Lala's Love Journey

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week, you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can. You guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

I never felt the way I do without anyone but you.

Hello, everyone, and thank you so much for joining the getyourguy coaching podcast. I have a special guest for me. She is a client that I've had, and she has rocked it out in this program. She has cracked me up every step of the way, and it's been amazing to work with her. Lala, thank you so much for joining me on this podcast. Girl, how are you doing?

I'm doing great. How are you?

I'm good. Girl, what is really going on? Tell the people who you are, what you do, and all your business, or as much as. As much business as you're comfortable sharing.

Right. I'm named as Lala. I don't know. I'm just a single woman living here in the great metropolis of New York City, living my best life. And I don't know how much I should say right now, because, I mean, if you want to know, like, my journey, why I came to you, we could wait for that. But I'm just glad to be here today.

Yeah. Awesome, awesome, awesome. So let's talk a little bit about your love life in the past. Yeah. Because ultimately, you know, the listeners, they're probably either struggling or trying to learn as much as possible. So what did your love life look like, you know, before you started the program?

What? Love life? So. So I come from a. I grew up in a severely conservative religious background. Right to the point. I come from a West Indian background, which is also very conservative. And I was raised one way when it came to love. Block the pussy, block the pussy, block the pussy. Guys only want one thing. So it was really just that. Be a good girl. Go to church, pray.

Yeah.

And I saw girls who dated, but I didn't growing up. And the reason was it was just too much, you know, because if you were even seen talking to a guy you were aligned with, with that guy, and they're like, oh, they're dating or they're doing something or because of the gossip in the church, it was really bad. They would say, she's sleeping with him. And it would refer Reflect poorly on the woman and not the guy. You see? Right. My reputation was very important. So I didn't date at all growing up. You know, I just sang gospel music. I was a good church girl. And the next thing I knew, I was in my 30s, 40s, and never in a real relationship. So I turned 50 this year. And I said, you know, things have got to change. So a few years ago, you know, I started really taking hold of my life, my career, my health. And then I realized my love, my money and my love life needed to get together. So I went online, I started meeting these nice gentlemen and dating. But I realized, as nice as they were, and there are men out there, so that I used to have that belief they're no good men. That's not true. They're there. I just. Once they came, I didn't know what to do with them. That's what I. And then, thankfully, TikTok came about. And I was watching TikTok and looking at all these videos about relationships, dating, and, you know, black women dating. And I came across one of your videos. And I'm a very spiritual person. Something in my spirit said, hire him. Go, go join this program. And otherwise I would have never done that. And I did. And Anwar, you have been such a blessing to me and my dating life. So, I mean, I've met a lot of great men. And because of your guidance, I knew what to do. I had. It's like, okay, so now they're here. What should I do so that this can evolve into something beautiful or productive or, you know, there's growth. And I've had that experience during this program.

Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that. So what were some of your patterns? Because I think we all have patterns in our dating life. Maybe before the program, what were you doing that was maybe because, you know, obviously you were in the church pretty intensely as you were growing up. Then as you got older, obviously you were doing a bit of dating or at least some men. But what some of these patterns that you were kind of doing while you were dating as you got older.

That's. That's a great question.

That's why they pay me the big bucks, girl.

That's it, Boo. You know, and you deserve it. You earn those coins. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Yes. So let's see. Patterns. That's a great questions. You know, I really believe now you need to date to learn more about yourself. If you don't, you won't know what you're about or what's going on inside of you unless you're in the game. Right. So to speak. So one of the patterns that I notice is I will cut you off in a heartbeat. Like, it wouldn't take much. My standards, I won't say were high were kind of ridiculous. They just weren't. They didn't make sense. They. And they came from fairy tales and sermons that were very entertaining at church, but not realistic. You know, if he doesn't follow God, he can't follow you. I mean, it's like, that's not necessarily true or, you know, like, this man has to be perfect. I, like, I don't know what I was thinking. I felt like if I didn't know better, I was expecting Jesus to just float this man to my front door, completely perfect with no flaws whatsoever. So the minute I saw a flaw, he was cut. And then there was that element. And the other element was the fact that, you know, I danger, I didn't want to be hurt. I didn't want to be hurt emotionally. I didn't want to be hurt physically. I didn't want to be hurt in any which way. So anything that felt like it could challenge my security made me feel insecure or scared or fearful or unsafe. I completely just cut and moved on to the next guy.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. That makes a lot of sense. I think so many listeners out there will definitely resonate with what you just said. So thank you so much for sharing, sharing all of that. So you heard about me on TikTok, and then we got onto a consultation call. Were you nervous about setting up the consultation call? Like, what were you feeling beforehand and what made you actually book that consultation?

