Dating Strategy To Get Your Guy

Hey, girl.

Welcome to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guide. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hey, my love. So I recently did a virtual summit, and in that summit, I talked all about dating strategies to get your guy. And so I wanted to share this with you because I thought that the information that I was spilling was very relevant for you. And I wanted you to have that so that you can use that leverage that implement it in your own dating life so that you can get your guy as well. So without further ado, here is my presentation.

Hope you like it.

Well, I wanted to talk a little bit about dating strategies to get your guy. I think that. And the reason why I want to talk about this is because I literally have conversations with women every day. And the one question that I ask them is, what is your strategy? And they never have a strategy. We have a strategy for everything in our lives, right? Just think, professionally, you would never go into work and not know exactly how to do that project, how to talk to that client, whatever. So it's very curious that you would not have a strategy in your love life, which is such an important part of our lives. So part of this work that I think is so important is to come up and have some strategies so that you know what to expect. Because if you don't have a strategy, what will happen is you will abdicate or give away your power because you don't know what to do. Well, thank you so much for having me.

Again, like I was saying before, I.

Really want to talk about strategy because being strategic about love, and I know that that sounds so unromantic. It is not a Rom com and it's not a Disney movie.

But in this day and age, we.

Actually have to date differently because there's so much choice. Right? We live in a globalized society and economy, and it's the same for dating as well. So we have to have frameworks and guidelines in order to actually get successful in our dating journeys. And so that's one of the things.

That I want to talk about today.

So I'm going to talk about a variety of different things today that I want you to think about as we move forward in your love journey. And it might sound very different than how you've done things before, but I.

Just want to offer that that is.

Ok. That at the end of the day, we get to date differently, to actually have different results. Yeah. And better and potentially more positive results. So I want us to just open our minds, open our hearts to a different way of doing things. Okay.

So I'm going to go through a.

Variety of different subjects, and if you want to fight me, that's good, because resistance means that I'm hitting a certain nerve. And I want us to. If we are feeling like, oh, I.

Don'T want to do that. Let's sit in that.

Yeah, that's. That's where the breakthroughs and the learning and the healing comes up and begins. Okay. All right. So let's talk about dating strategies. So we're out in these dating streets, and we want to get our guy. I think one of the first things that we can do is we need to cut off all of our exes. Absolutely. All of them. And I know some of you have some numbers in your phone just in case that guy in high school.

That if we're.

If we're both 35 and we're not married, then we'll connect and come back together. We can't do that.

We actually have to cut off all.

Past experiences and exes.

And the reason I say this is because if you are literally tethered or held with all of these different connections, it's going to be very difficult for you to move forward and find and get your guy because you're going to be held back by all of these different shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Right. And I just want you to think.

About this, your future guy.

And when you're with him, do you think that he's going to want you to have access or these guys to have access to you when you all are together? The answer is no. He's not going to want that.

Right. So we have to keep ourselves open.

To this new possibility, this new guy that is going to be your guy. And I know I'm hearing some of you already say, but we're cool.

We're friends.

If he wasn't good enough to be your boyfriend, he's not good enough to be your friend.

Yeah.

The difference. We shouldn't have different criteria for boyfriends and friends. If you guys were not connecting, if you did not feel emotionally safe with him, if he was there sometimes not there, other times, he's not safe enough to be your friend.

Okay.

Let them go. And I know that sometimes it can be very hard for us to let guys go.

Right.

It's what I call scarcity, love mindset where we are so, like, we're grasping onto certain individuals and certain people because we feel like there won't be anything bigger and better and greater out there. But the thing about holding on to what I call level four, level five loves out of a scale of 10, is if you stay there for long enough, that will actually become your upper limit. Right. Where when you engage with men that are at a level four, level five in the future, you're gonna be like, oh, great. Or even a level six, because he's better than the last guy.

Right.

You're gonna, oh, my God, this guy's amazing. When in reality he's just a level six. When it's actually better to not have anyone. Right. And have this complete potential for a level 10, then stay at a level 4 or 5. That's why we have to let these level 4, level 5 guys go as we talk about unlimited possibilities.

Right.

