Dispelling Myths of the 10K Coach

Am I on?

Yes, girl, you're on.

Hi, girl. How are you?

I'm amazing.

Girl, you got the Internet buzzing. What's the tea?

I just told the truth, girl.

They are in a tizzy.

A tizzy.

Why do you think that is? Girl, let's talk about it.

I think a few things come to mind. I think.

I. I think there's a lot of misunderstanding and misinterpretation when people heard that I invested 10k into a dating coach. I've been working with you since October, I think, of 2023.

Yeah. So let me just say this because it's. I think people think it's just, like, one price tag for a year. I've been working with this girl for multiple years, people.

She.

She just got. She just got a really nice hook that got y' all in. Honey, let's call. Let's call a spade a spade. A T. A T. Yeah.

So, yeah, I think. I think there's a misunderstanding around.

What it all means to. To invest in a dating coach. I love what you just said, Anwar. You're not investing in a man. You're investing in yourself. I happen to get a fiance as a result of investing in a dating coach. So I. I think that's a. That's a. That's a thing. And then there's. I'm seeing the scarcity mindset just running rampant. The idea that someone could take $10,000 and pay a man to teach her how to date. I didn't learn how to date. I didn't learn. My. My mom didn't know. My grandma didn't know. My aunties didn't teach me. I was out here getting slayed in the wild, wild west in these streets, and I needed help. And I invest in every area of my life. I have fitness trainers, financial advisors. I have a business coach. I have an executive coach. So to me, as a person who lives a life investing in herself, the next practical step was to get a dating coach.

Someone's asking, well, was the help worth the 10k? Girl, that's what Kayla asked y'.

All. I do it over and over and over again.

Girl, Can I just tell y'?

All?

She asked me to stay on. I don't ask her to stay on. I said, girl, if you want to, but you got it.

You got this. Yeah.

The one who stays on, I don't tell her, girl, continue to work with me. Continue to work with me. And also, I have an amazing team, by the way, who also works with her coach. I want to give a shout out to coach Shoya, who's my head coach. She gets the girls together as well. It's not just me. I have a team of three other coaches, and we do this work together. And that's why every other day, another woman's getting into the. Into a relationship. Right, Charlie? I mean, you see it in the Facebook group.

Yep, yep. I follow the Facebook group once a week. And, like, I'm. I'm seeing. Congrats on your engagement. Congrats on saying I love you. Congrats on being in a relationship. It works if you work it. Right? So I came into the program. I was. I was very resistant for about the first month, and. And you help get me through some stuff. And then my commitment was, anything NY tells me to do, I'm going to do it.

So don't put my head up, girl. Don't put my head up.

But that's what that was. It was more so my commitment to the work. I committed to work. Right? So. And that's. That's what. That's what a good. A good person who's coachable. That's what they do. And they will get the results if they take on the coaching. But, yeah, and when my time is up, I reach out to Anwar, and I said, anwar, can we extend? Because I need. I went from so fast. I went from being single for two years to being an exclusive. No. To dating, to being in an exclusive relationship, to being a fiance. So I'm always in new phases, and I need help navigating these phases. So you help me navigate my dating life and your get your guy program. You help me navigate being a fiance in the get your ring program. And now you're gonna help me navigate my newlywed life.

Yes, girl. Yes. I love this. So I wanted to clear up some things because I hear a lot of people talking about, oh, my God. Well, first of all, people are asking 10k, is that for a year? I've been working for. With Shirley for multiple years. So that is. I have packages that are at 3k, I have packages that are at 7k, I have courses that are at $149, and I have a book coming out that's going to be, you know, between 20 and 30 bucks. So when that comes out for those that feel like that price tag is not going to work for them, y' all can get the book. But I want to talk about this theme, because a lot of people are talking about, yes, Princess Hinge, right? They're like, 10K. I could have gotten on Hinge, right? And done that. Madame Cell, can you talk a little bit about the fact that in this program we have strategy for both online and offline data. You just happen to meet your guy on Hinge.

