Does Your Capacity to Be Loved Have an Upper Limit

Hello, hello, hello everyone. I am a tad late. My apologies. Client needed me. So I was there for her. This is what I do. Friday nights and Saturday nights are my very busy night. So I have to be there. Not to mention that I also took a nap because I was really tired. As many of you know, holiday times are very busy times. So a girl had to sleep. A girl had to sleep. Hello, Hello, Hello.

So if you are thinking that something is wrong with you because you are single, then I want you to really take a listen to this live because we're going to talk about what's really going on. And I think that that's really important because if you think something is inherently wrong with you, what's going to happen in your mind, conscious and subconscious, is that you're going to think that you're not worthy or that you don't deserve a relationship. And you will sabotage yourself in basically in the hopes or efforts to make sure that what you're thinking is correct. So we need to talk about that. We need to make sure that you are doing things a different way, right? Because if not, you will continue with the same patterns and that's going to be a disaster in terms of your love life. So this live, we're going to talk about it, we're going to talk all about what's really going on and what's actually happening so that you will know exactly how to overcome some of these barriers and actually level up and achieve your love goals. Okay? So for those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar White and I am the founder of get yout Guy Coaching. And I help smart and high achieving women date with ease, you know, meet high quality men and obviously, as the name of my company says, get their guy. So again, if that's something that's of interest to you, then I want you to reach out to me. You can DM me, I and we can talk about what your love life looks like and what you want it to look like in 2022. Because next year is the year that I want all my ladies that are really interested and who are interested in being intentional and want to invest in this part of their love lives to get their guy. Okay, so let's talk about this concept because I hear this a lot. So many women out there, when I talk to women, I talk to them all day, every day. And so many women are in my DMs and send me random emails and they say things like, oh my God, something is wrong with me. I'm never going to find someone. I'm never going to be married. I'm never going to be in a relationship. And the reasons why I think that they believe that they can't really do this is because they haven't really done it before. Right. That they think maybe because of their age. Right. That they think that they're less desirable or that men won't really like them or love them or because they might have kids, that they might be less desirable. Some women also say, oh, because I don't want kids, that I'm less desirable. Right. I had a client who did that. She's in the healthiest relationship that she's ever been in.

Now. And either one of them may or may not get married because he said he didn't want to now, but now who knows what's going to happen anyway, Other excuses that I hear, it hasn't happened to me now, so it won't ever happen because I'm curvier. Men won't love me because of my skin color, because I'm black or because I'm Asian. I'm not going to find the love life, the love that I want.

Mostly it's really surrounded or centered around skin color, size and age. And what I'm here to tell you is that none of those things are the things that are withholding you from achieving your love goals. Let me repeat that. Why do I say that? Well, let me just repeat it first. I'm a little bit all over the place tonight. As you can tell. None of those things are the things that are withholding you from actually achieving and attaining your love goals. What's really going on? What is the limited belief that you all need to shift? What we need to shift in terms of your mindset and your beliefs is that there's only one. There's only one kind of person that will be able to love you.

And that what you've experienced in love in your past.

Is what you should be looking for in your future or in your present now. There are so many different kinds of ways that you can actually love and be loved. And sometimes what happens is that we get used to. To how other people have loved us in the past, that we think that that's the only way that we can be loved. There is love out there in the world that will blow your freaking mind. And you have no idea because you are so familiar with certain kinds of loves and especially when it comes to your parental units and relationships, that we think that that is our, what we call our upper limit. I actually got this book out for one of my clients, the Big Leap, where they talk about this concept of the upper limit, where we think that we are. We only deserve a certain amount or a certain level of love. And anything that actually disrupts that limit is, like, mind blowing. Like, we can't even conceive or understand or fathom. Like, exactly. Having more love than we think that we deserve. So for all of your life, you might be thinking that on a scale from 0 to 10, I deserve the love of a 7, even though you want all the love. If we're being 100% real with ourselves and honest with ourselves, we may think, yeah, like, I'm, you know, I'm good. Like, I'm a great person, but, you know, I don't know if anybody can really love me. Right? So maybe I'm at a six or I'm a seven. Right. My expectations are, like, so low.

