Healing Your Black Mother Wound

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

I never felt the way I do without anyone but you.

Hello, hello, hello, ladies, and maybe a few gentlemen out there. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. We have a very special guest, Jennifer Arniece. She is an author, podcaster, and healing guide for black women that are navigating their relationships with their mothers and perhaps healing some of those mother wounds. And so she is here today to grace us with her wisdom and to really just spill it how it needs to be spilled, because I think a lot of us need to really, really get clear on our mother wounds and our relationships with them. So without further ado, welcome, Jennifer.

Thank you for having me.

Go. I'm so happy that you're here. I think that you do amazing work. And.

Like I was just saying before, I feel like there are a lot of things that need to be said about our mothers, but we can't say them. And so I'm just so happy that you have decided to come onto this podcast so we can really talk about the thing.

But before we. Before we do and go into that a little bit more, why don't you introduce yourself to the listeners and just share a little bit about your story and, like, how you got into this work just so we get a sense of you.

Okay, well, first of all, thank you for having me. Like you said, my name is Jennifer Arniece. I came into this work because it was the work that I needed. I have a background in marketing and branding, and I've been an entrepreneur for a long time. And I found myself working with women entrepreneurs who were struggling in their business. And my thing was always, like, you know, showing up authentically. And when I was talking to these women about, like, you know, what they're struggling with, why can't you show up? Why aren't you, you know, able to say what you want to say or be yourself? Why aren't you the same person with me as you are, you know, online? And every time it has something like something about their mother would come up, and I was like, I know stuff came comes up with me and my mama, but that's just. That's nothing. It's not that big a deal. And then I had a coming to Jesus with my mother around, her behavior with me. And it was like my whole life flashed in front of me. All of our experiences, everything that's happened, everything that's been said and done when I was small and I was like, oh, my God. Every. Everything. And it's not a blame game, but it was like everything really went back to how she saw me because it created how I saw me. And that's why I was struggling financially. That's why I was struggling in relationships. That's why I was on the verge of being homeless. That's why I was so conflicted in my parenting, because it was like this tug between what she thought was right and my own knowing and how I was yielding to her and not to myself and. And calling that, like, being a good daughter and being a good person. And that was my only priority. But my life was all fucked up.

Yeah.

And I stopped everything. I stopped business coaching. I stopped trying to be an entrepreneur. I stopped doing everything because I was like, oh, you got to get to the core of what this is. And that's how this work started, you.

Know, I love that so much. I want to get into this. Right. Because I think most of us actually have to get to the core of it. Most of us haven't. We. We. One bite of the apple, but we haven't eaten it to its core yet. Right. And so I want to. I want to talk a little bit about kind of how these mother situations, issues, challenges can come up in our everyday lives. Like, what does this kind of look like? Right. Meaning you were talking about your clients, and you talked a little bit about maybe not showing up differently in different places. Right. What else? Like, just. I want to have the listeners understand, like, oh, maybe I need to delve into this as well. Are there things that you've seen in your clients where you're like, girl, if this is happening, then we might want to explore this. This mother wound that we might have.

Well, and I like to. This is. Everybody can have this. But I do talk, you know, predominantly with black women. Yeah. Being hyper independent, not knowing how to ask for help, being there for everybody else. Anybody can call you at the drop of a dime. You want to make sure that you are a good friend, you're a good employee, you're a good sister, daughter, wife, everything. But when it comes time for you to need help, you don't know how to ask, and you're very frustrated.

About it.

You, your thing is nobody's ever there for me, but you don't let other people be there for you. So you're very hyper independent, hypercritical of yourself. You don't think that you do anything good enough. It's not good enough. You call it perfectionism, but perfectionism is just shame wrapped with the bow. You know, if you feel like your accreditation, your achievement, all of these things have to be in alignment for people to love you, people to care about you. Like, you have to work for other people's approval if you're a people pleaser. Some people don't think they're a people pleaser. They're like, well, I'm being a good friend. Well, I don't want.

Or I'm just a good person, or I'm empathetic.

