Dating coach Anwar White (self-described "fairy godbrother") presents a short YouTube monologue advising primarily Black women how to spot potential infidelity while dating. He opens with cited population statistics on cheating by race (23% overall; 27% Black, 25% Hispanic, 18% Asian and White) and says from his 14–15 years of coaching experience those numbers are effectively higher (he suggests doubling them). He then outlines observable "pre-cheating" signs (withdrawal/busyness, depression/job loss, picking fights, mentioning other women) and signs while cheating (excessive cleaning/showering, over-clinginess/overcompensation, projecting accusations, prolonged time in bathroom/car). He finishes with "late-stage" indicators (vaginal pH changes, different dressing/vocabulary/sexual behaviors) and urges viewers to trust their intuition.
Questions this video answers
Overall 23%; by race: 27% Black men, 25% Hispanic men, 18% Asian and White men.
Approximately 14–15 years.
Chapters
Girl, recent statistics in cheating says that 23% of men will cheat in relationships. And when we break that down racially, 27% of black men will cheat, 25% of Hispanic men will cheat, and 18% of Asian and white men will cheat. In my experience as a dating coach for 14, 15 years and as your fairy godbrother, I want to let you know that those statistics. Double them, girl. Double them. So roughly half of the men out there are cheating. And so in this video, I wanted to share with you some, some signs to tell if your man is cheating. The reason I'm saying this is because I don't want you to be that girl that's going through his computer, going through his phone, you know, getting really like trying to play SVU detective at the end of the day. Like, you are not that girl. And so I want you to be in observation mode. So I wanted to share with you what things that you can observe to know that he is cheating. And if he represents or shows three of these things that I'm going to mention, then he's probably cheating. So, girl, before he actually cheats, there are going to be some signs. One, he's going to withdraw, probably emotionally, or he's going to be busy a lot more than normal. That's one thing. Number two, if he's going through a depressive episode and he's depressed or he's lost his job, know that that is a potential sign because he needs to self actualize. He needs to gain more confidence in his life. And sometimes he will cheat to gain that confidence and to kind of fill up his ego. Three, if he is trying to pick fights with you, right? If he is really snarky, really irritable, he is doing that so that in his mind he can justify his cheating. Also, if he is talking about her, if he says, oh yeah, there's this girl at work or oh yeah, she, you know, hangs out with, you know, us while we're playing intramural baseball. When he introduces a woman in his life, I want you to take heed, I want you to listen to that because what he's doing in his mind is he's justifying cheating by saying, I told her about her. And in his man mind and his man math, he thinks that he's justifying it and it like makes him feel better about what he's doing. Okay? So when he is actually cheating, there are a few signs that I want you to look out for. One, he will start cleaning obsessively and also showering profusely because he is trying to wash the sins away. But girl, he's a sinner. They're not going away. Two, he will be extra clingy. He will overcompensate for the fact that he's cheating and so he'll want to be lovey dovey with you and cuddle with you. Actually might be a bit more chivalrous with you as well. Again, it's overcompensation. Three, he may accuse you of cheating because he's projecting what he's doing onto you. And four, if he is staying in the bathroom longer, if he is staying in the car when he gets home a little bit longer than normal, he may be cheating. Now, I also wanted to give you the tea on late stage cheating because oftentimes what will happen is after a while you'll start to see some intense signs. One, that pH balance that you all got down there, it'll be off and you know what I mean, so I'm not even going to have to go into any detail. And then secondly, what will happen is that he will start dressing differently, he will start talking differently. If he's starting to say new vocabulary, if he's starting to say things like that's the T and clock it, girl, he might be cheating with the man, but that's another story. Or if the sex is different, if he's giving you, you know, reverse psycho clown man positions and you've never done that before with him, that's another sign that he might be cheating. Now I'm sharing this with you because I want your eyes open while you're in this love game. Now, I know that two things are true. One, your intuition will always tell you what is going on, so we need to believe it. And two, if you are watching this video right now, the FYP isn't lying. Your guy's probably cheating on you. No shade.
