High Value WHAT

Hello, hello, hello, my loves. I hope you're doing well. Tonight I'm going to talk about this concept of high value that you hear so much in the dating world with dating coaches, relationship experts.

Anyone and everyone that's talking about high value. I actually have a very big problem with this thought about high value. And I wanted to share this with you because. Because so many people talk about you need to be looking for a high value man or you need to be a high value woman. And I'm here to tell you that that's all bullshit.

Of course I would say that. Right? Because I'm literally always saying things that are different than everyone else. High value. What does that mean? Oftentimes people are talking about. Well, before I go into that, I know I have a lot of followers, new followers for those that don't know me. My name is Anwar White. I am the CEO and founder of get yout Guy Coaching. I help amazing professional women heal their hearts, date like amazing men and get into the best relationship of their lives. So if that's something that you're interested in, you can book a call with me and we can see if it's a good fit. If not, you're going to get a lot of value from the call that we have. If so, we're going to work together. I'm going to help you get your guy. It's as simple as that. And I don't stop working with people until we get their guy. With that said, let's talk about high value. And tell me in the chat, have you heard of this concept high value? And if so, what do you think high value means? I'm really interested in understanding this because I hear it from every dating coach out there, every therapist or relationship expert. You got to look for a high value man or you need to become a high value woman. And I just think that these concepts and this nomenclature, this labeling, the naming is so problematic. And I'm going to tell you why. But first I'm going to talk a little bit about the definition of high value. Oftentimes it's interesting, when people say high value for men, they're often talking about that he's financially stable, that he has a good job, that he's educated.

Maybe has a good physique, that he's in shape. Let me know if that's different from how you perceive high value to be. Yeah. And for women, high value often is.

More so about how she holds herself or presents herself. Right. Or, you know, also how she is supportive of a man. Right. That High value also means someone that, for a woman that is going to be very supportive and submit submissive sometimes, right? Someone saying high value is any type of qualities you deem important in the dating world. Yes, I wish it was that. But so many people are actually very like much more specific about high value. And I'm just going to keep it real. For men it means you got to have money and for women it means you got to shut up and be beautiful and be super supportive and not have thoughts and opinions and feelings.

And I think that that is like, really problematic. And I'll tell you why.

What I know for sure about love is that love equals acceptance. And when you are considering someone high value, it also means because in life there is a yin and there's a yang. So if you have someone that's high value, then that means that someone is low value. Right? And if you are looking at people and evaluating them as low value, then in your mind, right, you are judging people. And judging is the opposite of acceptance. Judging is the opposite of love. So I want you to realize that if you are putting people in high value and low value buckets, you are actually judging them in a way that's not going to serve you in your dating life. Why do I say that? I say that because high value means superior and low value means inferior. And if you think that you're. And this is the case for many of my clients, right, who have a lot going on for themselves. If you feel like you're better than people, it's going to be very hard for you to connect with anyone. Let me repeat that. If you think that you're better than people, better than the men out there, it's going to be very hard for you to actually connect with people, not even just romantically in general. So if you think about your life and you're realizing that you don't have friends, it might be because you got a stank attitude and you think you're better than everybody else. No shade all tea.

The opposite is true as well. Meaning if you think that people are high value and or superior, you're going to put them on a pedestal and you are going to allow them to do and get away with things that you would never let anyone else get away with. And when you put them on a pedestal, you are automatically going to be looking up to them and they are going to be better than you, which means that you are going to think lower of yourself. This is why I hate the concept of high value versus low value. It doesn't Serve you. It doesn't serve your dating and love life when you think about it in this way. Right. Again, love equals acceptance. When you are in a relationship, it's about accepting that partner as is. Right.

And it's not going to be perfect.

So I want you to get away from high value. And when you get away from high value, you get away from low value. And I just want to say something about low value, which is. I think it's really important. When you're saying that someone is low value, you are.

Dehumanizing them. Everyone has value. Every single person has value.

That may not be someone that you want to partner with, but that person has value. And when you are blind to that, then you will have a very difficult time truly and deeply connecting with anybody and everybody. So when I talk about doing the work and making sure that you can get to a place where you are secure within yourself to be able to find that everybody's at this line, including you. Everyone is even. Everyone is equal. That's when you are actually going to, like, be in a place to find the love of your life. Because when you're there, when you're at this even place and you put everyone there, it means that you are open to anyone and everyone. And what I know for sure is that.

The person that's gonna come into your life is probably not going to look like what you imagine them to look like or be like 95% of the time. That's the truth. That's the case.

