Dating Q and A 12-02-23

Really?

Let me know when it's 12:15. 12:15. Okay. Okay. I'm going on live now.

Hello, hello, hello, hello, everyone. Good to see you. I hope everything is going well. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Hello, hello, hello.

Good morning. Good morning. Happy weekend. Happy December. I hope this December is serving you well as you figure your love life out and you get ready for 2024. Now, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Anmar White. I am a dating coach. People call me Coach Anwar, so you can call me that, too. I can be your official dating coach as we, you know, do this work, Hunty.

And so I'm going to be on here because I'm gonna. I want to answer your questions about dating, love, relationships, and men. And if you want to learn a little bit more about what I do, you can definitely check the link in my bio. I have free trainings. I have a link to my podcast. I have a link to book a consultation. Call with me if you want to work with me. But at the end of the day, honey, I want you to win in love and dating and relationships with men or with women, girl, it's really up to you at the end of the day. So.

With that said.

How y' all doing? What's going on? If you have any questions in the put them in the chat and I will answer them in the order that I see them. Yeah. And if there's anything that I say that resonates with you.

Tap, tap, tap the screen, tap in, honey. That's what. That's what they say. I think that's what the kids say, honey. Yes, honey. Come for the tea. Stay for the info. So let me see what y' all are already acting out. Let me see what y' all are saying. Hey, imperfectly. Patina. Hello, Ogion. Hello, R11 take. Hi. Thank you so much for the compliment. Good morning, Keisha. Good morning, Cece. Love. Hey, True. Hey, Sally. Hey, Doula. Good to see you, girl.

Hello, Latrice. Good to see you, my love. Hey, Kimon. Yes, honey. It's cold up here in Canada. I gotta keep it, keep it, keep it hot. Geraldine, thank you for watching from the Philippines, honey. I know that's right. BBP. Good morning to you. Happy first Saturday of December. Good morning, Lisa. Good morning, user200. Hey, Faduma. Hey, Dizzy. Good morning from Denver. Oh, my.

Hello, life of Fijian.

Or else a cute cure. Thank you so much. Honey Chronicles. Hey. Yes, I'm live. Okay. Jaleel says, what do I do if my boyfriend's cheap?

Girl. So here's the thing. My question for you is, was this something that you were able to evaluate during the courtship process? Did he properly court you? Because it's very important. You can tell a lot by a guy by how he courts you.

Is he taking you out on walks, or are we doing really fun and interesting activities? Does he stay, you know, wanting to have in home dates, or are you doing activities? So talk to me about what the courtship process look like, and then I'll come back to you in terms of what we should be doing in his boyfriend status. Because we can't expect him to do a 180. Girl, if he's been showing you exactly that, he's been cheap the entire time. Yeah. Latrice, thank you so much for the high bear.

C' est la V says how to tell if he has money. Again, I did a video about this. You have to see how he.

How he pays for dates. Yeah.

If he's got a Discover card, kind of a quicksilver, a credit one. Girl, he ain't got nothing. Girl. Credit score is zero.

Yeah. The other thing is.

There are a lot of different ways that you can see if someone has money. I always think that the guys that are a bit more flashy actually don't have as much money as you think that they do. Yeah. The guys that aren't really trying to impress you generally will have more money. There's a quiet confidence that a lot of people talk about the other thing that is important. So, for example, like, 60 of millionaires, they drive Hondas, Toyotas, and Fords. They don't drive German cars. Yeah. So those are things that you want to understand because they are about investments. They're not about showing off. Right. They want the money to grow for them. So.

You get to have. You want to have conversations with them about, like, investments, you know, in real estate and stocks, things like that. Ask them what they read. Ask them what kinds of podcasts they listen to. Because people about their money are having and listening to more business podcasts. They're reading the Economist. They're not reading people. They're not reading the Shade room. Yeah. No shade to the shade room, but all shade at the same time.

The other thing is. So I was talking about investments. So interestingly enough, if he's a single guy and he has a Costco card, he might be a millionaire. Girl, no shade. I'm gonna do a video about that because I think it's such a great question. Hey, Sasha. So Mars said, hey, Omar, do you have any tips on black women dating Mexican men.