Right? So Hinge, Bumble, all the apps that's a part of the program. So within and watch program he's built out this, this, this system, this formula that we use and we can take onto the dating apps and we can deploy and it helps us with our communication, it helps us to vet, it helps us to figure out if this is a good candidate or not. It's. There's boundaries within it that help keep us safe. I did not have headaches, I didn't have frustrations in terms of my interactions with men because of these systems, because of these formulas that I was using, the strategies, the tactics that I was using from the program on the apps. But yes, I happily met my fiance on Hinge. That was on all the apps. We also had incredible, like, tools and strategies to help us in person. I was great in person. I'm a people person. I like, I know how to talk to men, I know how to attract men, all that stuff. Anwar was helping me to go into a marketplace where there are men who are available and looking to date and narrow down my focus there. But yeah, I loved it.

Yeah. So be Stevie. I see you in here. Let me know if you want to come on as well, girl. I mean, I got a lot of people in amazing relationships right now. But I just want to clarify something. So in my program, we date online and offline. I have a proprietary strategy and system for online. So for all those girls that have been online for years talking about, I haven't met anyone online. I have to ask you, do you have a strategy? If not, then, girl, please don't shade dating online because you got to have a strategy. You got to know how to find the right ones so that you can actually work the apps instead of the apps working you. So that's online. Offline, we do something a little bit different and it is this. We look at it two ways. One, we're going to actually get some clarity on what your natural flirt style is. And then also we're going to help you understand at what points you're in your main character energy. And then we're going to use that information to inform what sort of places you should be going, going to offline to give you the best chance of finding your person. So it is not just I'm putting you online and hoping for the best. So I just want to clarify that there is strategy and absolutely everything that we do in this. In this program. Yeah. Someone authentic. M3 said GYG program is more than just finding a guy. No regrets. Love that. Okay. Shirley. Top more. Because, again, the girls are. A lot of the girls are in a tizzy. I'm, like, so surprised by this.

Yeah. Why do you think there's such an uproar around it?

I think that. And I want to say this with love and respect, if you look at the data, and this is black community. This is mostly black community. This is black Twitter. This is black Internet. The average salary for Black individuals is 50K. So in their head, in a lot of people's head, it's like, would I really spend 20% of my annual income for this? And I get that, right? I get that it's a lot more for some people. And so, you know, if we were to do the math, right, Based on where you're at, this would be something like $500, $1,000 for people. Right. And so I just think everything is relative. And I want to honor and I want to respect that. Right. And I get that. So that's one. Two. I do think that there is shame.

Especially for black women when it comes to asking for help.

That is the hardest thing for black women to do. It's not saying, I love you. It's not saying, I'm sorry. It is saying, I need help.

So when you are staying, going up and saying, I needed help, I got help.

It'S going to hit a little bit different, okay? So I honor that as well, because I work with black women all day, every day, and that can be really hard. And someone is saying.

I asked for help. I got the help, and I got the result. Right? So that's another thing that I think is happening. The third thing is, and I think it really fucking sucks, and I hope I don't get cut off at TikTok because they're getting really, like, anal about, you know, language. But I think that people think that they're supposed to know how to do this. And especially if you are a black or brown woman, a woman of color, you are not being taught how to date. So when you combine the fact that life is harder, let's keep it real. And you don't know how to date, and the marketplace is completely different for you, Right? And based on your lived experience, on a scale from 0 to 10, you're not starting out at a 0 like your white counterparts. You're starting at negative 4, negative 5. So a lot of women come to me, say, I've done the work. I said, yes, you've done the work, and you've come from negative four to five. Now the job is to get you from a five to a nine. And that's what I'm here to do. That's what my team is here to do. Okay? So I think it is this expectation that I'm just supposed to know it, or it's just supposed to come to me and I shouldn't have to pay for it. But here's the gag that I want everyone to know, and it is this.

A lot of your girlfriends, a lot of your sisters, cousins, co workers, they're going to therapy and they're not telling you.

