says tips or strategies to prepare yourself for starting to date again. Well, join one of my programs or courses to help teach you how to date. Yeah, this is important, but also, you've got to make sure that you are clear of your last relationship. But most people are still. If you are talking about your last relationship and you still have a tinge of anger, sadness, you're upset, you're frustrated, you're not ready to date girl.

Please understand. That said, with love and respect. Okay.

Got it. Rejoice Said. What do your educational levels license is I want to do what you do when I'm out of college. So I am certified as a relationship coach. But I want to let you know that part of this work is also just about experience. I've been coaching and doing this for 13 years, but I want to let you know that I've also been doing this all of my life, helping boys talk to girls and girls talk to boys. So the experience is something that is really important. As someone who is gay and black, all of my life, I've had to observe how people feel, what they think.

Unfortunately, to make them more comfortable around me. But that has given me an amazing sense of being able to read people and see how they interact. So that would be something that would be important for you, and that's something that you are going to need to do outside of the books that you're going to have to experience in real life. Okay.

Lulu said, dating men who did not yet forget their ex girl, if they haven't forgotten their ex girl, you're gonna have to forget them, period.

Nicole said, do you think location matters when looking for generous men?

Yeah, I think so. But you also have to understand generous is a mindset. It doesn't have that much to do with a wallet. I've gone to some of the best institutions and boarding schools with the most wealthy people, and they are often the stingiest. Yeah. So some people are like, yeah, go to hotels, go to this, go to that. It's a mindset. But it's also, I just want to offer to you all that. It is also an energy. Right. And for women of color, specifically black women, this is about being fully in your feminine energy, because your feminine energy will inspire them to give to you. You will attract masculine love men who are in their giving season. But if you're in your masculine energy, Ms. Giving, Ms. Independent 2023, it's not, it's. You're not going to attract those men.

This is really important. There's not like a specific location. This is. You can find generous men wherever you go if your energy is where it needs to be. So I just want to offer that to you all.

Amen. Thank you so much for the Two roses girl. Lulu, thank you so much for the heart me, my gosh. Thank you for the 14,000 likes, y'. All.

Regular girl. Tik Tok Said, can you tell us if Nigerian men are a red flag?

Girl, I'm never going to speak ill of men from my motherland. So for the ladies in the chat, you can share your experiences with Nigerian men. How about that?

Tashina Said, bumble is buzzing, but how do you gently let them down? What do you mean gently let them down? Just let them know I'm not feeling a connection but I want to, I want to wish you the best of luck.

Said, do you think Keith can find a man after that video? I don't know what you're talking about, girl. Chelli said, hey amore. Hey girl. Bianca said, why can't I attract guys? I feel like I attract dust buckets. O and I'm nowhere near dusty.

I don't know, girl. I don't know what you're giving. Here's the thing. Often times you will attract everybody, but it's is important for you to.

Be able to have boundaries enough and a dating strategy to let them go immediately. I think of dating like poker, like if you're not folding these guys immediately and fast.

Girl, that's the, that's going to hold you back. Yeah. The best poker players fold most of their hands and fold them fast. They don't play every hand. Many people play every hand or date a lot of guys to feel like they're being successful in dating. You don't want to do that. You want to only date the highest quality of guys. So in poker, you want to play a double ace or an ace king so that you have the highest chance of winning. It's the same with dating.

For those of you that want to learn how to work with me in depth, definitely click on the link in my bio and book a consultation call and we'll get you right, girl. Okay. Bev Said, hey, I'm where you're absolutely the best. I'm learning so much. You're. You're a blessing. Thank you, girl. I appreciate that. Lexi said, what if you want to date white men? I'm tall and plus size, girl. Date them. Date all of them. Girl. It is white boy winter up in here, so you need a. You need a couple of them, girl. Yeah, get a couple of white boys on your roster.

Have fun, honey. Kay said, hinge is terrible. Yes, girl. Hinge is unhinged. Hinge is a no, no, Especially for the black girls.

Vanessa said, how can you tell when your intuition versus anxiety is telling you a guy isn't right? Anxiety is. You're feeling really uncomfortable. Like, you. You don't feel good. Intuition is your body has made a decision and you feel clear about what you want to do in the next step. Intuition feels very different than anxiety.

Intuition, you'll feel centered. Oh, he's not for me. I feel good, and I feel. I feel like I can take my next step. Anxiety. You'll be confused about what your next step is. Okay.

Fifi Me said, the guys are saying they have a harder time dating than us, but the ratio for women to men is.

Everyone is having a harder time dating.

