Eat, Pray, Shoot with Damaly Shepherd - Get Your Guy Podcast S1 E4

Hey, girl. Welcome to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast.

My name is Anwar White, but you.

Can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips and strategies that you can implement in your own love life.

I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you.

Can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? Alright, let's go.

Hey, girl. So in today's episode, I'm speaking with Damali shepherd, photographer extraordinaire. Now, Damali specializes in creating custom portrait experiences for black and women of color that that really showcases their beauty and tells their unique stories. In this episode, we talk about her own journey to finding her own acceptance through photography. We also discussed everything that you wanted to know about dating app pictures, as well as getting specific photography secrets and tips that only the pros know that will really help level up your pics, regardless of shape, color, or your mindset. Now, if you stay until the end, we even discuss how she got her guy. Without further ado, I give you my interview with the lovely Damali Shepherd.

So thank you so much for being here with us today. I super appreciate you and I'm so glad that you're here. Can you just kind of give everybody a sense of how you've become the amazing photographer that you are today?

Such a good question, and thank you for having me. I'm so excited for this conversation. So I like to say that photography found me a few years ago. I was hitting my 30th birthday, right? So I was at that, that kind of big milestone where you start to reevaluate your entire life and where you are and what you're doing. And that evaluation kind of made me realize that I was really unhappy in, like, the very corporate gig that I had acquired over time.

Oh, my God, girl. Yes.

Yeah. Even though there was, like, so much to be proud of there, right? Like, in terms of, like, you know, doing okay for myself, I was just not doing the creative kind of things that I thought that I would be doing in college. I went to school for comm arts and TV and radio, and I wasn't doing any of that in HR at the role that I was doing. So I had the opportunity to go on a vacation to Bali with my partner Mark, and that was the vacation that was kind of like, oh, okay. I think I really want to start exploring other avenues of creativity. I had this camera, the two just came together and clicked, and that's where I just decided to like start taking classes. And I got really interested in figuring it out. And it's also where I realized some of my own uncomfortability with being on camera. Because I hated the experience of being on camera.

Like so many of us do.

Yeah, like so many of us do. And I didn't realize it until I was forcing myself to. So I was thinking that, you know, you go to Bali and you just magically come home with cute ass Instagram photos. Yeah, no, that's not what happened. Like that just.

That wasn't it, girl.

What happened? What happened? Tell me about what pictures were you giving at Bali, girl? And how did it kind of transform?

Listen, so at Bali I was giving, like tight, really afraid maybe like looking away from the camera. Just so uncomfortable in my skin and my body and where I was. And it didn't matter who was taking the photo. Even, you know, I'm there with my partner of like years and years and years. And you would think that that would mean that he, he would be able to like help me do it well and I get something better with him. But it had nothing to do with him. My uncomfortability was myself. So I. And I didn't realize that until this experience in Bali, like realizing that like, oh, I have a hard time looking at myself, right? Like, I don't necessarily like the way that I look all the time. And so that was like that moment where I was like, ooh, is this just me? Like, am I, Is it just me or what else is going on? So I came back home and I started to photograph the other women in my life, my sisters, everything else. And guess what? It was the same kind of pain. Like you could literally see that they were experiencing that like really uncomfortableness in front of the camera. And from there I guess I decided that like, I want to fix it. Can I fix it in other people? And I could, right? Like, I found a mentor who focuses on that, like on making your subjects feel comfortable and helping them to relax on camera. And I really like embedded that into the work that I do. And also through that work, I was able to help myself get comfortable on camera and figure it out for me too. So my photography story is also like a self love, love myself journey too, because it is how I found myself. Like photography is how I found myself. And now a few years later, I feel just so much more self assured and comfortable in my own skin and beautiful. And that's something that you would have heard me say a few years ago.

It sounds like an eat, pray, shoot Situation girl.

I'm gonna trademark that. Yeah, actually, kinda. Yes. And I didn't know that at the time, but this year, looking back on my story and, like, you know, pinpointing how it all came together, it's like, wow, this was the journey to me, you know? So, yeah, it is kind of like that.

