Dating Q and A 12-31-23

Girl, I'm back.

Girl, they try to block me, girl.

Girl, they really said, you're acting out.

And we don't like that.

Girl, they. Girl, they cut off my live. They said they put me in time out for 10 minutes. Girl, that's what happened. Girl, they meaning tik tok. Girl, they said, stop talking about wee wees. Stop talking about race, gender, all of that. Oh, my God. I know. I got all of these messages, like, did you block me? And I was like, no. Girl, they just like blocked my live, but, girl, they just literally just gave me a ten minute time out. Girl, I felt like I was eight all over again.

Yes, honey, but you know what I did? Girl, I was in timeout, but I was rolling my eyes the entire time, just like a. Just like I used to be. Girl, just flip it for no damn reason. I know, honey. I guess I'm gonna have to speak Araga now. Girl, atta guy Catagan. Way to get diddigus. Atta gap. Where I got not a gal. Girl to girl.

Yeah.

Don'T worry, girl. It was probably one of the. Why the guy? Girl, to girls.

Okay, let me see what y' all are talking about.

Yeah, girl, I'm back, girl. Don't worry. Back, back, back, back, back again.

Who tried to block me? Girl, I don't know, but I will tell you this.

She doesn't like me. Maybe it was a man. Maybe it was a woman that.

It looks different than me. Maybe I offended some of the Christian girls. I don't know. But it is what it is. Jelaine, love you too, girl.

Yes, honey. They sent me to the corner. Girl.

Haters gonna hate, I guess. I don't know. I'm not. I'm not really tripping about it.

Adrian said you deserve better.

Let me see what else.

Chandra said. I'm updating my dating profile today. Ladies, update your dating profiles today because tomorrow it's on St. Said, will you work with white women? Yes, I do. But you have to understand that.

A lot of the work that we do, we're going to be centering the lived experience of black and brown women. Now, there might be a lot of similarities there, but, girl, if we're talking about. Should I put a. A picture of weave and braids on the. You know, in my profile pictures? That conversation might not be for you, but I would say 95% of what we talk about is. Is. Are things that anyone and everyone will be able to relate to. So if you're interested, definitely click the link in my bio and book A consultation call.

Good. John said, how should we move from phone to first date without chasing him? He's got to be the one to ask you out on a first date, girl. Yeah. J said, these people don't want us to have. Girl. Honey, apparently I was the 2024 tick tock MLK girl.

Book by Brit said, I scream when the live drop. Girl. We back, back, back, back again. Don't worry about it, honey. Jana said, I'm at the nail shop getting ready for this challenge. Honey. Yes. Girl show them all your nails. Girl. That's right.

Ms. J, thank you so much for the five roses. Caitlyn said, we love you. Thank you, girl. Thank you so much for the additional three roses. Ms. J.

Girl, I don't even know how to say this name. Out. Lee Kalian or like a lion? Out. Like a lion. Out. Like a lion. Okay. Girl. Sometimes some of these names make me feel illiterate. Girl.

Truly.

Oh, I lost my place.

You give such great advice. Love your energy. Thank you. Sugar on the flow says, I love you. Omar. Thank you so much. Chelsea said, I love your videos. Thank you. User869. Can you talk about balance between giving someone enough of a chance and not wasting his time?

Here's how I think about it. First of all, it's not about his time. It's about your time. Yeah, that's number one. Number two, it's like one and done. You know how like.

Some of these guys, like when you are with them, it's like one and done. They can't go two, three, four rounds like some of these youngins. Girl, this is what I think about your boundaries. We give one boundary. If he breaks it again, he's out. One and done. Honey yeah.

Just said it was Karen. Well, honey, if there are Karens in here, then I need my Latina sisters, my Karinas to get them. And I need my black sisters, my Karishas to get them too. Yeah. D said, so happy you're back on. Thank you, girl.

Kiwana said, it was them people who asked for inclusivity. Yeah, I'm sure it was. It was maybe the. The white girls that are head of dei.

Good. John said, okay.

Adrian said, of all the lies I missed, girl, it was a good life too, girl. Girl, the mimosa was in my veins, girl and I was sp. Too much tea, girl.

Too much.

User11 how to date white Men as an Asian White woman without being fetishized.

Well, you gotta. You gotta listen up, girl. If he's talking about your milky skin, your small stature he wants to concubine you and he wants to control you.

You want him not talking about your culture so much. And this is about the Asian side, not necessarily the white side.

If he starts talk, if he says Anime, run, run in 2D. Girl away. Yeah.

Aaron said, do you have single moms as clients? Yeah, like 20% of my clients are single moms.

Yeah.

Let me see what's going on here.

