Mona's GYG Experience - Testimonial Interview

Hello, hello, hello, hello everyone. I hope you all are doing well out there.

For those of you that don't know.

Me, my name is Anwar White and I am the CEO and founder of get yout Guy Coaching. And I help amazing, high achieving women date strategically and meet high quality men and obviously get their guy. So if that is something that is of interest to you, I definitely want to invite you to chat with me. You can hit me up on the DMs and we can talk a little bit about your love life and everything that's going on there.

And you know, make it happen. Make it happen, make it happen.

So tonight I have a really special guest. I have one of my current clients that's going to describe her experience in my program. And we can just kind of talk about what she's learned and how she's feeling about her love life and dating life. And if you have any questions for her, you can ask them in the chat and I. And I'll relay them and she can answer them as well. Okay, so let me Bring her on.

Ms. Mona.

Give us a second. Getting my technology together, y'. All. Let's see if it works. Hello? Hello?

Hello, Mona, can you hear me?

Yes, I can. How are you, girl?

I'm good. How are.

What's going on? How's your week been?

My week has been busy. I am coming up on my hospital assessment next week. So I'm a busy, busy bee and I'm stressed out. If you see a clump of hair fall out while we're talking, that's why.

Well, I know that you're stressed out, but thank you so much for joining me tonight. This is so beautiful. I appreciate it. Of course can understand how those kinds of weeks can happen.

So first, before we get started, I just want to let everyone know that I am talking with someone who's been published. Congratulations.

Thank you.

What's the name of the journal or publication that you've been published in?

So this is actually a book. It's for neonatal nurses to teach them all about how to care for a premature baby in nicu.

Yeah, yeah. Amazing, amazing. So, Mona, why don't you kind of introduce yourself to the people, let them know like who you are, where you're from, what you do. And yeah, we can kind of talk a little bit about how you like why you joined the program, I guess.

Okay.

So.

Hi everyone. I'm Mona Lisa Hamlin. I am in Delaware and I manage basically Women and Children Services here in Delaware. And I do things nationally just around advocacy and policy and really closing the gap on disparities for women's health and improving breastfeeding and getting our moms and babies the help and support and loving care that they need.

Thank you so much. No, it's amazing. And so let's talk a little bit about.

You kind of entering into this program and thinking about actually getting a potential dating or love coach. Can you kind of talk us through your decision making process to even consider this? Sure.

So what I'll say is I actually found your podcast by happenstance from listening to another podcast and I think you were a guest on there and I was kind of blown away. And I really liked how you were well rounded around your approach to looking at the whole picture and not just looking at, you know, go out there, get on the app, talk to this person and just start dating and really talking about taking a deeper dive into how you are showing up as a person. And that really sparked an interest in me and caused me to at least do a consult. And I still kind of went in very hesitant and, you know, was surprised that I was doing. It felt unnatural having a conversation with a stranger that went on for an hour and we talked about everything from my upbringing to my current dating life and what I wanted to see in the world and my work life. And really those things in regards to how they all connect together have been mind blowing for me throughout this process.

Yeah, I'm so glad that you talked about your hesitation because I feel like there's so many people that are hesitant about potentially just getting on a console call. It literally doesn't. I'm not charging for it. I know other people potentially do.

What would you, what would you say about that consultation and like, how did it make you think about your love life or how you're showing up in the world? Like, talk to me about that experience and like, shortly thereafter.

Yeah.

What I will say is there were a few aha moments in regards to really checking myself. I think even in that first call and every call that we've had since, you don't let me off the hook, girl.

No, never that girl.

And I need that. I need that in my life. I have really great friends behind me that are always rooting for me. But there was a moment of really being able to open up and be vulnerable.

Even with a stranger. But also have you kind of validate some of the things that I had been feeling and thinking about in regards to why I wasn't getting where I wanted to be again in many things more than just dating, but particularly in dating, I was holding on to, you know, someone for a really long time that I really needed to walk away from.

I wasn't gonna bring it up.

Girl, it's fine. We're here now.

I wasn't gonna bring it up.

Yeah. And I couldn't wait to really start the process and dive in.

Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Thank you for sharing that. Talk to me. You hinted toward it a little bit, but talk to me a little bit about maybe some of your patterns before the program in terms of how you were engaging in this dating and love journey.

Yeah. I would say that early on when I was dating.

I would jump right in. I would either jump right in, all the way in, and everything would be rushed, and then it would drop flat. Right. So I would be really into somebody. It would seem like they're really into me. We would date for several weeks or what have you, and then one of us would lose interest. And I also found myself really being wrapped up in that person more than I wanted to be, if that makes sense. You know, like, I felt like I was looking forward 10 steps when I really needed to be in the moment.

I think that's so important. I just want to interject here just a little bit because you've mentioned two things. One, about this future pacing that so many women do, that actually doesn't really serve you. Most women are either in the future or in the past, and there's a disconnect because men are very much in the present. And. And I get it, because women are amazing creatures. And the way that your minds think are like a spider web. You're literally thinking and, like, accomplishing 20 goals at the same time. And men are like, this one thing. I'm going to hit it out of the park, and then I'm going to go to the next thing. They're very linear in terms of their thinking. And so I'm so glad that you pointed that out, because that creates a disconnect and how we are actually engaging with men. If I'm always thinking about what's going to happen, what's going to happen, I lose where I am now. And men are intuitive, and they're gonna feel that, and they're gonna feel like, well, are you really interested in me right now, or are you just interested in somebody to take the place of who you want to, like, basically live with in the future?

Right.

That's what's really important. And the other thing that you mentioned, which I think is really interesting, and this is something that we actually go through in My program is really understanding your deadly dating patterns, what I call it. Right. And you mentioned one that I think is really important called the flame out, where it's really hot for two weeks and then stone cold after that. Right. But there's so many different kinds of flame outs. The breadcrumb, the I'll make you love me. There's so many. And being able to identify those things is really helpful to really break those patterns. And that's something that we discuss very much in my program. So thank you for sharing that. So those were some of the patterns that you were seeing. Were there any other patterns that you were seeing in your dating life?

Yeah, for sure. First of all, I've probably seen all of the patterns.

But that one was for sure the biggest. I think also.

Being interested but not following through, I would cancel a lot.

Out of either anxiety or probably anxiety. The biggest being the biggest thing or just not feeling up to it, not feeling myself, not feeling like I had the energy or the confidence to show up the way I wanted to. So I've definitely had that as a pattern of, yeah, that sounds great. I'll see you on Friday. And then Friday comes, and I'm not really feeling too good.

Girl, you were talking a big game, and then we'll pull out at the last minute. Playing these men, girl.

Just playing them.

Yeah.

So that was. That was definitely. That's all in the past, you know, but that was definitely a pattern that I had.

Yeah, definitely. Let's talk a little bit about your time in the program. Right. And I would love for you to share some of your wins, some of your learnings that have really helped to shape how you are either thinking or doing your dating differently.

Yeah. You know, again, kind of going back to thinking ahead. A lot of that had to deal with also wanting to make sure that I was fitting in to the other person or pleasing. Right. The other person. And really what I've learned along the way in this program, specifically, I have to show up as myself. Right. They're on trial, not me. And I get to really center what I like, what I enjoy, the barriers that I can create and really honor for myself. And that has been.

Really moving for me in a major way.

Yeah, I love that so much. You know, there's a reason why about a fifth of my clients are nurses, teachers, and therapists. Right. Because they are so often in this caregiving mode that everyone's needs go before their own. And so it does take intentional work to actually reverse that so that your dating and love life is Actually serving you. And I will just say that this isn't just about teachers and nurses and therapists. Like, if you are a woman in this society, you are also being conditioned and programmed to feel that way as well. That to be love is to give and to serve. Right. Because we see our mothers doing that. So we think that that's what love is. So part of this process and part of, you know, my program is really all about deprogramming all of the things that aren't necessarily serving you and putting and reprogramming you into something into things that will actually.

Help you actually achieve your love goals. Right. What were some of the big wins that you had that you were really proud of?

Letting go of the past, letting go of what didn't serve me, you know, really breaking off a relationship that was no good for me and was really unhealthy and took me a really long time to end. That is a huge win. That was something really significant. For two years, I was holding on to the hope of what could be, you know, once again. So that was major.