Here's the thing. No one teaches anyone how to date. So just like, y' all might not have a strategy, and you might not know how to date, because our mothers didn't teach us how to date. Most of these guys, number one, had absentee fathers, and we're not taught how to date in a masculine, energetic way. So, yeah, they're having a ton of time trying to date, because here's the thing. So first of all, oftentimes guys will be nice. But then a lot of the women don't like the nice guys. Girl, they finish last. They want. The girls want the bad boys. So then they're gonna ask their guys, hey.

What do I do? And the guys that are successful are the bad boys. So then they'll be like, just be an asshole. So then you have all these guys being an asshole, thinking that they're gonna get guys and they're gonna get some of the guys. Sorry. Trying to get the girl. They're gonna get some of the girls. And so you have a lot of guys being assholes, thinking that that's the way to get a girl. But for good guys, it doesn't feel very natural for them. So there's this, like, conflict, this cognitive dissident dissonance around it. It's very hard. Men are rejected 90% of the time. Women are only rejected about 30% of the time. So think about dating, and then think about all the times that it's not a match and multiply times three. And that's how guys are experiencing dating.

Yeah, it's very hard for them. I wouldn't want to be that. I wouldn't want to be a guy dating right now. A straight guy, that is girl, I wouldn't want to be a gay guy either dating right now.

So please be patient. I have a lot of questions, so I'm just trying to get to them as quickly as possible. Hey, honestly, Tierra, Okay. Vanessa said, how can you. Okay, I answered that question. Jess said, I want to ask a question, but I'm scared of the truth. You definitely will have the answer. All right, girl, let me know when you're ready. Kylie. I tell men I don't feel comfortable sharing numbers or IG before meeting and they unmatch me always, girl. Let them, Let them.

I am shy. Said, a guy told me I don't match his energy. Should I? Well, it depends on what the energy is, girl.

When it comes to reaching out.

So I am shy. I said, a guy told me I don't match his energy. Should I? And you said when it comes to reaching out on phone calls, no, you don't want to.

Let me turn this up. Sorry. You don't want to match his energy.

Not in.

Not for the first part of the courtship. Okay. And this is especially true for black women because ultimately you're going to want to or you're going to have to see if he has the initiative and the ability to protect you and to show up for you. Okay. So if he needs somebody to pursue him like he pursues you, you're not the woman for him and that's okay. Yeah.

Shasha Sheath said, why do you prefer women to meet men on dating apps and not outside? I don't have a preference. I want women to meet great guys. I don't care where they meet them at online or offline. What I do know though is because of the quantity of men online for my program, we use apps a lot to help to practice the things that we need to practice on our end. Boundaries, vulnerabilities, things like that.

Tabitha said, I met a good guy, but he started to pull back after making things exclusive. Guys will do this right before exclusivity or right afterward. This is often, and this is the case for probably you as well, that first month after exclusivity, there will be both individuals will try to self sabotage in some way, shape or form because they're insecure and they don't think that they deserve to be in the relationship. Give him time. If it's more than three to five days where he's pulling back, it's a greater issue. But if it's a few days, give him the time. And when he comes back.

Be enthusiastic about his return. Hey, how's it going? Good to hear from you.

Yeah.

Monique said, how should women cope with being ghosted by a love bomber? How do you re enter the dating pool after this? By realizing that the love bomber was. You were not in a relationship with him. This is important.

What a love bomber does. So there was research done with where these scientists would give these birds. Anytime a bird would hit a button, they'd give the bird a treat. And what they learned is that once they started not giving the bird a treat, every time they hit it, the bird would actually hit it much more. And that's what these love bombers are doing for you. So what is happening is that he's getting you hooked on the attention that he's giving you, that it feels like such a big void when he stops doing it. What you need to do is fill that void with other people and other experiences. Yeah. So stay on the apps. Talk to multiple people. Right. Date multiple people, not just one. And also make sure that you're doing a lot of things so that you're not at home stewing, waiting for this love bomber to bomb you, girl. Yeah. You would never wait for somebody to just bomb your house, girl. You'd be out and about, you'd be moving and swerving and making sure you're not getting hit. That's how you need to be doing it in your love life, girl.

Call her. Said this man said he's flying me out to Chicago for our first date, nervous but excited. So that's good. That's fine. I always suggest that the guy comes to you first and foremost if he's interested. Yeah. So that's what I would offer to you for this, you know, somewhat long distance relationship or courtship that is happening. Why? There's a certain level of control that is starting when he flies you out. Right. And when you. When you're flown out or flew out, as the girls say, there will be this passive pressure for you to sleep with him.

Right. And because it is not on your end, it's not on your home base, you might feel more pressure to do so. Yeah.

So something to. Something to think about. The IG girls are saying that my audio is off, so I'm gonna exit and then come back on. Okay, ladies, sorry about that.

Let me get this together, honey.

Okay.