I'm empathetic. Empathetic is codependence wrapped up with a bow. Right. So people who, like, well, I don't. If you've ever. This makes me cringe. And I hear people say this. Well, I don't want them to think that I'm mean. I don't want to be mean. You don't have to be mean. That word burns my freaking britches because it's such a gaslighting word. Like, if you advocate for yourself, you're being mean. And just because somebody else thinks you're mean, you're not really mean. I could talk for days on that.

Not having a good handle on your emotions. You, you're angry, you sad, or you laughing like you really are not able to be vulnerable. You're not able to open yourself to a sense of tenderness. You don't feel safe enough to do that.

You, you know, you probably have issues with rage or you have no emotions at all. You just, you, you've just disconnected. Yeah, I think those are the most glaring. And I think the, the small ones that people don't look at are being. And this was a huge one for me. And when I started talking about it, a lot of women were like, oh, yeah, their hands were in. Were in the air. Not being able to make decisions, being incredibly indecisive. Being. Not trusting yourself, not knowing what you should do. So you waffle back and forth, back and forth.

And you asking two, three, four, five different individuals what you need to do or not.

My God, you ask everybody what you should do because you haven't. You have no sense of self. You have no sense of autonomy. And you also are really afraid to make a mistake. You think if you make a mistake, the Whole world will fall apart. Right. So that type of fear, you know, you think that if people. And this is a really silent one, people don't like to talk about. If people really knew who I was, they wouldn't like me or love me. At a really core, you think that if I really let people see my flaws, if they see how quirky I am, if they knew what I really liked, if they knew the things I done, no, I would be. I would absolutely be rejected. And so you walk around with this false sense of self, but you've been doing it all your life, so you're very adept at it. It feels.

We don't know any better. We don't know any.

Don't know any better. You don't even know that you're not even being yourself except in these small moments. But you. You feel so far from it that it's like, oh, my whole. And if you catastrophize, like, oh, my God, if I'm myself, if I do what I love I like, the whole world is going to fall apart. Nobody's going to like me. I'm not going to have anything. So you stay in this really small fraction of. Of who you are. So those are just some of the ways that it shows up.

I'm so glad that you highlighted them, because this is exactly why you're on this show with a dating coach, because everything that you say, a lot of women don't understand. So many people talk about daddy issues when it comes to dating and relationships and love. But if you're a black woman, I'm pretty sure 80% of the time it's mommy issues, if not more.

Yeah. Or 90%. Yeah. Because we look at a romantic relationship as this hetero concept, but love is not hetero or homo. It is just love. Marianne Williamson talks about in A Course in Miracles says there is no special relationship. Right. And so your mother is the first person that you love or your female caregiver. She is the person that you love first, and she's the first person that teaches you what love is. Your father is the maybe second or third person. So there can be impact there. But your sense of self, who you are, is defined by the relationship you have with your mother. Probably in the first three years, maybe up to the first five years, but probably the first three years of life, your concept of self is established.

Yeah, most definitely. I want to get into some of the things that you talked about, because I think these are really important. You talked about this notion of being different people in different spaces. Or not really knowing kind of who you are. And I see this a lot with black women specifically. We're one way with our family, we're one way with friends. We're one way at work. We're another way in our romantic lives as well. And so we're shape shifting. We have split parts of ourselves. And one of the things that I always tell ladies is, like, if you can't come up and be your full 100% authentic self, it's going to be hard to be 100% loved. You've given everybody 60% of yourself, which naturally happens because of the point that you just made around. Well, if I show 100%, nobody's going to like me. It's going to be a huge problem, and it's going to be a huge detriment or hurdle to actually deeply connect with other human beings. What are your thoughts on that?

Well, I think it's a really, a much broader issue. And this is why I call what the work I do the black mother wound. Because that shape shifting is created by an external gaze, and that external gaze is created by patriarchy and systematic racism. So the idea of your safety, there's a reality for black women that white women don't have to experience coming through slavery, segregation, Jim Crow, where to be safe. Literally, to be safe, to be able to get from home to school, to work, to the grocery store back home, I have to pretend I am someone. And it has to be in approval of a man or someone white or both. And so that is how. That's why the mother wound is a generational wound, because it's passed down. My mother was born in 1946 in rural South Carolina. The law of who she had to be to be safe, she passed that down to me. But I was born in 1974, so those same dangers didn't exist. So so many of these concepts have validity at some point, and we just carry them into the next generation, you know, because what if I'm saying, be your full self in business, right? If you're an entrepreneur and you're saying, being your full self in a relationship, but now you're saying, so I got to be my full self at work, it's not safe for me to be my full self at work. That's why the mother wound impacts every area of your life. It breaks down every area of how you show up. So there's so much dismantling that happens because your. Your livelihood is built on you being.

