A short YouTube monologue advising women — especially women of color — to date on their own terms, prioritize their comfort, confidence and pleasure, and stop ‘pedestalizing’ men. The speaker links this behavior to household gender socialization (fathers and brothers) and urges women to reclaim agency and self‑esteem.
Chapters
A woman going out on a first date with a man. Why are you not wearing a dress? Because simply, girl, we don't dress for men. We dress for ourselves. And at the end of the day, when you go out on a date, you need to feel confident and comfortable and safe and sexy. Here's the thing. Dating is not about men or trying to please them. It's about you and trying to please you. And so many women are actually pedestalizing men, and it has to be the other way around. These men need to pedestalize you. What do I mean by that? And why is that the case? Well, what I know is that if you grow up in a household, and this is specific for women of color and the guy, the father in the household is actually calling the shots. His feelings are prioritized, his emotions are prioritized, his thoughts are prioritized above everybody else's. You are literally being programmed and conditioned to believe that men's thoughts, picture opinions, actions are better or more valued than yours beyond the patriarchal society. The other thing that I want to mention that is experience for so many women out there is if you have any brothers, especially if you're black or brown, you know that they get away with murder. And so, again, you are programmed and conditioned to believe that men are better. They get to do these things, and I don't get to do these things because our mothers, unfortunately let them get away with murder. And y' all are super, super raised very strictly. This is coming from a guy, an only boy, who got to get away with murder. So I know what I'm talking about. Here's what I want you to know. You get to do dating on your terms, for yourself and for your pleasure. Stop pedalizing men and pedestalize yourself. You're a queen. Sit on your throne, girl. You got this.