Talk to me in the chats. Is this landing with you?

Do you know what I'm talking about? Are you picking up what I'm putting down here when I'm talking about high value and low value?

Because this will really mess you up.

Someone's saying, it's making perfect sense. Good. This is really important. Someone's saying, yes, very much so. This is really important. Because.

When you're able to get to a place where you're accepting people, it means that you're actually approaching your love life with an open heart and with a level of trust and confidence where you'll be able to actually connect with new and different people. Because here's the thing. If you feel like someone is high value, you're gonna want to impress them. If you feel like someone is low value, you're gonna want to impress them to show them that you're better than them. Right? And when you're trying to impress, you're not gonna be your full, authentic self. You're going to be a version of yourself. That you want people to admire, but they're not going to see the true you.

That's what I mean when I say disconnection. So, for example, for people that are not high value, what generally happens, and I think that we've all been there, is we want to tell people who we are and what our resume looks like. I got this degree, I own my home, I have this car, right. I have this job. This is what my life looks like. This is how important I am. These are the trips that I take, Right. These are the languages that I speak.

All of that.

That doesn't create connection. It's not about you and your resume. It's about.

Do you see me? And can I see you? That's what this is about. So I just popped on here for a little bit just to share with you my thoughts on high value and obviously low value because you can't have one without the other. And how it can't be about high value men and women.

It's got to be about you being your authentic self and seeing others as their authentic selves and accepting them for who they are.

That's what this whole thing is about, learning to accept people for who they are and how they decide to show up. Right? Because here's what happens when you don't. When this guy has the resume and you think he's a high value man and he comes into your life and he doesn't actually show up for you and he only texts you once a week, right? And he. And he wants to like hang out with you and try to hook up with you and because he's fine or because he has a great job and a BMW and he makes six figures that you're going to let him get away with shit that you would never let anyone else get away with. That's the danger of high value, right? Well, he's a high value man. Yeah. He might be a quote unquote high value man, but he's also an asshole. He's also a man that isn't actually ready for a relationship and that's okay too. So instead of high value and low value, I want you to think about it in this way. Is he a match or is he not a match? That said, this guy's not a match. This guy's a match, right?

That's how we need to be thinking about how we connect or not with men as we are dating them, Right? How we are evaluating do I want to continue to see a guy or not. I don't care if he's High value. I, I care how he treats you and I want you to also make that your first priority. I ask everyone in my consultations, what are you looking for in a guy? What's on your dream guy checklist? You know what many of them will say?

They'll say smart.

Like educated or intellectual, financially stable.

Sometimes they'll say black or a Christian man. My first question is, or my statement is, I think it's really telling that you haven't actually.

Told me how you want him to treat you because that's the only thing that matters. Look, I went to business school at one of the best business schools in the world and I hung out with a lot of six feet fine, educated rich dudes and most of them were assholes.

Most of them thought that their shit did not stink. And it did.

Yeah. So I want us to also be really clear that it's about how he treats you and less so about his resume. Right. Every human has value. No human is high value and no human is low value.

Yeah, I want us to be really clear about that because if you get caught in that sort of decision making process.

It'S not going to serve you.

Trust me when I tell you this, it will not serve you.

I hope this is helpful as you hear about high value versus low value versus mid value girl, we're all mid value. Let's just say that we're all equal. We're all humans trying to make the best out of our lives and we are all at a different point in our journeys, our love journeys. Right. And that's okay? And that's okay.

Good. I hope this is helpful. Now if you have any questions, please put them in the chat and I will definitely answer them as we talk about low value or high value or if you have any general questions about love, dating, relationships or men. I'm going to be on here for let's say another five minutes or so. Five or ten minutes.

Because I'm tired and I've been sick for the past week and so I want to get some rest.

Questions for me, my love. Talk to me. What questions do you have? Are you dating? Are you not dating? Have you been looking for a high value man and that has that been helping you or not helping you?

Have you been doing new things in your dating life and that's been going well for you? Because I will tell you, I have my office hours today with all of my clients and they are rocking it out. I have a client about to go on her fifth date with her guy. So that means we're getting close to exclusivity. I have another client who is.

Like, totally rocking it out and about to go on her third date. And I have all of my clients do something special on their third date through my get your guy dating process, where I tell them exactly what to do on each of their date from 1 to 8 before we get into the exclusivity. So so many of them are rocking it out. I'm so proud of them. So we definitely. Okay, so I have a question here. How do you vet men when dating online? Great question.

