Stephanie's GYG Journey

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

I never felt the way I do without anyone but you.

Hello, everyone, and thank you so much for joining me on the get your Guy coaching podcast. I have a special guest. This is a former client of mine who has gotten her guy. And I thought it would be really good to just have people who have been in the program so that they can share their experience before, during, and after the program so that you can get a sense of. Is this for me, is this something that I would want to go through myself? So, lady, why don't you just introduce yourself?

Yes. Hello. Thanks for having me. I'm Stephanie. I'm 37 and I live in Atlanta. I've been in Atlanta since 2005 and I do digital advertising for work. I have a digital advertising business.

I love that girl. And I love that you are in Atlanta because Atlanta is really the hardest city to date in. And it is possible, ladies, it is possible, right, to get your guy. Although we'll talk about this a little bit later, but your guy was not in Atlanta.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. So let's get into this, right? Because, you know, I know a lot of people are like, I don't know if I would want to kind of get a dating coach. So talk to me about your love life, like, and when you felt like you needed to maybe get help here.

Yeah. So my last real relationship was probably a decade ago at this point. And I had two back to back relationship relationships that were just terrible and different for different reasons. And so I decided to take kind of like a break. My career was starting to kind of be on the up and up. And so I'm like, let me focus on my career. Let me focus on my son. And so I did that for a while. And then once I started dating again, the dating landscape had changed a little bit.

Yes, ma'. Am.

Apps had really come to the forefront because they weren't a thing, you know, that long ago. And so it just became. It was a different world, essentially. And so I dated seriously, but I haven't been in another serious relationship since then. And so I realized that, you know, it. I needed A little bit of a boost, you know, to figure out how to navigate not only the changes, but just what was best for me, because I felt like before I was making decisions that weren't necessarily best for me as it pertained to dating.

Yeah. So let's talk a little bit about that, because I hear this a lot. Right. Okay. My love life isn't. Isn't really going well, so why don't I make my career my boyfriend? That's what I'm hearing, girl.

So my question for you is, when did you decide that not like it wasn't enough, but that you actually felt inclined to want to engage in your love life again? Was there a moment. Was there, like, what was that moment for you where you were like, okay, let me lean into this a little bit more?

Yeah. I don't know if there was a light bulb moment. I think that I had just looked up, and it had been like five or six years already had passed, and I'm like, wow, that went really quickly. You know, my son is getting older. Do I want more kids? Like, what does this look like? And so all of these, you know, different thoughts started to kind of come through, and then I started to kind of panic a little bit, like I was running out of time. And so I think it was more so a combination of my age, my son's age, and just kind of feeling like, especially being in a city like Atlanta, where there are so many beautiful, single, respectable, you know, black women here, where it's just like, okay, I don't know if I'm even, you know, in the running anymore, because I'm getting older, because I'm a single mom, all the things. So if anything, I think that's what it was.

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for your honesty, because I know a lot of people will feel that way. So you got into the apps, and you're like, what in the world?

What was your first shock when you came back, girl? Because this is. This was. You were in the game pre pandemic, girl. And even the apps changed from before the pandemic and then during the pandemic and after the pandemic.

Yeah, by the time the pandemic hit, I was actually post pandemic. I was done with the apps because I had my own experiences during the pandemic. But, yeah, it was. It was different because I think prior to. Since I had gone to college here, a lot of the guys that I were meeting, we had either gone to school together or maybe school at the same time. And so we had Mutual friends. And so I feel like dating in college is completely different. Right. It's like, you're a student, I'm a student. You're funny. I'm funny. You're cute. I'm cute. We can just start dating. But then when you graduate now, it's a different level of, like, what I should be looking for. And so navigating those waters at that point became a little different. And then getting into the apps, it was like, okay, people are not 100% honest about what they do for a living, about who they are, about what they like. It was so many different things. And so that, for me, was the most frustrating part was because, you know, you could paint yourself as however you wanted to paint yourself, and then you actually meet somebody in person, and you're just kind of supposed to deal with, like, the white lies of it all. And so that's probably the biggest thing that turned me off about the apps.

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Okay, so you navigating these treacherous waters, girl. And then how did you hear about me?

