Scarlett's Love Journey

Recording in progress.

Hello, my loves, and thank you so much for joining me on the get yout Gaia coaching podcast. I have an amazing guest, a current client that I thought would be very important for you to hear from in her journey. And so, with that being said, Scarlet, girl, welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. I am so happy that you are here.

Thank you so much. I'm so honored and super excited to be here. I'm excited.

Good. Me too, girl, let's get into it. Tell the people who you are, what you do, and then we'll get into kind of your journey a little bit, for sure.

So, hi, everyone. Like Amber said, my name is Scarlett. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and a boundaries coach, and with my business, Elevate Healing, llc. So that's who I am, in short.

Yeah. So, girl, you're a boundaries coach, but you're in this program that has to do with boundaries. So let's talk a little bit about that, right? And maybe, you know, why you decided to look for help in this part of your life, your love life.

I would say, like, the biggest reason I look for help in this part of my life is because I didn't know how to truly healthily and effectively date. I recognized I didn't have those skills. And then I started thinking more. I'm like, actually, no one's ever taught me how to date. And so, like, when I got hooked onto either your social media and then your podcast, I'm like, oh, okay. I got a lot of work to do.

Yeah. Was that intimidating? Was that exciting for you to think about that work that you had to do?

It was because I'm always about, like, self improvement. I'm like, all right, let's. Let's get to this work. I got to do it. I got to practice what, like, these podcasts are saying. I got to practice what, you know, like your Instagram, you know, posts were saying, or just your videos or your lives. And I'm like. Because it just. It was a very different information that I had never heard before. And I'm like, huh, that's a good point. And then it just. It just really resonated with me because, like I said, it was just very vast information that I've ever heard for about what dating should be.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm a different kind of girl, as I say.

Okay, so you hooked onto my Instagram. How did you initially hear about me?

So a colleague friend of mine told me about you. She heard about you from somebody who actually took your program and who got their guy. And then she sent me the first podcast that I heard of yours. Which, which girl are you?

Immediately, I don't remember the details of what it was. I'm like, oh, yeah, I am for sure the hard girl. I am for sure the hard girl. And I'm just like, ah, it's in the. Nice. Became hooked to your podcast ever since. So it was my colleague and friend who, who initially told me about you.

Yeah. And yeah, I think people think. I don't think I can get my guy in this program. And literally 90% of the people that are in my six month program get their guy. Like as you've seen in the program, I think in the last four months we've had 13 exclusive relationships, including your own. Congratulations. Thank you. Two engagements and one woman that's moved in with her guy. So like, all of this is so possible. Can you talk to the people about maybe how you were feeling before kind of getting into the program and like, like where your mindset was about if this could happen for you or not.

So before the program, I would, I would honestly say, like, it was. I didn't think it was possible. I honestly did not. And so because it was just like, well, if it didn't work for me before, why would it work for me now?

Yeah.

But the biggest thing that was missing was like I said I didn't have the right dating skills or the healthy dating skills. And so before I came in, I was very intimidated because I'm just like, oh my God, what am I doing? Is this even gonna work? And so just really started going into self sabotaging. And then I had to start quieting those thoughts and be like, just try it. You don't know, Give it a chance. So when I really gave it a chance, like immediately, immediately I started seeing a difference and I'm like, oh, okay, this works. It was amazing.

Yeah, well, girl, I kind of got that sense because generally I have my clients pay on a monthly basis. You had paid them. And then I want to say like a month or a half, you're like, I'm paying all of this.

I was like, oh, okay, girl. Like, go ahead. Do you then, girl. So I hear you when you're saying that. Let's talk about the consultation because I think that that was a very pivotal moment for you and based on the conversations that we had after that consultation. So talk to me about actually one, having that consultation and then two, how you felt while you were having the consultation with me.

So having the consultation with you was.