Now you're based in New York, right? So talk to me about who you work with specifically so I can get a sense of. Because I feel like we work with very similar kinds of women, clients and all of that. So talk to me about kind of who you work for or work with.

Yes, absolutely. So I love to work especially with black and women of color who are entrepreneurs, bosses, professionals. Like, that is some of it's my favorite demographic because it is this whole moment of, like, power and beauty all wrapped. It's like the masculine and feminine all wrapped up into, like, one really fun photo shoot. And this year, I've also deniched a little bit, so it's less about, like, one particular client and more about the kind of stories that I want to tell. So I'm very much like, hey, let's chat about you and where you are and what you want to do. And if we vibe, if there's a story here that we both feel, you know, that you trust that I understand to tell and that I would love to tell, then I'm like, that's just super fun, a fun way for me to work as well. I also just love to work with all women in general, women who have a really awesome story. And that is honestly a lot of us, right?

It's most of us, yeah, definitely. So let's talk about. What do you think is, like, the common misconception about kind of getting one's pictures done professionally? Because sometimes I will tell you the truth, I'll be talking to my clients or people that come to me for help, and they're like, I don't really know. And they give me a lot of different excuses or whatever. So what do you hear and then what do you have to say to those people that are giving you either excuses or misconceptions about professional photography?

I think that people are used to photo shoots being either for a special type of person, which I don't really know what that means anymore, because I'm just like, everyone is worthy of a great photo shoot. But I think that we kind of get caught up in, like, thinking that a photo shoot sounds official. And it, like, gives us this picture in our mind, which can be anything from, like, a really boring Headshot to, you know, there's just so many different ranges of the kind of photo shoots that you can see out there. So I think that sometimes folks hear photo shoot and they think boring and stiff, right? And, like, tight, and it's like, well, no, I kind of want to, like, do me or be me or, like, I want candids. Right. And it's like, well, I think the misconception is that at least with my bit, with my photography business, like, my shoots will only ever reflect my subjects. Right. It's like every single shoot that I do is tailored to my client. You're never going to get a photo that looks like anyone else. Like, I'm. My process is specifically set up to make sure that we are accentuating and sharing the values that each client shares and loves about themselves. So I think photo shoots can sound cookie cutter and the same, and it doesn't have to be that. And there are so many other photographers who offer a similar experience, and it just finding the ones who do do that, who are interested in you and showcasing you genuinely as you are.

Yeah, I think that's so awesome. Okay, so when you said candid, does that just mean, like, get my picture in real life or what does that mean? Girl, you have to give me, like, you know, layman's terms, girl.

People are like, you know, some folks are just like, you know, I just like selfies because it feels more natural. Right. It's like sometimes people think that a photo shoot will make people think that they are trying too hard.

Right? And what's the problem with that?

Yeah, exactly. Or trying. Right?

Or trying in general.

Right.

And it's like, no, it doesn't have to be that at all. It's just like you looking for a fun way to express it. Listen, having photos that you like is important, so I think that should always be the priority.

Yeah, definitely. You talked a little bit about kind of selfies. So let's talk about that, because that is, like, I guess, the number one thing that people are doing these days. So do you have any tips on, like, how to really, like, represent in, like, the best, most perfect selfie?

Yes.

Okay, tell me everything.

Okay, so for selfies, I think perfect is an interesting word, right? Because perfect is gonna be.

Girl, call me out, read me for.

Film is gonna be different for everyone. Yeah. I like to throw perfection away when it comes to my selfies and my shots because we're imperfect beings. Like, I want to be perfectly you, not perfect. Right. So I love that little reframe when it comes to Your selfies. I think one of the first steps that you can take to getting selfies that you always like is to practice, like, you know, it really is that simple. Like, Kim Kardashian didn't wake up and become a selfie queen. She took lots and lots of photos on her phone and doing the same thing. So it's as simple as getting in your mirror and figuring out the kind of angles that you like. For me, that's a little tilt to the right.

Okay.

