Matchmaking and IG with Kim Erinkitola

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hello. Hello, everyone, and welcome to the get your Guy coaching podcast. I have a very special guest, my girl Kimberly. She is a dating coach, she is a matchmaker, and she's going to talk all about all of that and more because I know a lot of us aren't necessarily familiar with that whole industry. So she's going to give us an insider take as well as we're going to talk a little bit about how y' all can meet people on the apps and also off of the app. So, Kimberly, thank you so much for being here, girl.

Awesome. I'm so happy to be here. I love your show. I love your TikTok, your IG, everything that you're doing for the girls, I'm so down with it. I'm like, he knows and they should be listening.

Awesome, awesome, awesome. Well, thank you so much for being here. Why don't you introduce yourself to the girls? What are you giving these days? What do you do?

Of course. So my name is Kimberly Erin Cotolla. I'm the owner and operator of the Day Better Network right here in Atlanta, Georgia. I'm here with my one year old son and my husband of eight years now. And I just, I want to help women. And so one of my mentors years ago told me that you should be helping women with dating and you should talk about that. And I was like, it just seems like I'm like, in people's business if I'm talking about relationships. He's like, no, people want to hear about that. It's like, oh, okay. And. And they do. Like, people are wanting to hear about that because we don't learn growing up how you're supposed to date. Like, or my parents didn't talk to me about. This is what you do when you're looking for a spouse, which is very important. I'm shocked that more of us didn't get that. And so that's what I'm here to do. I want to guide the girls in the right way and help them find a loving, fulfilling, happy relationship because it changes your life when you have a solid relationship. Relationship that you're happy in.

I know that's right, girl. I know that's right. I think that there's beauty in being single, but there's also beauty in being in relationship. And I'm so happy that we get to do this work. Right. It is very, very rewarding, girl. You know, you're the first matchmaker that I've had on this podcast. So welcome, welcome. Because I have thoughts about that. But talk to me a little bit about your process and how you help the girls kind of in the matchmaking journey, because I think a lot of people are really unfamiliar with that, just as they are unfamiliar with dating coaching. So would love to hear the process.

Yeah. So my point of view, this is what I think about matchmaking. I think that overall it is a luxury experience. That's what that is. It's a luxury. Everybody doesn't necessarily need matchmaking. Everybody doesn't need to get that in order to find a love of their life. They don't. It's a luxury so that you don't have to do a lot of the legwork yourself. So it is really great for women that are a little more high earning, they might be busier or they just don't have the time to go to these events, mix and mingle, do all of this vetting stuff. They don't have time to, you know, hours to swipe on the apps, messaging, back and forth. And then once you connect with somebody that seems like your type, then you actually have to vet them because everybody has a criteria for what they're looking for. When you're looking for marriage, there is a higher level of compatibility that is at play here. So we've got to understand, you know, are the religions lining up? Do both of these people want children? Do you know what is happening here? Like, everything needs to coincide. And so if you don't want to do all that legwork, that is the luxury of having a matchmaker. Because what I do is I sit down with my client, we talk about what are your deal breakers, what it, what, what are your must haves that you need in a partner, what does that person need to look like, what ethnicities are you open to, what age ranges are you open to? And so once I understand that, I make up the contract, because I'm going to deliver to you a certain amount of men that meet exactly what we talked about, and you might get additional men that are outside of what we talked about, just because I might think that they're still a good match and it might be a good Person to have dinner with just because. But I'm going to deliver those men to you so they're hand picked and already vetted for you. And I make. I plan the date, I do everything. And so all you have to do is show up. You show up to the dinner, or you show up to lunch and you have conversation with your guy, and you never had to swipe anything. So that is why I feel, you know, matchmaking is really just a luxury. So.

Yeah, that's really interesting.

So.

How long do you usually work with clients and, like, how many men are you promising to deliver to them?

So all of my contracts are a little bit different, but a basic contract for me, I would sign clients anywhere from six months to around nine months. Six months is the average. And I get them. It depends on, again, the preferences and what it is we're looking for and how specific this thing is. And so the matches, they are getting anywhere from, I would say, six to 10 matches in that six months that they're going to be going out with. And then we also talk about, you know, once I'm finding these matches and I'm. I present them to you or I make it really easy. I have their profile already in my system and I just send my clients the link. Hey, this is the person that I just found for you. Here's his link with all the details. Age, you know, how much he makes everything here. What do you think about him? Would you like to meet him? They'll look at it. I like to understand because that's going to help me match my client even better. It helps me understand what's important to her. Because I think sometimes in those initial meetings, my clients will say, oh, I'm open, I'm open.

And they're not.

I love to be open. And that is the thing that I think, you know, especially women of color. Yeah, we like, we're open sometimes. Like, we like to open our minds and go, you know what? I need to meet the love of my life. Let me just open up. And then once I show you the profile, how open you can be that I want you to meet. They're like, I'm not open. I'm not.

Right, right, exactly. Huh.

But sometimes I have had some of my clients go out, even though they're like, okay, my gut reaction is like, I'm not liking his physical appearance, or he's just totally unlike my normal type. But I'm gonna step out of the box, I will have dinner with him, and we will go from there. And 50% of the time I will have my client text me back like, oh, my gosh, she is amazing. Like, I'm falling. This is like, midway the date, they're like, oh, my gosh, I'm so glad that I came. Like, he's such a great guy. Like, I just don't think he takes pictures well, or I don't think. And that is a thing even for online dating. The guys that take the best photos, in my opinion, are almost the worst ones that you should be with. And so I, when I'm looking at things, and I even run the apps for some of my clients when I'm looking at them. And sometimes we swipe together, we'll get on a screen share and I say, open up the app. Let's swipe together in there. Instead of me just logging in, let's look at this. Would you swipe right or left? Let's look. And we analyze these things. So the way that I look at a profile, the way that I look at men's photos is very different. And so some of those guys, they just don't take good photos, but they are amazing when you get in front of them.