Have fun, but girl, many of them cheat. It's, like, kind of accepted in the culture. So you're gonna have to be aware of that. Let him really pursue you.

And one of the things that is going to be important because obviously many of us know that there's a bit of machismo in that culture is.

Does he allow you to speak your truth? Right. Does he honor your boundaries? And you. You're gonna want to set many of them if he's gonna want to just tell you what to do, and that's it. It's not gonna work.

Yeah. Bailey said what you said about white boys flirting style is so correct. Girl. I know as somebody who's been flirting with white boys ever since boarding school.

It'S crazy.

Yeah. Okay, let me see. Girl, I'm already. I'm already late. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. I can't be late to my own party.

Okay. Let me find my place.

And thank you all for the. The almost 5,000 likes. I appreciate.

Hey, quintessential Jess user 725. Dating with the kid. You're not dating with a kid. You're dating as a woman, and you happen to have a child, but they're actually very different. Like, because oftentimes as a parent, your identity is set in being a mother, a parent. Like, it is very easy to think, oh, my gosh, I have to incorporate my kid. You shouldn't be introducing anyone to your kid until you're in an exclusive relationship. So the courtship process is just you and him. And this is about you being a woman, taking the mother hat off, and being a woman and allowing these men to show up for you. Single mothers oftentimes are in their masculine energy because they have to be. But in the courtship process, you cannot do that. It will work against you. If you are in your masculine energy as a woman, specifically a woman of color, you will attract two kinds of men, because relationships are about compliments. You will attract men that are in their hyper, AKA toxic, masculinity, that will push you down and try to force you to submit into femininity. Or you will attract men that are in their dominant feminine energy, and you will be mothering another person and having two children instead of one. Yeah. So this is why it's important to at least recalibrate the energy so that they're both masculine and feminine energy in healthy, healthy levels. Okay. Hey, young.

Hey, Juby. Hey, Angela.

Chronicles of Chrissy. Why can't a man just show up at my doorstep because dating and relationships and your love life are about you and the growth that needs to happen in the process of you finding your person. You can go to a matchmaker because that's what the girls want to do when they want somebody at their doorstep. But. But if you haven't done the work to heal yourself, you're going to create disconnection and the relationship is going to break, is going to break up.

Ifet said. Good morning. Finally caught you live. Good morning to you.

Good morning. Hey Kia. Good morning. From Toronto. Jasmine said, how do I upgrade a situationship to something more my by situationship I mean F buddy. There's no upgrade, honey. You don't upgrade from.

Silver to gold. When a man puts you in a category, he doesn't change that category. Girl, you're in the situationship and there's a level of disrespect when men put women in situationships. He's never thought of you like that. There is nothing that you can do to make him think of you as being in a girlfriend or or wife status. When you're in a situationship. If it does, it's very rare. Like 1% of the time it is your job moving forward to not be in situationships. Those are boundary issues. And I want to be honest with everybody here. If you find yourself being in situationships, often it's because you were probably in a situationship with your dad. Point blank period.

Hello, Cookie Rat. Hey Renjam. Hey La Luna. Good morning. Malin Faith said, your voice is so relaxing. Thank you. Girl V Trigg said what? What are some tips on incompatibility and trying to improve it?

There is. There are no tips. If you're not compatible, you're not compatible. We have to own that fact.

See, here's the thing. Because many of us have been taught that we have to work two to four times harder to get what we want, we think that we have to do that in love. Oh, if I just work hard then I can make us compatible. It doesn't work that way if you are not compatible from a values perspective, from a life experience and life chapter. Right. Season perspective, it's not it. And the quicker that we own that, the better.

Life of the gen said omg, are you Canadian? Well, girl, I'm trying to get that citizenship. Honey. I had my interview not too long ago so I'm hoping by Q1 I'll be a citizen because it sounds like the U s about to vote in Trump again, girl Kai said, he avoided my question about politics. What do I make of that? We revisit it. Hey, I noticed that you avoided my question on politics. Why was that?

And then if he says oh I didn't avoid it. Okay, great. Then ask it again.