If I'm, I'm just gonna say, if you want some life transformational information, the consultation is where it starts. And so like for me, just hearing all of like what I was doing was not effective. And I'm like, ooh, okay. Because one of the biggest thing you had told me in the consultation was, oh girl, you're doing too much. You're like doing way too much. You gotta pull back. And I'm like. And I remember you saying that and I got tearful. Cause it really resonated with me because I always felt like I was doing too much. And so it was just like, okay, like this and just all. And it was really like you were pouring into me. And that meant so much to me because I was like, here's this person I don't even know who actually wants me to win.

Yes.

You know, and that's what that really, it felt so safe, felt so serene and protected. Especially afterwards because I really sat up and thought about it and, and like, even when we did our follow up consultation, I'm like, yes, let's go. Sign me up. Because I wanted more of that. Because I knew I needed more of that experience in order to like be in a different space, to actually date. Date. Right. Date the right way.

I love that I'm getting emotional a little bit because no one's ever said that, like.

That'S my intention.

The women. And just to hear that from you just means so much. So thank you for sharing that because that is my intention in these consultation calls. And I just think that this is so possible. And.

I just think that every woman, especially if you're a woman of color, you deserve to have this love. And so thank you for sharing that because that means a lot to me. That is my intention. That's why I do what I do and that's why I give so much. So I'm glad that you felt that way and I'm glad that you felt poured into because that's literally what I tried to do each and every consultation.

Yeah, for sure. Because like I said, it was just like, it just felt so, like just so like this. Here's this person just wrapping me in this warm blanket who wants the best for me, who wants me to win, whether I joined or not. And that was a beautiful thing. And there was just like, I just remember just being crying afterwards and just like, because it was such a feeling of warmth and love.

Yeah.

God, like this is amazing. Like, this is absolutely amazing. So I was like, oh, I can't wait for this. Follow up consultation.

What are we doing? We don't need it.

Right, exactly. But I do that because I think it's a, you know, we dig deep in the consultation and sometimes it can get really overwhelming and we need a couple of days to just kind of marinate on all of the things that we talk about. Because what I do know for sure is that in those consultations, oftentimes that will just open you up to have all of these new realizations and breakthroughs. Right. So oftentimes I will have that second follow up call just so that we can have that time and that time to really kind of contemplate and ponder all of the different things that we talk about. Absolutely. I didn't know I was going to get emotional on this podcast. Lord have mercy. But thank you for that. I appreciate that. Okay, so after we have this follow up consultation, you're like, yes, I want in. So let's talk about the very beginning of working together. Yeah. So what did that look like? Were you nervous? Were you excited? And what were some of those kind of first learnings or takeaways that you were getting when you first joined the program?

I was definitely, I was definitely nervous and excited. And then part of me felt this resistance.

Okay.

This resistance was because, oh, God, I don't want to be vulnerable to these women. I don't know, this is so hard. I don't even like doing it now. And so I really had to challenge myself to get out of that because I was just like, if I don't change this, I'm going to be doing the same patterns over and over. And I didn't want to do that. And so I think that's one of the first things that joining the program. We really talked and I believe our first call group call is on. We talked about the importance and the strength of vulnerability. And I never heard anybody talk about how vulnerability is a strength. And I was like, oh, that's a good point. Because of course it always been talked about, like sharing your feelings is some point of weakness. Especially for, especially for people of color like you. You zip that up, you don't do anything else. You do what's asked, do what you're told, and that's it. And that's how you survive.

Yeah.

And so when you said that, I'm like, oh, that's different. And it just was like, okay, I gotta work on that. Because if I, because like I said, I knew if I wasn't vulnerable, I, I probably would not have the success in the program and I probably would Just keep, keep.

Not at all.

Not at all. Literally, not at all. And so, like, just when I started to hear, like, other women in the program be vulnerable, and I would see them share the choice, and these were other women of color, and I'm like, I can do this. Like, I can do this. So to see that example, it was so transformational for me. And it was like, do this. Like, I can actually do this. So it helped me open up even more into sharing even more in the program. And so. And I was really surprised at how quickly I started to share because I. Because you were vulnerable. These other women were vulnerable. And I was like, okay, let me get. Let me. Let me get on. Let me get on the schedule too. I gotta be vulnerable. And it was just so. Such a great connection with everybody in the group that it's just like, it just made you feel so seen and heard, which is so different than what I was experiencing before in life, for sure.