Yeah. Yeah. That's so interesting. Yeah, that's been my experience as well, that, like, the guys that have really great photos online oftentimes don't match those photos in real life, and the guys that not so great photos actually tend to look better in real life. So really interesting. Okay, so you also talked about showing people that are delivering people that are maybe outside of their natural realm. How do you make that determination? And the reason why I'm asking is because I will tell you, most of the clients that get into relationships in my program, it's often not their type. So what, like, how do you make the executive decision to be like, no, girl, I'm going to show you this. Even though it might be a little bit outside of your type.

Well, typically when we start, I like to make the first match. Somebody very, very right in their ballpark, like, right into what you're used to. This is somebody you would be comfortable with. This might be somebody that is, you know, right down your alley. This is your type. And so they go out with them, because matching order is a thing too. How quickly I'm giving them somebody that I feel is, like, such a good match. I like to make that person number three, maybe even person number four after they've gone out with a few people. And it also depends on the dating history of my clients. Sometimes I have CL that have told me, oh, I haven't been on a date in two years. To me, we are going to work together. So much different than if I'm working with a client. That's like, I go out all the time. I'm always on the apps, I'm always at events, I'm always meeting people.

I'm always the difference.

So what I noticed right away is my clients that don't date a lot at all, they have a totally different expectation level for what their type is and what they should be able to get and attract and how that person should behave, what that person should be making the salary. All those things usually are very, very off. Why? Because they don't know. They don't know what's going on. They've been out of the dating world. My clients that are in the dating world, they know what's going on. They know they have a little bit of a better understanding of what a man should and should not be able to come with and those types of things. So usually on that first match I try to still give you somebody that is really right there in your type because I want them to see how that man functions. This is your idea of what's perfect, so I want you to see your idea of what's perfect because if they start to break that guy down, then we were really going to get somewhere because now I'm going to those types of things. So usually on that first match I try to still give you somebody that is right there in your type because I want them to see how that man functions. This is your idea of what's perfect, so I want you to see your idea of what's perfect because if they start to break that guy down, then we were really going to get somewhere because now I'm going to show you somebody that is slightly off of what you wanted. But typically that guy is going to nail it in every other category that that first guy missed. And now they're opening their mind up to. Okay, okay. Now I'm seeing this guy had a better personality. He was warmer, he was thoughtful, he showed up with flowers. Oh my gosh, he, you know, all these little show you somebody that is slightly off of what you wanted but typically that guy is going to nail it in every other category that that first guy missed. And now they're opening their mind up to. Okay, okay. Now I'm seeing this guy had a better personality. He was warmer, he was thoughtful, he showed up with flowers. Oh my gosh, he, you know, all these little things I'll have even. And I can tell before the date, what type of guy he's going to be like, Some of the guys are already asking, what type of food does she like? What type of flower does she like? Is she. Does she like roses? Does she like tulips? I'm like, like, she's going to love him, you know, so thoughtful, so caring. And the thing about most women, especially women that are more in tune, things I'll have even, and I can tell before the date what type of guy he's going to be like. Some of the guys are already asking, what type of food does she like? What type of flower does she like? Is she. Does she like roses? Does she like tulips? I'm like, like, she's going to love him. You know, so thoughtful, so caring. And the thing about most women, especially women that are more in tune with their femininity, they don't. They think that they may not be attracted, but they can fall head over heels as soon as the guy is doing those things. He's showing that he is caring, he's resourceful, he's intelligent. With their femininity, they don't. They think that they may not be attracted, but they can fall head over heels as soon as the guy is doing those. He's a problem solver. That is where you are getting ready to turn that things. He's showing that he is caring, he's resourceful, he's intelligent, he's a problem solver. That is where you are getting ready to turn that all around. And I've seen it to where a woman is initially, oh, I'm not really attracted to, oh, my gosh, I think I'm in love. And this is. I'm talking two weeks. Wow.

Okay, Interesting. So talk to me about black women and matchmaking and all around.

And I've seen it to where a woman is initially, oh, I'm not really attracted to, oh, my gosh, I think I'm in love. And this is. I'm talking two weeks.

Wow. Okay. The industry. Because what I know for sure is that traditionally black women have had maybe a harder time with matchmakers. So what's your opinion on that?

Okay. And I have heard most of my clients are black women that I match for. I have. Well, I match kind of a little bit of everybody, but the majority of them are black women. And so what they typically tell me, because some of them have used other matchmakers or they'll use. There's a big one that's super popular called Talkify now. And I honestly don't consider that as as real matchmaking. It's not. So I have people that have done certain types of matchmaking before and they come to me. And again, the big thing that I think is the difference here is the women feel like they're not getting quality matches. So what they said they want it in their preferences. It's not lining up with what's being delivered. That's the, that is the short and long of it. Or you have a matchmaker that is over promising and under delivering. That's when somebody's going to be disappointed. And so I have a lot of meetings that I don't sign a client or I tell the client right there on our discovery call. I don't think that I'm going to be able to find somebody that matches your preferences. And we don't sign anything because I want to, I want to exceed your expectations. And so if I already know this is going to be way too much of a challenge to bring you these types of men. I get all sorts of requests for what people want. People want. I want him to make over 500k. I want him to be 6, 2 and up. I want this. I'm going to let you know right now, I am not going to be able to deliver enough of these men. That's going to exceed your expectations. So I think that you should, you know, find another matchmaker that's going to be able to offer you those things. And that's the crazy thing is sometimes people really think, this is what I should be getting. Somebody should be able to deliver me all of, all of these things. So that is an issue. That is not necessarily. It's on black women. It's on the matchmakers too, that are having those discovery calls. You just got to be honest and say, hey, I don't think that I can deliver these people to you.

And what I'm hearing is that some matchmakers aren't able to, are just kind of taking people's money and, or, you know, just saying, yeah, we'll do it. And then not necessarily.

And so this is what I think because I know a lot of matchmakers. We, we have national conferences and I have close friends that are matchmakers. And so I don't think that there's any intention for any matchmaker to take somebody's money. Absolutely. I don't think that. Do I think that a matchmaker could honestly feel that, oh, I have a couple of matches already for this person. So there's a checkbox there. And this woman is gorgeous, she's successful. I don't Think I'm going to have any trouble matching her. And so let me sign her on this contract. I'm going to, you know, get her all of this stuff. And then they don't come through with what they promised. And so in my opinion, there have to look at what is going on before you over promise something to somebody. So I do think that is the responsibility of a good matchmaker is to not over promise you anything.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So how do you find the men, girl, how do you find them everywhere? That's the biggest question. The girls are always, where are there great quality men?