Palatable to others. And it's the only safety that you know, so it is. It's. It's so easy to say be yourself, but you really have to dismantle it brick by brick. You have to take one brick out, put a new brick in. It's like when you get dental work, when you take a tooth out, you got to put a tooth back, or all your whole face starts to collapse after a while, you know, and you. But if you want to be loved, you know, if you. That's why this is getting your man, is. It's bigger than that. Because do you want to even have your own self? So many people want the. The last relationship they want. My romantic relationship. You don't even have a relationship with yourself. You don't even. You can't even be yourself with yourself. You are so disapproving of who you are. If you knew the ways you. Of how you abandoned and rejected yourself, even when no one is watching, the way you talk to yourself when no one is around. Like, there is impossible for you to go out and be like, oh, I' ma have. I want this man. And he got to be six feet, six figures, six pack. And all you do is talk to yourself about yourself. And then you go out in the world and you're like, oh, well, y' all can't see my gestures.

Yeah, she acted out. She acted out right now. Yes.

Yes. Well, you know, I have a PhD from this place, and I went here, and I got a house over here and this and that. You don't even like yourself, and you're pandering and you're campaigning. And until you heal that, healing that mother wound means having autonomy over who you are, which means I can show up however I am, whoever I am. And if you like it, awesome. If you don't like it, then you're not my person. But there's. There are other people for me, and you want to get to that point so you can find someone that you can be with genuinely, and you can be with them forever, because you might get somebody, and they might even be a good man. But if you're not being yourself, you really might not like them five or 10 years. They might not like you, and they might not like you. Right? And now you got them, but you got to keep them. So now you're on this hamster wheel of manipulation, which is what it is, and trying to compromise and, well, let's go to therapy. Let's do this. When you're not even being your authentic self, but now you're in a relationship you like, and now you got to start back over because all the blocks have come tumbling down. You have to get to a space of authenticness with yourself and you gotta stand 10 toes, you gotta stand on business about it. Otherwise it's all gonna be temporary. All that shit is going to be temporary that you find in a relationship.

Let's talk about that. Right. Because it's for so many of us who have been clay molded by our mothers. Right.

And culture and society, church.

Right?

Yes.

All of those different entities. Right. How do we, in your mind.

Your perspective, how do we start the wheels turning? How do we get started in learning how to know ourselves and to be autonomous? Right. Because I, I talk to a lot of different women every day. I have 35, 50 year olds that are still calling their mother for approval on things that they don't need to call their approval on. Right. So what are those first couple of steps that you think are important for women right now? To really be autonomous in their lives and kind of take some distance away from their mothers who might have too much of a controlling force in their lives.

I think the first thing you have to come to is that, and this is hard for a lot of women.

Say it, girl.

The most important relationship is not the relationship with your mother, it's the relationship with yourself. And you're going to have to realize that in order for you to be yourself, which is so you can be really happy.

You'Re going to have to shatter all expectations that she has of you and your family. Expectation, your tribal. You have to know, like, I'm not going to be able to keep. Like my mother would say, I grew up in the church. You can't serve two gods. You're not gonna be able to straddle the fence. Like that's the first thing you're gonna have to make a decision on, is I'm gonna have to choose me over her no matter what. And understand.

