Love Failure

Hello, my loves. I am on here because we have some things to talk about. Now you've got to let me know. Do you feel like a failure in relationships? Do you feel like you're not winning? Do you feel like you are not being successful when it comes to love, dating, relationships or men? Well, if that's the case, then you need to stay on and listen to what I have to say. Because what I know for sure is that so many women come to me and they talk about feeling like a failure when it comes to dating and love and men and relationships. Let me know if you're feeling that way in the chat just so that we can all feel like we're one.

No, in a more serious way. The reason why I'm talking about this is because most of the time people tell me that that's how they feel and I honor how they feel and I acknowledge how they feel, but most of the time it's completely wrong. Like the thought process is super flawed. And, and so I wanted to tonight to go through that so that you have a really clear understanding of what does failure look like in relationships or dating and also what does winning look like to help you reframe how you're thinking about it. Because you have to be able to.

Believe in love and believe in success in love to fall in love. And if you are telling yourself and you're believing the thoughts and the stories that you are a failure in love, you'll never win, you'll never be successful in love. And I don't want that for you. That's not your destiny.

Now, I've gotten a lot of new followers over the past couple of weeks, so I'll just introduce myself really quickly. My name is Anmore White and I am the CEO and founder of get your guy coaching. And I help highly educated women set their boundaries, meet amazing, high quality men so that they can get into the best relationships of their lives. Now, if that's something that you're interested in, you can definitely book a complimentary consultation with me. But I will let you know that you know this is not for show. Literally every week for the past eight weeks, one of my clients is getting into an exclusive relationship, getting engaged. Like, honey, we are doing it up in here. So if you want to be a part of this party that is actually succeeding in love, I want to encourage you to book that consultation because you can't work with me without going through the consultation. I have to know if it's a fit or not. I have to know if you're coachable and you're ready to make this happen or not. Right. It has to be a priority for you because the work is that intense and that amazing that it requires a level of energy and openness and coachability to make sure that you're going to make it happen. So let's talk about failure. Well, I'm sure, like, y' all are highly educated if just think about those students in your class when you were growing up in elementary school and junior high that didn't do well on one test or felt like they weren't doing well in school, and they just kind of gave up. Right? They kind of just said, f school. That's not my destiny. I'm gonna focus on sports or I'm gonna focus on being popular, or I'm gonna focus on whatever it may be. Right.

They already psyched themselves out. You knew that they were never going to get the grades that they had the potential of getting because they already gave up on themselves.

Why am I talking about this? I'm talking about this because I don't want that to be you. You don't have to psych yourself up when it comes to love, dating, and relationships. It's very possible for you, but we're gonna have to change that mindset of yours.

I'm gonna tell you a little personal story. So this is my son.

His name is Ravi. And today he came home with a medal because he placed first in a chess tournament. Congratulations. So excited, so proud, so happy. And I'm even more excited because this was the second tournament that he actually did over the past couple of months. He won the first tournament, but he didn't want to do the second tournament. And why didn't he want to do it? Because he is just like his father, and he always wants to win, and he never wants to be in a possibility of losing or not being number one. Let me know if you are competitive and you always need to be number one as well. The reason why I am explaining this and talking about this is because.

I had to reiterate to him that chess is about learning and becoming the best player that you can be so that you can be the most successful, so that you can be the strongest player, that it doesn't matter what this tournament looks like. As long as you're learning, you're winning. So that's also what I want to share with you. So many people will say.

I'm a failure at love. I'm a failure at relationships. There are three major ways that you will be a failure in relationships. And love and dating and I'm gonna call it like it is, right? I think that you fail when you quit, when you don't engage, when you don't try to meet people, where you don't actually go out and you're not social, you're. You stay home, you stay watching Netflix and chilling at home, right? And you don't put yourself out there. You can't win if you're not in the game. So that if you're not winning, you're losing, you're failing because you're not putting yourself in the game. That's one way where you fail, right? Gotta be honest with you. I want you to know that is, that's failure, right? The other part that I want to share with you because I think that that's pretty self evident, is when you go on and off. You're on the app for a week and then you sign off and then you.

Leave it for two or three months and then you come back and you're on it for a week and then you leave it for another couple of months. It's the on and the off that kills you. It kills you. One, because you're not consistent, right? And when you're not consistent, you don't find your flow in engaging with men and dating and starting to be more confident in this area of your life. I always, I get my clients in, I get them starting to date in the first couple of weeks because, because you have to build up the reps so that you can be confident in this dating game, right? It takes a couple of months. Why? Because at the beginning what will happen is that you'll be driven by adrenaline and you'll think it's great, right? And then, and oftentimes you'll, it'll be boring. You'll ask the general questions for about a couple of weeks and like, where are you from, what your hobbies are, how many brothers and sisters do you have? What do you do for work?

