A short YouTube talk by dating coach Anwar White giving 10 "texting commandments" for people (aimed at Black women) navigating dating via text. He emphasizes that a large share of communication occurs over text, warns against early/over-eager texting, encourages batching responses, avoiding late-night or low-effort exchanges, and preserving in-person meeting as the primary means of evaluation. He closes with an invitation to book a coaching call.
Questions this video answers
15 years
30 to 50%
Chapters
Girl, I'm going to share with you my texting commandments of dating. Now, I know many of you are like, why do I need to know this information? Well, you need to know this information because 30 to 50% of communication happens via text. I know it's crazy, but if you want to date well, you're going to have to communicate well. And if you're going to need to communicate well, you're going to need to text well. What I know about texting is that it gives people a false sense of intimacy. So to make sure that you don't get caught up in the game. Me, a dating coach who's been a dating coach for 15 years, and you're a fairy godbrother. I'm gonna put you on game, girl. I'm gonna share with you my commandments that I share with my clients. How to navigate this? All right. Commandment number one. Do not initiate any text messages until after physical day three. When you are initiating text messages, you are actually putting more labor and work into the actual courtship. There's this thing called the IKEA effect, which means that basically, researchers have found that it takes people longer to let go of furniture from Ikea because they're actually making it. The more that you invest into something, the harder it is to let it go. Don't initiate with these men. Commandment number two, if you haven't heard from a guy in three days, he's out. Let go of him. Your future husband would never want to not talk to you for three days. Commandment number three. Good morning text messages mean absolutely nothing. These men are copying and pasting the same messages to three, five, eight women in the span of one minute. When you receive a good morning message, I want you to think of it in the same way that you see those Victoria's Secret and those Bath and Body Works emails. Spam, girl. Nothing but spam. Commandment number four, Batch communicate in text messages. Don't feel like you got to respond immediately when somebody messages you. Respond during breakfast, during lunch, during dinner, with all of the guys that you're talking to. Because this dating thing has to be on your timetable, not theirs. Commandment number five, he's not your boyfriend, so he doesn't have to text you every day. I know that it would be nice, but it's not a necessity. What you're looking for is, does the text frequency increase over time or not? If it's staying the same, that's the issue. Commandment number six, do not stay on social media when you're talking to a guy, flip that over to an actual text message. If you stay on social media with a guy, Snapchat ig, you are part of his entertainment and you are part of his feed. Nothing more, nothing less. Commandment number seven do not send pictures of yourself via text. When men ask for pictures, they are testing you. They're trying to see will she do things that I ask her to do. This is what toxic and narcissistic men do. Never do that. If he wants to see you, he can ask you out and see you in real life. Commandment number 8 don't be texting these men after 10pm girl. If real 629 and taxi cab Confessions is on the television screen, you should not be texting this man. Why? Because you are letting him know that he has access to you that he doesn't deserve yet. That's why. Commandment number nine if he is giving low effort in these text messages, one word answers. Just thumbs up in your comments. Don't. Don't Michelle Obama this. Don't. When he goes low effort, you go high effort and do too much and double and triple message. Match that energy. Better yet, let it go. And Finally, Commandment Number 10 nothing substantial or real can come of actual courtship. If he's not responding to your texts, your future person is never going to be too busy for you now. I hope this is helpful. If you want to learn how to do this work more intimately, definitely book a call. But let me know. Do you have any other texting commandments as you're dating?