The sense of abandonment, rejection, shame, loneliness, grief that can come with that. It might not come with that, but you gotta really be like, damn, I'm really, I have to be willing to go 100% in for myself. Because you know why? The little girl in you has never, ever had anybody go 100% for her. They've always chosen somebody over her. They've always put her second, third, fourth, fifth or last. And she's never had anybody say, I don't give a damn what happens. You're first. What you need is first, what you want is first. She's never had that. And you've waited for your mother to do it and she didn't do it. And now you're putting all that pressure on a man to do it. You want a man to prioritize you and put your needs first. You don't even do that for yourself because you think if I abandon myself, then somebody else would then pick up those pieces and then they will prove that I am worthy of being loved. So first you have to do that, and then I work with the four pillars, pillars of reparenting nervous system regulation, joy loving, discipline, and self care. Right. You have to think about how you take care of a two year old. You know, I don't know what your age group is with your audience, but how many of them have kids and how you tend to a baby. That's how you have to tend to yourself. Right. Babies love to play. That's joy.

Babies need.

Let's just get into this a little bit, just so that the girls know. Right. So, Joy, play, what does that. It means singing. It means running in the rain.

It means dancing, painting, laughing.

Ballet.

Anything that you were doing.

I always tell ladies, anything that you are doing between the ages of 8 and 12, you want to get into that.

Yeah. And. And even before that. And I will say that because. I will say before that, because when you start to get in that 9, 10, 11, 12 era, you want to be friends with others, you start to understand that people are looking at you. So I want you to go back to a time before you knew people were looking at you and you were just in your own little world, whatever that was. Right. And play is important because you don't have to be good at play.

Right.

That is the key thing. This is not about being good at it. It's not about other people seeing you do it. It's not about you posted on Instagram. It's about what play is.

Right. And that's what joy is about. You have to have a sense of joy. It is one of the most powerful healing things you can do, especially in this work, because this work can be very heavy and very lonely. So. Okay, so that's joy.

Good. All right, next one.

Nervous system regulation.

Yes. Which is so important for us people of color. We always on a high alert. Right?

High alert. Yeah. And you have. We have to understand that trauma lives in our body. And also your mind has no sense of time. So your mind doesn't realize that what happened to you was 20 years ago. It's still current right now because it's still trying to prevent it from happening. And it's still thinking Oh, I can fix this. So because of that, you are on high alert, right? You are jumpy, you are tense, you are stressed. So joy goes with nervous system regulation, right? Because it's about how you feel safe in your body and the different things that you do to feel safe in your body. And a lot of those physical things you do enjoy, you do. In nervous system regulation, it's about being in the present moment, learning how to breathe. We don't even realize how often, damn, I'm not even breathing. But being able to come back in this moment, being able to self soothe when you do get upset, being able to be like, you're okay. I have to tell them. I still have conversation. I'm always. I don't know why I'm saying still. People think, oh, girl, you got you healed. No, healing is a process for life.

Always.

Yeah. But sometimes when I get anxious or, you know, something happens and I have to sit there, literally, I will have a conversation. I. Nothing's going to happen to you. You are safe. I'm not going to let. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. If they don't like it, it's fine. But what's the worst that can happen? She tells me what the worst is. Okay. And that then what, How, What's. What can I do for you? What do you want to do? Do you want to go lay down? Do you want some ice cream? Like, to soothe your body, to get into your body. Aromatherapy is really good for nervous system regulation. Using your five senses to bring yourself to the present moment and know that you are safe. Right. Whether it's time to talk about.

I just want to talk about that breathing for a second because I think a lot of people don't understand, especially as black people. Like, we're not breathing as deeply as we need to. Most of our breaths are shallow. It's literally we're all because of our nervous system on high. We're like, this is literally how we're breathing all of the time. So even, like intentionally, like breathing, holding it in for four seconds and breathing out and doing that for a period of time is important. And then just to add on to what you were saying, a lot of people only breathe deeply when they're working out. So if you want to work out, if you want to run around the block, right. Or play tennis or do what you need to do that to help to, to regulate your nervous system.

Yeah, absolutely. And then that feeds into the joy. I used to put alarms on my phone. I would do like Six alarms on my phone throughout the day. And it would be breathe. And it would just be reminding myself to get into that habit of.