That's weird. Hopefully they'll be able to hear me better. Now.

Kia thinks that my favorite dating coach on hair. Thank you, girl.

Sunflower said, if a guy takes all the girls to the same place as a first date, to me, that's a red flag. No, girl, that's just how men date. They're very simple. Just like they'll go to the same store. If they like a shirt, they'll buy it in six colors. It's the same thing. See? Maka says. Tell us about the nerds, girl. What do you want to know? I am a big, big fan of the nerds. Honey, nerds make great husbands. For the most part. Not everybody is perfect. And a lot of these nerds are pack and girl, which is a very important part of a relationship. I know sometimes I talk about D a lot on my videos and in social media, but girl, love equals like plus lust. So there has to be lust in the situation, honey. Right, girl? Lord knows, y' all know a girl's gotta eat. And if you're not eating, you'll starve to death. And nobody wants that.

Yeah. Beatrix, thank you so much for the rose. Girl.

Yannique said, so the key here is to not stay and fix them. We don't fix men.

Girl.

You'Re not repair women.

These hands are for white collar.

Yeah. We don't fix men. Yeah. That's a trauma response.

Beatrix, thank you so much for the 51 roses.

Honey butter. Thank you so much for the rose.

Shorter. Men are gems. Yes, they are. And a lot of them are packing.

Sh said, thank you. You're welcome. So excited for the engagement. Girl.

Said, we've been seeing each other once bi weekly, sometimes once a week. Okay, good.

Okay, so let me see.

What y' all talking about. Let me go up on here. Yes. Nicole said, it's white boy winter. It sure is, girl. It sure is.

Tanisha said, what dating apps are the best for us. So I did a video about this recently where I gave grades to each of the dating apps, and my top ones were bumble match and OkCupid. All the other ones, I would not really suggest.

Let me see what's going on. Your mom says, how can I, as a black girl, approach white men if they see me as intimidating?

They see you as intimidating because they don't feel like you are attracted to them or that you like them. So they think that you are going to reject them, but if you start talking to them, they won't feel rejected.

Okay.

Alexa, Pierre says, do you think being asked for a Coffee or bubble tea is a terror. Is terrible for a first date. No, I'm a hundred percent for coffee dates or drinks or ice cream dates. For first dates. Okay.

Very. That.

Let me see what y' all are talking about.

Ash said, how do we feel about casually dating someone who dates more people than you? That's what dating is about. You're supposed to date as many people as possible to find the best person for you. Don't get mad that he's doing it. You do it and figure out what's going to be best for you. Yeah. I call it Olympic dating. I want you to have a gold medalist, a silver medalist and a bronze medalist.

Yeah.

Margaret said, hello, gorgeous. Hey, girl. Good to see you. Chris is so thankful for your advice. You're welcome.

I'm trying to think what's going on here.

Philip Estina, thank you so much for the rose. Girl.

I am free Said, why do men get offended when you give them a Google number? The men that get offended by the Google number exit them immediately. They're not empathetic and they don't under. They're not putting themselves in your shoes, a woman's shoes. They're thinking about them and they're thinking, oh my God, she thinks that I'm some sort of perv or some sort of murderer. And this is why she has a Google number. Cut them immediately. Carmel, thank you so much for the rose.

Chanel Said, how do I stop attracting emotionally unavailable men? Well, you have to understand that the majority of the the guys that are single are going to be emotionally unavailable because the guys that are emotionally available are oftentimes insecure relationships. And the guys that are anxious.

Are often chasing after a girl that doesn't really like them, probably. So you are stuck with 80% of the market that are emotionally unavailable. So part of it is like not that you're attracting them, but that it's just the market. And then secondly, if you continue to engage with them, it often means that you're probably emotionally unavailable as well because like attracts like.

Carmel, thank you so much for the pumpkin spice latte girl and the hanh hearts.

Denise said, how do you feel about women asking men out? I think that you can do it if you want to, but please understand that you will play yourself in the end because you will set up a precedent where you are doing all of the work and he doesn't have to do anything. For me, I always tell my clients this. There's a difference between a guy walking down the street and you like taking his hand and pulling him inside of your house versus him walking to your door and knocking on it. Same result. The guy is in your house. One in one way, he did it based on his own accord, and another way, he was pressured and pushed into it.

So Mar said, you always skip my questions. Anwar. If I skip questions, it's probably because I've answered them already or I don't want to answer them. What are the best type of questions to ask? What do you mean? Like on a date, if that's your question, I don't really give, like, advice on that because.