Well, I'm 50 years old, and what it is, is I'm at a point in my life where I evolved enough not to care about anybody's opinion, and I was ready. I was really ready to get the guidance that I need. You know, I'm a program manager by trade, and I believe that in coaching consulting, I believe in getting professional help where that we all have gaps. And there's nothing wrong with getting help in the areas where you need help. If you don't know how to read, you go to school and a teacher comes and teaches you, right? That continues for the rest of your life. If I believe that we are all lifelong learners. And clearly in my love life, I needed some serious schooling, and so I went and found it. So by the time I reached you, I was so ready. There was no fear. You know, I was more afraid of who I was going to meet out there and Looking like a fool than it was sitting at your feet and learning from you. Because I need a professional help. And I saw no shame with that whatsoever. Money. Less money spent in 2022. You know, I love it.

Thank you. Okay, and so as we were on the consultation, what were some of those feelings or thoughts that you were having? And just share that experience of having that first conversation together.

Oh, my gosh, that was so, so long ago.

It was girl.

And we be. But I mean, I feel like anybody.

We were vibing from the get go and pretty much I was telling you like we had. I was telling you t. Like we had known each other for 20, 25 years.

Yeah. That's why it feels. It feels like.

It's like.

I don't know. I never felt uncomfortable. And matter of fact, I think I might have been telling you too much because I was so ready for change. I was so ready for change that I'm having a hard time remembering what that conversation was. Oh, oh, oh. Okay, okay, okay. So a lot of guilt and shame on my end. Right? So I remember our first conversation, right. Was in my car and the sun was setting. And you saw me in the video and you're like, why? Why are you in your car? I'm like, yeah, how come you're not? Well, my mom's in my house and my sister, and I don't want anybody to hear me. And you said, no, no, no moving forward, there'll be no guilt and shame. And you're not going to hide this whole experience from anybody. And you will have this conversation in the light.

Right.

The more I'm talking to you, the darker things are. You know, you're becoming. Because the sun was setting and I was just getting darker and darker and you couldn't see me in the video.

Exactly, girl.

Yeah. Because I was like, I didn't want to show weakness to anyone, not even my own family. That's. I didn't want anybody looking down on me because I was hiring a coach for this. You know, I was going to make this super private. And that was the first lesson that I learned immediately. So even now I'm speaking in my house and my mother's downstairs. She probably overhears this conversation as we're speaking. There is no shame because I have the right for this. They're happy for me. You know, matter of fact, this helped open up certain conversations that drew us closer together that I didn't think was. I was afraid to even approach. You know, I was afraid of being censured or judged and I wasn't, I wasn't. So that was lesson number one. And that was during the free session. I didn't even have to pay for that. So even if I left you after that, that was worth it. All right there, you know, so that was pretty cool.

Yeah, really cool. Thank you for sharing. Okay, so you say, yes, I want to work with you. I'm ready. Then we start working together. Girl, let's talk about those. That's that first month or two. Girl, first, let's talk about that. Like that first phone call because you had already been kind of dating and yeah, people kind of in the mix and maybe not so much in the mix.

Well, there was at least three guys that I had just cut off and one in particular, I had met you, you know, we had started the program and I didn't, I wasn't used to talking to you regularly for counsel, and I just cut him off. So then I told you, you know, oh, yeah, yeah, those guys, I cut him off, you know, they didn't make the roster or whatever. I don't know, I was just like done. And then you're like, hold on, hold on, wait. First of all, we do not cut off anybody on our own. We do it together. We decide this together. You know, like basically you are not alone. You have me, we'll talk it through, make sure it's the right decision, and then make the decision based on, I don't know, what makes sense, the conversation.