Yeah, so this was last summer. A friend of mine who. She and I commonly talk about dating and experiences and things like that. She sent me one of your videos from TikTok, I believe it was. And I don't even remember which video it was, but she was just like, this guy gets it. Like, just going in, and we're watching the videos, and we started watching other videos, and we started talking about it. And I think it was kind of the way that you were talking about dating just sounded differently. It wasn't like, oh, put a dress on. Go to the hotel bar by yourself. And it wasn't that type of strategy. It was more so like, identifying things within yourself and then being vulnerable and being honest. And I'm like, all the things that I had not done and was not doing. And so I think it. If that was kind of a click between, like, okay, if I want to change the way or the type of men that I meet or how I meet them, I kind of need to learn some different strategies.

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for that. So what I'm hearing is that you were stalking me, girl. This was. This was like a. This was like a Netflix. You.

Not ashamed?

No, that's. That's really helpful. I do. I do try to, you know, when it comes to dating, I really think about it with, like, a 360 perspective. It's not just because there are a lot of people out there that are like, yeah, put some red lipstick on and a red dress, and you'll Get a guy and like cosplaying, femininity and all of that. And you can get a guy today if you want. Girl. That's not what it's about. It's about really being deep into the, and emotionally available so that you make these deeper connections. So I'm so glad that you were able to, to see that. Okay, so you were stalking me.

What, what was the, what was the process to actually book that consultation? Because there's, there's, you know, I have a lot of people that view the videos. A couple million every week, girl. So what made you go from I'm stalking to let me, let me talk to this person, let me get to this consultation.

Yes. So my friend and I, who we were talking about investments as it pertains to dating, right? We had looked into different matchmaking services. Any like date, different type services, local, in Atlanta. And our thing was, you know, investing in an actual dating service store, matchmaker or dating coach, whatever that is. It's kind of like a small investment in like a longer term goal, right? So if you find your man and then now you're happy and now you can do all these things. And so I think we looked at it from a return on investment perspective. And so, and I'm such a numbers girl.

She.

We went to, you know, Georgia Tech. So yeah, always putting the things into like a numbers format essentially. And so we're like, okay, this return on investment could really be larger than, you know, the cost of the program. So I'm like, let me just book a consultation. Let's just see what he's talking about. And I can make my decision based off of the vibe. Like at that point I had decided that the investment was worth what I was trying to go after. So the next step was just to see kind of like how the consultation went from there.

So talk to me about the consultation. Were you nervous? Were you excited? Like, what were you feeling during and afterward?

You know, I didn't have any expectations. I think I was, it was probably a mixture of all emotions whether it was like, excited to have that conversation to see what could be next. And so going in, I was just kind of ready to talk about and answer a few questions. And I remember during the consultation you made me cry. And I was like, okay, first of.

All, I can't make you do anything, girl. So don't put that shit on me, girl.

Absolutely I am.

Don't put that shit on me, girl.

I'm blaming on you because my friends, they call me the tin man, right? Like I'm not a cry. You're vulnerable.

Yes.

I remember getting off the consultation and sending a voicemail to my friend. Like, he made me cry. And now I have to sign up because nobody makes me cry.

Now everyone's going to think I'm a bully girl.

No, it wasn't a bully type cry. It was a, like, get into the details type cry. You know what I mean? It was. It wasn't about making. You didn't make me feel bad. You kind of tapped into some things that I think I had just suppressed and am I. And the way I felt about it was just like, you know, in this short consultation call, if you can identify those things and kind of bring them to the surface so quickly, then, you know, what will that look like in a full program?

Yeah, definitely. So you signed up. Let's talk about the full program experience, girl. Because at the beginning, we were touching. Go for a little bit, which is, I just want to say, is completely normal in this program. This is why I have my programs that are six and 12 months. Because it takes my ladies a couple of months to get it, to get on board, honey. Because we do things very differently in my program. So let's talk a little bit about that, girl.

Yes, I. I joined and I was like, gung ho, and I was ready to go. And I think some of those, like, childhood wounds, mother wounds kind of came out and through. And, you know, you have your steps on, like, how to go through the program. And anytime that I felt like I didn't go through steps in the right order in the right way, I would get a little nervous. And I remember when I first met my guy, I didn't go exactly through the steps. And so I. I just felt bad. I just remember being like, oh, my God, I can't. I can't talk about it. Right? And so the be. And that was at the beginning of the program. And I went. I went ghost a little bit.

Yes. She ghosted me, honey. She ghosted me, ladies. I got ghosted the dating coach.