And it sounds like a way everywhere they are promised. And so in my opinion, there have to look at what is going on before you over promise something to somebody. So I do think that is the responsibility of a good matchmaker is to not over promise you anything.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So how do you find them everywhere?

They're outside, they're indoors, they're traveling. These men are living their lives. They're here, they're, they're. I see them everywhere. This is why I'm like, I don't understand because I see these men everywhere I go. And so how do I find them?

I have men, girl, how do you find them everywhere? That's the biggest question.

The girls are always have my own matchmaking database. So sometimes it's by referral that people.

Are where are there great quality men? And it sounds like a way they are everywhere.

They are everywhere. They're outside, they're indoors, they're traveling. These men are living their lives. They're here, they're, they're. I see them everywhere. This is why I'm like, I don't understand because I sending me guys sometimes it's other matchmakers that have great men in their database that I'm going to connect with women that I have. So that is the. The main bread and butter, like how matchmakers work is we know each other. And so if other matchmakers know that I have access to lots of beautiful black women, that's what they're calling me for. Or they want me to work with, you know, they're the woman that they're signing on or they want to collaborate with me and we share a client. And so I do that all the time with matchmakers. And so we see these men everywhere I go. And so how do I find them? I have my own matchmaking database. So sometimes it's by referral that people are men everywhere. We're always adding into the database When I go to those sending me guys, sometimes it's other matchmakers that have great men in their database that I'm going to connect with women that I have. So that is luxury events. When I go to galas, things like that, I am looking for the single men.

I know that's right.

I am looking for that. When my husband meets somebody else, when he meets a friend or whoever, the. The main bread and butter, like how matchmakers work is. We know, is he single? Is he looking for somebody? And my husband already knows. He already knows. Babe, babe, he's single. He's single. He's been divorced for four years. He's ready for somebody. Is he ready for somebody? And so if other matchmakers know that I have. Okay, okay, okay. Send him to me. Because I don't want anybody that's playing around access to lots of beautiful black women. That's what they're calling me for, or they want me. I don't want anybody that wants to be in the street. It's not beneficial. That's not going to be beneficial for anybody I'm working with. Because everybody that is coming and that is intentionally wanting to find a match through matchmaking, they're serious. This is a serious commitment. You're spending money to meet somebody that could be your husband. And so that matters, too. It's not just finding the men. It is a man that is ready for a commitment.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Okay, so let's. Let's talk about.

To work with. You know, they're the woman that they're signing on or they want to collaborate.

Eating a little bit differently. We've talked a little bit about matchmaking, which is a little bit different with me.

And we share a client, and so I do that all the time with matchmakers. And so we find men everywhere. We're always adding into the database. When I go to those luxury events, when I go to galas, things like that. I am looking for the single men.

I know that's right.

When my husband meets somebody else and when he meets a friend or whoever.

Let's talk about finding or getting to know guys offline. Because the one thing that I hear so often is, oh, my God, I'm tired of the apps. I can't do these apps anymore. And one of the things that I thought was really interesting that you often talk about is her.

Is he single? Is he looking for somebody? And my husband already knows. He already knows. Babe, babe, he's single. He's single. He's been divorced for four years. He's ready for somebody.

Is he ready for somebody like Instagram and like, why that might be a really great place to meet men. So can you talk?

Okay. Okay. Okay. Send him to me. Because I don't want anybody that's playing.

Around a little bit about why you believe that to be the case.

Absolutely. Well, I have a course on Instagram specifically. So if you go to my Instagram page and click the link, it's the first thing that you're going to see there. It's a whole recording of a class that I do. I don't want anybody that wants to be in the street just on how you meet me on Instagram. Because guess what? Instagram is a dating app. Hello, it's the. I don't like the apps. I don't like the apps. Instagram is a different type of dating app. You have a profile, don't you? Yes, it's, it's, it is. It's very similar. The thing that works, it's not beneficial. That's not going to be beneficial for anybody I'm working with, because everybody that is coming and that is intentionally wanting to find a match through matchmaking, they're serious. This is a serious commitment. You're spending money to meet somebody. That. So, well, about Instagram is that from an overall standpoint, it's not a dating app. So people are on it. Everybody's on it, first of all. But people are on it. And, you know, you don't have the stigma of like, oh, I'm on dating app searching for somebody. You're on Instagram for different reasons for your business. And so that could be your husband. And so that matters too. It's not just finding the men. Instagram also has more men on dating apps, and people don't know that, but the nun is a man that is ready for a commitment.

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Okay, so let's. Let's talk about number of men that.

Use Instagram are much higher than number of women. On top of that, you can showcase what you would like to showcase when you go your profile. That is your first impression that a man is going to see of you.

He's eating a little bit differently. We've talked a little bit about matchmaking, which is a little bit different.

Let's talk about finding or getting to know guys offline. Because the one thing that I hear so often is, oh, my God, I'm tired of the apps. I can't do these apps anymore.

And when it comes to your profile, see what's on your page, he's going to very Quickly.

Kind of the things that I thought was really interesting that you often talk.

About is put you into a category. Is there raunchy behavior? Do I see crazy comments from other men or other people? What is she doing? What kind of life does she have? Is she a classy woman? Is she going to classy places or is she going to raunchy places? This is what a man can do and this is why men love it. The other thing is that, like, Instagram.

And like, why that might be a really great place to meet men. So can you talk a little bit about why you believe that to be the case?

Absolutely. Well, I have a course on Instagram specifically. So if you go to my Instagram page, men like approaching on Instagram or they like, you know, sliding into the DMs because it's low, it's lower risk. So if Asian click the link, it's the first thing that you're going to see there. It's a whole recording of a class that I did especially for the Shire guys who may, you know, they don't want to be rejected in real life or however, it's easier to like some photos, it's easier to make a comment just on how you meet men on Instagram. Because guess what? Instagram is a dating app. Hello, it's the. I don't like the apps. I don't like the apps. Instagram is a different type of dating app. You have a profile, don't you? Yes.