How we're feeling, talking about those perspectives and just, just context. The reason I do that is because I think it's so important for the women in program to learn how to make decisions in partnership. If you have been an independent woman for 20, 30, 40 plus years, you are used to doing it on your own. But that is going to serve you in a relationship, a healthy, long standing one that can potentially be your forever guy. And so part of this work, it's more work on my end, but I know that it is going to serve my clients when we're working together. So that when you do get into your relationship, it's a seamless transition and that you can thrive while you're in it instead of learning and going from 0 to 100, trying to learn how to be in a relationship after being an independent woman for so long.

Right. Another aha moment during that season was the fact that it, you know, you don't know what your gaps are. Like, I didn't know what my gaps were in, in dating. And you know, this is what brought me to you. But you know, at. The more you do this, more you realize, wow, here's a new area of improvement. Here's another area of improvement. And one of them was the reason I was cutting off these guys.

Was I, you know, I didn't give them a proper chance. Like, I was being a little bit unreasonable. Didn't even realize it. It wasn't unreasonable in my own eyes until I spoke with you. And then you made me do what we call the apology tour.

Yes.

Go back to three of them and say, you know what? And I was like, oh, I was scared of doing that. And just go back to them, say, you know, I was thinking about it. I still would like to get to know you better, if you're still open to it. And that my pride was like, what? I'm sorry, what did you say? I have to do? What?

Yes.

And so that took a lot of courage on my part. And vulnerability. Right, right, right.

Yeah.

Right. Which is the big aha lesson from this program. Vulnerability and taking up space.

Yeah.

Picking up the speaker, speaking your truth. Something that even now I struggle with. I'm a lot better now, but I still struggle with that to this day, which we can talk more about. You know, I'll take your lead on that, on how much you want to talk about that.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. So.

But, you know.

Apology tour, nobody turned me down, which was another surprising something. I thought these guys would be like, oh, you want to come back? You know, attitude, Nothing. They were like, okay, sure.

Yeah.

You know, And. And that was, you know, that made me feel good inside. You know, it made me feel special because I didn't think they. I didn't really think, deep down that they really cared. I thought that they would have been okay with me moving on just as I was, you know, okay with letting them go. And I. And I realized then, too, I wanted to before they hurt me. Close it. Before they had a chance to hurt me. And again, back to you being vulnerable, you know, so. No, no, there will be none of that in this journey with Anwar. I can tell you, all the listeners, I can tell you that right now.

Yeah. One of the things that I remember in our conversations in the program wasn't just romantic. It was about a lot of different. Of your different relationships that you've had. And I think you spoke to this quite a bit, a little bit in the beginning of this conversation, whether it was family or friends and how you were showing up in those relationship. Would you just kind of sharing a little bit about, like, maybe what those relationships look like and how you were participating in them and that conversation that we had, because I, I think it's really important and I think that so many women out there actually.

You know, the way that they participate in one type of relationship will be the way that they participate in all of their relationships.

Absolutely.

Address those relationships so that we can have some clear eyes going into our romantic lives.

Absolutely, absolutely. I'm not to sound masculine, but I was really leaning into the energy of being the provider, the protector, and strong and never showing vulnerability or if I did, I didn't, I didn't do it well, you know, you know, effectively. And so even, you know, the people.

Didn'T know really what was going on in my life because I didn't share it. But however I was available for them, you know, and the reason I didn't.

Share it because time, energy, financially, we were giving so much to so many people.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm that auntie in my family. I'm that auntie, you know, and, and that friend. And I just, I just ran out of steam, you know, and I would get, I would feel resentful.

Yeah.

But then I realized, you know, this was a world of my creating and it was up to me to change that.

100. I remember one session where we, we broke it all down and we're like, okay, okay, who are you giving what to and why and when and all of that.

And be clear, who am I giving money to? You know, I mean, like, for real.

Yes.

You know, and for what? And you helped me decide, okay, who should get what, you know, and who should be like, you know, what. Not, not anymore, not now, not at this chapter, you know, and then, and then redirecting those resources to me.

