Q&A 2021 Online Profiles

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Hello, everyone. I am so happy to see you all. Hello, Anisha. I will see you in 30 minutes, girl. We get to talk all about new things. I want to say hello to everyone and wish everyone a happy 2021 or happy 2020 fun. Because I truly believe this is the year for love. And not just love, but also.

Really having fun in your dating life. And for those that do not know me, my name is Anwar White. I am the creator and founder of get yout Guy Coaching. And I help women, smart and successful women, heal their hearts and date effectively and get their guy. Really, I want y' all getting that love that you so need and deserve. And so that's why I'm here in today's session. Hello, Mel. Hello, love. I am going to be answering your questions about.

You know, anything that is related to love, men, dating and relationships. So please, if you have any questions, lay them on me. I'm here to help. Now, before good. If you have questions, put them in the comments and I will definitely start to answer them. Now, before I get started, usually I like to just spill a little tea because it is Tuesday tea. Mind you, let me have a little bit of Gatorade because I am a bit parched.

Okay, so.

I want to talk about dating profiles because it's a new year and everyone is recalibrating, resetting, and really wanting to prioritize different things in their life, right? Whether it be losing weight, finding love, anything and everything about how can I make 2021 completely different than how 2020 was? And, and so that also includes love, which means that a lot of people are going to be online and on these apps and dating and prioritizing love. And I want you to be out there as well. So today I wanted to talk a little bit about your online profile.

Yes, girl. I say this because I think a lot of people actually are not good at writing their online dating profiles, similar to writing a resume, right. In a lot of different ways. And so I wanted to talk a little bit about what I do with my clients to make sure that you're getting the biggest bang for your buck when you put yourself out there online.

Before I do that, I will just let you know that for a lot of you, I'm definitely going to be recommending Hinge and Match and even depending on who you are, OkCupid as like three different dating apps that you can definitely rock on with in the new year. They're massive. They have a lot of different people, a variety of different men that you can meet and Go through and find your person. And so I want you to be fishing in the biggest fishbowls. And so those are the top three that I think overall have the highest quality of men out there. And the men that are a little bit more serious than say, your men on Tinder or Bumble or what have you. Okay, so get on all of those. Now let's talk about your dating profile. I think one thing that happens a lot of the time is that actually a couple of things, right? Some dating profiles actually are really annoying to read because it's almost like third or fourth grade writing. And I don't mean that to be shady, but you know how third, third and fourth graders will start every sentence with I, I, I, I, I. I don't want you to do that in your profile because it like consciously or even subconsciously, it's. Men specifically are going to be like, this woman is like really into herself and it's all about her. And like, I don't want to be engaged with someone who's just thinking about herself all of the time. And so when you're forming your sentences in your profile, you want to change it up. You want to talk about what your friends think about you, what people say about you. Very Trump esque, right? People are saying this and that. You know, you want to like start your sentences that way. It's just so that you're changing it up so it doesn't feel like you're just all about yourself and so into yourself that you have no space for another person in your life. And then also, one of the things that I think is important is that.

I want you. And again, we're going back to third and fourth grade school, honey, I want you to show and not tell, right? You can, anybody can say, you know, I love the beach, I love music. No, girl, tell me what you like about the beach, right? Tell me what sort of music that you like, right? Tell me exactly what kind, who's your favorite artist and why, right? Be specific, right? Show a little bit of passion and uniqueness in your profile, right? You don't want to be just super generic like everybody else is going to be, you know, definitely doing. You want to stand out. You want them to be like, oh, she's interesting, she's really into this and this and maybe I'm into it too, or I'm really interested in understanding what other things she's passionate about. So yeah, show, don't tell in your dating profiles, okay?

And the other thing that I want you to do, and it's something I do with all of my clients is I want you to be asking questions in your profile. I want you to engage the reader, right? So that it is easier for him to respond. Reach out to you, because you've already prompted him with questions. Right? So if you're saying, I love going to wine bars, I love, you know, I'm going to brunch, these are my favorite places in the city, right? Ask him, where are your favorite places? Right. What do you. What are your specific restaurants that you will recommend to me? Right? Because.