In the DMs, because the rejection is not as real. The girl can just not respond or maybe she didn't read it or whatever. So it's easier for them. It is. It's very similar. The thing that works for the ladies, I think it is an incredible tool because you have 100% control of what you put on there, what you don't put on there. And what I teach the ladies how to do is how to. I don't tell them to. You need to go and find these men and DM them and all that. No, you don't even have to slide anybody's dm. What I teach them how to do, I teach them how to attract. So well, about Instagram is that from an overall standpoint, it's not a dating app. So people are on it. Everybody's on it, first of all. But people are on it. And, you know, you don't have the stigma of like, oh, I'm on a dating app, searching for somebody. You're on Instagram for different reasons for your business. And so those men I teach you how to lure them into finding you. So I show you how to be easier, you know, to be found easier. A lot of women have private pages. How are you going to be found? How are you going to be seen? If all of your stuff is private, the man can't even see you. So you have to have a public page where men can see you. And sometimes I have a lot of women that say, oh, I'm a public figure. I work in government, I work in law. I don't feel comfortable with. Instagram also has more men on dating apps, and people don't know that, but the number of men that use Instagram are much higher than the number of women. On top of that, you can showcase what you would like to showcase. When you go your profile, that is your first impression that a man is going to see of you. He's going to certain things. Then those people need to get matchmaking. And that's why. And I do work with a lot of women that can't have even dating profiles out or they don't feel comfortable with that. It comes to your profile, see what's on your page. He's going to very quickly, kind of. So they go to matchmaking route. But if you're okay having a public profile and you don't put you into a category, is there raunchy behavior? Do I see crazy comments? Need a ton of pictures?

Pam, we're going to have to stop this right now because you're going to have to give a little bit more tea if you come onto this podcast. You can't be teasing us. How are the girls supposed to navigate some of this? IG girl? How are they supposed to be found? Can you give us some tidbits on how we can at least get out, get it popping and started on ig?

Yeah. Okay. Well, the first tip is to open up your page from other men or other people. What is she doing? What kind of life does she have? Is she a classy woman? Is she going to classy places or is she going to raunchy places? This is what a man. So you need to have a public page two maybe before you do that, you need to go in and can do. And this is why men love it. The other thing is that. And look at what's on there. You need to archive things that don't. This is one of the things that I do when I'm revising pages because I do that too. You need to archive the things that you don't need on men, like approaching on Instagram or they like you know, sliding into the DMs on there. This is about a first impression. So it's great if actually somebody else does it and because it's low, it's lower risk. So it's not. You do it yourself in my opinion.

Because even a friend or a family.

Member, especially for the shire guys who may, you know, they don't want to be rejected and or somebody that has good knowledge of dating and what somebody's going to think, what a man is going to think. As if you have a brother, you know, that is single or whatever. Have them look real life or however it's easier to like some photos it's easier to make a comment in the DMs because the rejection is not as real your page with a fresh set of eyes because things that you think are okay are actually not okay.

Yeah.

And so I have sometimes single moms and the page is covered with the kids. Well that's great that you're a great mom, but your entire Instagram shouldn't be dedicated to the show. The girl can just not respond or maybe she didn't read it or whatever. So it's easier for them. Like I'm sorry that it shouldn't be. You're looking for a man. You're looking for a man. So we can have one photo on there with the children. The rest of this we need to see you. We need to see what do you like to do. Okay. Basically what I'm saying is.

For the ladies, I think it is an incredible tool because you have 100% control of what you put on there, what you don't put on there. And what I teach the ladies how to do is how to. I don't tell them to be well rounded. We don't need to have. Have one type of everything. You need to go and find these men and DM them and all that. No, you don't even have to slide in if you know what I mean. So your page should look like you are a well rounded woman who is living a happy life. Basically that's what your page look like. And then in turn anybody see him, what I teach them how to do, I teach them how to attract terms of finding the men. Oh, there are lots of of those men. I teach you how to lure them into finding you. So I tools that you need to be using from there. So the first step is getting your page where it needs to get to and opening it up. And then the second thing is we need to start luring the men in so that they are following you, so that they think about you, so that they're checking for you. So that show you how to be easier, you know, to. To be found easier. A lot of women have private pages. How are you going to be found? How are you going to be seen if all of your stuff is private, the man can't even see you. So you have to have that girl give it.

How would I lure a man?

There's a lot.

Yeah, girl, give us a couple.

Girl. There's a lot. But let me, Let me. I'm going to walk you through one. That this is something I did for one public page where men can see you. And sometimes I have a lot of women that say, oh, I'm a public fig. One of my clients. Okay, so this is how well thought out these things are. Because I'm a strategic dating coach.

Yes.

So one of. So one of my clients, she didn't even have here. I work in government, I work in law. I don't feel comfortable with certain things. Then those people need to get matchmaking. And that's why. And I have a personal page. And she said, kim, you know what? I'm changing my mind. I'm going to start using Instagram.

Let's.

Let's do my page. Let's just go for it. I made her whole personal page. We started working through things. This woman do work with a lot of women that can't have even dating profiles out or they don't feel comfortable with that. She's an African woman and she's Muslim. Her preference in men was to date only, so they go to matchmaking route. But if you're okay having a public profile and you don't Muslim men, preferably African Muslim. One of the things that I had her do after we got her page together, and she's totally an introvert. So these things, I need a ton of pictures.

And we're going to have to stop this right now because you're going to have to give a little bit more to if you come onto.

I was having her do was way outside of her comfort zone. But these are some things that you have to do if you want to get a new result. Okay, so I have this podcast.

You can't be teasing us. How are the girls supposed to navigate some of this? IG girl? How are they supposed to be found? Can you give us some tidbits on how we can at least get out, get it popping and started on ig?

Yeah. Okay, well, the first tip is to open up your page. I found an event for her to go to in her city. And it was this Afro Music Festival event. So for one, I already knew that there's going to be tons of African men there. Well, there's already a lot of African men that live in her state, which I looked up. So I'm like, you're already in a great state. You're in a great place to meet African men. And a lot of them are Muslim anyway. And so you need to have a public page two, maybe before you do that, you need to go in and look at what's on there. You need to archive things that don't. This is one of the things that I do when I'm revising pages, because I do that too. You need to archive the things that you.