Just 60 seconds. And I think for us, we're always trying to fix something. We're always trying to make it better. And this is not what this is. This is not, oh, let me take this 60 seconds and try to fix a problem. Let me use my breathing to fix something. No, it is just to breathe. That's it. So if you want to get into more breathing, just put six alarms on your phone throughout the day and just have them labeled as breathe and then just set a 60 second. Or you might know how many breaths you need. You might say, I'm. You know, when the alarm goes off, I do 30 breaths. 30 series of breathing. Okay, back to what I was doing.

Yeah, Your. Your body will then catch on to that and be like, oh, well, this is what we're doing. Because it's your natural state, so your body is going to pick up on it, you know? So.

Yeah, I love that. Okay, so we talked about joy, we've talked about nervous system regulation. What's the third one?

Girl? Loving discipline. And I think this is one of the hardest ones because we have no sense of boundaries with others and we have even less boundaries with ourselves.

That's right.

So loving discipline looks like when you get up every morning, make your bed, what are the things you do for yourself that are good for you? Because we will keep a promise to someone else and break every promise we have to ourselves. So the discipline around.

Drinking 40 ounces of water every day, the discipline to do it. The love. This is loving discipline. The discipline to say, I'm gonna walk around the block every day. Every day. I'm gonna walk around the block every day. I'm going to play. Four o' clock comes, the bell rings, I'm playing. That's loving discipline. And it's. So. Let me. This is the one you will resist the most. You will resist this one because you will make every excuse to not be there for yourself. Because it's such a habit. It's such a habit for you to reject and abandon yourself that you have no container to hold.

Being.

Loving with yourself. You have no container for it. So it's going to be triggering. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Being good to yourself when you don't have a habit of it is very triggering because the conversation is going to come up in your mind. Why are you doing that? You're not worth that. You're just Trying to do too much. You, all of the negative selft talk is going to come to the surface to try and get you out of it. But that's when you go back and you use the nervous system regulation. All of these pillars, they work together and they build off of each other. So that's loving discipline.

I love that. It's really interesting too, as you talk about loving discipline, because a lot of people will start doing all of those things for other people to numb themselves and to procrastinate. They really need to do it for themselves. Why are you cleaning your house just because your mom is coming? You should be cleaning your house for yourself.

Listen, if I could real, real hard in the back of my head, all the things, all you're going out on a date and now you don't got your hair done, you don't got a facial, you don't, you don't got all gussied up. But if it wasn't for a date, you'd be around here looking homeless.

Why are you, why is it so important that other people see you in a good light? But you, you don't want to see yourself in a good light and that's the autonomy. Because you really feel like if I do that, especially with black girls, it's going to mean I'm bragging. It's going to mean that I'm doing the most. It's, it's going to. I'm thinking too much of myself. I'm too high and mighty. Like I'm not a good person. This is in slavery. Chattel slavery teaches black people this. In order to be a good person, you have to really act like you don't have anything and that you are nothing.

Right?

Because it's almost like you're idolizing yourself. Because that's how we came into organized Christianity here, you know, like, oh, God is God. Jesus is, is the good one. I'm, I'm no good. I need to be. I'm a sinner. I'm low down. All these things I have to believe about myself in order to be a good person. Because I'm always in search of some type of redemption. So I can't think high of myself because now I'm. That's vain. You know, that's how I was raised. And it really. I'm still coming out of that. When good things happen to me, for me, it's very hard for me to like embrace it and be like, yeah, that was good. It's like, yeah, that's okay. But yeah, you could do this like, don't go around other people that. That happened, girl, because they're not going to be happy for you, child. So, yeah, so, yeah, it's very. It's very important.

So thank you so much for sharing this. This is really important. One of the other things I, I always tell many of the ladies that I work with is around giving yourself treats too. Right. As we think about loving, discipline. Right. Not. Not a reward, which is, I've done something, so then I deserve to get something. It's like, no, I just want it. It's going to be pleasurable for me and so I'm going to get it. And you want to do this thing on a weekly basis, whether it's. And it doesn't have to cost any money. Right. It can be a nice relaxing bath or a nap.

That's self care, which is the fourth pillar. That is self care. And self love is the fourth pillar. Yeah.

Talk a little about the self care.