In love. So we have to let go of the X's. Alrighty. Okay. That's the first thing now that we've done that, let's talk about actually casting your net wide. I know it is. I know what you guys are doing. When you're dating, you have a list. You're looking for certain things on these profiles, and if they don't have them, you're not giving them any time of day.

Yeah.

Because you have a certain idea of what it's going to look like. And I have been a dating coach for over 10 years, and I will let you know that 90% of the time, it doesn't look like the way that you imagined it to look like. And that's okay. As long as it actually feels the way that you imagined it to feel like you're good to go, girl.

Yeah.

So what I want to offer to you is that we are going to.

Have to cast our nets wider than we're used to.

And I get it.

This is what I hear a lot.

And you'll have to let me know if this resonates with you. I want a guy that makes six figures. Okay, great. That's literally 12% of the population. I want a guy who is 6ft or taller. Great. That's another 9% of the population or 9 or 10% of the population.

Right.

I want a guy with a graduate degree.

No problem.

That's another 12% of the population.

Right.

And if we add all of those things up and just look at the men that are between the ages of 30 and 50 years old, which is around 40%. And I was a statistics undergrad major. You're looking at less than 1%, like less than a tenth of a person. Actually, it's like 0.07%.

So when you tell me that it is very difficult for you to find a man, I understand. Because of the criteria that you are setting forth. When in reality, a lot of those things actually do not correlate with, with a successful relationship outcome. Yeah, this is why I'm talking about actually widening our nets. Because GUESS what, it's 2022. It's not 1970s anymore where you as a woman could not even have a bank account in your own name. You have immense opportunity and you're making your own money. So if you're making your own money, do you need him to make money for you? Probably not. Does it matter that he makes 100k versus 90k? Does it matter that he's 510 versus 6:1? Because I want you to date for a relationship that is going to last 40 years. So if you're 30 or 35 now and you're 70, 75, are you going to care that he's 510 versus 6.

1.

Are you going to care that at that point when you met him, he made two 80k instead of 120k?

Right?

Probably not. So I want us to be open to that because when we're open to it, we're going to be able to engage with a larger population within the dating pool, which is going to be very important. This is when I was talking about love scarcity. And we're only focusing on that 0.07%. So when we have those guys that check off all of those boxes, we want to grasp onto them. It doesn't matter how they treat us. Right. We have to widen our net so that it feels safe and it feels good. All right, so we're cutting off our X's and we are casting our nets wide, wide, wide. Okay, next strategy.

I'm going to need us to get.

Super clear on who we are and what we need in dating.

Yeah.

Because oftentimes we don't. We don't know. Just like I talked about your list of what you what you wanted, it's not what you need. So we actually have to get clear on our relationship needs and not our relationship wants. And the best way that I think is really helpful in understanding what you need in a relationship is thinking about all of the things that you didn't receive from your Parental relationships. Right. Whether that's attention, whether that's nurturing, whether that's being cherished, whether that is, like, boundaries, whether that is unconditional love, whether that is dependability and consistency, whether that is basic life skills. Right. We have to get clear on what those things are so that we can accurately assess if these guys are hitting our actual needs. Because those needs, the things that I just talked about, and there are other things as well, are the things that are going to actually help you have a longstanding, healthy relationship. So let's get really clear on what those things are.

Right.

And here there's probably a lot of them, But I think it's really important to focus on your top three, because those top three are probably going to represent, like, 80% of all of your needs.

Yeah.

So getting clear on all of those different things and when you're doing this analysis, being very honest about what your parents didn't give you the inclination is to protect our parents and to say that they did the best that they could. They were great parents. I had a great childhood. No, childhood is perfect. We all have needs that we're not satisfied. It's probably why you are so driven and successful now, because you had to rely on yourself to satisfy your own needs instead of rely on other people to help you satisfy those needs. So let's get clear on what those needs are so that we can accurately assess how these guys are actually stacking up to those needs.

Okay.

So I hope that helps you as you clarify, like, what do I actually need in a relationship?

You don't.

Who cares about the height, the money, all of that. The other thing that I think is going to be very important for you to get clear about, as we're being more strategic about dating, is what is your dominant energy? Right. Are you very much in your masculine energy?