Queen El said, you're so cute. Thank you girl. But don't flirt too much. My man will get you.

Hello, Queen Ellen. It's the top of the morning to you Anwar. Thank you girl. Where are you? Ireland with that mess girl. Just say hello next time. Not top of the morning girl. Not you and your half Irish behind girl giving me top of the morning. Nazira said, I'll listen while I start getting ready for my date. I know that's right girl. Have fun. Good morning Veggs. Hey Jasmine. Og and said hello from Poland. I know that's right girl. You better get that Eastern European D girl and it's good D2. Lauren said, I have back to back dates this weekend because of your advice. Thank you for all that you give us. You're so welcome girl. I know I'm. I'm here for the girls that give you the twofers. Two for ones, honey. 2A days like the football boys used to do. Honey in high school they used to practice in the in the morning and then they used they used to practice in the afternoon. This is how we have to do it when we're dating, honey. Lady J said, good morning from Nashville. Hey Nashville doula. Thank you so much for the eight life fests. Good morning. Rabia Daisy said, hey watching you from West Africa, Ghana. Thank you. Rosie said, good morning amore from New York. I know that's right. Nyc. Come through.

Jujubee said, I love your advice. Thank you girl. And thank you all so much for the almost 15,000 likes. Joan JoJo hello from Dubai. Hey Dubai come through. Bambi said, did I finally come on time? I think you did girl. Sherry Jones, thank you so much for the eight roses.

It's Rachel Said, good morning. I'm so glad I found your platform. I'm so glad that you're here, girl. Aaron said and where I finally started dating for the first time in years because of you. Thank you. You're so welcome. Rock out girl. Angela said, what is too soon to get into a relationship? He's ready to take the next step in 45 days. So it really depends on an age. I usually say you want to wait at least two to three months. Yeah. So I would give it maybe another couple of weeks. You might want to have that conversation at the end of this month in the new year.

Because it's interesting. Oftentimes the mask can fall within three months. So you want to wait for at least two to three months to see different sides of him. Julia said, yes, he did. We are doing dates, but when I want money for some items, he don't want to do it. Well, he's your boyfriend. He's not your husband. So, like, he doesn't have to give you money for things that are a part of your life. He is in charge of taking care of all of the dating things. That's it. Now, if he does other things, that's great, but that's not his responsibility. That's yours. And if you're expecting men to do that just in boyfriend status, you're looking for a father, you're not looking for a boyfriend, which means that we have some other inner child wounds that we need to heal from. Yeah, and maybe some money wounds as well. Ari said, do you advocate for the 90 day rule? I don't like to give. I don't like to put specific.

Like, time limits on. And I don't really like to tell women what they should or should not do with their bodies. I'll give recommendations. Right. Based on my experience, but you get to do whatever you want with your body. And if someone's saying, don't do anything or don't have sex until 90 days, I'm like, that's gonna. That's gonna work for some people, not for others. What I think is important is that you understand. I always say exclusivity is something that is really important before that, because.

Men, many men, don't like to commit. So when they do, it gives you a different sense of investment into you. So when he's investing into you, you get to invest in him with your heart, with your body, with your mind, with your soul and your spirit. And all of.

Julia said, then he says, I don't bring nothing to the table. If a man tells you that you're not bringing anything to the table, then you need to leave the table. Yeah.

Ty just said, why is it that these men, I find, lie about what they want just to get you?

Because men want results, and they'll do anything to get them. Most of them, your job is to have a strategy to make sure that you're able to filter out these men. So my question for y' all in here is, do you have a dating strategy? If you don't have one, give me a hashtag. No strategy up in here, honey. Yeah, I want to see it. I. I want to see it, honey.

I Want to see what's going on? Samar, thank you so much for the Tik Tok chili and Lightning bolt.

And the life fest.

A said, look up his address and see how much his rent is or how much his something home cost.

That doesn't matter because it doesn't matter because, girl, if his rent is 2,500, he could pay the 2,500. But it's about his discretionary income and his purchasing power.

And his investments. You will never know what those are.

And now a lot of men, even if they're wealthy, some men are actually not purchasing their homes.