All those things, right? That's like the first month of dating and then you like get tired of it and you're like, this is boring. And then you start to act out because you're bored of the dating and you're like, I have to entertain this and make this like super fun. And oftentimes you'll over overcorrect, right? And you'll ask all these outlandish questions and kind of just like not give a damn. And so that'll be like the second month and it is only until the third month that you find the Happy medium between outlandish and boring. AKA you.

Unless you're super outlandish like I am, then you stay on the outlandish side. But most of you are not. Right? Right. It takes two or three months to find yourself in dating. So when you start and stop, you never allow yourself to actually get there. And I know so many of you think that you're being yourself online, been doing this for over a decade. I'm pretty sure that you're not. If you are not communicating with these men online in the same way that you would communicate with your best friend or a family member, a sibling that you're close to, then you are not being yourself in these online streets. It takes months to get there. And when you're not consistent and when you're going on and off, you will never get there. And when you don't get there, what does this mean? It means that the people that you're actually engaging with are not able to see the real you. They're saying the boring professional side of you. That's like interviewing and asking all these lame ass questions. Right.

They're never able to actually truly assess if they want to be with who you truly are or not. That is a failure in dating and relationships. Right. That's what failure looks like. Which, you know, when you're part of my program, I won't allow you to do that. I'm going to keep you accountable and I'm going to be reaching out to you to see have you been on the apps, what conversations have you had, what phone dates are you having, when are you going out with that guy that you talked to two days ago? I'm going to keep you accountable to make sure that we can get to that place where you become you. That's when dating becomes fun and that's when you can become successful in dating. Right.

The third way that I want to talk about as it pertains to failing in dating and relationships is when you don't learn anything from the interactions and conversations that you have with men and the dates and the relationships that you have. So many of us will go from any interaction, any date, and not actually do a postmortem and think about what has happened on the date, what you've learned from the date, what could have been improved or not improved on both sides, how you felt, doing an internal emotional check in. Right. With all of that, most of us don't do that. And when that's even more pronounced when you're in a longer term relationship.

We'Re so consumed with healing from our heartbreak that we never get a chance to actually analyze the relationship. That's one of the exercises that I do in my program so that you can get clear on who you were in that relationship, what worked for you, what didn't, right? What you liked, what you didn't like, so that you can bring that to your next relationship. That's what this is all about. If you're not learning from every relationship with, but even more so every date, every conversation, then you're not doing it the way that I think it needs to be done or the max, like the optimal way that you can learn and improve and level up when it comes to your dating and love life. Because if you're not doing that, you're staying stagnant, you're staying where you are and you're not able to actually improve and get to a place where you will be ready for the best relationship of your life. My job is just to help my clients get there. That's really what I'm doing over my six month program, right? Is allowing them to actually level up their selves, their self concept, their confidence, their ability to be vulnerable, to set boundaries, to heal their inner child. Right? To know who they are in terms of their masculine and feminine energy, to know exactly what their relationship needs are all of those things so that when they, when they actually.

Meet a guy who is here and is ready, they don't self sabotage because they're ready as well. That's really what it's all about, right? But you will never be able to get there if you're not doing the work and analyzing all of those different interactions. Okay? So when you're not doing that, you're staying stagnant and you're failing when it comes to dating and relationships. So three ways, right? If you quit and you don't try, you don't put yourself out there if you're on and off and not consistent with it. Because what, what I know for sure is that you will hit your stride at the three to four month mark. And when you're not learning from, from each and every conversation, date, relationship, those are the three ways that you are potentially failing in relationships. Now I'm not here to come for you. I'm here to bring awareness to a situation so that you can think about and make an informed decision about whether you want to change that or not. Right? It's.

It'S being changed every week in my program. That's why my clients are getting into relationships every week. Right. It's exciting to See how just confident and clear my clients are becoming when it comes to dating and love and most importantly themselves. Right? So those are the ways that you can get an F.

Right? It's not about, you know, not really like not being, never being in a significant relationship. It's not about never having a long term relationship. Those do not actually deem whether you are successful and love or not. Right. I was having this conversation with a client of mine and I was, I was trying to, I was trying to let her know that.

But let me just ask you this. Do you feel like a failure in your professional life.

Or do you feel successful? Let me know in the chat. And you don't need to try to be a humble brag here. If you feel successful in your professional life, let me know in the chat. If you feel like a failure in your professional life, let me know in the chat as well. Right?

Why am I asking this? I'm asking this because most of you will actually say that you feel successful in your professional life, but maybe won't feel professional, won't feel successful in your love life. But my question is why?