The question that, like, the conversation has to come naturally from you. I think a lot of women think that, oh, if I ask specific questions, then I'm going to protect myself from bad guys. Girl, you can ask all the questions in the world, but if he is going to lie to you, if he's just going to tell you what you want to hear, it doesn't matter. What I want you to focus on and prioritize is being vulnerable and setting boundaries, because that is the thing that is going to help you evaluate a lot of these men. And this is what I teach my clients to do when they're in my program. Okay. And if you're interested in that, you can click the link in my bio.

Chesney, I'm almost 50. Is dating someone 41 too young? Not at all. Girls, Amanda said, can we still hire you even though we aren't ready to date? Up to your standards, girl. What are my standards? Girl? Girl, first of all, the fact that you feel like you aren't ready to date with super, super high standards is exactly why you need to get into my program so that we can get you there. Like, pay now and schedule for later. No, girl, you pay now. And we do now. We do not want to, like, post, you know, push this thing out. Here's the thing. Because when your standards change in your romantic life, it will affect all of your relationships, because how you do one thing is how you do everything. Yeah. Aurelia said, thank you for your page. It helps so much. You're so welcome, girl.

Melanie said, met a guy last Saturday, asked him out for coffee, Said he would love to. Now, crickets don't ask a man out. He needs to ask you out. You're in your masculine when you do that. Yeah. And just FYI, when I'm sharing this perspective and tea, it's coming from a place of love and respect. No judgment. I want y' all to win in dating. That's why I'm talking all this shit, girl.

Yeah, slapset. What are some good cities for black women who want to date wealthy men? Girl, Girl, look up the area codes, girl. And hang out in those area codes. But here's the thing. Anytime I hear that, I know that there's a money wound here and a scarcity mindset. Oftentimes when women are hyper focused on.

Trying to find a wealthy man, they're looking for a father. They're not looking for a partner or husband, which means that they're already going to be entering into their relationships with some daughter energy. Yeah. And that is going to be a very imbalanced relationship. In my experience, doing this for, like, 13 years. Okay.

NASA, the best way to guard against love bombing is judge by actions and not words. 100%. Love bombers are will do things in the extreme. So they will over compliment you.

They will give you pet names early.

They will future pace, meaning, let's say you're on a first date with them and you know, it's mid November now. They will say, oh, my God, I want to take you to Paris for Christmas.

Dude, I don't even know you. So they'll give you all of these empty promises, these lofty things to, like, get you, like, in love with the dream of being with them. When they do that, know that you're being love bombed. Like, if you're talking about what you all want to do in the future, oh, my God, we should do a business together. Oh, my God. You know, we should live in this city together.

Yeah.

Good.

Okay, let me see what's going on. As she said, is it healthy to take breaks from dating? 100%. What does it look like? I think you should take, like, three to five days each month. Don't go longer than a month. That is death.

Death, death, death to your dating life. You kill all of your momentum, and that means you have to start from zero. Doula said, we got cut off on ig. Yes. I had to stop IG because people were saying my audio was off on ig, So I wanted to get the audio back on, so that's why I did that.

Sahara said, I love that you're using two different phones to go live, girl. I got my iPhone and then I got my iPad, honey. And then. And then I got. I.

Shelly said, I need to know where to find the nerds.

I think that you can find the nerds in a variety of different places. Yeah, the library, Barnes and Noble.

Renaissance Fair, Comic Con, GameStop.

Genius Bars, Best Buy online. You want to go to Reddit, you want to go to Twitch Discord.

All that.

Daphne, thank you so much for the rose, girl.

Na Said, y' all know anything about Turkish men? I do.

Mirhava Nazisin. Turkish men are really intense. They love black women, but in my experience, they have small wee wees.

Or as I like to call them, small. No.

No.

Raquel said. The concern that came over your face when you said we don't fix men 100%. Here's what I know. When you are trying to fix men, there are deeper, deeper issues happening. Yeah.

And that's what I. That's what I get worried about. I don't want. When we are trying to fix people, it is often because nobody was reliable for us. And so to create our value and to feel like we are loving and being loved, that is our definition of love. It's our bonding pattern.

And when that happens, it creates no space for someone to be there for you. And then you get butt hurt and you get resentful in these relationships that aren't serving you because you haven't allowed people to be there for you.

Yeah. Tom and Jazzy said, what does it mean when you can't figure out how you feel about someone when they are showing you a lot of green flags and have great. Have had great dates? It means that you're cautious. It means that you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. And you get to do that because of your lived experience in dating. Their job is to continue to show up for you and for you to allow them to do so. Your job is to continue to monitor how it feels and once it starts not feeling good, we step away.

Okay. Let me see.

While I'm looking for my place, definitely click the link in my bio. I have my podcast link there. I have free trainings there. I have a link to book a call if you want to work with me professionally.