I'm so glad that you shared that, because sometimes when I tell, you know, potential clients, like, oh, yeah, we're going to have this group program, it's really amazing. They're like, ugh, I don't know about that. Like, that's too much. I'm like, girl, no, you need it. You need to practice your vulnerability. Right. Like, it's a safe space with women of color where we are going to hold space for you each and every time. So I am so glad that you pointed that out because that group coaching call, like, component of the program is so important and is such a game changer in so many different ways, you know, to the point where you get to actually know and, you know, different women and connect in that way. Can you share a little bit about how you were able to maybe connect with other women?

Well, and because I would hear, like, them talk about their challenges, and that was like, I'd never heard that in a group of women of color before. And I've been part of many.

Yeah.

And so when I saw how, like, they would share, like, their challenges, and I'm like, it just reminded me, like, it was a safe space to do that with. Yeah. So then I was able to connect with a group member who absolutely adore. And we just became. Because there was a. We did a breakout room, and I was like, oh, my God, I want to connect with her more outside of the program. And we do. And we talk weekly and we send each other texts. We encourage each other. We talk about any challenges that we have, whether it's personal or career. And so it was such a beautiful connection that was even with other women in the group and just them talking about. And that was the other thing. It was like you felt the encouragement from them and you knew that they wanted you to do, to be at your greatest. So that was a really beautiful experience.

Yeah, I love that. So good. I'm so excited. I love the fact that you can find accountability partners in this journey. Like, I obviously am going to be that for all of my clients. But to have a community, because sometimes dating can actually be quite lonely, like you're meeting these new people, but it's actually can be really lonely. And to have someone else that is going through the same process with you that understands the same frameworks and dynamics and guidelines that I teach all of my clients, I think it's really important and really helpful because your friends won't get it. They're not in the program. They don't understand, like, how we're doing it, because as you've already noted, we're dating differently. Yeah.

I will say I did have to set boundaries with people outside of the program on the site. I'm just going to stick to my group in ANWAR because they don't know the skills that you are teaching us and to understand it, and it's just like it's done differently. So I was so glad I was able to make that decision to do that because I remember the only time I said something, I'm like, oh, okay, well, I'm not sharing that with him ever again.

Just really kept it. And I'm so glad I made that decision because like I said, it's very different how you teach us how to date. And it's amazing.

Yeah, I love that. Let's talk about some of the changes that you've noticed within yourself or other people have noticed within you over the last four to five months that you've been in the program. And then I'll also share some of the changes that I've observed as well.

Okay. I would say, like.

Two things that stick out for me. Me being vulnerable, like, and not waiting to be vulnerable, like, not having it build up. And I think the other thing I would say is, like, actually using my voice to ask for what I need.

That's right.

I was the quintessential suffer in silence girl. You know, Regardless, I was just like, well, okay. Like, I. Because I didn't. I. I didn't learn that I could use my voice to actually ask for what I need. And that's not how I grew up anyways. And so when you were giving us permission to do that, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna try it. And then when my first experience was setting what I needed and being vulnerable went so great, I'm like, oh, okay, I can do this. And then I just kind of just kept going on that journey of. And still a challenge for me to be vulnerable. I still get myself the picked up. Like, you can do this. You got this. And I'm so glad I do that because before I didn't do that. I just kept quiet.

Yeah.

And then just like they need to hear what they're. They're not going to read your mind. Like, you actually have to tell them what you need. So that's what I would say.

That's it. I love that. I love that you have been able to set more boundaries than you had in the past. That like, obviously you are a boundary master because that's what you do all day, every day. But sometimes it's hard to go from like 50. It's harder to go from 90 to 98% than it is to go from 50 to 90%. Right. And I just think it is so amazing that you have been able to go from that 90 to 98% when it comes to boundaries like you were talking about with other of people outside of the program. Also, like within, like the people that you were dating and then now in your relationship. Right. Like, I think some people feel like, oh, I don't need boundaries now that I'm in a relationship. No, you need them and if anything, you need them more. And they're probably harder to set because you actually give a damn about this person.