I like portions better. Right. And it's like knowing what you like about yourself so that when you're out in those situations where maybe it's a group chat or whatever, you already kind of know. You already kind of know what to do, and it just helps enhance all of it. Also, good lighting make can make or break any photo. Like, it just doesn't matter. A lot of the times you think that you look busted, but it's not you, girl. It's the lighting. Okay? So find a window, find a light source. One quick, easy tip that I love to tell all of my clients is to turn your camera on your cell phone and then walk around in a circle and watch the way that the light changes around your face. You will find the light, and that is where you want it to be so that you look the best. So I think that is like, yeah, that's one girl.

Give us all the tips, girl. Because we. We on this podcast have watched all of America's Next Top Model, and so we feel like we know the tips, but we need to know the real tips.

Yeah. It's like you can use. Use your hand or your phone either way, and it just helps show you where the light is and where you're going to look the best. Okay? So for women, we need really nice front facing flat light in order to better accentuate our features. And it's always a great place to start. So lighting is paramount. Get yourself in good light first before you do anything else. Know your angles is another great one.

So how do we figure out what our angles are?

Yeah, I think that's that mirror work, right? It's like you can either do it with your phone or get in the mirror, but you might actually have to take some time and look at yourself. All right. And say, okay, and this is something that I've done, so don't feel silly or whatever it may be. Like, I have done this. I've stood in the mirror and I've played around with my face or my body and my posing, and now I know how I like to see myself, and I don't think there. You know, also working with a great photographer can be another way to up level that real quick, to, like, skip over the work of having to do it all yourself. But if you don't have that, just get into the mirror and move your head from left to right, tilt it up, tilt it down, and just watch your face and see what you like the best. I think it's a really, really great way to get to know yourself and your angles.

Yeah, it sounds like especially for. I'm just thinking about my listeners here, like, when you're getting ready for work, right? That's like a small little opportunity where they can just kind of work it out and just figure out what those angles are in the lighting. It also, like, when they're right about to go out, they can potentially do that practice as well.

I think when you're starting out, it's best to look for spaces that have flatter backgrounds that aren't as busy so that you can, like, figure out what it is that you still like. If. If you're coming from a place of not knowing. This is like, for my ladies who are kind of like where I started, and you're not super used to looking at yourself or you're in the mindset of, like, I don't really like the way that I look on camera. That is really. Is all from a place of lack of understanding and practice. So it's like the more you do a thing, the more you strengthen that muscle, the better that you become. I do find, though, that it's for some of us, like, we are all tech savvy and we have phones, and it's like the easiest thing to do. So we're all taking selfies all the time. Like, really all the time. So a lot of my clients are pros when it comes to getting their own photos too.

Yeah, yeah, got it. So talk to me a little bit about kind of what you see your clients or women struggling with the most as it pertains to really kind of accepting themselves in these pictures. I know you talked a little bit about your transformational trip to Bali, right? So what did that look like for you? And then what do you see kind of a lot of women struggling with as it pertains to that?

I think the thing that women struggle the most with is seeing themselves from a different kind of angle. So because we are now we're like a selfie generation where we're used to taking photos of ourselves in that light, it can be different when you are doing a professional photo shoot where you're not holding a car, like, the angles are different. There's so many things that are different about that experience. And so you can have a situation where, like, that seeing yourself in those professional photos can be really jarring because you're just not used to seeing yourself like that. I think the best way around that is, for me, like, mindset is super important for any photo shoot. So I'm all about setting intentions from the second we talk on the phone to the time that we're done, and setting an intention to relax, to not hold on so tightly to yourself, to observe the negative voice in your head. Because we all have it. There's going to be a. That says, like, it's gonna happen. Right. To say that it's not gonna happen is bull. That is going to happen. But you really want to try to bring yourself to a place of love, to a place of grace and acceptance and, you know, treating yourself like you would a friend. Because sometimes we are nicer to our.

Friends than we are most times, right?

Yeah.

Unfortunately.

I want to help all of my clients get to a place where they can look at a photo of themselves and start with what they like before what they don't like. Because what I observe the most is what I hate the most. I look fat. I like this. Oh, my God, my eyes are so squinty. Or, you know, like, there's always, like, that pick, pick, pick, pick, pick. That can happen. There are photos, and I try to curve them away from it because it's not helpful. It only makes you feel more tense and lock up on yourself.