I don't even know Rayleigh thoughts on Irish men For black women, it's a yes for me dog. Honey, the Irish men love black women. Honey, it's the luck of the Irish and it's the fuck of the Irish. Okay, girl, See, this is what happens. What is it? Midnight girl about to be midnight girl. That's when she turns into a pumpkin. And a raunchy one at that. Yeah.

Reagan said. How do I feel about the Cheesecake Factory? Well, I love their chicken Alfredo and their strawberry lemonades, and I think that they're great. Felicia said, can you tell us about your programs? What's included? Yes. So I have a kind of a. A club And a VIP program. The club is more group coaching. So the club, it's a 12 month program. We'll do kind of a 360 online profile review. So we'll help you choose the apps, we'll help you choose the pictures, we'll help do a couple of editing rounds for your profiles, and we'll give you a strategy that we want you to implement when you're online. So that's the first part. The second part is that you'll gain access to my online course that has like 30 plus hours of content in it. The third part is that I have a private Facebook group with around 170 black and brown women in there that are doing the same work that you're doing. And the fourth part is that I have two group coaching calls Tuesday and Thursday nights. So I just had one tonight and I'll have another one on Thursday night. We'll do a kind of a Q and A session similar to this, but instead of me answering for like 15 seconds for each question, we really go deep and go about five to ten minutes per question. Okay, so that's the get your guy club. And then the VIP program includes all of that, but it also includes one on one calls with me and my team for 30 minutes each every week. And then it also includes 24, 7 access to me so you can text me at any time and I'll respond anytime you have a question, a concern, you're confused, you're triggered, and we'll talk through whatever's going on with you.

In my VIP program, roughly 85, 90% of my clients will get their guy in the program. Yeah. So you definitely, if you're interested in really doing this work and getting your guy in 2024, you want to join my program now so that we can start doing this work and you can maximize the super bowl updating, which is the first three weeks of January. Alrighty.

Chrissy B. Thank you so much for the Rosa.

Cece said, I got divorced in May. When should I start dating again? When you don't feel any anger or sadness or disappointment about your divorce.

Eats by cherry. Thank you so much for the compliment. She said, my goodness, you're beautiful, honey. These girls like to flirt with me. Honey, they like to flirt.

S elford said, you're too cute again. Flirt, flirt, flirt.

Thank you.

Patrice. Thank you so much for the eight roses.

Crystal, Anwar, I scheduled a meeting with you, but I see it was canceled. What does that mean? I'm not sure because my team really does all of that. So if you can send me an email@anwargetyourguycoaching.com then we'll be able to take a look at your record, your application and see what maybe disqualified you.

Please understand that we get a lot of consultation applications each day and so we have to prioritize them. So if in your application you are interested in doing this work three to six months from now, it probably will be deprioritized because we are looking for women that are ready to get to start working and get into our programs now. So that might have been the case.

Andrea, who should initiate the exclusivity conversation?

Whoever is ready first.

That's what I would say to that. Amber Meyer, thank you so much for the finger heart. Kylie said, what's a great way to start a combo on Bumble? They hate when we say hi, but then I end up bleeding. Here's what I say on Bumble. Just ask a generic question. Your job is just to get the party started. His job is to drive the conversation. Most of these guys won't be able to do that, unfortunately. Hey, thanks so much for the match. How are you doing today? Boom. Copy and paste that. Keep it moving.

And you said look at the Instagram girlies questions too, king. Okay, I will, girl. I will. I'm not seeing any questions. Maybe it's frozen. Okay.

C. Ross said, I've noticed a lot of dudes in my area have adopted a blanket coffee date mo to be cheap out of fear of being used for a free meal. I hate the scarcity mindset. Thoughts? Here's the thing. They want to see if they have a connection with you. You want to see if they have. You have a connection with them as well. Once there is, we'll. We'll see what he's doing for the second date.

That's how I want us to date.

They're not necess. Many of them are not necessarily being cheap. What they are doing is seeing if they want to invest in this or not and they get to make that decision. Yeah. If you're thinking that you are entitled to this like, you know, extravagant first date, I want you to temper your expectations because he doesn't know you enough to actually make that determination or not. And the guys that do you actually want to be careful of because it means that they haven't done their due diligence. You might be a horrible person, but he's doing this because he doesn't know you. And that makes me question his ability to make informed decisions which if he's not able to do that in a researched way. He won't be able to lead a family or a relationship in a successful way. So something to think about another perspective to have.

Chrissy said how long should Olympic dating last? It should last until you are in an exclusive committed relationship.

Then you're not single anymore. Mpop what's the youngest age you typically work with? So in my programs probably around 26. If you are younger than that I would suggest you might want to get my dating strategy starter course and that might be be helpful.

Rejoice said advice for dark skinned girls it feels like we are at the bottom of the barrel and literally prettier. I know that's right bitch.