Why? When you are actually like, if you think about your career, right, and you're hopping from one job to another every two to five years, let's say it's the same as relationships.

But I think that the difference may be because you're learning something from each and every job that you're having. You're upping your skills, you're getting more clear about what you can and cannot do. You're getting more clear about what you like and what you don't like, all of those different things. And that breeds confidence. It brings more skills, better able to communicate. Do the hard skills, do the soft skills, understand the politics and the energies and the games and all of that.

The same with dating and relationships.

But you gotta learn from them just like any other job that you would have, right? That's the key here for, you know, we can't get caught up in what society tells us is successful love life, right? Because when we think about that in the professional world, what did our mothers and grandmothers tell us or what did they do? They stayed in a job for 20, 30, 40 years and then they retired. Nobody's doing that these days. And it's the same with dating and relationships.

It's less common to find someone when you are 22, 23 years old and stay with them forever. There's so much more happening in the world. There's travel, there's more education, there's More opportunities when it comes to working, where most people are actually waiting until their 30s and sometimes 40s to actually really bring some intentional energy and partner with someone.

So this notion of success in relationship, relationships is something that may have been taught to you in a way that doesn't serve you. So I don't want you to feel guilty because you haven't found your husband at 22 and 23 years old like former generations have. That's not what this world is all about now. That's not how it's going to go.

Hear me know what I'm saying here?

Just like your career, you will jump from relationship to relationship.

But we are going to actually have to learn more and more about ourselves so that when we get to that. That company that we're going to stay with for a long period of time, right? Or that man will. We will have leveled up our skills. We will have. We will know more about ourselves. We will feel more confident, right? All of those different things. That's what this is about. So it is time to reframe what success in dating and love looks like. And what I want to offer to you is that success looks like knowing who you are without trying to perform for men. It's knowing what you like and what you don't like. It's about learning how to speak up, set boundaries.

It's about understanding what your relationship needs, are.

Actually evaluating those men based on your needs.

This is what dating, success and relationship looks like. If you are engaging with a guy and you know what your needs are not your wants, your needs.

And he is not fulfilling those needs.

The successful thing to do in dating and relationships is to let him go.

Yeah.

It feels like, oh, now I'm alone. Now I don't have someone that I'm talking to. That's actually the most successful thing that you can do. Especially if he doesn't, you've been able to observe the fact that he doesn't have the capability of meeting those needs.

And that runs counter to what a lot of you may be thinking. A lot of us feel like, well, now I'm single again. Now I'm starting all over again. No, you're not. Actually.

You need to. As my mentor, Tyra Banks would say, learn from this. When you go home and you're laying on the bed, all of that, I forget what she said to my home. Little girl, little model Tiffany and ANTM. But learn from it.

Learn that most guys, 95% of the men out there will not be a match, will not be the one and the quicker that you're able to let them go, the faster you will be. You will be able to get to your guy. Right. I want you to trust me when I tell you this, that this is why my clients are getting into relationships every week for the past eight weeks. Right. They're implementing all of this, and it's actually serving them beyond their own limitations of what is possible.

So it's time to reframe.

Success and love and dating and relationships. Success is being consistent. Success is learning from every conversation. Date relationship.

Success is.

Never quitting. It's there for you.

You can have this if this is a priority for you and if you want to make it happen.

Now, if you feel like you need more help in this area.

I'm sorry about that. My best friend calling me. I was just saying I'm here to help you. And there are other dating coaches out there, too. Find a dating coach that you rock with and move on. Rock it out. I know some great dating coaches out there. She is. Phyla is amazing here on ig. Check her out. She's a great coach, and I have many others as well. I'm really focused on you getting your guy right, Whether that's with me or another coach that you vibe with.

Coaching can help. You.

Can help you really see where you have blind spots, and it's the blind spots that are dangerous for you. I was just talking with a client tonight because I am literally glued to my phone all day, every day, chatting with my clients all around the world, whether they're in Korea, Singapore, Italy, Hong Kong, Japan.

Canada, US Mexico.

And I was talking with. I was talking with one of my clients.

I was talking with one of my clients about something that she had completely missed and what a guy had said, and she didn't know that it was a red flag.

And I was able to let her know, girl, this is a red flag. Let him go. Let's focus on the other three guys that you're dating.