If you don't, then you are decreasing the probability that they're going to reach out to you. And that's not what we're here for. We're here for all the smoke, all the men to be vying for your attention and wanting to talk to you and like, you know, get to know you. And so you want to. You want to come off as someone who is engaging. And to do that, you want to be asking questions in your profile. I want you asking at least three to four questions in your text profile so that they have something to grasp onto and answer while they're scrolling through these endless amounts of profiles. Okay. Okay. So I'm going to briefly go through some of the things that I think are really important in a profile, and then we'll go to the Q and A. Okay. Okay. So in terms of a profile, I think it's important for you to. Even though it seems kind of redundant, I think it's important for you to introduce yourself. Okay. I think it's important for you to say, hey, my name is so and so.

And then I want you to be more familiar. What do people call you? What do your family and friends call you? Right. So I would say, you know, hey, my name is Anwar, but my friends call me Annie. Right. You want to give them this notion of familiarity. Right. So.

Let them know what your nickname is. Okay. Let them know, hey, this is what everybody calls me. It shows that you're open, that you're friendly, that you're social. Right. And that you're willing to be like, you know, you. You're open to wanting people to get to know you. Okay. And then I want you to talk a little bit about, like, you know, where you're located, where you're from, and then also what sort of things that you. What places you like to go. Right. Why do I do this? I do this because when they are they meaning men that are going to be hitting you up when they are wanting to ask you out instead of guessing where you want to go. They're going to be looking back at your profile and saying, oh, you know what? She really likes wine bars. She really likes.

This specific restaurant. Her favorite place is this pizza place. She really likes that. So I'm going to take her there. Again, you're telling him what you want so that he can show up for you.

I like wine bars in the city. My favorite restaurant is Guido's Pizza.

And I also love, you know, museums, right? I love this specific museum because X, Y and Z, right? So again, let them know what places you like to go in the city and then ask them, hey, what are your places that you like to go? Right? Again, we want to be engaging. Then let's talk a little bit about who you know, what sort of things, what sort of characteristics do you have, right? And not just saying, I'm a nice girl, I'm a funny girl, I love to have a good time. Tell me, show me, right? How are you? How are you a fun girl? Give me an example of what that looks like for you. Because everyone has a different definition of that, right? Are you the girl who.

Has randomly a pair of roller skates and will do that on a random occasion.

Right? Are you that girl? Are you the one who's down for anything and will like go to a happy hour, go to a networking event, then go and have dinner with friends and then go out dancing and then go hang out with friends on a rooftop after dancing, Right? Show me what that looks like in your life. Because you want him to envision himself in your life, right? So show what sort of characteristics you are working with. Not just tell them that you're funny and you're a great person, right? The other thing that I generally like to show in profiles is like a notion of acceptance, warmth, and nurturing, right? Because that's really what a lot of men are looking for in a relationship. So I would want you to put that into your profile as well, in some way, shape or form. And then ask them, you know, if they. If they're similar in what way? In similar ways or something like that. Let me think about some other things that I like to do.

It's interesting. So a lot of people like to talk about their careers. If you've heard me and my lives or my podcast or my any of my webinars. I don't want you putting that in your profile. I want you can mention it, right? Like when I'm not doing this, when I'm not a VP of hr, when I'm not director of finance. When I'm not an auditor, this is what I like to do. Right, but that shouldn't be the center of your profile because at the end of the day, they don't really care what you do. Men don't. Men want to just feel good around you. I. If you love what you do, that's great. But ultimately that's what sort of nurturing partnership that they're looking for. And so we, let's talk about it so that he knows. But let's talk about what you like to do outside of work because that's going to show more of your personality. That's going to let them know, oh, okay. She likes to go hiking, you know, she likes to meditate. She likes to.

Do this to kind of calm. She likes to calm herself by doing yoga, right? Or whatever it may be for you, knitting, whatever, video gaming. I don't know what you like to do, girl. Put in the comments what you like to do.

And then, then at the end, at the very end, that's when I want you to talk about him, what you're looking for in terms of him. And I don't want you to put into. I don't want you to be very specific in terms of. He has to be 6 foot. He likes to, he should be like, you know, super ambitious. I don't want all of that. I want you to.

I want you to describe your person based on the things that you've talked about yourself. Right? So if you said you like to go hiking, right? Let's talk about how you're looking for someone who wants to be adventurous. Right? If you're looking for someone who is like business or like super professional or like a suit and tie kind of guy. Let's talk about how you're looking for someone who wants to be comfortable in a business setting as he is, you know.

At the beach or at home or whatever it may be. Right.