That's right.

In a way that helped me and, you know, help my life. So. Yeah, absolutely.

That's exactly right. And the reason we do this is because oftentimes we think that when we do these things for other people that they are going to love us.

Right. And. And we're told. I was raised to give it all away. I was raised, you know, if you're a good Christian and nothing against Christianity, but I was raised, you know, if you feel bad, give more. Give it all away. You know, if you give, then it'll be given to you and you'll be taken care of just as much as you are taking care of others. And that's just not necessarily true. Not to say you won't be blessed, but there really is something to be said for self care, you know, do unto others as you do unto yourself. You know, and the thing is, you know, if you're not taking care of yourself, you can't take care of others. Like the. The Parable of the Virgins. There was five wise. Five foolish. The ones were wise because they didn't give away their oil. It was about boundaries. Yeah. You know, and my boundaries were all over the place. They were just not clear at all. And then I would get resentful. And it's not their fault, because I'm the one who just put my foot over the line and just. Oh, do whatever you want. Come. Yeah, whatever you need me. And that was message.

We changed that.

Oh, no, not anymore. You're right. That's not who I am anymore. Yep.

And how does it feel?

It feels liberating. It feels great. I've never been more authentic, more myself than I am right now. And that's the thing about this program, too. This program doesn't help you find a man. Just find a man. You know, it helps you become who you're supposed to be in many ways. So that when you get into a relationship, you are who you're supposed to be. It's not a fake use. Not a person with a mask, you know? So, I mean. Yeah.

Well, let's talk about the beginning of this program and working together, girl. Because we kind of maybe had a few masks up there while we were dating.

Maybe talk a little bit about what changes you were able to make, you know, while we were working together. And working together.

Yeah, you get, like, right at the beginning. I think one of the first things you give us is a feeling wheel so we can get in touch with our feelings. Because learning the difference between your feelings and judgment, like, a lot of times I say, I feel this is. And then I would say a judgment. I didn't realize that I was judging. It's. Whereas I should just say, I feel uncomfortable, I feel unsafe. Right. And. But I didn't know that. And I still sometimes struggle with that, you know? But the difference between the two. But no, I did.

Very rarely, girl.

Now. Yes.

Our interactions. That's very rarely. I think you're being a bit hard on yourself.

Okay.

Mad feelings. Sometimes I'm like, too many. Too many feelings.

Because I'm thinking about the wheel. I got the wheel in my head. I feel inconsiderate. I feel.

I feel it's important for the people that are listening to know, girl, I'm gonna nag you for those feelings. Yeah. I'm gonna get those feelings out of you. And I do. This is because as women of color, this is something that is not encouraged so at all have to really learn how to do it for the first time in such an intentional way. And I don't mind being that annoying.

Coach that is asking, you come with that spiritual enema. And you just.

It is like, we're gonna put this in here and get all this stuff out.

Right now. You know, you really do. And, you know, again, I don't think, you know, I think we live in a society where the black woman is expected to carry the load, and we don't even know we're being gaslit until we're in a situation like this program. It's like, oh, we didn't land on plenty of rock. Plenty rock landed on us, you know? I mean, what just happened here? You know? So I was like, okay, well, then let's. Let's work this out. Let's, let's.

And it was. There was some resistance, Right. I remember the first, I don't know, five or six dates. Every time I would ask you, girl, how are you vulnerable? Because we talk after every day. And you would say, yeah, I wasn't vulnerable.

Yeah, it was habit. I mean, it was just so entrenched, not being vulnerable. I was like, oh, yeah, right. That. Because I'm great at asking questions and getting you to talk. I can ask you questions. And you'll. By the time you're done, the guy will be like, wow, she's a great conversationalist. I'm like, thank you. But he'll know very little about me, you know, because I wasn't vulnerable, and I wasn't taking the space. I wasn't even trying to. It's just so habitual. So doing that. And, oh, here's another thing that you asked. What was the date on a ratio of 1 to 10? And you're like, fine, you know, 6. Well, at which you think you're out of the. That you're okay, you know, because you are honest. But then he'll ask you, what would have happened to make it a 10? And you're like, darn, now I have to think it's like, not to get in touch. Well, and so.