Yeah, yeah. It is creating a habit of doing things that make you feel good for you that benefit no one else. It might be going to the art store and getting these new markers that you love that you're going to play with later. Do you understand? It might be like you said, taking a. Taking a bath, you know, giving yourself a facial. I read this book, it was called the. The 12 week. What was it? The 12 week year in Atomic Habits. I read them together and they were just talking about doing things over and over again, how they can change your life. And they were talking mainly about business, Right. But they were like, this doesn't have to be business. It can be in your regular life. And I was like, I'm going to start doing like a skincare routine at night. It was that simple. And that changed my life because it.

Looks flawless, by the way.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

But it really, you know, because during the day I'm running, running, running. At the end of the day, I don't have anything for anybody that's getting to bed. I just crash. I'm so unconscious. But when I started doing like the skincare routine at night, it just brought out like this slowness with me. It brought out this tenderness with myself. It brought it, like this time with me. Not on my phone, I'm not watching tv. I'm not texting back and forth, which are things that I do at the end of the night. It was like, oh, this is nice. And then I started doing two to three baths that I always take a shower. But I was like, you know what? I want to take baths at least two or three times a week. I got this amazing big old tub that I can just soak in. And it's like I realized I don't have time to run the water, and I got to do this. And I was like, wow, you don't want to run the water in the tub because you think it's too much time because you can get in the shower and get out. But those two things, creating the habit around them. I realized how. How much I was always doing something, doing, doing all the time. And that self care for me changed everything. So it does. Like you said, you don't have to go buy a Chanel bag or. It's not for anybody else. It's just something you do for you. It might be the type of lotion you use, and you just moisture just as you moisturize you like, oh, this is, you know, it's so important, right? Again, think about how you treat a baby, how, how you give them a bath. When they get out of the bath, you want those clothes to be clean and soft. It might be using a really high quality detergent on your clothes, so when they come out, they smell so good. And when you put them on, it's like, ooh, ooh. And again, that goes back to nervous system regulation because you're using your senses. It's so much that it. How it works together and you. It doesn't. It's not rocket science because it's not hard. It's simple, but it's not easy because you're not used to paying that much attention to yourself.

Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I love these four pillars. I think that they are so important, and I think it's very easy for us to understand all of these different categories as we kind of end this episode. What are some of the things that you really want the listeners to take away from as it pertains to these black mother wounds? Because obviously it's so much and we might have to bring you back, girl. No shame. There's just so much that we need to uncover here because I think that we've gotten to a bit of the core. But as there's, as you mentioned before, there's obviously so much. But before we go, what are some of the things that, like, maybe we haven't talked about before that you want to make sure that the ladies that are listening to this podcast are really kind of thinking about, if anything, Right?

Oh, yeah. The number one thing that people ask is, you know, if I heal my mother wound, would that fix the relationship with my mother. Because that's what. That's what we're obsessed with. Healing your mother wound has nothing to do with the relationship with your mother. This. If you hear this whole episode, we did not talk about your mother. Healing your mother wound is about healing the relationship you have with yourself. It has nothing to do with healing the relationship with your mother. I am. I don't. Even if a woman gets on the phone with me and that's what she wants to talk about, I tell her I'm not the person for you. I don't have any advice for how you make a relationship better with your mother because again, you are prioritizing her instead of prioritizing yourself. So that's the number one thing you're going to have to get clear in your mind, right? And then what else you need to know is this work takes time. This work takes discipline. And you cannot do it alone. You have the black mother wound creates a level of isolation for us that we have to do everything by ourselves. That's how that. That's really how we really are jacked up. You have to understand that community is where healing happens. So if you don't have people you can trust, the people that you're with, you can't trust. You're gonna have to leave them alone. And the better your relationship gets with yourself, the more you will attract loving, caring, nurturing people in your life. But this is work that you have to do. You're going to have to feel it. Because most of my girlies out there are high achieving, intellectual, smart women who know how to do, do, do. This is feeling work. This is not what you're going to be able to intellectualize in your head. Well, I should feel like this. It should be easy here. I can get this done by the end of the summer, you're gonna have to feel the feelings, the hard ones, the sad ones. You're going to have to be willing to break yourself open. That's why you need other people with you, so you're not there alone. Okay? This is not so you can get a man. This is not work so you can get a man. This is work so you can finally have yourself and then you can move on to what type of romantic relationship I have. But this, you don't do this work so you can get prepared, so you can get you a man because you're. That's manipulation. That's like almost like using. If you had a daughter and you want to use your daughter to get a man, they will call that Child abuse. So you really have to think about it in that serious away. So I love that. And start today. That's what I would say.