And it is kind of a shady secret. Why do you think better help is still online, girl? And that's no shade, right? But what I think is important to understand is that you get to also have the help and make it easier for you. I think also when it comes to growing up as a woman of color, what happens is, and I talk about this in my last video, when you grow up with an overly critical and judgmental mother and a father that is physically or emotionally absent, there is a mindset where you. You and your. In your mind, you're thinking, I have to do everything on my own. I can't rely on anyone else. I have to. Or it's not worth it, or I didn't accomplish anything. So the fact that you are very open about the. About just asking for help, getting the help, and getting the result on this thing that no one teaches you how to do, and people expect you to just know how to do it, I think is really boggling the minds of people. So with all that said, if you don't feel like you need a dating coach, fine. But I do think that everyone should go to therapy, especially if you got a chance.

Can I say this, Anwar?

Yes, ma'.

Am. I have been in therapy for the past four years. Once a week. Once a week. Four years. I've invested over. I did the calculations after this thing went viral. I've invested over $26,000 out of pocket for therapy. And what I get in therapy, I do not get in coaching and dating coaching, because this is so niche. It's very specific. It's tailored, It's a. It's a while. The two pair. I do think it helped to speed up my success and to help speed up my transformation, which allowed me to attract my guy much more faster. But the strategies that I got from a dating expert I can't get that from my therapist. I. I can take the things that I learn in therapy, and I can bring them into my dating experience. But they're. They're. They're. They're like apples and oranges, but paired together, they're powerful.

Yeah. And by the way, ladies, tap the screen. Double tap, triple tap the screen, because I appreciate your time. Shirley, you didn't have to be here, but I'm glad that you're sharing your story, because I think a lot of people need to hear this. The other thing is. And I'll tell you, I continue to remind you, I want to remind people of this. I've been working with Shirley for multiple years. So actually, she spent, per annual basis, about 6 to $7,000, which is roughly 500 bucks a month, which is roughly $125 a week. So I wanted to put it in context, because people are getting their hair done and their nails done at that level. And so when we think about.

Investment on things, right, I want to make sure that we're breaking it down to that level so people understand, oh, that's doable for many of us. That's why my programs are so long, ladies, by the way. It's because it takes long to have a transformation. But also.

Girl, I grew up just like y'. All, Honey, we started from the bottom. Now we're here. So, you know, girl, anything. That's four figures, girl.

Girl, I got my calculator on my phone. Girl, I need to. Da, da. So I get it. I get it. But I think it's important to break it up in that way. Someone said, is Anwar married or in a serious relationship? I'm married. I've been married for over a decade, and I have three children. Someone said, is her partner wealthy? Does he make six figures?

Yes.

Thank you. Okay. What other questions do you have, y'? All? Because, honey, we need to get into this. I want to clear it all up. I want to clear it all up. I don't want to hear any more mess. Yes, Shirley, what else did you want to share about your experience?

I also want to add something to the ROI of. Of my investment. I. I don't think a lot of us think about this, but partnership, specifically marriage is a tool of the wealthy. And it's also one of the ways when you are paired with the right person, which is one of the reasons why I was very strategic and wise in my investment, because I knew if I could invest properly and be paired up with the right man overnight, my value, financial wealth, all those things, it would 10x. So now because I'm paired with a person who he runs his own part time business. He also, he works in health care, he makes six figures, he has properties. Just from us being paired, my value has gone up. Our, our, our, our revenue streams, our incomes together. It's. Everything has doubled overnight. And I don't have to do much. I get to relax. The burdens have been taken off, my stresses are less. I can have fun. I don't have to lift anything. I don't have to open any doors. My right, all these things. I don't have a rent, I don't have to pay bills because I'm now paired with a man who was literally a provider and he's doing well for himself. So that's another way to think about the investment. So the deposits that I've made into this program over a period of time, I've made back a hundredfold.

Yeah, yeah. Here's the thing too, that a lot of people don't talk about as a single person, you will pay a million dollars more in your lifetime in a variety of different costs and expenses. Right. And so I love the fact that you're talking about what you're getting back from an emotional, spiritual, physical investment that is coming back to you right in this work. Now we do a lot of work and by the way, Shirley and I have a podcast on episode on my get your guy coaching podcast. So definitely check that out. It talks all about her engagement journey, but we weren't always available to get here. Right. That's what I think is so important. It's not. My program is 80, 90% internal work, 10%, 20% of it is the external strategies that you have to do. Right. So the internal work is about being able to set boundaries because we historically have never been able to. And on top of that, being a woman and being conditioned and programmed to be nice and be palatable. Right. And boundaries knocks that in like right in the face. So we did a lot of boundary work, right?