Nae Nae said, how are we feeling about drinks as a first date? Great. Fine. Love that. Yeah. Drinks or coffee for the first date for sure. Make sure that your drink limit is. You have a boundary for that. Yeah. If you know that you can't handle three, don't get three.

Right. What did that song said? Three margaritas and what happens? Don't be that girl on the first date.

God lost my place.

J said, yay. Hi, love. Hey, girl.

Jada said, do you believe in the right person, wrong timing for them to grow? Yes, girl, most definitely. But please understand that that timing usually takes years, not months. Girl, for me, my partner, it was right person, wrong time. And guess who is the wrong wrong person?

Me. Think about right person, wrong time is that during the present time, someone is the wrong person. Meaning they're not the person that they need to be. Yeah. And I had to get my together.

Yeah. It's almost 14 years ago.

Akayla said Anwar, how to approach white men of.

Poc.

What do you mean.

Approach white men?

You mean maybe as a POC Girl, just give him the green light. You don't need to approach these men, white or otherwise. Yeah. Sade said, you're hilarious. Thank you, girl. We try to have a little fun Kiki around here.

Green tea Goody said live dropped and sent me to the live of a fine Vietnamese nail beauty salesman. The Lord works in mysterious ways, girl. I mean, girl, you already in your name, it says green tea Goody. Girl, you write you right Ready for it, honey?

Justice said, I pushed this guy away. How do I get him to chase me again? You don't. You need to stop pushing guys away. That's a defense mechanism. Women will do this because they think that they're too much. And so you try to put these guys through these, you know, American Ninja Warrior.

Obstacle courses to see if he's strong enough to be with you. Stop doing that.

Be cool. You don't need to do that. Yeah, because regular guys that are healthy and normal, they will never come back. That's why I say you can't get regular like healthy guys to chase you. Healthy men don't chase.

Yeah, stalkers chase.

Thieves chase.

Criminals chase.

Teach Said how long do you suggest beginning to date after the death of my significant other fiance. That is not like a broad stroke answer that I can give there because it depends on your connection, but it also depends on where you're at and everyone's journey is different. What I know is that if you can think about your past person and be be able to share that experience of them without the sadness, the grief and all of that, you might be ready. Okay.

Afro Nista Are you planning on hosting any mixers in 2024? I might. I have to finish this book though. I've been tripping about it, girl, because I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself for this book because I want it to be. I want it to be like a black woman's dating bible. But I think I'm just putting too much pressure on myself and it's like not allowing me to finish it. So I think I just need to like speak my tea, speak my truth and publish it, get it out and then do a small tour in like Atlanta, Chicago, New York, DC, Houston and LA. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 like 6 or 7 cities and go from there.

Get money. LA said, do you think you can grow to like someone? Yes, most definitely.

Kadre Said Karina here. I love my black sisters and want us all to win. I know that's right. Ms. J said, Karisha's unite. I know that's right honey.

Okay, listen, when are you posting new videos? I'll probably post one tomorrow. I used to 2023 I was doing them every day. Now I'm probably gonna do them three times a week.

Yeah K Bruno said I found his coin collection and was all Asian corn stars. That's how I found out.

Here's what I want y' all to know.

If he is and tap the screen. Double tap the screen if anything that I said is resonating with you. If you look on his Instagram feed, if you find his history and his corn collection or his feed is not you.

That'S a problem.

That's a problem. Conscious Beautiful said, do you have 50 plus year old women as clients? 100%. Most of my clients are between 30 and 55 years old. Amara said, can I be your client? I am 20. No girl, I don't.

Girl, stay in school.

Yeah.

Sandra said, Good morning sunshine. Good morning.

D Said, my ex and I are back in contact and he said he wants to just be friends but I don't want to never connect with your Ex.

I don't care how lonely, I don't care how sad you are. Nothing good can come of it.

Nothing good come up, come can come of it. Shut day said, you're like a cousin I needed all my life. I know that's right.

Bricasso. And where should moving in happen? Before or after engagement? Here's the thing.

I generally let my clients determine that because every interaction is very different. I have some clients that are a bit more traditional and need that engagement before they feel comfortable moving in with each other. But I also am of the mindset that like, if you are have been with someone for a year, year and a half, there has to be some sort of progression.

My thing is I need y' all engaged or married within two years because my clients are meeting built men. We're not building with men. So if so, it's really going to depend.

Yeah.

Let me see what the questions are. What questions are y' all giving me?

Starlight. Have you ever played the trumpet? Girl, have you heard this voice? I'm a flute, girl.

Girl, I'm so femme, I couldn't even play the clarinet. Girl, trumpet is so mask. I would have played the drums before I played the trumpet. Girl.

