Dating coach Anwar White argues that pursuing conventionally hot men often backfires because attractive single guys tend to be unstable and trigger your insecurities. He suggests aiming for men who are "doable" instead, and uses a college-admissions framework (reach, target, safety schools) to date across a range rather than fixating on one type.
Chapters
Girl, I'm gonna teach you how to date a hot guy. Actually, it's opposite day. Psych. I'm not going to teach you how to date a hot guy because that's the absolute worst thing that you can do. Why do I say this? Well, as a dating coach for almost 15 years now, and as your fairy godbrother, I'm gonna spill some tea for you. When it comes to hot guys, first of all, if a guy is super hot and he's single, it means that he's fucking crazy and that if you are engaged in that shit, you are gonna continue to get into toxic ass relationships. Now, I want to keep it real with you because you come to me because you want to know the why. The why is that a lot of us are going for hot guys because we don't feel pretty within ourselves. And so we're trying to connect with the hot guy so that being with him can make us feel pretty. It does the exact opposite. What happens is you start to get insecure because this guy is super hot and getting a lot of the attention, and it will actually, in the end term, make you feel worse about yourself and your looks. The other. The other thing is kink. And because many of our parents, we had to work for, we had to chase and prove ourselves for their love. And we are following that bonding pattern with these hot guys as well. What I want to offer to you is that you have to be prettier than a man. A man falls in love with a woman that he does things for, and he will do things for a woman that is prettier than he is. If you get with a man that is prettier than you, he will probably never fall in love with you. And I say this with love and respect. I'm not trying to come for anybody because people like to crucify me when I talk about attraction levels and things like this. But I'm really trying to put you up on game here. So instead of just going for the hot guy and doing what we call the red ocean of dating. So red ocean means sharks are just, like, biting and killing each other. And it's a bloody ocean because there's so much competition. I want you to date in the same way that we apply to college. I want you to have your reach schools. I want you to have your target schools, and I want you to have your safety schools. And I want you to date everybody and see who rises to the top and who treats you the best. Because ultimately he doesn't have to be hot to be an amazing boyfriend and husband. And to be honest with you, 30, 40 years from now, you're not going to be focused on how hot he is. You're going to be focused on how he treats you and if he's able to take you to your doctor's appointments or not. You want to make sure that the guy that you're with is doable, not necessarily hot, because if he's doable, he's going to work for you inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom. And he'll probably lay it down better than the hot guys anyway because they got two pumps to them. I hope this is helpful for you and let me know your experience with hot guys and if you are going to try something a little bit different.