Here's the thing. Dark skinned girls you gonna have to, you know you get to do whatever the hell you want to. I think it's going to be really important for you to date all kinds of men including white men. There are a lot of white men that are in a dark skinned woman. I would actually say there are more white men that are into darker skinned women than black men. Men are into darker skinned women.

Just internalized colorism girl. So it would help you tremendously if you widen your net and and date a variety of different guys.

Kylin Said, I missed you Anwar thank you girl. I appreciate that.

Rosetta said, the white menu advised us about are coming on strong and I knew they would grow. Let them honey. Let them.

Amber Meyer thank you so much for the rose.

Octavia Said, I think I'm ready to date outside of my race. Any recommendations? Yes girl. Bumble and okay Cupid and literally just going outside honey. These white men are everywhere whether we like it or not. Not.

Kinsani said, what's your take on Facebook dating? I'm not a fan of it. I think it's like not great. I think I gave it an F in my video about grading dating apps so I wouldn't recommend it personally.

Carmel thank you so much for the rose girl.

Rhonda Lynn do you suggest losing weight before dating? Not at all. Not at all.

What I know is that if you think that a guy will be into you because you've lost 10, 20 or 30 pounds, that's not your guy.

Here's the thing, especially if you were thinking about having a family with a guy you want to see if he is he is going to love you.

Thick and thin, honey. Through thick and thin. Especially because here's the thing, if you're going to have children with this man, you're probably going to gain a little bit of weight after that pregnancy anyway.

So you want to see if he's into it or not, if he's into you or if he's into your body. Most guys will be into your body whether you're bigger or not. And actually being like curvier will give you a sense because you'll hear directly from these guys more often than not.

Eats by Sherry said, Do you think a woman's physical attraction to men is just as important as as a man's to a woman's?

I don't really know because.

There are certain kinds of women and certain kinds of men. There are women that are more in their masculine energy and they just need somebody to support support them. There are women that are very much in their feminine energy and really need that emotional safety which doesn't have much to do with physical attraction. So it just really, really depends on the woman that you are.

Yeah. Okay. Angie said, I have some questions on dating in college. I'll be graduating in a year and a semester out. I've taken a six month break but missed dating. Should I start back or would that be a bad idea? Well, the question is why did you take a break?

Why did you feel like you needed to.

If you wanted to just focus on those studies girl totally get it. But if it's something else, I think that dating is a part of your social life and I think balance in college is really good. So it just really depends on what the break is about.

Ariane said, Do I give off low quality energy when they want to go to a steakhouse, but I want to have fun at Main event or Date Busters type of place for fun dates?

No, it means you like to have fun.

And a lot of guys will actually really appreciate and enjoy that.

Marianne said, rematch with a guy on bamboo who I dated six years ago but rematched in Miami. We had a great time. I was traveling a lot for work. He ended up ghosting me. Planning to go out this weekend. Bad idea. Well, do you have any evidence that he will do something different this time around?

Megan said. Megan Tandy said. Why are black women the most single and unmarried? I think it's incredibly unfair and bs. Why are we at the bottom of the list? I think that there is dating racism. I also think that black men are not doing what they need to do. So they are not great quality partners for you. Whereas you have other racial groups whose men are killing the game. White men, East Asian men, South Asian men. They're doing what needs to be done. Yeah. So it is harder because.

Our guys like.

Like for the black community, single black women make more than single black men. And it's the only case. And like it's the only racial group where that is the case. So there's no way that these men will be able to provide for you if you have to provide for them or if you're making more money than them. And because they're not making more money, because they're less educated, they are marrying later. So the average age is like 34, 35 for these black men. For everybody else it's 30, because they're more stable in their careers and they're able to provide. So a lot of this has to do with racism and the lack from black men. Yeah. And to be honest with you, the emotional unavailability and the trauma that's happening in the black community, for both the men and the women, it's making it harder to deeply connect in intimate relationships.

Unfortunately.

Angie said, I got used for sex and it made me feel super gross. So I deleted everything. Dating every dating site I had. Here's what I offer. I think that I recommend not as a man, but as a dating coach because you get to do whatever you want with your body. Not to have sex with a guy unless you're an inexclusive relationship with him. It's super helpful as you like navigate this thing. So something to consider. Yeah.

Amber Meyer, thank you so much for the applause. Lady love, thank you so much for the finger heart. Lady Love, thank you so much for the two roses. Amber Meyer, thank you so much for the Rosa Haley said, would you work for with a 21 year old? I think it's a little bit young and also no shade. The guys are not serious at that age. So.

I would consider just getting like my dating strategy course.

Period. Said, thank you for changing my life perspective of men. You're welcome.