It's actually really interesting that you talk about kind of mindset and thinking about that, because that's the exact same thing that I talk about when I. When I'm speaking with my clients about dating. Right. It's about understanding who is that, like, diamond self. Right. And sometimes I tell my clients to name her.

Right.

Are you luscious lioness like Lonnie? Right. Are you? I want you to have a certain idea in your mind and understand who she is. And I think of, like, the best moment, that you were just living your best life, that you were killing it. Right. That you felt, like, your most happiest self. And, like, just embody that for, like, a hot second. Right? And then multiply that times 10, and then name her, and then that's who you're going to be on this date. Right. And it sounds like it's a similar process for, like, photography as well.

Oh, my God, yeah, absolutely. It's like stepping into that and it, you know, if it's an alter ego, so let it be. But it can also just be you time set exactly like you said. So I love that concept and the way that you framed it.

It's great. Yeah. Oh, my God, that's so awesome. So we talked a little bit about this and you talked a little bit about kind of how we all have insecurities. And how do you feel like we can get past some of those when it comes to photography and pictures being, you know, taken of us?

Yeah, I love this question. It's something that I feel just super passionate about helping with because it's something that I went through my.

I think that, like, we all need to kind of start by getting real with the way that we feel about ourselves. So my get real moment was going to Bali and realizing that I really struggle with looking at myself. Like, that's when I was like, oh, Damali, you avoid yourself in the mirror. Like, you don't actually look at yourself. You know what I'm saying? Like, you don't really do those things. And so for me, my work then became, well, how am I going to get comfortable with myself? And for me, that was starting to journal, starting to talk to my coach about it, right? And do lots of personal development work, affirmations, mirror work. It is really simply you looking at yourself in the mirror. And this can be like silent with nothing for. Let's put 60 seconds on timer and just look at yourself, right? And observe what it is that you hear, what it is that you see, what is it you're gravitating to. You can up level that to saying an affirmation with it. So it can be as simple as I love myself or. One of my favorites is from Louise Hayes, her book you Can Heal youl Life. And. And her. One of my favorites from that book is I deeply and completely love and accept myself. So for me, that was standing in the mirror, looking at myself, looking at my face, looking at my body, looking at my tummy, looking at all the things and saying, damali, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. And this is all super woo.

I know, but no, it's not woo at all. I think people are now down with the cause. Right? So I think that they all, like, really understand like this. These things are actually very effective.

And like, yeah.

So I want to make sure, like, we're not going to minimize that at all. Like, it works. So that's why we're talking about it.

It Works. It works. And that's what we're talking. And it's like giving yourself a chance. It will feel weird, it will feel funny at first, but if you give yourself a chance to absorb in that message, things can change.

Can we also do messages that are like, not so, like, high up and just be like, can we say things in the mirror? Like, oh, like I'm hot shit.

I love that. Yes, yes, absolutely.

I'm everything, right? Like everything.

Yes, yes.

Good, good. Okay, good. Because I'm like, those things sound good, but like, that's not me. Like, I, like, I have to make it me, you know?

I love. Yeah, I love that. I love that. See, I wouldn't phrase it that way, but I love that. I think putting whatever spin that is to make it you is the most important thing for everything.

Yeah. So mirror work. I just want to hold on to this for a second.

Okay.

Does this mean, like, am I just like looking at a mirror in the bathroom? Am I looking at a full length mirror? Am I, Are my clothes on? Are my clothes off?

Girl?

Give me ideas here. I want my, my listeners to be able to be like, I heard this. I'm going to try this tonight.

Yeah, I think. Okay, so for me, I would, I would have clothes on and I would be in my bathroom mirror. Sorry, tiny New York apartment over here. So full length, I don't know about, but I would be in my, in my little bathroom mirror and I would back up so that I could see myself. And honestly, the most important part of it is kind of like the gaze back into your own eyes and just observing yourself. Right? So it's like standing in your mirror and looking at yourself for a few minutes out of the day. And not even. Sometimes it can just be for 60 seconds. Like, it doesn't even have to be super duper long. But it is such an interesting, like when you do it, you're gonna hear the way that your brain is thinking about you and it's just, it just opens up whole new levels.

Yeah, totally. What I know about that voice is that it actually, for the most part, you.