Guess what? We're not really thinking about these dates that we're going on.

No, no.

Right. And so when people are talking about, yeah, dating is a waste of time. It's a waste of time because people aren't actually learning anything from this.

Right?

Learning what they want and what they don't want. And so I am of the mindset that every date is an Opportunity to learn more about ourselves.

Right.

And as we continue to have those conversations about each and every day, my hope and intention is that we learn a little bit more about what we want, what we don't want, what we like and what we don't like, because that will help us get clear within ourselves. And therefore, we can communicate that with our partners.

Right, Right. And you know what else, too? It helps you. It's good practice. I mean, some of the stuff that I learned about myself, I would have hated to have done and practice on my own husband. You know what I'm saying? It's just. I'm glad we got that out the way now, you know, or at least I'm aware of it now. So that when I, you know, get into that relationship, that final relationship, that maybe won't be as bad or he won't have to deal with it because it's been dealt with already. You know, I feel like I'm very behind. Like, I'm definitely a late bloomer in this regard. And so not to say anything against people who got married early and stayed with their spouse for years and did it together with one person, that's fine. But I'm just glad that that wasn't the case for me. And I highly recommend anybody who's a late bloomer. Date multiple people.

Yeah.

Learn from every single date. You know, He's. He's. He's Mr. Right. He's just not your Mr. Right, you know, and vice versa, you know, or. But he's. The more you learn, the closer you get to the guy. Because I noticed for every round of men that I would date with all the lessons that I learned, they became closer to what was suitable for me. Every single group of men, it felt like they were, like, in phases as. For every. As I grew, the type of men I attracted or I dated were a better match for me.

That's right.

And I was surprised by that. And because I did have a sense of scarcity because I, you know, for every guy that, you know, didn't work out without, you know, there was a part of me that was afraid that I wasn't going to meet anyone as good as that person told me to find somebody who was even better suited for me was amazing.

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. Any other things that you felt, maybe changes that you had while you were in this program? Because you did talk about vulnerability. Definitely. And learning more about yourself.

Yeah. Take up the space. You know, one thing that Anwar, you talk to us about is what is the conversation ratio was it 50? 50. I was raised at 50. 50 is rude. You understand that you're supposed to ask them questions and let them talk about themselves. And Anwar, you're not like that. You're like, take up the space. If he's interested, he's going to want to know everything about you.

That's right.

And that is the truth. It's uncomfortable and awkward, but that is the truth, you know. So if you find that he doesn't want to hear what you have to say about yourself or is not interested in your life, let him go, move on. I don't care how nice he is at restaurants and opens doors. I've dated a lot of good men, gentlemen. I never opened the door, never pay for anything. Very sweet and know how to act. But I. The conversation ratio is a big. Tell is telling. It's telling, it's telling.

So if you're as your habit, right. Your pattern of what you were saying was. I was a listener, Right. I wasn't taking up that space, obviously because of some of the programming conditioning that happened. But also, sometimes we can get into very familiar roles that are safe, that don't allow us to show our full selves. And part of this dating process is learning how to have the. The confidence to be able to show. Show who the hell we are.

Right?

Right. And I think you've done such a really great job of doing that throughout this program and learning more about sharing, all of you versus, you know, 60%. That is, you know, packaged well.

Yeah. Thank you. You know, I wanted to say too, we have group meetings once a week with the other ladies. Right. And one thing that I really found refreshing and just wonderful is that when I saw the women, I saw myself in them, they all had statements that I could fully relate to, questions that I wanted to ask. So it was like there were a bunch of me in the room. So it's so nice to find a community of women who are like you. They're hard working professionals, beautiful, strong, smart, funny. It's just that in this area they need help and they came and they got it. And it's just so nice to see that I'm not alone, you know? And so before this program, I was like, I felt, you know, awkward and ridiculous. It's like, oh, my God, how did you make it at this age? And you don't know how to do this and all your friends know how to do this. But then you know what? There are these bright, beautiful. I mean, some of these women are just, oh my God. And so successful. And. And they're in the same boat. You know, we're all learning together and we also under.