Yeah. Because we are. We are part of this abundant dating life up in here. And if that's something that you're interested in, if you're interested in getting coached in this area of your life, you're interested in leveling up in this part of your life. Book a consultation call with me. It's the first stop in learning about my program, learning what the price is, learning what it entails, learning about me as a coach, learning how I coach, and learning to see if we're a great fit or not. I do not work with anyone that does not set up consultation call with me. So if you're interested, please do it. Even if it's something that maybe it's not a priority for you right now. I know I'm gonna coach you hard on that call so you get a sense of where your opportunities are to actually succeed and win in love. Right. So regardless of whether you want to start dating or you want to start getting with a dating coach, now, that call is going to be like, I probably could charge thousands of dollars because I'm literally laying out all of the team. I've done those calls for so long. I know within the first five minutes, I know exactly what's going on with you. And that call is generally an hour long. Sometimes it's an hour and a half if we get deep in it. But book a call. Consultation call. My link is in the bio. Or you can go to www.getyourguycoaching.com, apply and we'll chat. If you're like, that's too much. Like, I don't know. I don't want to talk to some rando on the phone. No worries. Listen to my podcast. It's called the get yout Guy Coaching Podcast. I have about 60 episodes that you can check out, and we're gonna be starting back up in June in about a couple of weeks, so that's really exciting as well. Now I want to open up for any questions that you may have got. Any questions? I'm here to answer them while I eat some of my melted Dairy Queen.

Questions.

Questions about what I talked about or any general questions about love, dating, relationships, and men. I'm here to be of service and to help.

Be on here for another minute or two, and then I'm out, honey.

I'm out.

Finish up this melted Dairy Queen Nasty.

Yeah.

Awesome, awesome, awesome. Okay.

On dating apps, should we let the men message us first? The thing about being online is that you get to message men and they get to message you. So, you know, when you're online, half of the time should be you responding to messages, and the other half of the time should be you reaching out to guys that you're interested in. Yeah. So it looks, you know, depending on where you are in your daily journey, it might be 50, 50. It might be 80% responding to messages, 20% finding guys that you're interested in. Okay. Yeah. But, Gigi, girl, you're a new person in my program. I want you to check out that first module called Dating Strategy, where I go through exactly everything that you need to do for the 3, 2, 1 funnel, which is my proprietary way that I want all of my clients to date that's going to hook you up and let you know exactly what you should be doing and how to manage your own dating life, which is like so exciting. Yeah.

I hope that helps. If you want, if you have more questions, Voxer me. My clients are all connected with me via voxer, so they can ask me questions at any time and we have conversations. Yeah. Good. Do you feel complete? Gigi, let me know if you have any follow up questions. Girl, you know I'm here.

Okay. Sonia says, how do you let go of a man you thought was the one?

Good question. Well, I want to offer to you that.

When we break up with someone.

It isn't about the guy.

It's actually about.

It's about the dream that we had with said guy, right? That like, you could probably put another guy in there. And it's about the plan. It's about the dream of what you are.

What you've always wanted. Whether it was the amazing wedding, whether it was having children, whether it was what that looked like and what you made that mean about you, that you were worthy of love. Right?

So I think it's just important to separate the man versus the dream because I've been doing this for a while and most of the time it's really about the dream. Right. More than anything else. So separating those two, I think is really important.

Because the man is not your be all end all. There are millions of men on this planet.

When you say the one, what goes off in my head is.

Maybe there's a little bit of love and relationship scarcity here. Realize that there are many, the ones on this earth. And I don't say that to be unromantic. Right? Because girl, I'm a romance. I'm romantic. Girl, I'm romantic. I get flowers even though they're dying every week. Because I love the romance of receiving the flowers right. From my partner. But I say that because, and this is what I. This is what I observe with my clients, is that they'll probably like seriously date two or three different guys before they connect with their match. I call it their match, not the one. Because you are capable of having many matches. And my clients will think that those initial two or three men will be the one. And then they'll realize that it's not my question for you. And one exercise that I want you to think about when you are really letting this man go is just like I was talking about before. What did you learn from this relationship. And I know you're not in that space where you're wanting to even analyze that. Do it anyway. Do it anyway. What did you actually learn from the relationship?

This is going to help you think about this in a different way. Where you're not focused on him, because at the end of the day, he doesn't even matter, but you're focused on yourself. That's the shift that needs to happen right now.

What did I learn about me, about how I interact or show up in relationships?

What did I improve?

These are prompts that you can write down when it comes to communication, when it comes to showing up. What did I like about this relationship? What didn't I like about this relationship? What will I bring with me moving forward?

Right?

There are three general emotions that you may feel when you have to let a guy go.

The first one is boredom, because you did a lot of things with that guy, right? So when you feel boredom.

I want you to.

I want you to actually engage with your friends. Find two or three people that you can have that nightly conversation with over the phone or go out to that restaurant with.

Right? Hang out right. When you're bored, or do hobbies. Your hobbies, right?

The second emotion is loneliness. This is where I really want you to hang out with new and different people. Right? Or your. Your crew.

That's how you're going to feel.

Loved, right?

The other, the third emotion. So we talked about.