It was. It was such a huge win. And I'm still so proud of you. And it's really hard to disconnect. And when we first started working together, I believed that we were going to go on vacation with this past person. Right. And so to be able to really disconnect and to do it in a confident manner, it's like so huge. It's really hard to do that. Right. So I just want to give you your kudos and give you your flowers for being able to take that step and move forward, because it's so amazing. And also, one thing that I think is really important for everyone who's listening to know is that if you have these things that are going on in the past, it is definitely going to hurt you in terms of finding your guy, your future guy, because you're going to be connected to all of these things and you're not going to have 100% of your heart space focused on what you need to actually focus on, that there are going to be other people, other men that are taking up a percentage of that. And you have to play full out in this love game and give 100% to it for you to get to your love goals. And so I'm so glad that you're able to do that. Yeah. Amazing. So that was a huge win. Were there any other learnings or wins that you want to kind of call out?

I would say, again, how we show up in, you know, the dating World really is also how we show up in every other aspect. Right. So you and I have had conversations about work which have been pretty significant.

And you know, having you challenge me on, okay, well tomorrow you're going to do, you're going to talk to your boss about this, you're going to talk to your team about that, right.

Or how did you feel about that?

Were you this asshole again? You wouldn't let me off the hook. So I didn't like it in the moment. But afterward when I really did that exercise, it felt really good and I felt like I showed up the way I wanted to, you know, and even with my girlfriends, when I felt like, well, I don't want to pull on them too much. Right. Oftentimes, if things were going on, I would try to pick and choose who I talked to just to kind of spread the wealth out, but to reinforce, I know that they're there for me, just like I would be there for them. And really being able to lean on them more in a really authentic way has been. Been really good.

Yeah, yeah. I'm really happy that you mentioned that because I think so many individuals are so used to being independent, especially if you are a parent or a single parent that like, you gotta be you, you're that person. So it's like you, you're the one that you're gonna be relying on. And so it's really hard to kind of shift gears a little bit and really lean on other people. But what I know for a fact is that if you're not able to do that and if you're not in the practice of it, when the man comes along, you're gonna push him away instead of lean into his embrace. Right. More than anything else. So I'm so glad that you're able to really kind of practice that. You talked a little bit about work, which I think is really interesting. And I'm pretty sure that there are people out there that are like, why are we talking about work here? This is like dating, right? This is like, why are we talking about all of this? And I want to let the people know that we talk about it all. This is about you becoming the woman that is ready for the most amazing relationship of your life. Because if you're not, you're going to self sabotage, you're going to push them away, you're going to pick little fights so that you guys can break up. You're going to do everything possible because in your heart of hearts you're going to feel like you don't deserve this, that it is too good to be true and that the shoe is going to drop. So I don't even want to engage with it. So I'm going to just ruin it so I don't have to set myself up for disappointment instead of stepping up and into this amazing situation and relationship. And so that's why we, we level up in so many different parts of our lives. Right. The other reason why we talk about work and all of these other different relationship is because, and I will speak specifically to women of color and black women, we give certain sides to ourselves in so many different parts of our lives. Right. We're different with our friends, with our family at work. Right. In our romantic relationships. And like part of this work is starting to kind of integrate all of those different parts. Right. So that you can be showing up as your full self and have an authentic level of confidence in that person. Because that is the person that, that a man is going to fall in love with. Right. Not the 30% that you're giving here, there and everywhere. Right. So thank you so much for sharing that. Good. So.

Talk to me a little bit about the support that you've received in the program. Right. Because I don't think that people like also understand like what sort of support is there for you or how you felt supported in this program thus far.

Yeah.

I think, you know, when you talk about someone who you can depend on to really ensure that there's follow through, to check in in a caring way, that's the support that I've received from you in this program. You know, again, we've talked about so much. There's times where I've had crazy, crazy weeks, months. But you've recognized that we've had conversations around it and really moved the way I needed to move to be sure that I got what I needed right from life itself, from talking to you and all of those aspects and putting all of those aspects into perspective so that I could move through and get what I needed in the moment and not feel like I'm strained and that I have to either rush through something and not really get all that I can out of the program or any other thing that I'm going through in life.

