A short coaching monologue by dating coach Anwar White giving practical rules for texting boundaries while dating (targeting dating women). Main points: you cannot build a relationship with someone who doesn't respond; courting isn't the same as being a boyfriend and daily texts aren't required but lack of contact for ~3 days is a concern; 'good morning' texts are low-value; prefer one-to-one texting over social media; pace text frequency to avoid love-bombing and premature attachment; mirror low effort (match effort) and avoid doing excess labor in conversations. Ends with a CTA to book a coaching call.
Chapters
Girl, if you want to date well, you're going to have to text well. It is a very important part of texting, and some of us are fumbling the bag. No shade. Because we don't have our texting boundaries in place. So as your fairy godbrother and also as a dating coach for 14 years, I wanted to share with you exactly some of the things that I share with my clients that help them navigate this part of dating very well. Okay, so let's get started. Number one, if anyone is not responding to your text messages, you cannot build a relationship with them. I want that to be very clear. Right. If I can, I can remember to hold the scissors like this when I'm walking. He can remember to text you. If I know that I have to cut these little things so that the ducks and the turtles and the seals don't die, he can remember to text you. And if he doesn't, he's out. Okay. Also, with that said, if you are being courted, he is not your boyfriend, which means that he doesn't need to text you every day. Now, if you don't hear from him in about three days, then you should be concerned. Okay, I want to talk about quality of text because this is also really important. A lot of people think and feel really good about those good morning texts. And I actually want to just offer to you that those texts are pretty low quality and don't mean anything. And guys are probably sending 3, 5, 8 of those texts every morning. So I wouldn't put a lot of stock into it. I would think of them as an email that you get from Victoria's Secret. Like it is spam, girl. That's all that it is. Okay, now, in terms of social media, because I know a lot of you are actually chatting on social media, not text. Get off of social media. Why? Because when you're on social media, you're part of his entertainment and he's not just talking to you, but you're part of his feed. You want to make sure that you are texting and have a one to one ratio in terms of the communication. Okay. The other thing that I think is important is I think it's really important to understand the pace of your text conversations. Why Many women feel really good about a lot of texts all the time. And I want to offer to you that most narcissists do that because they're trying to love bomb you. Also, if you start out really high, the only place that you can go is down. And anytime you lessen any sort of frequency and communication, it will trigger you and you don't want to actually experience that. So I want to offer that you don't want to be texting all day, every day. And at the end of the day, you don't want a man who has the time to do that. You want a guy who is working and who is busy. So you want to. And especially this is for my anxious girlies out there that really do get anxious if they don't receive a text. You want to minimize the text conversations throughout the day so that you can pace yourself throughout the courtship, but also pace your attachment because many of us will get that dopamine hit and then feel more connected to the person. But you don't really, really know them and you're just figuring out or creating an idealized version of them. Lastly, I just want to talk about effort, right? A lot of y' all will like Michelle Obama. These men, what do I mean by that? When they start going low effort, you start going high effort, and we don't need that. If they go low, you go low too. So if they are giving you one word answers, if they are just liking your shit, girl, do the same thing, right? A lot of you all are driving the conversations, asking the questions, and these guys are not doing anything. If they don't ask you a question, there's nothing to respond to. Leave it. Even though it's uncomfortable, I don't want you doing excess labor in your dating life because that's not going to serve you. Now, I hope these texting boundaries are really helpful for you. If you need help navigating this and really getting clear on your boundaries, both in text as well as outside of text, definitely book a call with me. I hope that helps.