Damsel and Dior. I met a guy two weeks ago. We connected. He informed me his last relationship was 11 years ago. Thoughts? Well, I'm curious in terms of why that's the case.

Yeah, that's what I want to know.

Sig Sig Red to Sparks said, what if you're exclusive but not fully in a relationship? Like both agree that you both don't want to date other people. I don't play that game.

So we're either in a relationship or we're not. Exclusivity is a cop out and doesn't actually require the other person to have emotional responsibility for you. So if it's been two and a half, two to three months, we need to talk about committed relationship.

And if he's not ready for that, kick him out.

Melanie Said, how do you sign up? First we have to do a consultation call so you need to go to the link in my bio and book a consultation call. If I feel like it's a good fit and you feel like it's a good fit, we'll talk about potential. What program works out best for you Because I also have a VIP program as well and we'll go from there. Thankful Said. How do I give this to my friend? You'll need to email me@amoretyourguycoaching.com and you'll need to tell me a little bit about her.

So that we can talk through if it's going to be a good fit or not. Yeah.

I can't say I get what you're saying to date outside of race, especially with Caucasian, but I can't shake thinking of fetishism, the rapes back in slavery. Disingenuous. Here's what I want to offer to you. Totally get that and honor how you're feeling.

But I also if you're gonna honor that history, I also want you to honor the history and the present term of all of the trauma and violence that has been put upon black women from black men.

It's only fair now what.

Angie on site said. Love your advice Anwar. You talked about black men not making as much as us. Should we worry about a certain level of income gap? I always tell my clients I wouldn't want you getting with anyone that makes less than 8 like 80% of what you make. If that's the case, it's not going to work. No shade.

Best of Britney thank you so much for the Three Roses girl. I appreciate it.

Lubino said, if I don't want to use dating apps, can I still book an appointment? Probably not because in the program we do both online and offline dating.

Stacy said, thank you. You're my favorite dating coach. You're welcome.

Lisa Said, it's the skin for me honey honey Rose water and costs are X snail mucin Game changer for me. Hey Charay, good to see you girl.

Lisa said, where can we find the cost of your tier programs? If you actually fill out an application for the consultation, it'll have it'll ask you a question about what program you're interested in. It has the prices and what's included in each of the programs.

Beatrix said, I always quote your advice to my friends. Thank you girl.

Kate the Great said, I slept with him and he has backed off communication. Why? Because he doesn't feel connected to you anymore. He doesn't feel bonded to you. Please understand that when you sleep with these guys, like chemically, their vasopressin, their bonding hormone will decrease and they will be more disgusted by you. Like no shade. Like literally, they will feel like they don't even want to be around you. So a lot of women think that, oh my God, if I sleep with him, he'll like me more. Girl, it's the complete opposite. Don't do it.

Tasha said, is it a red flag if they try and kiss you on the first date? I think it depends on the date. What I am. If the date is going good. I, I don't necessarily think a kiss is bad, but I would be more concerned and more in observation mode during the date. Is he trying to touch you and things like that. And if so, I would set a boundary around that. And if it. After you set the boundary, if it's not respected, that's when I would be like, no way, Jose.

I am free. 2016 said Kate the Great, Please read Men chase Women's shoes. You'll know why.

Men chase women. Choose. I have about 250 books that I read every day.

Shay said, why am I attracting hood guys?

Couple of reasons why no shade. Your dad was probably a hood guy or you probably. You might have been raised in an environment that was really prissy and so your way of connecting with your culture or community is often dating these kinds of guys to feel like you're part of the tribe or also you want to feel protected and you think that these guys will protect you when in reality they're more dangerous than any guys. Any of the guys. The hood guys are the guys that want you to be selling drugs for them. No shade, girl.

Denise said, how do I feel about hinge? Not a fan of hinge now. Was a huge fan of hinge during the pandemic because that's when it was giving.

Ricky said, a white guy asked me if I was single and said I was beautiful in the gym. I told him I wasn't. Girl, what are we doing?

Girl, when he says you're beautiful, just. Girl, give him that. Thank you. Appreciate it. Girl, what's wrong? Why are you telling him that you're not when you are? Girl, I can see it. Damson Dior. Thank you so much for the rose. Girl.

See what you're all talking about?

Kyra said, Amwar, my gaydar is broken. Any telltale signs that guy is only in the Interested in men. Well, girl, everything's fluid these days, girl. So a lot of the guys are interested in everything. Not just men. Hunting. Even the gay guys.

Remember I was talking about that feet thing? If there are gay guys around and his feet are pointing towards him, he's probably gay or has those tendencies. Right. It's open to an experience.

Whatever that means. That's how I know.

That's how I used to know. What other things that I can tell you about.