Yeah, yeah.

We also did a lot of vulnerability work.

Yeah.

Because ladies, you cannot deeply connect with a man unless you're able to be vulnerable.

It's just, that's just how it's going to be. And most of us, and let me know in the comments have been taught that vulnerability is a weakness and that somebody's going to get me if I'm vulnerable.

Yeah. That is.

Really scary for a lot of black women, women of color. So I want to honor that. But what we do in the program is Help you overcome that fear. So that. And using dating as a platform to be able to learn how to trust yourself to do that, that's how you make the connections.

Right? So again, it's not about the man. It's about the woman that you become.

So that you can make the connections. It's not just in dating. Connections at work, connections with friends, deeper connections with family, because this is a dating and a relationship coach and program, and all of your relationships are going to improve.

Not just romantically.

Yeah.

I think, Anwar, before I even got into. When I first started working with you, before we even got into the relationship stuff, we had to do a lot of boundary work with me and my family. Right. So me and work and me and my family. So my. My mom has a brain injury. My dad had been recently diagnosed with cancer, and I was like, I was the caregiver, and my everything in me was deteriorating, and I was. I was a mess. And then I was beginning, like, it was the early stages of my small business, and that was me trying to figure out how to communicate with clients and draw boundaries there. And we had to do a lot, a lot of work there before I could even start bringing those tools to men. Right? Yeah.

Yeah. A lot of people. And I just want to kind of dispel this myth because I'm getting a lot of comments in the chat. And thank you so much, ladies, for participating. We think that if I'm vulnerable, someone is going to take advantage of me and get me. And I want to offer to those individuals that think that. I want you to understand.

Your vulnerability is a superpower. What you might be confusing or conflating are your boundaries.

That ultimately, if someone plays in your face, you got to be able to step away. But many of us are not able to get there, so we feel stuck, and we think the vulnerability has kept us stuck, and that's not it. So it's the boundary work, it's the vulnerability work. It's everything. Right? Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome.

Talk to us, because I think a lot of people are asking, how long is program? The program is a whole entire year.

And, you know, you shared there was resistance at the beginning because I do things completely differently. Right. I have my own strategies. I am tough as nails when it comes to following all of my roles for my strategies that I have perfected for over a decade.

Talk, maybe talk a little bit about the resistance, because I think, you know, one's love life is a very tender thing, and I think it is very. It's very easy and comfortable. To kind of stay in your lane. So would you mind just sharing a little bit about your experience?

Yeah. So coming in, like a lot of our sister on the Internet, that's very upset. I had an idea on how this should work. I'm like, I mean, he just needs to meet me where I'm at, you know, give me. Give me some tools, and then I'll. I'll go out and I'll do my thing, mix with a little bit of his thing, and I'll make success happen. Right. And no, you have it. You're very strict. You have a system for a reason, because if you work it, it works. So remember, at the time, I think I was, like, 37 coming into your program. And so I have 37 years of programming, and this is my first time working with a dating coach. I had not been on one date in two years. I wasn't even thinking about men. And I. I came into this like, okay, well, I hear some of the things that he's saying, but I'm really not interested in online dating. I heard a lot about it. It sounds like a mess. I'm not doing that. He needs to teach me. These are the thoughts in my head. He's got to teach me some better ways to do in real life, dating. And.

For months, for an entire month, I was just very, very, very resistant. And I think it's because of 37 years of conditioning of how I thought things needed to be. But I talked to my therapist, and it was my therapist that offered me another perspective. Like, Shirley, remind yourself that you are coachable. Remind yourself that you enrolled into a program with an expert to help you. You don't know what you don't know, and you have to le. When it's uncomfortable, when it's hard, when you don't understand, there's uncertainty. So then I just recommitted, and then I came in, and even for those. Especially those first three months, everything sounded absolutely ridiculous. And I was like, but I got to do it. I got to do. Your strategies. Your tactics sound insane to a person who was used to doing it.

A logical, straightforward. Honey, if you're in my program, I got you twisted left, right, and center. Honey, that's what we do.

A pretzel. A mental pretzel.