I ghosted my own dating coach that I'm paying for. And I remember, like, when. Because I didn't have any expectations for that situation to really go anywhere because I had just met another guy prior to. And, you know, kind of ended somewhat abruptly. And I remember talking to the same friend, and she was like, well, have you talked to Anwar about it? And I was like, huh, huh? And she was like, girl, you're paying him. He is there for you. Like, get into it and get into it now. It's like, she made me feel bad about it because again, we're numbers person. She was like, you're losing your return on your investment. And I was like, you're right. And then that's kind of when I got back in and started to talk more about. About the situation.

Yeah, I want to talk a little bit about that because like I was saying before, it's super normal, and dating is very triggering. Right. And oftentimes, and I want to spell this out for all of the listeners that are out there, what will happen is when I. When I'm coaching ladies, it can be very triggering because it can bring up, like, your highly critical mother or father. Right. Even though I'm saying, okay, asking question, I'm not saying you're a bad person, you're horrible, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it can bring that up. Right? And so even the coaching experience sometimes can be very triggering. Understanding that I'm coming from a place of love and respect, I. I totally get that, and I totally respect that and understand that. And it's another opportunity for us to work through. So if there are any ladies out there that are listening that are like, oh, my God, I don't want to do it now, that's fine, but please realize that I'd rather you be triggered with me than get triggered into a relationship and then break up, because we haven't managed and we haven't talked through all of those things. Right. And especially, you know, I was reading about this, but, you know, we. Many of our black parents are very critical of us. And it goes back to slave days in that, like, you know, our mothers and our fathers would be very critical of their children because they didn't want them to be sold off. So they would say, no, he's not good, or, she's not good. She's not doing anything right. And so the pathology kind of just continues generation through generation. And so what it means for us, unfortunately, is that we might have some of those wounds that are very sensitive. So I just wanted to kind of bring context to that and help, you know, understand that, like, that happens. And. But I'm so glad that you came back, girl.

And I think also, I think another kind of, like, trigger moment or light bulb moment, I should say, was maybe one of our sessions kind of highlighted that I think we had done something around, you know, mother wounds or something. And I was like, that's really what it is. That's really what's stopping me from talking about it, you know, because I don't want to be Wrong in those moments. So I think it's like, it's. It's more than just teaching me how to date. Right. It's like kind of taking all of those old emotions and kind of like identifying what they are.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. So we got back into the program. Right. Talk to me about your experience of the program and some of the changes that you saw within yourself or even friends and family saw within you as you were navigating, not just like your dating life, but also just life in general. Because how you do one thing is how you do everything.

Yeah. I think the first thing for me would be definitely be vulnerability. Right. And being more emotional. Like in our consultation, even taking it back there. One of the first things that you said to me, I think you asked me a question and I answered it very matter of factly, which is how I typically do things. Again, numbers, science type person. And you were like, but you didn't use any emotion words. And I'm like, what is an emotion word? You know what I mean? And so, yeah, I think if the program didn't do anything else for me, it definitely has. Has forced me to. In a good way, to tap into what is the emotion that I'm feeling, not necessarily the fact. So it's not always. Because I've always been like, one plus one equals two, doesn't matter, all of the emotions around that particular equation. Right. And so now it's like, no, how am I feeling about it? Because two is always going to be two in this. In this case. But what, you know, am I feeling about this particular thing? And I definitely feel like not only has that translated from my relationship, romantic relationship, but then also my friendships as well, to where now I can, like, kind of dig in a little bit more and explain myself a little bit more and get more vulnerable with my friends because again, they have historically always called me Tin man, so.

And that is the state of it all, girl.

The state of it all. Exactly. And if you're a Game of Thrones person, I'm the Dothraki, right? Like, Dothraki never cry.

Shady.

Right?

But, you know, that's just. And I've never. I've never really taken offense to that because it's kind of true. And I've. That's the. The badge that I have worn proudly, but making that transition into being more vulnerable, I now wear that proudly. Right. And then when I have these conversations, whether it's my friends or whatever, it's I feel good about, and I still have to kind of plan it sometimes. Like, I'll go, of course, the emotional wheel. And I'm like, which of these really relates to how I'm feeling? Just so that I can communicate that.

Effectively a hundred percent. I always tell the ladies, it's going to be nearly impossible to get your guy without that vulnerability. And as someone who has gotten her guy, it has been probably the central part of your relationship. I want to go to this vulnerability with friends for a second, because when you did get your guy, I remember a moment where you were like, I don't want to talk about him with my friends. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want them to get upset. I don't want them to get angry or jealous. And I don't want to put myself out there, essentially. Right? And we have to kind of work through that and play bigger and be seen and all of that. Do you want to talk a little bit about that? Because this is really. I think it's really interesting, and I think it's a. A lot of people don't actually think about what it feels like to be on the other side that, like, okay, now that you're in the relationship, there's, like, a lot of other things that will come up for you as well.

