Anwar White shares dating advice for Black women, covering how to overcome procrastination, lower emotional walls, and evaluate relationships. The focus is on personal growth and finding joy in the process of dating.
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Girl, you're never going to be ready for dating. And the reason I say that is because I think it's important for you to understand that part of your healing and growth journey is going to happen while you're dating. Like a quarter of it. And then another quarter of your healing and growth journey is going to happen when you're actually in the relationship. And a lot of women take themselves out of the dating game because they feel like they have more. More opportunity to heal and more opportunity to grow and get their lives together. Girl, if you're 50% ready, girl, put yourself out there because you will only grow and heal more while you're dating. Now, with that said, I still do think it's important for you to be best prepared for dating to get optimal success. And I wanted to share with you some of the unconventional things that I have seen as a dating coach for 14 years and also as your fairy godbrother that will help you that not many people are talking about. Okay, so number one, I want you to focus on procrastination. Many of us are procrastinating because we are scared and we let fear take over in our lives. And one of the reasons why I'm talking about this is because dating is about kind of like the Hunger Games, the second movie, where it's like all of these pitfalls. Like, you have to be able to avoid the pitfalls. And part of avoiding the pitfalls is avoiding the narcissists and dating. And when you are controlled by fear, you will actually attract narcissists because they will know that they can control you because you will get paralyzed by fear. So we got to work on procrastination. If you got something to do, do it, girl. Don't procrastinate. That's number one. Number two, we need to start lowering our walls. Why do I say that? I say that because women that or anyone really that have high walls will actually give more people grace, benefit of the doubts and opportunities because they think, oh, there's someone, like, behind that wall, there's someone else there. Instead of taking them for who they are because they know that they have their walls and they want someone else to see beyond their walls and see that there's another person there. When you have your walls lowered and you are showing up as your authentic self 100% of the time, you will see people for who they are and be able to cut them out immediately, which will keep your dating momentum. That's number two. Number three, you're going to have to do a relationship Inventory, you're going to have to look at all of your relationships and you're going to need to figure out which ones you need to take out, which ones you need to have conversations about to actually have your needs served and which ones you need to talk about and let them know. Thank you so much for showing up for me. Why many of us are staying in relationships that don't fully serve us because we have history or because they give us attention. That can be really dangerous. Because what you're teaching yourself is I am okay being in a relationship where my needs are not fully met because I would rather have something even if it isn't fully serving me, than nothing. This is the definition of love, scarcity, mindset, and cutting that out and leaning into the relationships that fully serve you will help you in your dating life. When you are focused on only guys that are going to fulfill and serve all of your needs. That's number three. Number four, you're gonna have to find the fun little girl inside. Many of us have had our childhoods robbed because we've been raised really quickly and had to. We were either parentified by our parents or we were given a lot of responsibility. And that has kind of permeated throughout our entire lives. But actually, we gotta make dating fun, right? I'm in this fashion because I'm about to find a little fun boy inside and play tennis because that's what I like to do when I was between the ages of 8 and 12. I want you to find the things that you like between the ages of 8 and 12 and start doing those things. When dating is fun, you won't take it as seriously. And if you don't take it as seriously, you actually won't be triggered as much. And when you're not triggered as much, you will actually continue to have more momentum in dating. Because to be honest with you, dating is 50% staying in the game. And most of us are starting and stopping and killing all of our dating momentum and all of our dating results. I hope this is helpful for you. And if you focus on those things, you will be best prepared to have success in your dating life because you're going to avoid all of the pitfalls.