So everyone in the chat let me know how you vet men dating online, and then I will share with you how I teach my clients how to do that, right? Because I think that it's like, I think some people think of this as, like, okay, did he do this? Did he do that? Did he do this? Did he do that?

And the way that I think about it is most people are looking for a match first and foremost.

And the way that I teach my clients how to date is I have to see how this man shows up for you first.

Because guess what? You could have the best match in the world, but if he's not showing up for you, there's no connection. There's no match, right? You might have an amazing date where you guys are chatting and it feels like everything's flowing and the vibes are there. But if he can't do what you want them to, what you want him to do, if he's not reaching out to you every day, if he's not making dates, who cares if you're vibing? Who cares if things are flowing, right? So to answer your question, how do I help my clients vet men or filter men? I have.

A proprietary system that I call the three, two, one funnel that I help all of my clients online date with. That brings these men from first conversation to first physical date, right? And we ask them to do a variety of different things, right? Where they are leading the process up until the first date. And it is up to these men to do everything that my clients tell them to do. And if they don't, they're out. Why? Because I want to make sure that these men are. Are focused on your.

Like, making you the priority, making sure that your happiness, your comfort level, your safety and security is always number one. Most men don't have the ability to do that. So just by doing this, going through my funnel, we eliminate at least 80% of the guys.

Right? And that's a good thing. The most exhausting thing about dating is Continuing to go out with duds. Yeah. So the guys that my clients go out with are higher quality. And when I say higher quality, I mean quality in terms of men wanting to actually be in a relationship. Right. Quality in terms of potential quality relationships. Yeah. These are the men that are looking for a relationship that have the skills and the capabilities to communicate and be emotionally available. That's what I mean by that. Yeah. So people that are looking for high quality relationships, these are the men that get through the funnel.

How else do I help my clients.

Vet men throughout the courtship process?

I make sure that they're being their exact, authentic, genuine selves. What happens most of the time is that women perform for men on dates in work and life. Right now, you've got to let me know you've seen one of your homegirls. When a guy comes around, she gets all girly and she moves differently and her voice changes.

Perform performance for men.

But I have a lot of exercises to help my clients actually just show up as their complete selves on these dates so that they can be liked and loved as their complete selves from the jump, not three months down the line when you have naturally just become yourselves from trying to be this prim and proper thing that you think that he's going to like. No, it's about starting off as your full, authentic self without the nerves, just with amazing confidence where.

You'Re just going to be yourself and you're going to see how he responds to that. That's a really great way to vet a man. Oftentimes many women don't do that. They try to shape shift into what they think he will like. So you never get a sense of how he truly thinks about you and who you are. So that's another way that you can vet men. The other thing that I want to share with you is.

You will get a very good sense of how men are by.

One, your boundaries. So you want to set them based on what you like and what you don't like, and filtering them, vetting them. The best way that you can do this is see how they respond to your boundaries. Are they like, no problem, whatever's gonna make you feel most comfortable, or are they like, ah, you shouldn't think, you shouldn't feel that way.

Why do you want me to do that?

Right.

You want to have a safe response to the battle.

Yeah. The other way to filter men or vet men is through your vulnerability.

You've got to be vulnerable with these men, and you want to see if they're emotionally available. Enough for you to respond in a way that's going to make you feel safe. A lot of men don't have that ability. They'll either redirect the conversation somewhere else. They'll either bring the conversation, start talking about themselves. Right. They'll dismiss what you said, all of those things. So I've given you a variety of different ways, different ways to actually vet and filter men. I hope that that's really helpful as you. Rock on. God, dating and love is so fun. I can talk about it all day long. Okay, a couple more minutes. Are you going to write a book? I think so. Probably next year. I'm just, like, so busy with my clients right now that I'm, like, making sure that they're getting their guys that I've been a little bit just like inundated with, just like helping them. But I have all the information, as you all can hear, to help so many people get their guy. And I'm hoping that I can, like, sit down and just, like, write this book and like, put it all together. As you can hear, there's so much information out there. So.

Good. Well, I thank you all for coming. Thank you so much. If you are interested and you feel like this is a priority in your life to get your love life together once and for all, you should definitely hit me up. We can talk on a console call. I can tell you about my program. You can see if it's a good fit or not, and I'll do the same. Alrighty.

So the link for booking the call is in my bio. Or you can go to www.getyourguycoaching.com apply and we'll take it from there. All right, my love. Be well. Bye. Bye.