Yes.

Yeah. But it's hard. It was really hard. But you were. You and coach Yoya were so patient. So there was this. This wonderful balance, like a delicate balance of being firm, straight. I imagine with the type of women that come into this VIP program, you know, we're we're probably. Most of us are strong headed, strong willed, so. But you were like, okay, you will offer a thing. If I was resistant to it, you'd give me your perspective. You'd work with me. We do a song and a dance, and then you. Each week, you just kept coming back, kept trying, giving me different perspective. Different perspective. And eventually we had a breakthrough, 100%.

And here's the thing, ladies. We, in my program, we date online and offline. We're not married to online, but in my system, in my strategy.

We use online to practice the skills that are necessary. The vulnerability, the boundaries, the confidence. The flirting and banter that we teach in the program as well. Because, no shade, most of y' all don't know how to flirt, and most, y' all don't know how to banter. I love y'. All. I love y' all to death. But, honey, we don't. We gotta make it happen. And let me just say this really quickly, because if you don't know how to flirt and if you don't know how to banter. I always say this.

When you are dating.

Men are looking for in a wife, a homie, a lover, and a friend. Right? And the friend part is the emotional depth. Can I. Can I trust her with my emotions and feelings? The lover part is. You already know about that. If you follow me. Y' all are purse. You already know about the lover part. But the homie part, that's the banter. That's the flir. Right? If you don't know how to talk ish to him, for those nice girls out there, he's gonna get grow bored really fast and really easily. So it's all part of this. So that's why we're online practicing these skills. Okay. People are saying I'm good at flirting. Bantering is different than FL. Flirting. Flirting has a sexual tension to it. Bantering does not. So we work all those things in the program so that you can connect with the men that you want to connect with. Okay, Shirley, anything else you want to share before I let you go? Because, you know, girl, you done done 50 different series around this girl. You got the. You got the people wild.

Yeah, with the. The banter thing, that was the fun part about being on Hinge. It's like this. It's like you get to play. It's like you get to put on a performance and try things and test things. So some people are like, oh, my gosh, she matched with 170 guys. I could not. But no, I have I had 170 rounds of practice. Like, I got to learn. Yeah, I got to learn. But no, I. I've been doing. Yeah. Doing videos on my page about how I. How I use it. Because you talk about it, you know, in theory and practice. But it's fun to share with the ladies how I actually use these things that I learned in your program.

Yes, ma'. Am. Yes, ma'. Am. I love it. I love it. I love it. Someone said, anwar, do you teach tell how to respond to men on hinge? Honey, I was doing that Friday morning with a couple of my clients. We have these. Sometimes we have these swiping sessions where we teach you how to swipe and we analyze your conversations and how you're interacting with mental health. Yeah. Because some of y' all are mean and surly. No shade. Some of y' all are overly flirtatious. Some of y' all are dead in the conversation, and you don't even know it. So that's what we do in terms of helping. Helping y' all out. Shirley, people are asking for your handle on ig. Do you want to give it?

It's the same as this handle at Shirleyvernae.

Okay. Vernee V E R N A E. Yeah. Awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Any other questions for. For Ms. Shirley before. Before I let her go?

Because, honey, one. I want to thank you for sharing your story. I have a lot of women that get into amazing relationships, get engaged, get married. You know, I try to keep it cute and confidential. Right. Because, you know, this your ish. So, you know, you get to. What did they say? Jump in, jump out, turn yourself about, and nobody needs to know. But I think it takes a lot of courage and bravery to. To speak your truth. And I thank you for sharing that. Even though people have come out of the woodworks and brought a lot of interesting energy toward you and toward me, at the end of the day, I'm really happy for you. I am proud of you for the work that you have put into this program as well as yourself. And if dating, coaching is not your thing, ladies find other ways to be coached. Oprah has a coach. Serena Williams has a coach. Girl. Simone Biles. Anyone that is great.

Has a coach. And I'm saying it doesn't have to be me.

Let it be somebody.

Yeah. Awesome. Shirley, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you. And why keep doing the Lord's work?

I'mma try, honey. I'm doing the best that I can for God in my country.

All right, I'll talk to you on boxer.

Much love.

Bye now.