Agreed. Agreed. Yeah. But you've been able to continuously do it right. Even when it's been hard and maybe a little bit scary. So I just want to commend you for that and acknowledge that. Yeah, that's not easy to do even if you started out as a boundary master.

Yeah, I received that. Thank you so much. Because that is true. It is definitely different going from 90 to 98.

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. We talked about vulnerability, we've talked a little bit about boundaries. We've talked about speaking up. If you could talk about kind of what it has been to really, really, really kind of go into the work and go into the trenches. And if there's been anything beyond the vulnerability that has been a game changer for you, I'd love to hear it.

Hold on, hold on.

Okay, I'm back. The four year old.

Okay, I'm going to start off with that question again. If that's okay. Okay.

So as we're thinking about kind of the program as you've experienced it right now, like what are the game changing things that maybe you've learned that you didn't know before? And how have other people been able to witness those changes within you?

For sure. I think the biggest game changer for me is when you introduced to the group the dating plan. The dating strategy. And I was like, there's a plan.

And the plan worked so.

Beautifully and so phenomenally and it, and it just took so many away of many of my anxieties about like what to do on a date.

Yeah.

So getting that dating plan was just. That was a huge game changer. And when I saw like when. Because you would say how the, how the guy would feel or how whoever you're dating would feel, and I'm like, oh my God, he's right. It's true. This is amazing. So the fact that those things lined up and I'm like, okay, we keep going. That's right, girl. So that was, that was just.

And I'm becoming speechless about it because I just remember being like, okay, like we'll just see if it works. And the fact that it worked on literally date zero, which is the phone date.

Yeah.

And I'm like, oh, okay. And then it worked on date one, then it worked all the way up to date eight. I'm like, oh, okay, here we go. So it's. It was a beautiful game changing plan. And then when I would hear other women in the group talk about it, how it's working for them and, and even we, we would be excited. You know, I'm not going to say what is. But what day three would bring and like what we would have to do. And it. And we would. We about the reactions from, from what. What happened with day three, like when we would do what we were supposed to do.

That's right.

Yeah. So I'm just like I'm giving it away. So. And it was just a beautiful thing to hear and share that experience with other, other women in the group. For sure.

Yeah. I love that. Thank you for sharing that. So just for the listeners out there. So I teach my clients how to go from first conversation to first date. Then I also teach my clients how to go to. From first date to date. Aiden. Potentially exclusivity. Right. So there is something to be had at every step of the way and to have that strategy and to know that as Carla was saying, I think it's really important so that you can feel confident and know what your next step is and so that you're not advocating or giving away your power to a guy because you don't know what to do.

Right.

It happens so often. And so to have that confidence and to know exactly what your next step is and what your final step is going to be, I think is so important. And so thank you for kind of highlighting that because I think people, like, don't really understand, like, well, what am I going to do with a dating coach? Yeah, no, we're going to give you a step by step guide so that you can get your guy right. Like, we're going to give you the, like the external decisions that need to be made, but we're also going to do the internal transformational work. And I think that's why we get such great results in the program. Yeah, for sure.

Because I would even say with the dates, it coincided with a worksheet that we had to work on. Yeah. Which was really great because the, the getting towards exclusivity. There is the worksheet that we have talked about needs, which was game changing. And I was like, I didn't even know I needed that. And then it was just. And then I was. Because it made it easier for me to explain to my guy this is what I needed.

Yeah.

And to have it be honored. So the fact that with each day came a worksheet that coincided with it was just. I was like, it was masterful, to be honest, because I'm like, okay, cool. This is what I need to do. This is what I need to work on.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Very cool.

Talk to me a little bit about, you know, because there's a lot of women listening to this podcast, what you would tell them right. As they're listening. Because you were that girl that was listening to the podcast too. Right. And I'm sure you were listening to my solo episodes or my guest coaching episodes or my former client episodes. What do you think that they need to hear that will be very useful or valuable for them in terms of their potential next step?