What do I look like in a jazz club or somebody like that?

No, girl, she's. I'm a flutist, a flautist.

Let me see what y' all are talking about. Do you have private sessions? Yes, for my VIP clients. But you need to be part of my VIP club and then we have weekly one on one calls. Yeah.

Jockey Joe said, how can I do the challenge tonight, working in the bar? Well, talking to four guys is not going to be a hard issue. But girl, you can ask one of the guys that is giving you great tips and, and who's giving you a lot of combo is say, give me a kiss for New Year's. Right? Girl, there's always a way.

Drea said, why do men want to be chased nowadays? Because.

Their mothers have allowed them to be.

In their feminine energy. And the research says that roughly two thirds of black households specifically were raised by single mothers or managed by single mothers. So there's a lot of toxicity that happens between sons and single mothers where men, the boys were actually the prize. And if you've grown up in a household with a brother, you know that he got privilege or preferential treatment. And in that household it's just extreme when there's no father in the household because all of that energy that that single mother would give to her husband or partner, she's actually giving it to her son. And unfortunately many, many of the women that are trying to date these men are getting the brunt non positive aspects of what that looks.

Aaron Bria, what's your success rate for single moms? I haven't broken it out by single moms, but Roughly for my VIP clients, roughly 85% of my clients will get their guy. For my get your guy club that rate is closer to about 40% but that's because it's less one on one work and more group coaching work. But the strategies, the foundations, the work is still there.

Chocolatey what are the best states, cities, locations for black women to have successful dating experience? It's going to be hard anywhere whether you're black, white, Hispanic, Asian.

My clients often get success in the DMV area, not DC proper and then New York City. Just there's huge numbers in New York. Some of the harder states and cities I would say Atlanta, I would say Houston, I would say la.

Thank you all so much for the like encouraging words. Yes, I have to get on the finish this book and thank you all so much for the love of the headboard. This is my mama's headboard. You know this old wooden headboards from your parents house. Honey.

People are saying come to Charlotte girl.

Why Charlotte girl?

Dee said, what are your thoughts on dating in the workplace? I wouldn't recommend it. Not much good can come of that as a woman.

Smile princess. How do you know that a woman is an 8, 9 or 10? How do you rate? I don't rate women. There are guys that do. That's how they kind of evaluate the market. When I do a video like that I'm just sharing kind of how guys are thinking about and how the dating dynamics happen. But I don't rate women.

I'm not a freshman in high school because that's what the boys do. As she said.

Miami's tough. And then Phoenix is also not great by the way.

Where am I honey?

Okay.

Picasso, how do we see his IG feed? I don't want to ask him. Be weird.

When you guys are both on your phone. Show him something on your IG and then ask to see like.

Ask him to. You guys can be like sharing IG feeds because it's actually really interesting. Like everyone's feed is so different. Like it's actually a really interesting and curious way to get to know each other.

Bree said, how do I become a client? Go to the link in my bio and book a consultation call and then we'll see if it's a fit. We'll see if you know, I feel like you're coachable, if I feel like I can help you sometimes it's not a fit and that's okay too.

Chocolate Goddess said, I love you and your advice. It's everything. Thank you, girl.

Jira said, I'm working on my book right now. Have you tried recording and transcribing? Yes, it's all there. I just have to like, I have to, I have to make it a priority. That's what I'm going to do starting this week. It's going to be the first thing that I do when I wake up before I do any other of my work. Once I do that, it'll be done in like a couple of weeks. Then I'll publish it in a couple of months.

SZA said should SZA number one girl said, should women bother dating in college? If they do, should they date college boys or older men?

Yes, you should date in college, but it should be like priority silver, not gold. Gold. Get those A's. No shade.

But you need to date black girls. Brown girls date in college. But here's the thing, what y', all, what many of you all are doing is try to date the athletes or the guys from the black association. I'm gonna need you to go to that architecture school, date some of those architects. I'm going to need you to date some of those guys, those computer science and those engineering guys. And every black girl, brown girl should study abroad. And then I need you to date those guys that you study abroad with.

Yeah, Spain, Italy, wherever you go, have five boyfriends there.

M Grace, how long should we give the super bowl of dating? Three weeks.

Brianna said, is it okay to date if I'm not all the way built? Yes, but that's not the expectation. You should be able to be self sustaining though.

If you're living paycheck to paycheck, you probably aren't ready to date. And that that's not me coming for anyone or being classes. But I'm saying that with that sort of energy it gives off desperation and you'll probably be taken advantage of from financial abuse and control perspective. And I'm saying that to protect you because if you don't have much and this guy's paying for everything, he's going to have control over you. I don't want that.

It.