What I'm here to tell you is that there is a love out there that is a 9 or a 10. But you're going to have to do the work to find that love. I actually was on the phone call. I was on a session with my client last night. She's a lawyer in Toronto, and she is going through the same exact situation where she has found the greatest guy that she's ever been with and they're going to get in an exclusive relationship next week. We actually went through exactly how to have that exclusivity conversation. I have a worksheet and exercise to help you actually lay out what you need to talk about and how to talk about that. So that's what I did with her last night.

Her mind is blown. She is overwhelmed with the fact that she has met this amazing guy that gets her and she gets him, and he is showing up for her in ways that no man has ever done before. Right. And the thing that she always continued to tell me throughout our sessions was that.

There'S something wrong with me. If there wasn't, if I was good, if I was normal, if I was okay, I would have been married by now. I would have had children by now. I would be in a relationship by now.

That's not what this is about. I want to shift that narrative for you. I want you to understand that nothing is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you.

What is happening and what is going on is that you've been programmed in a certain way that is preventing you from finding love. And that's where the work comes in. That's why it's important to find a coach. Or a therapist, a mentor, someone to help you to understand those blind spots and to deprogram you and help you do that so that you can learn and do things a different way. The work is external, but also internal. There are things that you are going to have to do externally with another person that might need to change. I'm here to help with that. There are things that you may need to shift, right, your upper limit, to get you to the 9 or the 10. Because you have to believe in love to be in love. I'm going to say that again. You have to believe in love. And I'm not talking about that. Level six, level seven, love about that nine, love that 10, love to be in love. And if you're not believing in that, you will not find it. I do this all day, every day. I've been doing it forever. Your belief is the key here. And if your belief is at a six or a seven, we have to change that. So in the chat, let me know if your. Where your belief in love is and what's happening there. So I want to go back to what I was saying before about the programming, right, and the fact that you will need to deprogram some of the things that you've learned about love. So, for example, in your life, right, as you were growing up, were there moments where you shared a part of yourself? You know, you were vulnerable, you were emotional, and those needs were not met?

I'm pretty sure that was the case. Right. So that means that you're probably not totally sharing and open as you were when you were growing up or at that time.

The important thing for you to realize is that that's important if you're going to have a connection with a man. So if you're withholding that, that's a problem. That's a limit that you've put onto yourself that you can't. That you're not breaking through and breaking past. So we have to deprogram and relearn in a new way where you're feeling safe and comfortable sharing so many parts of yourself. I have another client who is afraid to talk about her love life. And one of the things that we're doing on a weekly basis is having her share her love life with a variety of different people. And at first it was really scary for her, but now she's good, she's loving it, she's comfortable. She's realizing that people will listen and hold space for her. And in doing that, she's able to transfer that knowledge and that know how into her romantic life.

This is the work that we're doing to make sure that you are ready for the relationship, for the 9 and 10 love. Because here's the thing, the guys will come, come in, come out. There will be guys at that 9, 10 level. But if you're not ready, if you're not ready to actually be in that kind of a relationship where you have to really level up and be the woman that is ready to allow and receive that 9, 10 love.

It'S not gonna work. You're gonna self sabotage, right? You're gonna freak out, your anxiety might take over.

That's why the work is important. That's why we do what we do in my program to make sure that when you're in that position and you will be, that you know how to handle it, right? I always say when it's opening night at the play.

And you're the star of the show, of the play, of the musical, I want to make sure that you know all your lines, that you know all your marks, and that when that spotlight hits, you're ready to rock. Right? Instead of acting like you're still in audition mode.

Right? Not really knowing much, but just trying your best, I want you to have the confidence and just rock it. And that's what I do for all of my clients. Okay, what else is going on? What other beliefs do we need to shift? We also need to shift the fact that you may be having some scarcity love and dating mindset issues, right? And I don't mean that in a shady way. I think we all can have that. Especially if you have gone through traumatic experiences in your life, which we all have, or you've had to be in survival mode so much. Right? If that's the case. And let me just talk about what scarcity love and dating mindset is, right? That is about really holding on to relationships longer than you need to hold on to them. Scarcity love and dating mindset is, is about.