There's so many emotions when it comes to having that relationship. And then be still with my friend group. And let me just say that I have a very solid friend group. Like, not the type of girls are going to cutie in Mexico, right? Like, these are solid girls. And they would tell me, like, no, we want to take this journey with you, right? Like, tell us, tell us. But I realized early on that it was. I almost felt like if I was too happy or if I talked too much about it, then almost like the love gods would kind of take it away from me, right? So I had this thing where. And I could tell that it was starting to make a couple of them feel a little offended, like, oh, girl, you get your man, and now you can't talk about nothing no more. But it wasn't about that. You know, I wanted to share with them. I wanted to say, you know, the things that were going on, whether, you know, good, bad, whatever. But it was just like. I just felt like if I talked too much about it, it was going to bring attention to me in whatever the atmosphere was. And then it was like, oh, nope, she's too happy. Let me take this away. Right? And so it was a struggle to start to finally talk about it. But then, yeah, once you've Been in a group where we are single ladies and we have the same types of dating stories, or we're going through these different things, different experiences, and navigating through them as single women. And then, you know, we're single women, we travel together, we do so many things together, and then somebody is no longer single. That changes the dynamics a little bit because now you're splitting time and now you're thinking about things differently. Like, maybe I'm not going to post a bikini pic the same way I would have posted it before. Like, I don't know. It just depends on your particular relationship. And so I think that that was the other thing of trying to kind of figure out, like, how does that change things within my friend group without changing things within my friend group?

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. So we talked about vulnerability. I think the other thing that is part of that, like I was saying before, is just being bigger. Right. And taking up more space in our relationship. That's one of the biggest kind of opportunities that I saw in your journey within the program. Whether it's even, you know, participating in group calls versus not, or, you know, speaking to how you're feeling with your friends and your family or your guy versus just staying quiet and really sitting down and having those conversations. I think that has been also, like, huge game changer, like, night and day. So I wanted to just acknowledge that as well, because without that girl, I don't know where you would be.

I know. And it's an ever. Like, I'm still evolving.

Still girl. Always lifetime. Just like the channel girl. Lifetime time, girl.

Exactly. It is always going to be a work in progress because even now I find myself, like, I just think about things that I want to talk about over and over again. I'm like, should I? Maybe I shouldn't. And I don't know, again, where that, you know, stems from. I'm the youngest. You know, there are lots of things that kind of go into that, but really just kind of constantly. There's one line that I remember you said, and I feel like I can't remember if it was in a video or maybe a session or something. But I always tell myself this, especially when I want to have a certain type of conversation, like, within my relationship is you can never say the wrong thing to the right person. And I constantly tell myself that over and over again. I'm like, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person.

I was in a session. I remember that session. Girl, that was a hard session.

Girl.

It was a Difficult one.

But now it's like, I might as well have that tattooed on my forehead because I think about it all the time and I just think that it's so. It is not just about romantic relationships. It's even any type of relationship.

Right.

Like, I should be able to have a conversation with a close friend and it not ruin us. So that. That's one of my biggest takeaways.

I love that. And it's not even just that too. It is that these are the conversations that actually bring us closer together. Right. That. So we're so afraid of, like, oh my God, it's gonna break us up or he's not gonna like me and I'm gonna be banished and blah, blah, blah, blah. No, if it's the right person, it actually brings us closer together. Yeah. Which is such a beautiful thing. Okay, so we tease the ladies about you getting your guy. So why don't you share with us a little bit about how you got your guy. Right? Because it comes in a variety of different forms and fashions, honey. So tell the tell, tell the ladies. And I. I always want to hear it.

Yes. So I actually. So I have a son. He is 15 and plays basketball pretty much year round. And so I was at a tournament or we were at a tournament, and prior to his game, I was walking to his court and happened to see. I happened to look up. You ever just like feel something? I looked up and he was looking at me and so I spoke. He spoke back and it was just kind of like a quick high. And I was like, oh, he's cute and he's tall. And I'm like, okay, whatever. And then. But I had to go set up for the game and I think I might have, like, looked over again and he was still looking and I might have, like spoke again. Because normal me, it's like, let's talk about that.

Let's talk about that.