Yes, start today, honey. Everything that we've talked about with the Black Mother Wound is synonymous with how we're interacting with a lot of these men. And when it comes to dating, because a lot of our mothers were often in their masculine energy. And so everything that we're talking about today, I want you to think about it in your dating and relationship context because it's all the same. That's why Jennifer is here on this podcast, because this work comes together. And yes, the name of my podcast, the name of my business is get your guy. But anyone in my program will know that it's all about getting yourself first and foremost and what we work on. So much, Jennifer, thank you so much for being here. For the ladies, for the individuals listening that want to get in contact with you to learn more about your work and what you do. How can they get in contact with you?

The main two ways are going to my website, Jennifer Arniece.com. that's Jennifer Arniece. A R N I S E. You can find out about the coaching. You can find out about my group course that's coming up in a few weeks. You can find my books there and you can find the link to the podcast. The podcast is called the Black mother wound and you can find me online ig we be on Instagram doing it over at the Black mother Wound. Yeah, that's how you can find me.

I love it. I love it. I love it so much. Thank you so much for being here and gracing us with your wisdom, girl. It's a lot. And I'm so glad that we were able to talk about so many important things, but also give some actionable insights in terms of how do we start? Because the ladies think that, oh my God, I need to tell my mother off. I need to tell her everything that she did when I was 5 and 8 and 12 and 13 when it's actually not like that.

And so it's not like that. Yeah.

My thing is we were able to highlight that in this session. Go ahead.

Absolutely. No, it's not about you trying to get her to understand. It's really not. Because that's the thing. You think that she is still the holder of your identity. That's why you want her to. To admit she was wrong. So you can then really believe.

It's like a freedom taking off your chains when you have the key I'm.

Giving you Permission to take the chains off. It's not in your imagination. You're not crazy. You didn't make it up. You're not a disobedient daughter. And it's not too late. A lot of people think it's too late. It's not too late.

Yeah. Awesome. Thank you so much. All right, ladies, I hope that this was a helpful session. As always, email me or DM me on Instagram, let me know how you felt about this episode, and I will see you on the flip side. Bye. Bye.

Hey, girl. Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review wherever you listen to your podcast. Talk soon.

The main two ways are going to my website, Jennifer Arniece.com. that's Jennifer Arniece. A R N I S E. You can find out about the coaching. You can find out about my group course that's coming up in a few weeks. You can find my books there and you can find the link to the podcast. The podcast is called the Black Mother Wound and you can find me online. IG we be on Instagram doing it over at the Black Mother Wound. Yeah, that's how you can find me.

I love it. I love it. I love it so much. Thank you so much for being here and gracing us with your wisdom, girl. It's a lot. And I'm so glad that we were able to talk about so many important things, but also give some actionable insights in terms of how do we start? Because the ladies think that, oh, my God, I need to tell my mother off. I need to tell her everything that she did when I was 5 and 8 and 12 and 13 when it's actually not like that.

And so it's not like that.

Yeah, my thing is we're able to highlight that in this session. Go ahead.

Absolutely. No, it's not about you trying to get her to understand. It's really not. Because that's the thing. You think that she is still the holder of your identity. That's why you want her to. To admit she was wrong, so you can then really believe.

It's like a freedom taking off your chains when you.

I'm giving you permission to take the chains off, just not in your imagination. You're not crazy. You didn't make it up. You're not a disobedient daughter. And it's not too late. A lot of people think it's too late. It's not too late. Yeah.

Awesome. Thank you so much. All right, ladies, I hope that this was a helpful session. As always, email me or DM me on Instagram let me know how you felt about this episode and I will see you on the flip side. Bye bye.

Hey girl. Thank you so much for listening to the get yout Guy Coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com apply or subscribe and leave me a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. Talk soon.

Sam.