Thinking that the person that's giving you attention is the person that is going to be your guy, right? Even if he's not showing up 100% like that these relationships are not at the 9 or 10 that you, that these are at 6 and 7. And you're thinking that this 6 or 7 relationship is the best that you can do. So you hold onto it as much as you can because you think that this six or seven relationship is better than zero, which is maybe what you were having before or no relationship. I'm here to let you know that that six or seven relationship is actually doing more harm than good. Because the longer that you're in that sort of relationship, the longer you think that that's what you deserve and you stay at a 6 or 7 instead of actually elevating to that level 9 or level 10 of love and relationship, that scarcity mindset. And I get it right, we never want to start all over again because starting all over again is scary. It's like starting a marathon all over again. It feels like so much work. So I can understand why it would feel like, oh my God, I don't want to let this go. Because it's better to have something than to not have anything, even if that something is not fully serving you. I'm here to let you know it's better to have zero or no relationship and continue to work on yourself and stay at your 910 level than to settle for a 6 or 7 relationship. But here's the thing, the real kind of situation, the real issue here is the self doubt and the fear. The self doubt and the fear that you feel like you're not something enough, you're not tall enough, you're not rich enough, you're not white enough, you're not skinny enough, you're not successful enough, you're not extroverted enough, you're not something enough. And again, here's where the fear comes in. Because if you feel like you're not enough for something or someone, it means that you don't feel like you risk, like you can actually receive the intimate, amazing love from a wonderful man. And that's where we can get into self sabotage mode. And we start settling for, you know, the desperation and the frustration and the men that aren't ready for relationships or the men that you don't really like, honestly. And that's the shame of all of this, right? That's where the sadness and anxiety can come in when it comes to dating and love. And so that's when we quit. So many women will quit and stop. And it's the start and the stop that actually kills you. You know, part of my job as a dating coach is to make sure that I keep you in the game. Even when you're saying, coach, I want to come out, I say.

Five more minutes and then let's, let's go out. And it's interesting because oftentimes in that five minutes, we're able to learn or have more experiences that we wouldn't have had before. Yeah. Here's the thing about dating and scarcity, love and dating mindset, right? Because when we have this scarcity, love, and dating mindset, it's almost like this.

Perpetual cycle. So oftentimes we won't put ourselves in this love game because we are scared that being in this game will actually highlight the thing that we're most scared of.

Which is this interesting concept that we've created for yourself about not being enough. If he doesn't text me back, if he doesn't call me, if he doesn't ask me out, then it is proof that I'm not enough.

Secret. It's not right. That's not what this is about at all. But our minds will make us think that. And that's why this scarcity and love mindset will kill you every single time. So many women have this. And part of the work that I do with my clients is letting y' all know that there are millions of men up in here, and you are the queen.

Of your love life. You're the CEO and they're the interns. You have nothing to prove. They have everything to prove because they're the interns and they're trying to get the job at the end of the summer, not you. Right. Oftentimes, especially if you're an overachiever, you're so used to trying to prove yourself and prove your love and attention and validation that that's just a default setting for you. So in my program, we cut that and we let these men perform for you again. You're the queen. You're the CEO. As the queen, if we think about chess, it means that you're the most powerful thing on that board.

Same for your love life. You are the most powerful thing in your love life. And if you abdicate your power to someone else because you think that I just have to hold on to something.

The queen becomes a pawn. And the pawns are sacrificial.

Not cute. We're not doing that. Especially in 2021, 2022, not again. Never that. Right? So we have to do things a different way. What does this mean? It means learning and understanding who we are and getting clarity about that. And with the clarity comes confidence.

You won't know that there's a different way to do it until you do it a different way and you get better results. And that's what happens in my program. Right. I have this whole dating system that I teach all of my clients that allows them to meet high quality men, and it's a game changer. Okay. So I teach that to my clients. We talk about a lot of these mindsets and break through them. Actually, I give my clients these tools to help manage their mind around the dating and love game. Right? What else are we learning? In my actual kind of dating system.

Naturally infused in that is learning how to set boundaries. Actually, I give my clients these tools to help manage their mind around the dating and love game. Right? What else are we learning? In my actual kind of dating system.

Naturally infused in that is learning how to set boundaries.