But that's a different level of wealth, girl.

Especially in this market.

Charbel said, should you offer to pay for dates after a certain length of time? Yes. So one of the things that I do for my clients is I give them a step by step guide, date by date, exactly what they should be doing, like what dates they should kind of take over or not, and what they should do. So if you're interested in learning that and actually dating with strategy, definitely you probably want to book a consultation call with me and get into one of my programs and they're filling up. I'm doing one for a January cohort now so that we can maximize the beginning of January because the first two to three weeks of January, it's the super bowl for online dating. So I want to make sure that y' all are killing the game if you are interested in doing that.

India said, hey, because of you I got me an Egyptian. I know that's right, girl. Get it, Cleopatra.

That's right. To me to said, the flashiest guys are the brokers. Yeah.

And Nasty said, why is it that the biracial men cuff me but the black ones don't? Girl, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

User849 said, bendy jacket henny business is popping. Oh girl.

Is girl always been booked and busy. The funny thing is that, you know, one of the reasons why I'm a dating coach is because I understand that when you have a very big heart, you will give to anyone and everyone. And so that used to be me, like 15 years ago. I was the one that was always picking people up from the airport, paying for din and things like that. And I am just starting to learn how to give to myself. And so that's one of the things that I actually really want to encourage everyone to do. I call it in my program treats. You have to give yourself a treat every week so that you understand how to receive from a specific.

You know how to receive from a man because if he's not doing more than you're giving yourself, you already know that he's not where he needs to be. T. Tangan said, your tips definitely work. Thank you.

Tangen. Thank you so much for the Three Roses. Sher thank you so much for the Three Roses.

La Luna said, I went on a movie date with a writer in la. Girl, movie dates are lame. Don't go on movie dates unless you are literally in a relationship with him. Now he wants me to come over and chill. Girl, no.

Girl, he doesn't even know you. He knows the movie more than he knows you. A mess.

A said, also look up his job title and company and estimate how much he makes. Again, it doesn't matter because guess what? There are people in Silicon Valley, there are investment bankers that are making 200, 300, $400,000, but they're also spending 200, 300, $400,0000. That's not what this is about. Yeah.

To keep up with the Joneses. And there are a lot of Joneses out there. Sarah F. Said, hi. I love your videos. Thank you.

And thank you so much for the rose.

I don't even know how to pronounce this, but she's asking, do you think religion matters for rich men?

For Christian rich men, yes. But not really because I'm pretty sure that they, they weren't thinking about their religion when they were getting that money. Honey.

User200 said how to not give up on dating to you're going to need to learn how to.

You're going to need to learn how to realize that.

Dating is a marathon. It's not a sprint. And dating is about learning about yourself. And if you're not learning about yourself, then you're not doing it right. No. Shade yeah. You're giving up on dating because you're thinking, oh my God, because I don't have a guy, or I'm not going out on a lot of dates that I'm failing or I'm not doing it. Well, I don't care how many dates you go on. I care about the quality of the dates, not the quantity of the dates. Right? And here's what I want you to know.

You will not have a third date with 97% of the guys out there, but you're going to need to have 100 conversations to get there. Most of y' all are quitting at the anywhere from 20 to 40 conversation mark. That's why I need you to manage your expectations. And unfortunately, if you're in Atlanta, Houston, Miami, Phoenix, Louisiana, or even San Diego, it's going to be 200 conversations.

CeCe said, thank you for all your advice. I appreciate you. Thank you, girl. Jordan said, a guy told me I don't know what I want since I couldn't communicate it to him. It doesn't sound like he's lying. Girl, what do you want? And if you don't know, that's something that you're going to need to figure out. Yeah. Thank you all so much for the almost 32,000 likes here. What type of men like slim black women, rich men, rich white men. And I said, to be a millionaire doesn't necessarily mean you're rich. 100%. 100% jujubee. Thank you so much for the rose.

Jordan said, I do know. Just didn't want to share it at the time with tail.