I would say, honestly, if you've been watching anwr, schedule the consultation, don't hesitate because like I said, there's such a huge pouring into that happens in that phone call that you're just like, wow, wow, okay. And it just, like I said, it's so. It's literally a forever impactful call and literally life transformational that it's like don't, don't walk or hesitate, jump, leap, you know, skydive, whatever you need to do.

To get in this call, because it is just. Because even if you don't sign up, I'm telling you, it's such a life transformational call. Both calls, the initial and the follow up. And it's just. It's a beautiful conversation that you will have with Anwar. And it's just like I said, if you're wanting to different results in dating get your guy program, you need to sign up like, stat. Like stat, stat, stat, stat, stat.

Yes, girl, yes. So, girl, you got your guy. Congratulations.

Thank you.

You know, in the program, we obviously congratulate every woman for getting their guy, but it's really about. And finding yourself in this program. So I want to congratulate you for all of the work that you were able to do. So let's talk about getting your guy, girl. Yeah. And what did. What that looked like for you and maybe some of the things that you've learned within the. This newly formed relationship.

So I say, like, up to the progress of getting the guy, what I really learned from you was how to show up for myself. Yeah, that was essential because when I was able to show up for myself, I was. I started like, receiving things differently. Like, whatever information I was receiving differently, and I was able to output actually what, like, I said what I needed and like, and that I've never, never in my life had done that before with a guy. And I was just like, literally, because the examples that we would see on whatever we saw growing up, it was like always the woman being the quiet. And so when I was able to do that with him, express to him, like, hey, this is. This is actually what I need. And I don't really like that. And the fact that it was honored, I'm like, oh, this is different. And it wasn't. And that was the thing because I was able to share my knees initially or probably like the second time and not hold on to it and be vulgar or verbally volatile. I was actually in a place to speak from a place of peace. Yes. Like, hey, I actually, this is what I really need. And it was received so well and so differently. And I'm like, wow, okay. I would say, like, being with my guy, what I'm learning about is like.

Continuing to allow someone to pour into me.

Yes.

More and more and. And actually allowing myself to receive what he has to give instead of, oh, is it being me giving? And it's just because one of the things you said to me was like, let him take care of you. I go, oh, okay. So.

And also as a. As a single mom, that is Very difficult to do. Because you are in the business of taking. And as a therapist, you are in the business of kind of taking care of other people all the time.

Oh, absolutely, Absolutely. And so, and I will say, like, if you haven't heard the podcast, the Masculine versus Feminine Energy, please listen to it. So, and because that was game changer for me as well, and especially when we talk about it in the program. And so I was able to really sit in the empowerment of feminine energy and just allow somebody to just allow me to receive and, and actually have somebody said, no, I take care of it.

I got you.

Don't worry about it. And I was so different. I'm like, okay, you got me. Okay.

I'm like, I'm going to let you. I'm going to let you do it. Okay. And so that was, and that was the thing to have somebody who shows up for me in the way that I need and not the way that they want to show up for me. And we say, this is actually how I need you to show up for me. The fact that that happens, I'm like, wow, okay. This is, this is so different. For sure. Yeah.

Very cool. Well, I'm so excited that you have gotten your guy and just all of the amazing transformations that you have been able to have over the last four to five months. You know, I'd love for you to talk a little bit about your experience in the program because obviously we talked a little bit about the group calls. Right. We talked a little bit, I think, about the online program and some of the work and worksheets that you were able to do. I'd love for you to talk a little bit about some of our one on one time. Right. Because I do have office hours throughout the week that I'm able to talk with my clients one on one. And then also we are always connected via Voxer and we're talking very regularly on that for anything that kind of happens. So talk. Maybe if you could talk a little bit about your experiences in the office hours and be a boxer just so that I think that people can understand what it looks like to be supported within the program.

Absolutely. So the one thing that I remember you saying to all of us was just like, reach out to me on Voxer. I, you know, and you, like, I will respond to you or you, or you would say, I will hunt you down.

And did I?

And you do.