I found this African festival that had lots of musicians coming. I mean, African people love music and vibes and good food. They have like, Joel off contests and stuff. I'm like, this is on there. This is about a first impression. So it's great if actually somebody else does it in prime place for you to meet a great professional guy who's having fun on the weekend. And so I made sure that she was following all the promoters that were promoting that event. And so I was doing the background work of looking up all the hashtags. How are they promoting? Where is it at event? Write all these things. So I made sure that her page was already following all the promoters and not. You do it yourself, in my opinion, because.

A friend or somebody that has good knowledge of dating and what somebody's going to think, what a man is going to think, as if you have a brother, you know, that is single or whatever. Have them look and stuff. All of the restaurants that might be there cooking food and, you know, tagging the place. And so we picked out her outfit and everything, something nice and bright. And I made sure that she got there early. Okay, so she gets to the event early. And then I had her start tagging in her stories. Get your page with a fresh set of eyes, because things that you think are okay are actually not. So she got there with a friend, and I told her, I'm like, get your friend. Don't just video something and tag that you're there. I need you in it and I need you visible. So her friend took video of her enjoying the festival, looking at all the cool things, looking at the setup, listening to the music, dancing to the music, having a great time, enjoying. And okay, yeah. And so I have sometimes single moms, and the page is covered with the kids well, that's great that you're a great mom, but your entire Instagram shouldn't be dedicated to the children. Like, I'm sorry that it shouldn't be like, you're looking for a minute, you're looking for a man. So had her tag the promoters in her stories. Do you know what happened?

No, girl, tell me.

Okay, not only did all those promoters repost her, we can have one photo on there with the children. The rest of this we need to see you. We need to see. What do you like to do? Okay, basically what I'm saying is immediately they reposted her to their stories. Some of them reposted her to their page. And because why? He's one of the first people there. And to be well rounded, we don't need to have one type of everything. They're still promoting. They want people to come out to this event today. So when they get the thing, if you know what I mean. So your page should look like you are a well rounded one. Notification that somebody is tagging, that they're having a great time at the event. Already they are reposting her. And guess who follows those pages? Guess who follows the pages of African events, of African American. All the African men that live in your city, and half of them who was living a happy life. Basically, that's what your page looked like. And then in terms of finding the men. Oh, there are lots of tools that you need to be using from there. So the first step is getting your page where it needs to get to and are Muslim. So immediately she's getting all these new follows and she texts me, she screenshotted me. Kim, oh, my God. Look at the new follows, opening it up. And then the second thing is, we need to start luring the men in so that they are on my page. Like, I'm freaking out. That's fine. That is fine. They are coming in right after the event. She has a great time at the event, after the event. Now it's time to get to following you so that they think about you, so that they're checking for you.

Because you have all these new eyes and we know that these are your type. Because I can even go through the pages and I can see which ones are Muslim because I can see. I can see that somebody has posted something. I can go back to the Ramadan time and okay, this one right here is posted that he was that girl.

Give it. How would I lure a man?

There's a lot. Yeah, girl, there's a lot. Doing something Ramadan. We already It's. So this is how easy it is to use Instagram when you're okay doing a little bit of this work. And so then I had her do some calculated posts and calculated things in her story to get them activated. Because the more they look at her stories and people don't know this, the more that people look at your stories, the more that you're going to come up for them when you post.

Right.

So, but let me, let me. I'm going to walk you through one, that this is something I did for one of my clients. Okay. So I know this is how well thought out these things are because I'm. I'm a strategic dating coach.

Yes.

So one of. So one of my clients, she didn't even have a personal page. And she said, kim, you know what? I'm changing my mind. I'm going to start using Instagram.

Let's.

Let's do my page. Let's just go for it. I made her whole personal page. We started working through things. This woman had her post in the stories every single day after that. This is another thing that a lot of women don't do. You don't post enough. Don't post enough. And you're not living more in your story, so the men are not getting more familiar with you. So one of the things we had her do after she was posting pretty regular in those stories, do you know what we had her do? I'm gonna tell you. She's an African woman and she's Muslim. Her preference in men was to date only. I had her ask for advice, of course. Okay, I had her and I want to hear her voice because I was always, I don't hear you speaking. You have such a beautiful Muslim men, preferably African Muslim. One of the things that I had her do after we got her page together, and she's totally an introvert. So these things, tone to your voice, and a lot of women don't know this either. The tone in your voice is the third most important factor in attracting somebody.

I know what you're talking about.

I was having her do was way outside of her comfort zone. But these are some things that you have to do if you want. When somebody starts talking and you're like, oh, wow, the voice doesn't really match the person. Like, this is gonna get a new result. Okay. So I have, I get that all the time.

I found an event for her to go to in her city and it was this afro.

I really do. I'm a white woman on the phone.

So they think I'M white too, on the phone. Okay.

Anyway, my client had a lovely music festival event. So for one, I already knew that there's going to be tons of African men. I mean, a beautiful tone. Because at the end of the day, when a man's looking for a wife, he to listen to you speaking there. Well, there's already a lot of African men that live in her state, which I looked up. So I'm like, you're already in a great state. You're in a great place to meet African men. And a lot of them are Muslim anyway. And so for the rest of his life. Yeah. So this is why the tone in your voice needs to be pleasant. And I told her, I need to hear you. I want you to make another story. And when you ask for this advice, I want you asking for, I need to see you and I want to hear your voice. She did that. And I said, you can ask for anything. It can be, you know, go on there and say, you know, hey, guys, I've been here in D.C. for the last three years, but I have not found a really good. So I found this African festival that had lots of musicians coming. I mean, seafood restaurant. I'm such a seafood girl. I love going out to get crab legs and lobster, but I just haven't found my spot yet. So if you guys know of any good places that I should try in dcc, send me a message. African people love music and vibes and good food. They have, like, Joel off contests and stuff. I'm like, this is the. Let me know where I should go. Go. How hard is that? How hard is that? Do you know crime place for you to meet a great professional guy who's having fun on the weekend and how many men broke their legs? So I made sure that she was following all the promoters that were promoting that event, running to her DM to tell this. To tell this beautiful woman where on on earth she could find a seafood restaurant. And so I was doing the background work of looking up all the hashtags. How are they promoting? Where is dc? And not only that, because she screenshotted me. Oh, they wanted to take her. Not only tell her, because it might. It might be hard to find. Matter of fact, I should just take you. Are you available this weekend? Because this place is kind of like, it's difficult to find or like it's hard to get a reservation. So maybe I should just.

