Dating coach Anwar White argues that searching for 'the one' creates scarcity and makes women tolerate bad partners. Instead, stop the hunt, let men pursue, avoid splitting bills, and set hard boundaries to expose narcissists. Shift from waiting to be chosen into actually choosing.
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Girl, I'm going to need you to stop looking for the one. And I know that's crazy coming from a dating coach, but please hear me out. Why do I say this? When you're focused on the one, you will actually create love, scarcity, mindset in your dating life. And you will hold on to guys longer because they have the looks, the career, the education that you have imagined that your person would have their resume instead of the person that they are. I call it gracism. You're giving grace to these guys that actually don't deserve it, but because it looks or sounds the way that you want it to sound, that you will give them more time and more chances. The other thing that I want to offer to you when you're looking for the one is R1, or the concept of it is really based on our bonding patterns. And if you're a woman of color, your bonding pattern will be focused on your relationship with your black mother, who is often in her toxic masculine energy and a narcissist. So you will be ultimately, like, attracted to narcissism. Intellectually, no. But, like, emotionally, yes. That's why it's, like, difficult to, like, focus on the one. Instead of, like, looking for the one, I want you to be eliminating the negative ones. Mathematically, it's a positive, but as your fairy God brother, I want you to be doing it differently. So what does it mean to eliminate or repel the negative ones? So in terms of masculine energy, don't text him, don't call him, don't do anything. Let him pursue you, Let him chase you, let him court you. There are no talking stages. There's only courting. Yeah. Also, how do we eliminate the negative ones? We don't pay for any dates. We let him pay for everything. Right. This will help us understand, does he have the finances to actually provide for you? And in dating, in relationships and potentially marriage, the 50, 50 guys, they're out immediately. Thirdly, how do we eliminate the negative ones? We eliminate the narcissist. And the way that we eliminate the narcissist is in two ways. One, we set a lot of boundaries. You've heard me say stress him out. We stress him out positively by setting a ton of boundaries. Narcissists can't handle your boundaries. They will flip out. Number two, we also become very vulnerable. We share our feelings. Our feelings are the things that are very hard for narcissists to actually hold space for because they are detached from their emotions and they are emotionally unavailable. So once you're able to do that, you will be able to eliminate those narcissist negatives and all the other negatives. Let me know if this helps you and helps you think about dating differently. Start stop looking for the one and start eliminating the negative ones. When you do that, please understand you will become the chooser and not waiting to be chosen by the 1. Huge mindset shift and I hope that this is helpful for you.
