A short YouTube monologue (uploaded Jan 11, 2024 by Anwar White) critiquing generational dating advice—especially advice given to Black and brown women—using the 'Ayanna Van Zand and a bus driver' anecdote. The speaker argues older generations’ relationship norms (e.g., marrying stable union jobs) no longer map to 2023 realities because of high rent and income dynamics, notes that single Black women statistically earn more than single Black men (presented as a unique racial pattern), rejects the idea Black women should 'settle', and emphasizes the desire for self-actualized partners while acknowledging a limited pool of such men among clients.
Chapters
Falana said, what do you think about Ayanna Van Zand and bus driver conversation? I think that, I think for me the biggest takeaway on that is, and I love my elder.
You can't take dating advice from people that don't understand what it looks like to be dating right now. Especially as a black woman or a brown woman.
If that is your single friend who hasn't figured it out for herself. If that is your married friends that don't know what it looks like to date after the pandemic. If it is your elders who are used to just taking any man because they didn't have the agency and the financial independence and security.
You know, back in the 70s, a bus driver, a post office person, someone in the, in the warehouse, in the factory, that was a great union job that could take care of you. So she is speaking from her experience.
Now. Rent is way too goddamn high for to be with a bus driver. And the other thing that I think is important, especially as a black woman, is to understand that single black women make more than single black men. This is the only race where this happens. And.
There has been a very, very, very long narrative that black women are going to have to settle for less than what they want in 2023. I am not ever.
Going to support that narrative.
I want someone who is going to.
Be self actualized with you.
Unfortunately.
Many men that are at that level will not be self actualized.
Yeah. Because if they were men self actualize through their career.
Masculine, energetic men. Yeah.
So please understand that those men are actually going to want to have more.
If he's satisfied with that, good on him. Good on him. But in terms of a self actualized man that is both externally accomplished and internally accomplished, it's not going to work for a lot of my clients, I will tell you that. But there are some women that they're going to. Right. I think sometimes, I know y', all, so many of you all are smart and successful. What we tend to forget is that there are a lot of women of color that are not. That's no shade to them. But I'm calling a thing, a thing.
For those women. For those women. Having an amazing bus driver who has stable income and is able to provide for them is going to be good for them. Yeah. But if you're making 100, 150k and he's bringing home 50k, that's a tough conversation. That's a, that's tough to manage.