You see me come, come and speak, right? Like, that's normal me. I want to be approached. Like, that is another thing that I've definitely have taken away from this program. That was like step one to me, it's just like, okay, you see me come and speak. Now, I've given you the eye twice.

So skip past toward the. During the game, I'm now on the other side of the court and I see him again and he's kind of standing a little further, but he's looking and I kind of give him. Now this is the third time I am speaking. Like, okay, you can come and approach me and say Hello. I'm paying attention to the game, though. Game ends, I turn around, he is not there. And now I'm over here, like, looking around like, I lost my keys. Like, wait, where's Waldo, girl?

Where's Waldo?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I'm not. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready.

And so I told myself, now, this was a Friday. I told myself, because I left, I didn't see him again that, that, that day. I was like, if I see him tomorrow.

I'm going to speak first.

Right? Yes.

So that was, you know, we, we talk about that, you know, dating differently.

That's in the program, honey. That's in the program. This is what we work on the program.

Like, break the ice. There's nothing wrong with breaking the ice. And so I gave myself a little pep talk that night.

Yes, girl.

Issa in the mirror, rapping it like you got.

Yes.

And then I ended up seeing him on Saturday and I spoke first. And then that was. It's really been it since then. He kind of took it away. He, you know, he thought, because we're in a space where there's a lot of married couples, there's moms and there's dads, and you don't know the dynamics of anything. And he was like, I wasn't sure if you were married, but after, I mean, I said hello, he took it from there.

Yes.

Essentially what you said, you're like, you should break the ice. And then at that point, they should lead the way.

That's right. And that's what he did, honey. Y' all been going strong ever since.

Yeah, that was mid June of last year, so we're almost at that year mark.

Girl, congratulations.

Thank you.

You're so welcome. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, it's very intimate, but, girl, it's giving me high school vibes, girl. All over again in the gym looking at that hot ass dude. Girl.

Exactly.

Half watching the game, half scoping.

Right, Exactly. In my athleisure, you know, not in that dress with my red lipstick.

Correct.

Girl.

But the boys gag for the athleisure, girl. They gag for it. So you were doing everything that you needed to do for the ladies that are listening and they're like, I don't know if I should do a consultation work with him. What would you tell the listeners kind of about the get your guy program?

Yeah, I would say that. Let me say that when, before I started, I was going, I was in therapy, just kind of like doing tune up work, like, not really feeling like I had like, an issue or depressed or anything, but just kind of talking through different things. And I actually paused therapy once I got started in the program because I felt like I was doing more emotional work in the program than I was with my prior therapist. Now, this is not me saying that use this program as therapy, but what I am saying is that I do think it's worth the investment because you are kind of like, you know, hitting. Hitting multiple goals at the same time. You're kind of identifying maybe some. Some deep wounds that you kind of needed to get anyway, get to anyway, regardless of romantic relationships, helping friendships out, then just feeling better as a person, feeling more confident as a person, but then also still working towards, you know, having a healthy relationship. And dating is hard, and dating is difficult. So I would say book the consultation because I think for me, it was the vibe that I got with you, Anwar, within the consultation that made me more confident about taking that step and realizing that this was an investment that I needed to make. Right. If I could go and spend a hundred and some dollars at a dinner with my. With my girls, you know, there is no reason why I can't invest in kind of like my present in my future. So I definitely think it's worth it. I have recommended it to several people. I ended up kind of randomly running into somebody that I knew within the program, like, hey, girl. Hey, twin.

Yes, girl.

And so, yeah, I would. I kind of think everybody needs to go through. Through it. I just think it is a scary thing to think, not only financially, but then it's just like. I think the fear about it is, what if it doesn't work? But my response to that is there is no wrong answer to kind of like doing the emotional work. You may not find your guy at that particular time, but you'll be ready. And I think that really that's what it's about. It's that preparation for when you get that moment. You know exactly how to do things or how to have those tough conversations and having. How to navigate your own emotions.

Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that. And you have recommended people into the program who also have their guy.

And that's what I love. I love to see it.

Yeah, me too. This is one of the reasons why, especially in the VIP program, if you don't get your guy in six months, we'll support you for an additional six months because we do know that timing is different. Like, if you're in California, Texas, Florida, Atlanta, it might take you a year, and that's okay, right? And how things are going now. It's taking a little bit longer because then the culture of dating is changing. But, you know, we're going to continue to do the work. And I am so excited that you came with us to share your experience and talk through it with all of the ladies.