Love Abundance vs Love Scarcity

Hello everyone, and thank you so much for joining me today. Today I wanted to talk about love abundance versus love scarcity. Now the reason why I wanted to talk about this is because most of my clients and potential clients.

Have this issue. It's actually a major issue that is hindering them from finding the love that they really want and getting their guy. Right? So the other reason why I am talking about this is because oftentimes a lot of people don't understand that they even have it. So we have to first acknowledge the pro. We first have to acknowledge the problem before we can solve it. And this is, I'm hoping, a first step for so many of you out there to really solve this problem of love scarcity that you may be having. You may not. Lucky you. If that's the case. If that's the case.

Based on my experience with some of my clients and some of the women that I talk to every day that come into my DMs and message me on social media or randomly send me a message on my website, is that they have been so focused on school, college, their career that they haven't actually taken the time to really prioritize their love life. And because for a variety of different reasons, right? Whether they're avoiding it, whether they don't have a lot of confidence in that area of their life, if they don't have a lot of competence in that area of their life, regardless of why they don't have a lot of experience in it, in the love game.

Regardless, regardless why they don't have experience in this love game, it's important to understand that that lack of experience is actually creating more of a scarcity mindset when it comes to love. And I'll explain that a little bit later. So.

If you spend any time in the self help space, which I'm assuming that you do, if you're listening to this podcast, you're probably familiar with the term abundance. And I don't know about you super spiritual folks out there or how you define it, but here's how I think about it. When you're feeling abundant, you recognize that you're the catch. That your.

You recognize that you're the catch. And whatever happens in your love life is on your terms. When you're feeling abundant, you never have to worry about whether he's gonna like you or whether he'll leave you or whether you're good enough. Because you know that you.

When you're feeling abundant, you'd never consider wasting your time on some guy that really doesn't fully appreciate you.

You'Ll kick him to the curb and you won't even think twice about it, right? Abundance means that there is only one of you and millions upon millions of men out there.

So you don't get caught up or too hung up on any individual guy until he demonstrates that he's worthy of you and your.

Now, don't get me wrong, girl. I know that that's super easy to say, but not super easy to do. And if you're like most of my clients, you're listening to me for a certain reason.

You're listening to me right now for a specific reason. Maybe it's because you wanted to get your ex back. Or maybe it's because your current guy only texts and rarely schedules dates or rarely texts you in general. Maybe it's because you're sleeping with a guy and this guy doesn't want to commit at all and you know it deep down inside. Or maybe you've been dating a guy for three, four, five years and there's no marriage in sight and you're just frustrated.

And despite all of the signs from the universe, from God, from your friends, from your family.

You still want to make him love you.

Why?

He's not treating you very well. He's not making you particularly happy or a priority. He's not helping you feel safe or heard or understood.

But you're still obsessed with him. This means that you've given him the power over your happiness.

I get it. Love scarcity.

Is all about fear.

You're afraid that you don't want to start over. Totally get it. You're afraid of being alone. Totally get it. You're thinking that you can't do better than this guy. Totally get it. And that you have to accept a relationship that doesn't make you happy. I totally get it.

I get it. But I also want more for you.

Again, that sort of thinking is the exact opposite of love abundance. It's totally love scarcity. And love scarcity is all about treating one undeserving dude as if he's the last man on this earth. All because you're afraid that you can't do Brett. All afraid. All because you're afraid that you can't do better.

I promise you, girl, you can. You totally can. And as always, I'm always gonna keep it 100% real with you. I will never lie to you.

You it.

Amazing. I read this amazing author, Cass Sunstein, and her book is called why Having Too Little Means so Much. This book is actually about money, but I think that it doubles as a really good book to understand the feeling of love scarcity as well, she writes.

She writes, the feeling of scarcity puts people in a kind of cognitive tunnel, limiting what they are able to see. It depletes their self control. It makes them more impulsive and sometimes a bit dumb. What we often consider a part of people's basic character.

An inability to learn, a propensity to anger or impatience, may well be a product of their feeling of scarcity. If any of us were similarly similarly situated, we might end up with a character a lot like theirs. An insidious problem is that scarcity produces more scarcity. It creates its own trap.

For example, because they lack money, poor people must focus intensely on the economic consequences of expenditures that wealthy people consider trivial and not worth worrying over. Those without a lot of time have to hoard their minutes and they may have trouble planning for the long term. The cash poor and the time poor have much in common with lonely people for whom relationships with others are scarce. When people struggle with scarcity, their minds are intensely occupied, even taken over by what they lack.

In plain English, if you are holding down two minimum wage jobs, can barely make ends meet, have no time to relax, have few loved ones.

And don't know many positive role models, you will inherently, you will be inherently limited in what you think is possible.

Now, I read all of that because I think all of it is so important, especially for my women of color out there who maybe grew up not the most wealthiest and they saw that their mom didn't have a lot of time and was working a ton and cooking and cleaning and doing all of the things.

Maybe she was single, maybe she had an absentee partner or an abusive partner.

Maybe she didn't have a partner at all.

Those sorts of things also contribute to your love scarcity mindset. If it's modeled for you, then you think that that's what you are either worthy of or, or have the potential to have.

Now, I want to go back to what Cass was saying in her book and apply them to your love life. Right? She said the feeling of scarcity puts you in a kind of cognitive tunnel, limiting what you are able to see. And this is why I remind my clients, right, that love is not only possible, but it's inevitable. You are going to find your person. It's just a matter of time. Whether it's two months from now, two years from now, 20 years from now, you'll find the person.