Love, honey.

Yeah. Yeah. So that was refreshing and that was encouraging. And. And really wonderful, too. So you're not going to come in this group and feel like the odd duck out. You're not.

You're just not, you know, and they're all really nice.

Yeah.

And really supportive.

Yeah, I do.

I really do. Make sure that the women that are in this group are vetted because we talk about a lot of sensitive things, and you've got to be ready to hold that space for your sister in this program as well. So, you know, there are lots of women that want to be in the program, but I'm like, I actually don't think it's a good fit.

Right.

That space that we do have is so sacred and so important because as you know, we go there.

Right. We surely do the exit. I don't want to give it all away, but there are exercises that are done in every group meeting that's life changing. Every exercise. Every single exercise. So, you know, you see what you're paying for those people. Is it worth the money? Listen, you see exactly where your money's going to. Exactly. And. And I like the fact that I have access to you. You're so responsive. I have access to you. I mean, I've had other coaches in the past, not for dating, but for other things. And. And I've never had a coach that was so accessible as you. You know, it's usually once a week, 45 minutes, and that's it. But this program is an all encompassing program that approaches your situation from every element. So if you're a different type of learner, there's something in there for you.

Yeah, no, thank you. I think it's important for this work. I think that those moments when you're messaging me at 9pm and we're going through whatever has just happened are so important, we can't wait two or three days to talk about it because you need the clarity, the learning, the healing right then and right there. That's how I think so many of my clients, you included, are leveling up every. In the program. Right?

Yeah. And it keeps you. You know, it's like this is saying, you tie me to the tree, you keep me from hurting myself and doing something that the times that I mess up is because I didn't reach out to you without fail. When I make a mistake, it's like a girl. Did you contact you? This happened because you didn't Reach out to me and tell me as it was happening, it's like, you're right. That's exactly what went wrong, you know? So when I stop and seek counsel, because sometimes I feel like I have to handle it right now because, you know, pressure, pressuring myself. And then when I realize there's no way, when Anwar reaches out to you, then you can address it. And it's always okay. It's always okay. So, yeah, patience. And that has to do with self worth, right? That has to do with self worth. You know, he'll wait for you, go talk to anyone. If it takes a few minutes, an hour or the next morning, he will wait. Because you're worth waiting for.

That's right.

And I find out that, yeah, that was true. He did think that. And here I am thinking, oh, it's over. Whatever, you know, even. Even I would even think that way for guys that I wasn't even that interested in. And it's like they had more value than me. And this program makes you just reiterates the fact that, no, you have value. Take up the space. You're important, you know, Use your boundaries. You know, I mean, just over and over again. So it's very important that you go through the program and you follow the program to the T. There's a lot of good stuff in here. So much.

Thank you, girl. Thank you, VP of Marketing. Cmo.

Listen, I know I recommended some people to you because the work was for real. And it's. You know, there's so many scammers out there. And I don't want to say. I don't know if you should put this in the thing, because I hear this in a lot of commercials, girl, speak your truth. But I really. I really did learn a lot, you know, I really did learn a lot. And. And this helps me at work, like, with my job, you know, to hold my truth and speak my feelings. I work as a program manager in my most recent job. But there were moments where, you know, my supervisor will speak to me a little too harshly in way that I didn't like. And I had to speak to her and say that didn't feel good. Please don't address me that way. I would prefer you to address me in this particular way as opposed to this. Please don't say that to me. I find that disrespectful. I find, you know, it makes me feel uncomfortable, you know, in this environment. So, I mean, just, you know, and when.

When you would set those boundaries in work. Because I think so many women of Color don't believe that they can do that at work. What was the response?

She got quiet and she's like, you know, she's like, okay, you know, like she took it. She wasn't crazy about it. But you know, and then there's some other people, they're like, oh, oh, okay, you know, or I remember not at work, but with one person in particular. One guy that I dated, he wouldn't back down when I told him how I felt. And so that made it clear that I had to move on.

Yeah, yeah.