Yeah, definitely.

I am keeping my clients accountable and I will text you randomly in the week to figure out what's going on with you. That's the kind of coach that I am. But I think that that's important and I know how life can get and so that's how I show up because I, you know, it Might sound a bit unhealthy, but I like to think of my relationship with my clients as a surrogate relationship until you find your guy. Right. So in doing so, I want you to be used to a guy that's reaching out to you. That's some. That you can also feel comfortable, trust in a guy and actually be in practice of relying on someone.

Right.

And so that's why I am messaging you randomly like, hey, girl, what's going on?

Yes.

Feeling what's new? Talk to me about this date. Did you hear from him? Did you not? What's going on? Some people might find that nagging. If you would feel that that's nagging, my program's probably not a fit for you, but that's what a relationship is going to look like. Right. So I want. I don't. I want to make sure that you are well prepared for that so that when you do get in a relationship, you're not trying to learn something going from 0 to 100, that it becomes seamless because you've already been in practice of it. Right. So good. What would you say for people that are interested in the program but maybe might be on the fence or, you know, just they don't know?

Yeah. I would say that it's more than just about dating. It truly is like life coaching, in my opinion. Those pieces of you that may be kind of subdued just from either recent past or far past. So, for example, oftentimes Amber would call and say, how are you doing? How was your day? And I'd say it was okay. And he would say, mm, tell me more. I need you to give me details. I need you to tell me all of the things. Don't just think that okay is enough. And I had to really become, like, equipped with, like, okay, now I have to talk about myself. And this is weird because I'm not talking about work, I'm not talking about my kids. I'm going to talk about just me, and somebody actually wants to listen. So, you know, really looking at it from the perspective of you can come in with your full self and show up, whether you're frustrated, you're stressed, you're angry, you've had a great time and you want to talk all about it, you know, Anwar is going to listen and be present and also kind of give that feedback when maybe you didn't make the right choices or, you know, you didn't really push your own self if you're trying to work on something. Yeah, that's been great.

Definitely. I know that, you know, A lot of my clients are both in therapy as well as doing dating coaching. And I, you know, I do recommend that my clients that they're not in therapy to think about it or at least consider it, because I do know that it is a good kind of combination to, you know, really make sure that we're hitting all marks here because obviously I'm dating coaching and life coaching, but therapy is also something that's important. And so what would you say to those individuals that are thinking about doing this work as someone who is a health professional?

Yeah, definitely do both, for sure. I've had lots of conversations with my therapist that back up or enhance what we've talked about and vice versa. I've brought things back from my therapy conversations and sessions to anwr and we've actually done deeper dives in the area. Unexpectedly, again, I think that this program has superseded my expectations in the work that I've done on really reflecting my childhood, you know, how my parents are, past relationships, my relationships with my kids, my friends, all of the things. So it really is very complimentary, for sure.

Yeah. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for sharing your experience. This has been so generous of you. I so appreciate it. Is there anything else that you would like to share before we. Peace out, girl?

No, I would just say that if you're interested, you want to try things out for sure, at least have a conversation because I think you will be happily surprised by that initial consult to see what you learn in that really quick hour.

Yeah, definitely. Awesome. Well, for those individuals that are interested in having that call, which, you know, I have quite a bit of them, many of them every week. Please, please, please. You can either DM me or you can go to www.getyourguycoaching.com apply and we'll talk about your love life, past, present and future. And we'll figure out if this is a good fit or not. Sometimes it's not, and that's okay, too. Sometimes I'll say, hey, let's talk again in six months, or hey, I have an amazing dating coach that I think might be really great for you. My intention is that.

You achieve your love goals. I feel like everyone needs and deserves love, and I want to make sure that you are getting that as quickly and as effectively as possible. So, Mona, thank you so much for speaking your truth, for being vulnerable and showing up and being seen. Right. I think that's what it's all about. And I think you've done an amazing job in the work that we've done. So I'm just really grateful for you and to be able to witness your evolution, transformation, and just seeing so many amazing, you know, results from the work that you've been putting in. So I just want to acknowledge that.

Thanks. Thank you so much.

You're so welcome. All right, bye, everyone. Bye. Thank you, Mona. Bye. Bye.