Even with the one on one coaching calls. It's just, I love the details of it because we really get into like the minutiae and the details of what needs to continue to happen in order for you to grow. And so just really learning more about yourself and say, hey, I want you to try this. And I'm like, okay. And then you'd be like, you better let me know tonight.

Or I'm coming, I'm coming for you. I'm like, okay. So and those, because like those calls were just like I said, it was very, very intimate calls to where it's like you were getting like the more one on one intention that you probably. I didn't think I, I needed it at first. And then I, after our first one, I go, yeah, I need this like all the time. And so even when, even before dates, I would hit you up on VOX and be like, hey, just want to let you know, I would hit you up post boxer, let you know how the date was. And then. And we would be like, okay, let's schedule a.

One on one so we can continue to like expand on the day, talk about what went well, what didn't go well, what you think would be differently. So it's like I said, it's just like very getting into it so that you can know what's the best path for you. So that's what I say about that.

Yeah, definitely. I love that we were able. One of the things that I think has made, has given you so much success in the program is your ability to show up and the group calls on the voxer regularly and office hours on a weekly basis. Right. Or almost weekly basis. And so I just want to offer for the listeners out there that to have to like have the success, you got to do all of it. Right. Because there's so, so many different dimensions here with this program and it really is going to help you when you are taking advantage and leveraging all of the support that's going to be given to you. I just think that you did such a great job of doing that. So I think that really helped kind of accelerate you to achieving your love goals here. So I'm so excited about all of the work that you've been able to do and all of this work that you are still going to be doing as you're in a relationship. I was just telling you before this podcast, like in the relationship, that's when the work actually really, really starts.

I'm feeling it.

Scheduling after this phone, after our, our.

Podcast schedule, that office hour, you know, it.

Anything that you want to share before we, before we go about, about the experience, about whatever.

So, so about the program, I would say like, one of the things I was able to show up for. So, because I had to really think about what the investment I wanted for me, like, what I wanted to do differently. So I would encourage whoever it's. Listening to this, like, think about the investment you want to make. Because if you want to do differently, you have to invest in yourself. There's no way that you can continue to watch whatever, whatever. But to actually be in the program is so different. It's such a phenomenal experience. So that being said, like, like Amar said, I am a boundaries coach, and at the end of the year, I'm going to be launching a boundaries program.

Yeah. Talk to the people about that. What does that look like? What does that feel like, girl?

Oh, it's exciting because what we talk about is really like, inner child wounds, like, how that continues to perpetuate of why you have challenges with making boundaries, and so how that can project in so many different ways and you don't even think about it. So we talk about a lot of that layering. And so we talk about, like, even. So a lot of times I talk about. Even with clients I see now with boundaries. And so instead of being verbally volatile, we talk a lot about what I call soft landing.

Yeah.

How do we have a soft landing? What's I said? Because you're. I said, when you're verbally volatile, the person you're trying to share with doesn't hear you. That's fine, you know, so you want them to receive it and you want to have a conversation instead of being like, do this, do this and that. I said, because. Do you like that? They're like, well, no. I said, okay, so let's talk about. Let's practice the soft landing. So, yeah, so I'm excited about that program because at first it's going to start. The webinar is going to be launched, and I'm going to have a free webinar that'll be launched in November. And then the program will probably most likely start in December or January of next year. So I'm super excited about it.

I love it. It's going to be so great. And we're going to have all of that information in the show notes. So please, everyone check that out, because even if you're not ready for my program, the core work and foundational work that we are doing is the boundaries and the, the healing of the inner child wound. So this is going to be such an amazing program for you if this is something that you're really interested in. So please please check that out. Scarlett, thank you so much for being here in this podcast. Like, it is such an honor to have you here and I'm so excited that we have been able to work together and do such great work together. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you much.

So, so much, Amber. I really appreciate you.

You're so welcome, girl. Anytime. And for any of the listeners out there, if you are interested and you're ready to get your guy this year, please click on that link in the show notes or go to www.getyourguycoaching.com apply and we will have that amazing consultation that Scarlett was just talking about. All right. All right, my loves. Have a great rest of your week and I will talk with you soon. Bye. Bye.