It's funny, a lot of people are talking about, like, sassy men. Most of the time the guys that are sassy are, like, totally straight, but just comfortable, like being their full, authentic selves with you. With you. So I wouldn't necessarily think that guys are gay because they're a bit sassy.

I have to get back to you on that.

Sometimes people have gay face.

It's like when they purse their lips too much.

The face will change. Right?

So see this?

That's gay face, girl.

A lot of straight guys don't have that. Because they don't do that. They don't do this.

Yeah. So.

DJ Elizabeth said, I started dating a white man and so far, zero drama. Love that for you, girl.

Angie said, oh, these comments are going so fast. Tell me about it, stud. Yeah.

La Luna said, does dating bisexual women open up my options much? Girl, no, girl, stop. Do what you want, girl. But not really. Only if you're an Atlanta girl. Marion said, I feel like we'd be great friends and more probably, girl.

If you like to talk a lot of like I do, girl, we'll be great friends. Not about other people, just in general.

Then, yes, we'll be great friends.

Taishia, thank you so much for the rose, girl.

Jasmine said, do you think there are certain kinds of profile pictures that work better than others? Yes, girl. For the girls that are giving duck lips or pursing lips, giving that come hither look, you're gonna attract the wolves, girl. Just like Twilight, girl. They're gonna want to imprint on you. No shade.

The girls that got a lot of cleavage, don't do that, girl. You get in the wolves, honey. The girls that want to do the turnaround, lead with the butt, girl. Don't do that, girl. You gotta get. You're gonna. You're gonna bring the wolves, honey. Yeah. You want face portrait, Sears portrait, girl. Smile with teeth, always warm. Always beats sexy in profile pictures.

Trying to think you want to have at least one black and white picture up in there that will get you at least a hundred and like 107% more clicks or likes. Yeah.

Veronica said. So don't. Don't date black men. Date everybody and see who wins, girl. Who. See who treats you the best.

Okay.

Let me see what y' all are talking about.

Good evening to you, girl.

Honey. Yes. MacMusley said category is face, not body. You want to have at least one body pic, but you don't want it being like, girl. You know what I'm saying? Like, come get it. You just want it like, this is my everyday.

Yeah.

I mean, the girls who are into the twilight know the T, girl.

Yeah. Okay, so what else are y' all talking about on here? Bernie sang where you gagged me. Did I? Girl, Spitting gems and WOR is so work woke. Sometimes I forget what I say, girl. So when I'm reading these. These comments that you wrote five to 10 minutes ago, I'm like, okay, great. Girl. I wonder what I said.

Man said, how do you book an appointment? Girl, Go to the link in my bio, book a consultation call there. We'll see if it's a good fit.

Sweet. TE70 said, Are you in a relationship? Yes, girl. No, actually, I'm not. I'm married, honey. With a T. Married.

With three children. I'm a suburban mother of three. Honey, we take. We take the kids to fencing and gymnastics and ballet and all of that.

Yes, I would have had a fourth child, but my husband said, that's enough, honey. The womb was ready for another one. Honey, I had that baby fever. And you know what he did? He gave me that baby. Nyquil fever went away.

Lux Coco cure. You're. You're speaking truth, girl. We chemically bond to men when we sleep with them also. That's why we should wait 100%. That's why every person has a sister, a cousin, a best friend, a colleague who is completely diplomatized, but. And you can't speak any sense to her. Girl.

Anyone who knows Alexis Tyler knows that she got dick on the brain. Girl. You can't do anything. She's stigmatized. Man is not worth dirt. But she's sticking with him because she is chemically bonded to him. She is addicted to him, and it has affected the way that she is critically thinking about things.

Yeah.

Lana said if I sleep with him too early, should I just cut the losses and run? No, you should set the boundary and let him know that I went way too far that I feel comfortable with and I would prefer not to. To be that intimate moving forward and see what he does and says. If he respects that. Great. Let's keep it moving. If he's like, well, why do you think that? And he's asking you questions and blah blah, blah, blah, blah. He's out. Chris Money said, amora, you're on point, honey. Girl, I try my best.

I try my best.

Taisha said, I'm attracting men that don't speak, honey. Not no doubt, don't speak.

Yazzie said, you looking very ashy. Are you okay, girl? I don't know. Am I?

I don't know, girl.

Ashanti said, I get hit on by a lot of white men, but I'm hesitant. Never dated one before, girl, try it. See if it works. Yeah.

Angie said, do you have a YouTube channel? I do, but I don't necessarily.

Like, I don't actively post on it. Like I repurposed my TikToks on there, but I only have like a thousand subscribers versus TikTok, where I have like 245,000 followers. And IG I have like almost 25,000 or something like that.

Let me see what's going on. User 863. What about military men? What about them? Girl? You want to go to war? If you want to go to war, get with a military man, honey.