But gave some insight. Well, here's the thing. If you're past the third date, you want to give it to you wanted you want to. At that point, he probably will have proven himself. But if it's earlier than that, you don't want to. And if he's already blaming you for things that. Here's the thing. Your job is to actually set a boundary in that moment and say, hey, like I can. Let's definitely talk about that at another time. Right now, I just kind of want to get to know you. Yeah. That's what I feel most comfortable doing. Well, thank you so much for the cow hat, girl. Cowgirl hat. Cherry. Thank you so much for the three roses.

Jatira said, am I went on a date this weekend. It was perfect. I use all the tricks you taught.

Not tricks, girl. What am I, the Harry Potter of dating?

Jackie is wacky. Said, what's the best way to tell a guy I've been on a couple of dates with that I don't feel the chemistry.

Hey, thanks so much for all the dates that you've been on. I'm not really feeling a connection, but I want to wish you the best of luck.

Luna said, do you have any tips on black women dating black doctors that never been married, no kids. Yeah, girl. I'm not the biggest fan of doctors because many of them have God complexes and depending on what kind of doctor they are, their schedules might be hell on earth. Honey, this is why all the Grey's Anatomy like characters always dated each other, girl. Because they couldn't date anybody else. Nobody understands them, girl. They're. They're the real aliens. Yeah. So I wouldn't Recommend it. I wouldn't recommend dating anyone that's in med school or in residency. If you want to. If you want to date a doctor, date them after the age of 35.

By that time, hopefully, they will have paid off many of their. Their school bills anyway.

Yeah, but it's not surprising that they don't. Or they're not married and they don't have kids because they don't have time to invest in that part of their life, for the most part.

S. Stop. B said, airport dads and Costco men are one in the same. Sure are, honey. Sure are. You.

Okay? Let me go find where I'm at, girl. Lost my place.

Ms. C said, should I only go out alone? Well, it depends. If you go into a sports bar, you want to have your crew. Girl, you want to have a group of women, right? So y' all can play Grease, honey. Group of men, group of women talking to each other. Yeah. If you go to, like, a bar, like, a more upscale bar, you want to go on your alone. If you want to go to a coffee shop or like, a wine bar, go alone.

Trying to think of other places where you want to go alone. You definitely want to go alone to, like, conferences and things like that. Yeah.

Bookstores, too.

Bourbon Gal, thank you so much for the heart. Me.

Is there a way I can pay you for personal dating services for my boyfriend's mom? She's been single 30 years. Yeah, girl, I just. I was just on a call with a woman that was 69 years old yesterday that I'm about to help get her retirement on. Honey, pinch and pinch and punani. Realness. She about to get it in, honey. She's gonna need to book a consultation call. I don't work with anyone that I don't talk to first, so you're gonna need to ask her if she's ready for that, and then she can have a conversation with me. Christy says I stopped doing movie dates before the pandemic even hit. Yeah, girl, movie dates are lame. Girl, I wouldn't do a movie date until at least date 4.

Kiara said, Is it okay to hang out with a guy friend at his house? Only if his parents are there. I'm gonna sound like your mama now.

Yeah. Carla, Monique, thank you so much for the 11 roses. Is there a way? Okay, I already read that. Bourbon Gal, thank you so much for the Eight Roses.

Let me see. Bianca said, you're such an icon, girl. I'm. I'm. I'm a suburban mother of three just trying to do the best I can for God in my country. Girl. No icon here.

Kyla Money, thank you so much for the three roses. Pauline said, going on a date with a white nerd today. Wish me luck. No luck necessary. Girl. You got it. You're done. Welcome to graduation, girl. Get your certificate and degree and walk off the stage.

Willetta said, do you have any tips for a super tall? Girl? I'm six two and my friends say I should lower my standards. Girl, nobody's saying to lower your standards. People are just saying lower your height requirement. Girl. You're giving six Flags but like the scary rides, right? Girl, I want you to give like Disneyland, like it's a small world. I let everybody come through and made the best man win. Yeah. Michelle Lynn said, do you have any tips on dating spiritual men, not religious? Any apps? Well girl, no shape, but sometimes the spiritual men are worse than the religious men, girl. And because you think that they keep on saying they're spiritual and not religious, you think, oh my God.