And so it not only clears it with that person, it clears it with you. It lets you know where you stand. That's right. And, and again, if you follow this program properly, you'll have not just the data that you need to make a logical decision, but the self esteem that you need, the security that you need to pull the trigger on for yourself and protect yourself, you know?

Yeah, definitely you recently, I want to say three to four weeks ago, you got your guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And how was that experience for you to just go through that process and have the exclusivity conversation, all of that that's laid out for you?

Yeah, well, I followed the program. I won't go into details because you have to join the program to know how it's done. And I don't want to get that away. But I followed the program, the program works. I've. I got my guy at the end and you know, it was wonderful. In the beginning. He was a great, he's a great guy. I'm not saying he was, he is a great guy. However, when you follow the rules of boundaries and respect and, and speaking your truth and the ratio with conversation, there was a racial issue with conversation with him that I was letting slide every now and again because when he listened, he was a good listener. So I was like, oh no, I just need to be, keep my boundaries more and you know, pick up the space more, whatever. So recently we, you know, it's been sliding and I've been allowing it to slide, which is not good. And what happened is one day we were talking about something that had nothing to do with us. It was small talk. But he started speaking in a way that I didn't feel comfortable with. So I told him, why don't we change the subject, this has nothing to do with us, you know, but he didn't want to. And so he kept talking because he wanted to make a point. And I told him, listen, I don't feel comfortable with this conversation. This is making me feel Drained. Let's stop for now and let's talk about something more pleasant. No. And he kept talking and talking, and now I'm feeling like I'm. I'm feeling violated because I already told you no twice, and you're still pushing forward. And I said, you know, I don't appreciate this. So I got into a full argument with him. I said, you know, I just told you how I felt. I don't appreciate this. This conversation has no value to me right now because it's not going anywhere and it has nothing to do with us. So he became so upset that he got quiet. He said, well, that's just how I feel. I just feel. I didn't need to say this. I said, well, I'm not receiving anything right now because I don't feel hurt. I feel uncomfortable, and this is. And I feel drained. So. Yeah, well, you don't. You can't. Don't. You know? He's like, no, you don't. They're more important things to feel drained about. And he got quiet, and I got quiet. Ordinarily, that conversation wouldn't have gone that far. Like, you know, I'm not feeling the connection, and I would have cut him off. But I said, you know what? I do not break up by myself. I'm going to wait for Anwar. So I let the conversation end. I texted Anwar, typed up the whole scenario, sent it to Anwar, and then he came back to me, and we discussed it as to what were the next steps. Long story short, we broke up. We're not together. I wish him well, but I can't be in a relationship like that. And there would have been a time I would have stayed. I would have stayed.

Thank you so much for sharing that. Because I think, you know, some oftentimes I'm having people talk about getting their guy. But a lot of this work is sometimes in the program, you will get your guy and you will have to break up with him because your boundaries are so solid now.

Right. Right.

That you're so vulnerable and you're off. You're able to see that maybe these people are not as emotionally capable or ready. Right. Because we can only know these men as much as we know them. Sometimes they will show more of themselves as we get to know them. And it's up to us to figure out, does it still work for us? And you get to make a decision every week. And in this situation, it wasn't working for you. So I'm so glad that you were able to make that decision and, you know, wipe your hands a bit and step away. Right. Because your preservation and your happiness is of the paramount importance.

Right. And what are we going to say?

You're going to add something else?

Well, the beauty of what you just said too, is because I did the program, I knew how to get back on the horse. So guess who's dating again. You understand? Yeah. So that's, that's.

You have a date tonight.

Yes, too. And I meant to talk about the second one. That's too.

Okay, girl, we got to talk about this after the podcast.

Yes, yes. So I mean, and that came about, you know, quickly. But the thing is that wouldn't, that wouldn't have been the case if I didn't go through the program. Like, I know the steps now, you know, so with him though, when I first got with him, I was afraid and I didn't realize that. And we had a. We had a situation where I broke up with him quickly because I freaked out.

Yeah.