You know, now I love this at Eventbrite all these things. So I made sure that her page was already following all the promoters and stuff. All of the restaurants that might be there cooking food and hell and so much.

Kim, I love this tip so much because it is so strategic and it is so.

Clear and easy and it gives space for these men to come and pursue the women that want to do this. So what I'm hearing is, like, any sort of event that you're doing that you can do this or going to, you can do this with, right? And tag the promoters and things like.

You know, tagging the place. And so we picked out her outfit and everything, Something nice and bright, and I made sure that she got there early.

Okay.

So she gets to the event early. And then I had her start tagging in her stories like that.

I love this. I love this so much. Girl, you. You spilling some tea, girl, you're giving the girls the game that they need.

Absolutely. I'm here for the girl.

I love it. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for sharing all of that. So I don't want to hold you too much longer because I know that you're super busy, but, you know, we love good rock.

So she got there with a friend and I told her, I'm like, get your friend. Don't just video something and tag that you're there. I need you in it and I need you visible. So her friend took video of her enjoying the festival, looking at all the cool things, looking at the setup.

Come here. How did you meet your hubby?

Oh, gosh. It is a rom com. It's on the Internet.

Not the Internet, girl.

It is on the Internet. So I met my husband when I was actively dating. And I. I was looking for my husband. I was looking for my. Listening to the music, dancing to the music, having a great time, enjoying. And I had her tag the promoters in her stories. Do you know what happened?

No, girl, tell me.

Okay. Not only did all those promoters repost her, but necessarily my husband. I was looking for my partner. I was looking for the person that I would spend the rest of my life with because I don't know where this feeling came from, but I started having this feeling of like, if I became too successful without having my person, I just started to feel like it's going to be so much more difficult to meet him. Immediately, they reposted her to their stories. Some of them reposted her to their page because why? He's one of the first people there and they're still promoting. They want people to come out to this event today. So when they get them and find him, if I'm just in Another space. And I want to experience life with him. So let me make it a priority to find him and to actively date. And so I was actively dating. I was on all the apps, going to all the stuff. I was. Was doing the. I think the girls say rotational dating, multiple dating. Notification that somebody is tagging that they're having a great time at the event already they are reposting her ever.

And so I met a guy online and we chatted for a while. We're supposed to go and have lunch. And so there's an area in. I was living in LA at the time and so I went and met up with him. We're gonna meet at this place called the Launch Mart. It's. It's like a shopping area with like outdoor eateries. Super la. It's just the horror. And guess who follows those pages. Guess who follows the PA pages of African events of African. All the African men that live in your city and half of them are Muslim. So immediately she's getting all these new follows LA vibes. The weather's always nice, so we eat outside. And so I'm sitting outside waiting for him at the table and he texts me saying, hey, I'm just running a little bit late. I'm gonna be there like another 15 minutes. No problem. Like, I'm just sitting here and typically. And she texts me, she screenshotted me. Kim, oh my God, look at the new follows. I'm running late for dates. But I was on time this day. So this on my page. Like, I'm freaking out. That's fine. That is fine. They are coming in right after the event. She has a great time at the event. After the event. Now it's time to get to. Handsome guy walks by and he says, hey, is the seat taken? And work because you have all these new eyes and we know that these are your. I said, yeah, it is. I'm waiting for somebody. And he sat down anyway and he said. He said, well, it looks like it was for me. And I. I her type. Because I can even go through the pages and I can see which ones are Muslim because I can see. I can burst out laughing. I'm like, oh, my God. I was like, no, I was like, I am waiting for somebody. But if you want to sit here for a little while, see that somebody has posted something, I can go back to the Ramadan time. And okay, this one right here is posted that he was. It's okay. And so we just started talking and he kept making me laugh. Like, I can't doing Something Ramadan. We already. It's. So this is how easy it is to use Insta, remember? It was just like, I. I don't know. He. Everything he said was just so funny and he was handsome and he just seemed very well put together. Like he had a very structured life. I could tell by the way of his body language that Graham, when you're okay doing a little bit of this work, work. And so then I had her do some calculated posts and calculated things in her stories to get them activated because the more they look at her stories and people don't know this, the more that people. Things in his life were in order. And that probably doesn't make sense, but he just look, look at your stories, the more that you're gonna come up for them when you post.

Right?

So I like, things were together for him. Like, I could tell the man had a clean car, very clean nails, a simple watch. Everything was just like together. And so.

He stayed there until my date. She had her post in the stories every single day after that. This is another thing that a lot of women don't do. You don't post enough. Don't post enough, and you're not living more in your story. So the men showed up.

Oh, my God. Awkward.

Very awkward. I don't like awkward situations. Or not getting more familiar with you. So one of the things we had her do after she was posting.

And so he stood up and he said, oh, my gosh, Kim, it was so nice seeing you again. Please tell your mom that I said pretty regular in those stories. Do you know what we had her do? I'm gonna talk.

Hello. It was so, you know, great catching up with you, you know? You know, hey, my man. This is a great girl. You guys enjoy your lunch. And he left. I had her ask for advice, of course. Okay. I had her. And I want to hear her voice because I was always, I don't hear you speaking. You have such a beautiful. My husband, right? And I am blown away because I didn't even exchange numbers with this man. Because in my head I'm like, is he single? I didn't see tone to your voice. And a lot of women don't know this either. The tone in your voice is the third ring. He didn't ask me for my number. And so I have lunch with this guy. Most important factor in attracting somebody.

I know what you're talking about.

