Short spoken piece (YouTube clip) by Anwar White about managing perfectionism. The speaker argues many people—especially those raised by strict/expecting parents (notably Black mothers)—learn perfectionism as a survival strategy. She explains perfectionism is rooted in shame and criticism, makes people unrelatable (undermining romantic connection), and recommends healing childhood/"mother wound" patterns to become more accepting and connected.
Chapters
How to manage perfectionism. Oh, girl. Oh. Perfectionism is also boring. Now, I will say this because I always want to give you the why not just the what. Some of these other girls just give you the what.
A lot of us were brought up to be perfectionists because.
A lot of our parents knew that we needed to be perfect if we were going to succeed in this world.
Especially our black moms.
So that is what we were raised to be.
The unfortunate part about what that means in dating is that.
When you're quote, unquote perfect.
You will only be admired.
No one can relate to perfection.
You can't love something that you admire.
To have true connection is to be relatable.
The other thing about perfection is that it's rooted in shame and it's rooted in criticism.
And if you're a perfectionist, I'm pretty sure that you have a lot of shame and that you're really critical. And love equals acceptance. So if you're judging everything and everyone, you're not going to get with anybody.
Men are very sensitive. They're sensitive to judgment and criticism.
And so even if you're talking to him and you're judging and criticizing some other thing, he's going to feel less likely to even want to share anything with you because he's going to be afraid that you're going to judge it as well.
So part of this work is healing. No shade, ladies. Your mother wound to be able to move through that so that you can come from a very accepting place.
When I tell you.
You want to be relatable, you don't want to be perfect. In D.
