YouTube video by dating coach Anwar White arguing that the Five Love Languages are misleading and often serve patriarchal interests. He cites research claiming matching love languages do not predict relationship satisfaction, recommends Gottman’s work, and presents eight "deeper relationship needs" women should assess in partners: nurturing, unconditional love, attention, consistency/dependability, protection, respecting boundaries, being cherished, and encouragement of talents. The guidance is aimed at helping women evaluate potential partners from a feminine-perspective based on the coach's 14 years of experience.
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Girl, love languages are shady. Like, do not believe them. Why do I say this? Scientists have proven time and time again that, like, couples who have matching love languages actually are not significantly more satisfied in their relationships. That's number one. Number two, the gag is, is that these love languages lean, patriarchal, and for the benefit of a man. So men are mostly like, you know, show their love through acts of service. So that's a given. But what I have seen is that a lot of men will use love languages and their need for physical touch to want to sleep with you and have sex with you. Right. I don't like that. I don't think it's great. If you are someone who's, like, more interested in learning more about this, I would look into Gottman's seven principles. Super solid research there. Okay. But as a dating coach for 14 years and as your fairy godbrother, I wanted to share with you what I have Learned in the 14 years that I have been doing this that will help you really understand how you might need to be loved and what your deeper relationship needs are from a more feminine perspective. Okay. So one of the things that I have learned is that, one, most of our deeper relationship needs are based on what we haven't received from our parents. And it is important to explore that because if we don't, we will always have a void that will never be fulfilled, even if we do have a partner. So I have eight deeper relationship needs, and I want to share those with you so that you get a better understanding of what your needs are so you can better evaluate whether these men are going to actually be amazing partners for you or not. And every woman is going to have a different relationship need based on their lived experience. So here we go. The top eight needs that I have found that might give you clarity into your love life is one nurturing. This means when you're disappointed, does he soothe you? The next is unconditional love. This means, does he accept you and you don't feel like you have to put on any airs or perform? The next one is attention. Is he responding to your moods? Is he listening to you? The next one is consistency and dependability. Is he doing what he says he's going to do? Does he keep his word? The next relationship need is all about protection. Is he protecting you from people, places, or things? The next is respecting your boundaries. Right? Does he allow you and provide you a safe space to say no? The next one is cherish. And cherish is all about being cherished, is all about taking joy in your presence. Toni Morrison said an amazing quote, which is does his eyes light up when you enter the room? That's what you're looking for when you're going to be cherished. And the next relationship need is encouragement of talents. This is all about him supporting your growth and validating it. Now, I hope that these relationship needs were helpful for you. As you think about what you need in dating in a relationship. Let me know in the comments which ones really resonate with you. And if you want to continue this work and learn a little bit more, definitely book a call with me. I'm here to help.
