Anwar White responds to a listener question about "how to stop performing for a guy you like," diagnosing that many women "perform"—i.e., act inauthentically—to win male approval. He urges women to stop putting men on pedestals, adopt "queen" energy (seeing men as suitors/servants rather than royalty), and shift from waiting to be chosen to actively choosing, framing this as the core of his coaching work.
Chapters
Naj said, how to stop performing for a guy you like. So a lot of people what will happen is when you see a hot guy or a fantasy relationship.
Then you'll start not acting like yourself. You'll be performing for men. Naturally. A lot of women are conditioned and programmed to perform for men to get what they want.
Don't do that. When you start performing for men, it's giving like you're an actor and you're auditioning for a movie or a commercial.
And it is because in your head, you're already putting these men on a pedestal.
What I want you to do is instead of putting them on a pedestal, I want you to kick them out of your castle. You're a queen. And these men.
No shade girl. I want you to understand that they are not royalty, that they are there to serve you.
There they can be a knight. Some of them are jesters, right? Some of them are just random men in the village. But you're a queen and you need to act like it. And every man out there.
Is just someone who is a suitor. I want you to think just like that. I always say this, but I'm always going to repeat it. Michael Jackson's video. Remember the time Iman was giving queen energy and these men were coming up and they were trying to entertain her and she was saying yes or no. That is the same energy that I want you to bring in dating.
That's it.
She's not trying to prove herself to some man. She's not trying to, you know, audition to be somebody's wife or girlfriend.
It's a yay or nay. The whole premise of my program and the work that I do is all about making sure that you are doing the choosing as a woman instead of waiting to be chosen.
Waiting to be chosen is a disempowered state to be in.