I don't want this to be very specific and I don't want you to describe him like you're describing your husband because you're on these dating apps to date, right? And so I don't want you to be focused on. And he has to be like this and he has to do this and that and this. And I'm looking for my husband. We don't need all that. It's a red flag. It's like, okay, she's doing too much. She's husband hunting and she doesn't really want to get to know me. She just wants to understand if I am going to fit her mold as a husband. Huge turn off. So don't be that girl. Be the girl who is wanting to date and truly, genuinely wants to get to know other people. Okay. In terms of your pictures, I think it's important for you to have a variety of different pictures and pictures that represent your entire life. I frown upon pictures of like with friends. But like, I would love to see a picture of you at home, chilling. I'd love to see a picture of you at work doing your thing. I want to see a picture of you.

At a restaurant or at the museum or even traveling. I think for a lot of my clients, one of the things that I see a lot is that they have a lot of pictures of them traveling. Girl, you just need one. We get it. You like to travel. Most people do, right? It almost seems like a, almost like braggadocious to have all of these traveling photos. So let's just do one. He gets the hint. You like to travel. And let's show other parts of your life because honestly, in a month's time, traveling does not represent all of your life, right? Your everyday is what at work, at home, doing your hobbies, maybe you're working out. Let's show, let's show you working out a little bit, right? We want to show both face, but we also want to have at least one body pic and we want to have at least one formal pic, right? Want to see what you're working with, girl, how you look in that dress or whatever you, whenever you're feeling yourself, if it's a pound suit or whatever and you're all dressed up, we want to see one of those as well. We want to see that you clean up good, girl, right? So think about the diversity of your photos. Always have like five to six. You don't want anything more than that. It's. It becomes too much. And to be honest with you, it gives a little bit of like a desperate energy. Like I'm so desperate to be looking for a man. I'm going to show you everything. Don't do that. Okay. So I hope that was helpful. I'm talking about this because January is a Super bowl of online dating and I want you to win and I want you to be successful. If you need more help with that, please reach out to me. You can DM me or you can book a free consultation call with me. I actually just got off of one with an amazing woman in D.C. and so we can talk a little bit about your love life and what's working and what's Not. And how to potentially make it work for you. Right, because that's really the name of the game, 2020 fun. It's all about love and having fun and dating. And so that's what I'm all about. And that's what I want you to be all about as well. Okay, so now I want to get to the questions, please. Let's talk about some of these questions. So many comments in here. So let me see some questions. Okay. Should I keep talking to someone even if I don't think they are someone I want to really date? Okay, so talk to me about why you don't want to date this person. Person.

I want to know why you feel like you don't want to date them.

1. I will say as I'm waiting for you to answer, I want you to trust your feminine intuition. If it's not someone you don't want to date, that's fine. But I just want to. I want to know if it's a legitimate reason and if this reason is coming from like a place of love where you're loving yourself or a place of fear where you're scared of something. So you're saying he's young. How young is he? Why does like how. What is too young? What is too old? I generally tell people minus five years plus ten. Okay. So when you're thinking about that, that's what I recommend at least. So.

For you, I would say talk to him. It doesn't hurt to talk, to engage, to Message on He's minus 10. Okay, well, I know you and I'm telling you that you should talk to them because I want you. And for any of the women that are out there, I want you to get really used to just being comfortable talking with men. There are a lot of women out there, especially in this quarantine times where you haven't been engaging with men in a serious way. So you have to like work that muscle a little bit. I want you to start chatting with men and if they're not messing up, if they're not out of pocket, I want you to be engaging with them. I want you to find your role in this love game, right? Because if you're not at practice with it, then you're not going to know what feels comfortable to you and what doesn't. Right? It's so much easier to dismiss men, but I want you to step outside of yourself and I want you to actually engage with them. Girl flirt, right? Figure out what kinds of ways that you want to flirt and what feels natural to you, right? Do you want to compliment him? Right. Do you want to tease him? Right. Do you want to have that witty banter? Let's talk a little bit about that. Let's engage with him. Let's see if he can hang out. What if he hangs girl? What if his youthful energy is everything that you need right now? What if you know what I'm saying? So let's engage. Just because you're talking to people doesn't mean that you have to actually go out and date them physically right now. If anything, this is the perfect time to be doing all of this because in a pandemic there is more understanding of like really slowing down that courtship phase. So let's chat with him online for a little bit, then let's move it to either email or text and then we can talk on the phone once and then maybe we can talk on FaceTime. Right. And then we can make a decision if he hasn't fucked things up.

