Anwar White offers playful comebacks for unsolicited comments like 'Smile, you look so mean.' Instead of defensive replies, she shows how to engage on your terms, challenge the guy, or make him earn a smile, all while keeping boundaries and energy intact.
Chapters
Grocery store. Okay, what do these guys say at a grocery store? And then we can, I can give you potential and then we can see responses. Okay, so if mo money. Great, great example. So if you're walking down the street or you're at a grocery store and someone says, smile, you look so mean. What's your response? What's your response? When he says, smile, you look so mean.
Someone said, no response. Someone said, I am.
Someone said, you first. Okay, that's good. When you say I am, that's a C minus response. Let's just assume that this guy is harmless. Okay.
Someone said, I am mean. Okay, well, girl, that's a D response.
Girl, we're getting into responses here. Why do you care? Do you see, do you see how a lot of the respons.
You know, most people who, most guys that say that, it is because they're actually interested in you and they want to know if you are a safe space for them to actually talk to and engage with. And you may not want to be messed with. And I want to offer that. But girl, if you play defense doesn't win games in love, it wins games in basketball. Okay, Someone said.
Someone said, oh, you've noticed. Yeah. Okay. Maddie said, depends. Okay, so that. That's engaged him. I'm giving that a B. What other responses? Bria said, do something to make me smile. So the intention of that is great, right? But we don't tell men what to do. That's a big turn off. That's a big D downer. So I'm giving it a B minus the way that we can engage that and said, how are you going to make me smile? Now he has to figure out what he can do to perform to prove that he's worthy of being smiled too. Do you see how that works?
Yeah. No. Someone said, give him a flirty smile. No, don't give him a smile. He hasn't earned the smile yet. Make him work for this smile. Someone said, you haven't said anything funny again. Do you see how defensive that is? Instead we get to say, well, why don't you tell me your best joke and then I'll see if I'll smile or not. Now he has to come up with amazing joke.
And then you can add something and say, like, don't mess it up.
Right? Do you see that the energy is different and more playful?
Angie said, damn, we're hurt out here. You see? Do you see the responses that most of you all are giving these men? So when you hear men and they say, oh, I don't. I don't want to approach women anymore. It's because when they do, they get that response.
And they get it from 90% of you. Yeah. We're all. Many of you, all are hurt and terrified, and I want to honor that.
Someone said, wow, damn. The communication may be our. It's not. This isn't about putting fault on anyone. This is about understanding where different people are coming from, why men might not be approaching you as much in general from a cultural perspective, but also where you're at. Right. When people on this chat are saying, I'm terrified, I'm tired, I'm honoring that. I get it. But I also want us to understand that we get to have fun, we get to engage. Right. Yeah.
Someone said, maybe someone can turn it around. Perfect. Again, we've challenged him. Now he's got to come up with something. Let these men work for you. Let them work. Men love to work. Men at work, that's what they love. Make sure that they're doing it.
Okay.
So I'm hoping that this is helping you think about this a little bit differently. Yeah.