Statistically speaking, I'm completely right here.

She also says scarcity, depletes your self control. It makes you more impulsive and sometimes a victim. And that's why when you. Or when a woman sleeps with someone when they're lonely or you stick around a man with low character, it's because you don't think you deserve better.

She also wrote what we often consider a part of our basic character. An inability to learn, a propensity to anger or impatience may well be a product of your feeling of scarcity, which is why you can't carry your anger, frustration, mistakes with you and mistakes with you.

That means, girl, you have to leave your past behind and give each new man the benefit of the doubt. Because your new man, your present man is not your old man, your new man and your present man is not your father, right?

She says the insidious problem is that scarcity produces more scarcity. It creates its own trap. Which is why I use.

And that's why I used every metaphor and tool in my toolkit to get your mindset, your mindset to shift. If all of your friends hate online dating.

If they're in miserable relationships and have given up on men, it's going to be hard for you to feel abundant about love, right?

It.

Because you lack positive experience, you must focus intensely on the dating process that married people don't think.

Let's do that again. Because you lack positive experience, you must focus intensely on the dating process that married people actually don't have to think about. Which is why it's exceptionally important to surround yourself with people in happy relationships. You know, people who believe in lasting love, people who are open to change, and yes, other optimistic, supportive single women on the same path. That's one of the amazing things that I think is important in my get yout Guide program. Being supported by a variety of women from different backgrounds, all focused on the same goal and supporting each other throughout that goal.

Here's the thing. Someone who's, who's someone who has been married for like 25 years may be like, sympathetic to your struggle, but she definitely doesn't necessarily get it. She doesn't understand the apps. She doesn't understand how dating is right now. She can't necessarily help you beyond things like, you know, stay positive, stay optimistic, don't be too picky, but you need more tangible support. And that's what I try to do in my program.

When you struggle with scarcity, your mind is intensely occupied, even, I don't even know, like, taken over by what you lack. Which is why it's possible to be too obsessed with falling in love, too obsessed with finding Mr. Right and too obsessed with choosing the perfect guy. Now, I'm betting that most of the time Now I'm betting that most of your time isn't spent on, you know, the active pursuit of love, but rather beating yourself up for what you think is wrong with you. Whether it's your flirting ability or your judgment or past judgment with guys, or the way that you communicate, or maybe you feel like you're too sensitive or your confidence.

That's the issue with scarcity mindset. It isn't simply that it's bad just for you. The real issue is that it's built on these.

Really flawed beliefs.

The real issue is that it's built on these really flawed beliefs. In other words, scarcity just isn't true.

For example, he's never the last man on earth. There's no way to spin it otherwise. I'll do that again.

Scarcity is based on a limiting belief that you have no control over your destiny and love. Scarcity means that you feel like you don't have any control over your love destiny. And that is simply not true. It's objectively false. My entire program and what you will hear in this podcast is all about.

How you have complete control over your love life and how you can create new opportunities with men, how you can carry yourself with more confidence and, you know, quickly break it off and cut these men off who are not doing what they're supposed to be doing.

That's how you start to break out of these limiting beliefs.

Getting out of these limiting beliefs is all Getting out of these limiting beliefs is all about changing your mindset. Changing your mindset. Once you can do that, then you can take action and get different results. Girl, you can totally do this. So many of my clients are doing it, so I know that you can do it as well. Okay, so let's break it down. What's the T? The T is that if you're single, you probably have some sort of dating or love scarcity mindset. And if you haven't dated in a while, or if you're still stuck on your ex who probably treated you not so well, and if you've had some not so great past relationships.

Then you're probably living in dating and love scarcity.

But that's just a symptom. The real problem is self doubt and feeling like you're not something enough, you're not tall enough, not hot enough, not rich enough, not cool enough, not white enough, not something enough. And it goes deeper than that. And here's where the Fear comes in. If you feel like you're not something enough for men, then that means that you also feel that you don't deserve to receive the intimate romantic love from a wonderful man. And that's when we go into self sabotage mode.

I like to think of romantic love like oxygen for the soul. And if you don't have it.

Then you're love dying.

That's when we end up settling for loneliness and depression and frustration and low quality men that you know you really don't want to be with or you're.

And low quality men that you really don't want to be with or men that just are not ready for relationships.

And that's the real source of the sadness and the anxiety when it comes to your love life. But the scarcity mindset is the core of it.

And that's why you may be initiating and that's why you may be initiating communication with the guy that you're into.

Because when you can do that.

And he potentially rejects you because there is rejection in the love, in this love game, you can prove to yourself that you're not enough.

It's almost like a self prophecy of sorts.

And if you're not enough, then in your head you can rationalize the fact that maybe you feel like lower value.

A woman that's of lower value or a person that feels like she's of lower value and that you won't be loved.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Well, I want to say something before we get off of this podcast, which is, girl, you are enough. Actually, you're probably more than enough.

Period. In my program, I show my clients to find that worth within themselves and to realize that there are millions of guys checking for them and wanting them.

I show women how to date effectively so that they realize that there is no scarcity in this love game and that it was all made up. I want you to date with pure abundance. And you can do that. Okay, girl, go out and get them. You can do this.

Sending you love.