It was, you know, it was so. So I didn't feel anything like what I feel right now for the man that's walking away and so the guy I had taken a lift over there. The guy said, hey, if you live in Hollywood, I can just drop you off. It's no problem. You took a lift over here. And I said, well, yeah, I guess that's fine. You can drop me off. And still in the back of my mind, I'm like, when somebody starts talking and you're like, oh, wow, the voice doesn't really match the person. Like, this is.

Honey. I get that all the time.

I really do. I'm a white woman on the phone.

So they think I'm white, too, on the phone. And I'm like, well, I guess I'm not going to run into that guy again, because, you know, he's going to. This guy's going to drop me. Okay. Anyway, my client had a lovely.

Get into the guy's car, and he can't crank up his car because he couldn't blow, like, a clear blow into the breathalyzer. He had a breathalyzer installed in his old school Mercedes Benz. Tone. I mean, a beautiful tone. Because at the end of the day, when a man's looking for a wife, he has to listen to you speak for the rest of his life. Yeah. So this is why the tone in your voice needs to be. I had never even seen a breathalyzer installed in some of these cars, so I didn't know what it was he was even doing. Like, it took me a while. I'm naive a little. So it took me a while, like, to catch on to, like, oh, my God, he has multi. He's like, he's had multiple DUIs to even have to have this installed in his car. And he kept apologizing. He's like, oh, my God, I'm being pleasant. And I told her, I need to hear you. I want you to make another story. And when you ask for this advice, I want you asking for, I need to see you, and I want to hear your voice. Voice. She did that. And I said, you can ask for anything. It can be, you know, go on there and say, you know, hey, guys, I've been here in D.C. for the last three years, but I have not found a really good. So sorry. It takes a while for this thing to clear. Like, give me a second. And he kept cranking it up and blowing and cranking and blowing. And I'm like. Something was like, get out. Just get out of the car.

Right?

And so I said, you know what? I had a really great afternoon with you. I am gonna just shop a little bit. I'm gonna walk around and then I'll just. I'll take an Uber Seafood R restaurant. I'm such a seafood girl. I love going out to get crab legs and lobster, but I just haven't found my spot yet. So if you guys know of any good places that I should try in dc, send me a message later. You know, it was really great hanging out with you. Like, you know, let's get together again. Let me know where I should go. How hard is that? How hard is that? Do you know? I get out of the car, I'm walking around, and the first thing I'm thinking is like, what if the guy is still here? Like, see if you see him. Like, still. Maybe he's here somewhere. And I run into him in the shoe store. And I walk in and he looks at me. How many men broke their legs running to her DM to tell this. To tell this beautiful woman where on earth she could find a seafood restaurant? And he goes, that was a short date.

And in my head I'm like, is he an. What is wrong with this guy? You know? And so I just laughed about it. And he said, I was wondering if I was going to see you again. And then he, you know, formally introduced himself and we exchanged numbers. He told me that edc. And not only that, because she screenshotted me. Oh, they wanted to take her. Not only tell her, because it might. It might be hard to find. Matter of fact, I should just take you. Are you? He was there visiting because his brother lives in the city and he doesn't live there. And so we talked, we dated ever since then. We had a long distance relationship from LA to San Francisco. He lived up near San Fran and he would come down and see me every weekend, every weekend we spent together. And it was like whirlwind. Available this weekend because this place is kind of like, it's difficult to find or like it's hard to get a reservation. So maybe I should just.

You know, now I love this romance. Like, took me to Paris for our first Valentine's Day and he bought me. I was 29 time. So my next birthday, I was turning 30. He bought me 30 gifts for my 30th birthday, which is bananas because my birthday is right six days after Christmas, it's New Year's Eve. And so I have so much Kim.

I love this tip so much because it is so strategic and it is so.

Clear and easy and it gives space for these men to come and pursue the women that want to do this. So what I'm hearing is like any Sort of event that you're doing one.

Of those birthdays that's so close to Christmas. We're kind of like, you know, it gets jammed together like, oh, Merry Christmas, happy birthday kind of a thing. Here's your one gift. And the fact that he got me 30 separate gifts for my birthday blew me all the way out of the water. I'm like, this is my husband. This is my husband. Not because of it's money. And you're.

You can do this or going to. You can do this with. Right. And tag the promoters and things like giving me things.

Because some of the gifts were small. Some of the gifts were just. Just super thoughtful. Like, you thought about things that I mentioned months ago that I might like or want. And everything was individually wrapped. It was like a mound of gifts.

Wow.

And a person that thoughtful to want me to be that happy that I love this.

I love this so much. Girl, you. You spilling some tea. Girl, you giving the girls the game that they need.

Absolutely. I'm here for the girl.

I love it. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for sharing all of that.

That.

So I know I don't want to hold you too much long.

I knew that I would want to make him happy for the rest of my life. And so. So yeah, that's our story.

That is a rom com. Girl, you were not lying.

Yeah.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Of course. Of course. Thank you for having me.

Yes. Oh, my God. Because I know that you're super busy, but. But you know, we love good rom. Let the ladies know how they can get in touch with you so that they can date different. Come here. How did you meet your hubby?

Oh, gosh. It is a rom com. It's on the Internet.

Date off of the apps potentially and either matchmake with you or figure out how to master the IG dating realm.

Of course. Yeah. Well, you can. It is on the Internet. So I met my husband when I find me on Instagram. I live on Instagram. And so the link that's there goes to my website and then you'll see everything that I offer there. One of the.

And what's your name on Instagram?

My name on Instagram is the date Better Network. Just like it sounds. The date Better Network. And so I coach. I do personal sessions. Was actively dating and I. I was looking for my husband. I was looking for my. With the women. I do. We go through a specific strategy for you. So we talk about where you live. Not necessarily my husband. I was. I was looking for my Partner. I was looking for the person that I would spend the rest of my life with because I don't know where this feeling came from, but I started having this feeling of, like, if I became too successful without having my part. Where you travel to what type of man you want. We talk about the events that you should be going to. I actually find events for you to go to where you can meet the specific type that you want. All those things I help you through how to do communication, how to flirt, how to talk about the work that you do, how everything. So I help you get those types of men to approach you. I just started to feel like it's going to be so much more difficult to meet him. That's my. That's my specialty. That's what I like to do. So you can reach me on ig.

