A short coaching monologue (YouTube) arguing that most self-sabotage stems from low self-concept: people—especially Black and Brown women—don't believe they deserve good things, so they undermine themselves. The speaker (a dating coach) prescribes cultivating an explicitly strong, even inflated, belief in one’s worth—using examples from dating (claiming to be "the best dating coach") and sports metaphors (Super Bowl, NBA Finals) to show how confident self-concept prevents self-sabotage.
Chapters
Apple said, how do you self sabotage? This is a very like, intense question, but I will tell you this. Most of us don't, most of us self sabotage because we don't believe that we are worthy of the things that life is giving to us. So this is a self concept issue more than anything else. You have to believe that you're worthy of everything. And more like you actually have to believe that you're worth even more than you're worthy of, especially if you're a black or brown woman, because you have all of these other messages telling you that you're not. So you actually have to overcompensate to get to like a normal level.
Like you, you have to believe.
How am I successful in my dating coaching? It is because I believe that I'm the best dating coach out there and that I'm triple times better than any white coach out there. You kind of have to give yourself. You have to tell yourself those sorts of things. And it feels so bad because that's not how we grow up. We grow up to be really cute, really mute, really humble. Right? Don't do too much. No, you have to believe that in your, in your heart of hearts. And it's the same with dating as well. I'm worthy of the best man out there. Like.
Even if you're, even if your girlfriend, your best, your best friend has a man, I'm, I'm worth, Like, I deserve a man even better than what she has. Like, you have to have that mentality because what will happen is it will put you on a pedestal, it'll put you on your throne as the queen, right? So anything less than that, you won't even entertain.
Like, you will think, this isn't, that's not working for me. Like, you won't even engage. You won't even have any sort of love scarcity mindset because you know that you are Harvard. And Harvard doesn't accept everybody. It only accepts the best of the best.
And once we have that mentality, truly in everything that you do, not just dating.
You won't self sabotage because you'll be ready. You'll be ready for the best relationship of your life because you are the highest version of yourself.
You know, like in those really important games like Super Bowls or the NBA Finals and the stars really come out and they kill is because they know that they are the best. And, and that is, that's their destiny. And nothing can knock them off of their path. So I want to share that with you as well because we have to have that same spirit, that same mentality and dating and in life, especially if you are.