You remember? And this was before this final, you know, thing, but I freaked out. And he was trying to call me, but my phone wasn't picking up to find out that there was something wrong with my phone. And I thought he, he was ignoring me and all this. And I was like, well, you know what? I don't feel a connection. I need to go. And I had dumped it.

Yeah.

And then, you know, went to UNWR and you were like, go back and let him know, you know, apologize, apology tour. And I did. And he reached out to me and we got back together.

Yeah. But I'm so glad that you're sharing that story because I think people think that, okay, like when you get the guy, the work is over. Like it's smooth sailing, it's happily ever after. I mean, that's what Disney teaches us. And all of these other rom com, this is when the real work starts. And what is so crazy about relationships similar to parenting, if there are any parents out there, is that it brings up all of your stuff.

Yep.

All of the ignored parts of yourself come to the surface because it requires you to show up fully. And so it will trigger you in a lot of different ways. And at some that moment we were.

Triggered and we had to self sabotage.

And walk through that, you know, and, and here's the thing. One of the reasons why I stay connected to my clients and why it's a six month program is most of my clients will get their guy around month five of that. That that first month of the relationship is so riddled with insecurity. I want to be there for them so that they don't self sabotage, so they don't pick a fight to try to make it not happen. Because we're not feeling, we don't know what to do. We're scared. We don't feel like we're worthy of such a great guy or this relationship 100%. It's so to like be, understand that that's what's happening in a relationship and like to have that support and even if you're not working with me or a dating coach, to understand and lean on the people that are important to you and, and, and in those moments, right before we go, what would you say to anyone that's listening, that's on the fence, that is thinking about working with me but doesn't really know what.

What I just said, you know, because I, as you know, I've already recommended a person to come join your program and they did and they love you. And this is not your average, this is how you get them. You know, these are the tools and tricks and I don't even know what's that. You know, all the manipulative tactics to get a man, make him think it was his idea type stuff, you know, old. No, no, no, no. This is all the stuff that you were missing growing up maybe or you didn't get about who you are and how to be in a relationship. And by the way, what you learn in this program can help you. Not just in romantic relationship or relationship with anyone and everyone, you know, it's about knowing who you are. So I would highly recommend if you, you know, you feel like you've tried everything and you're about to give up. Don't, don't give up. Try the program. Join the program. I'm seeing way, I'm 50 and I'm seeing way too many women in my age group in their 40s and 30s even giving up on love because they tried as best as they could and they're just like, you know what? There's no good men out there. I'm just not going to do it. Blah, blah, blah. And you know, deep down if you found somebody who could love you the way you need it, you would have been in a relationship. You know, lie to everybody else, don't lie to yourself, don't give up. Try Anwar. He's different. He really is. He's not just some tick tock personality, you know. You know, do the free get on his calendary, meet with him for that first session and you'll see, you'll see. It's well Worth it. Like I said, this is my gift to myself because I turned 50 and, and this was the best gift, best money spent this year. I'm very happy. And, you know, even though my program will be wrapping up soon and Mars not getting rid of me anytime soon, you know, we're going to be reconnecting because this was too powerful of a program in my life and I highly recommend it to everyone. By the way, even if you're married and you're having issues with your spouse, he's really a good person to go speak to about, you know, stuff like that. He doesn't do. I don't know if you do marriage counseling, but it's just, it's really what's going on with you. He brings it back to accountability with you. And sometimes there are just things going on inside of us that we're not seeing, but he'll see it and he'll bring it to light. So it's real, it's authentic, it's not gimmicky at all. At all. And you get a lot of value added products and tools that you can utilize in every area of your life. So I highly recommend this program. Well, Lala, thank you so much.

I appreciate you and your time and all of the wisdom and vulnerability that you were sharing with the listeners. I appreciate you and I appreciate our time together. And with that being said, everyone, thank you so much for listening to Lala's journey in the program. If you're interested in rocking it out like Lala has been able to completely make amazing transformations, book a consultation. Yeah, as she said, it doesn't hurt and I think it can be really helpful.

Right?

With that said, thank you so much for joining us, girl. Really appreciate it and I'll see you all on the flip side.

Bye. Thank you again. Bye.

Hey, girl. Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts talk.

Sam.