Very, very cool. And this is why we had you. Right. I love the fact that you are a matchmaker but also a dating coach. Right. That there's. There's like a backup to this. Because one of the things that I'm always thinking is like, yeah, I'm gonna.

Find him if I'm just in another space and I want to experience life with him. So let me make it a priority to find him and to actively date.

And you can bring a great guy to a woman, but if she's not ready, if she doesn't know what to do, then it really doesn't matter.

I was actively dating. I was on all the apps, going to all the stuff matter. So I love that the matchmaking is even more important. I mean, I'm sorry, the date coaching is even more important than the matching and. Yeah. And my girls that. That do the date coaching with me, they don't need matchmaking. They don't need it.

Yeah. Yeah.

They're meeting incredible men. Like, all you need is a really good dating coach. That's why I said the matchmaking part. It's like a luxury if you. I was doing the. I think the girls say rotational dating, multiple dating, however.

And so I met a guy online. Want that. But if you have a good dating coach that understands you and. Understands what? And we chatted for a while. We're supposed to go and have lunch. And so there's an area in. I was living in LA at the time, and so I went and met up with him. We're gonna meet at this place called the Launch. You want, that's all you need.

I love that. And I love that you give. You give the ladies both of them. Right?

Yeah.

Thank you. So much for being here, Kim.

So, of course.

And giving and spilling all the tea for the ladies. I'm so happy.

I have to. I want the ladies to win. That's what it's about.

Me too. Me too.

Awesome. Awesome, awesome. Well, thank you so much for being here, ladies. You heard it here first. Ms. Kim, she put us on game.

It's a. It's like a shopping area with, like, outdoor eateries. Super la.

It's just the same, honey. And I'm so happy that you're able to be here. Thank you again for being here. And, ladies, we'll see you LA vibe.

Because the weather's always nice, so we eat outside. And so I'm sitting outside waiting for him at the table, and he texts me saying, hey, I'm just running a little bit late.

On the flip side, bye, bye, bye.

I'm gonna be there in, like, another 15 minutes.

No problem.

Like, I'm just sitting here and typically.

Hey, girl. Thank you so much for listening to the get your guy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com apply or subscribe and leave me a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. Talk soon.

I'm running late for dates, but I was on time this day. So this.

Handsome guy walks by and he says, hey, is the seat taken? And I said, yeah, it is. I'm waiting for somebody. And he sat down anyway and he said. He said, well, it looks like it was for me. And I. I burst out laughing. I'm like, oh, my God. I was like, no. I was like, I am waiting for somebody, but if you want to sit here for a little while, it's okay. And so we just started talking, and he kept making me laugh. Like, I can't remember. It was just like, I. I don't know. He. Everything he said was just so funny, and he was handsome, and he just. Just seem very well put together. Like, he had a very structured life. I could tell by the way of his body language that things in his life were in order. And that probably doesn't make sense, but he just looked like things were together for him. Like, I could tell the man had a clean car, very clean nails, a simple watch. Everything was just, like, together. And so.

He stayed there until my day showed up.

Oh, my God. Awkward.

Very awkward. I don't like awkward situations. And so he stood up and he said, oh, my gosh, Kim, it was so nice seeing you again. Please tell your mom. That I said hello. It was so, you know, great catching up with you, you know. You know, hey, my man, this is a great girl. You guys enjoy your lunch. And he left my husband, right? And I am blown away because I didn't even exchange numbers with this man, because in my head, I'm like, is he single? I didn't see a ring. He didn't ask me for my number. And so I have lunch with this guy. It was, you know, it was so. So I didn't feel anything like what I feel right now for the man that's walking away. And so the guy I had taken a lift over there. The guy said, hey, if you live in Hollywood, I can just drop you off. It's no problem. You took a lift over here. And I said, well, yeah, I guess that's fine. You can drop me off. Off. And still in the back of my mind, I'm like, well, I guess I'm not going to run into that guy again, because, you know, he's going to. This guy's going to drop me off home, get into the guy's car. And he can't crank up his car because he couldn't blow, like, a clear blow into the breathalyzer. He had a breathalyzer installed in his old school Mercedes Benz. I had never even seen a breathalyzer installed in some of these cars, so I didn't know what it was he was even doing. Like, it took me a while. I'm naive a little. So it took me a while, like, to catch on to, like, oh, my God. He has multiple. He's like. He's had multiple DUIs to even have to have this installed in his car. And he kept apologizing. He's like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. It takes a while for this thing to clear. Like, give me a second. And he kept cranking it up and blowing and cranking and blowing. I'm like, something was like, get out. Just get out of the car. And so I said, you know what? I had a really great afternoon with you. I am going to just shop a little bit. I'm going to walk around, and then I'll just. I'll take an Uber later. You know, it really great hanging out with you. Like, you know, let's get together again. I get out of the car, I'm walking around, and the first thing I'm thinking is, like, what if the guy is still here? Like, see if you see him. Like, still, maybe he's here somewhere. And I run into him in the shoe store. And I walk in and he looks at me and he goes, that was a short date.

And in my head I'm like, is he an asshole? What is wrong with this? You know? And so I just laughed about it. And he said, I was wondering if I was going to see you again. And then he, you know, formally introduced himself and we exchanged numbers. He told me that he was there visiting because his brother lives in the city and he doesn't live there. And so we talked, we dated ever since then. We had a long distance relationship from LA to San Francisco. He lived up near San Fran. And he would come down and see me every weekend, every weekend we spent together. And it was like whirlwind romance. Like, took me to Paris, us, for our first Valentine's Day. And he bought me. I was 29. So my next birthday, I was turning 30. He bought me 30 gifts for my 30th birthday, which is bananas because my birthday is right six days after Christmas, it's New Year's Eve. And so I have one of those birthdays that's so close to Christmas, we're kind of like, you know, it gets jammed together, like, oh, Merry Christmas, happy birthday. Kind of the thing. Here's your one gift. And the fact that he got me 30 separate gifts for my birthday blew me all the way out of the water. I'm like, this is my husband. This is my husband. Not because of it's money and you're.