Dating coach Anwar White argues that biracial and lighter-skinned men often combine male privilege with racial privilege in ways that breed entitlement and narcissism. She warns Black women to watch for love-bombing, parental enmeshment, and lack of boundaries as red flags, and recommends scheduled calls and firm limits during courtship.
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I want to let you all know that biracial and lighter skinned men are often dangerous. I was having a live last night and I was telling the ladies in the live about how we need to put lighter skinned men or biracial men in the same category that we put doctors, surgeons, pilots, military, police, firemen. They have God complexes. And the reason why that is the case is because they have a variety of different privileges. Pretty privilege in the black community, white privilege in the black community and male privilege. Secondly, their mothers, especially if their mothers are white, will enmesh them. They will raise them to be entitled where everyone is doing things for them so they don't have to work on themselves. That's number two. Number three. And this is really important because a lot of people don't understand this or think about this. Biracial or lighter skinned men have the entitlement of a white man, but the trauma of a black man. So oftentimes what will happen is that will create narcissism and it's very dangerous because that narcissism will translate or play itself out in domestic abuse or violence as well as emotional abuse. Super important. I mean, I want you to think about the Chris Browns. I want you to think about the Will Smiths. I want you to think about the Drakes of the world. I mean there are many others. Jesse Williams, please let me know what your experience has been with light skinned men in the comments. If you think that what I'm saying is in line or not. As a dating coach for black and brown women specifically, what I think is really important to counterbalance and to evaluate whether these men are actually in their narcissistic nature or not is to actually have very, very strong, healthy boundaries. What does this look like in dating? It looks like only having scheduled calls for the first half of the courtship because narcissistic men will want to do things on their timeline and based on their convenience. And if you focus the dating and the courtship on your convenience, they won't know what to do with it and they will act a fool. Yeah. Now obviously you want to be totally observant of if they're doing anything, that's love bombing. If they're giving you pet names early, that's toxic. If they are future pacing meaning like they're telling you on a first or second date that they want to take you to Paris for Christmas. Right, that's love bombing. If they're over complimenting you or to the point where you don't believe the compliments, that's love bombing. Anything that's of the extreme. Even if you might set a boundary, if he is overly apologetic and he gives you nine, ten different apologies, please understand that's what a love bomber does. So I wanted to just offer that to you as you navigate this, many black women will engage with like lighter skinned guys. One because they want some of that pretty privilege. This is why many of us will get with hot guys. But two, internalized racism will make us think that lighter skinned guys are safer guys, and I'm here to let you know that they're not. I hope this is helpful as you navigate your dating journey. And again, this is not all lighter skin or biracial men, but it's a good portion of them and I want you to be careful out there. I hope this helps.