If we want to go out with him in real life or not. Okay.

So you met him out in real life. Okay. So that doesn't matter. We bring him back and we start to engage via text and FaceTime and all of that and we get to know him. Okay.

Good.

So again, I'm not really caring about ages of people right now. If you're someone that hasn't necessarily gotten into the habit of online dating, I want you to be engaging with people that don't feel like huge red flags. When I think about dating, I think of it not as like a mission based pursuit, like I have to find a husband when I work with my clients. I'm thinking about it as an opportunity for you to really get to know yourself and all of yourself. Right. So you've made a story about him and how young he is is because that means something to you, right? That means, oh, he's not going to be on my level. He's not going to be my intellectual equal. Right. I'm going to have to like mother him or tell him what to do and things like that. What if that's not the case? You don't know. You don't lose anything except for maybe a little bit of time and some thumb work to figure it out. And if he messes up, then he's out. But if he doesn't, let's continue to engage. Right. Okay, good. I'm talking to a guy since April. He wants to just jump into a relationship, but I want to date. He feels, why date if we can just be together? Okay, beautifully flawed. Thank you for this question. So, first of all, you get to talk about and guide a relationship as a woman in the relationship. So. And that's. That's the power of a feminine energy. So you get to pace the relationship.

You can let him know, see, it's about communicating in a way that's, that's. That can be digested. Right. So you can let him know, I love that you want to be in a relationship, and that is ultimately my goal as well. But I generally like to take my time a little bit and really get to know each other before I'm ready to do that. And I'm sure as a gentleman, you can respect that. Right. Give him that, I'm sure. Right. When you want to change the behavior of a man, one of the things to do is to speak to him with a tone of expectation about this is where I know that you already are. Because when you do that, that's what their goal is and that's what they're going to meet just in the same. Right. And respect. If you say you're so lazy and you label him, that's what he's going to serve you and that's what he's going to give you. Because in his head, he's going to think, if this is what she thinks of me, that's what I'm going to do. If you think of him as being a respectful gentleman, that's how he's going to show up for you. So let him know that I love that you want to do this here. As a woman, this is what I'm comfortable with. And then I want you to observe what he does after that. If he continues to pressure you, it means that he's not respecting your word and he's disrespecting your boundary. And he's not for you, he's for himself. Because obviously this relationship means more to him to be happening now than how you're feeling and how comfortable you are. Okay? So.

Communicate with him.

Observe his response. If he doesn't respect that, unfortunately, you're going to have to let him go. Because if he can't do what feels comfortable to you, then he's never going to want to do what's comfortable to you. He's going to always want to be focused on himself.

Okay, good. What were the dating sites you suggested? I suggested Match Hinge and then tertiary, and the tertiary app would be OkCupid. I am like anti Bumble and anti Tinder. Okay, let me see if I have some other ones.

First date, daytime or nighttime? Oh, Girl, it doesn't matter. It's about what you feel most comfortable with. Right? So it's interesting. I'm wondering why you asked that question.

Is it because you feel like there is an expectation of having a nighttime date, or is it just general curiosity?

It's all about what you feel most comfortable with. If you feel most comfortable with a daytime date as a first date, great. If you feel more comfortable with a nighttime date, great. I would actually recommend first a phone or FaceTime date. Right. So that when you actually are dating in real life, you have less of that nervous energy, and it feels more like a second date because you've already kind of engaged with each other. Right. So first date. I'm not recommending daytime or nighttime. I'm recommending phone or facetime first and then whatever date you feel most comfortable with. Okay. I really, truly don't. I don't believe it matters.

And it also. I think it also depends on the timing of the date. Right. And your schedule. So on the weekends, obviously, daytime dates, because of timing, might be better for you. Right? So, yeah, I'm open to both. All right, my loves. This has been great. I have a client session now, and I am, as many of you know, devoted to my clients and making sure that they're winning, and they're winning every day. There are, like, wins in my VIP Facebook group of all of my clients. And so if you want to win in dating, love, and relationships, I want to let you know that I want to help you. I want to make sure that you win in love and dating. And to book a free consultation, call with me www.getyourguycoaching.com apply and we'll talk all about all of your love life, and we'll see if it's a fit. Regardless, I'm gonna be a huge fan, and I'm always gonna cheerlead you. And if you want to work together, great. I think I have one more spot, and then the last. The next availability will be in March because I'm pretty booked, so. All right, my loves.