The 5 Love Energies

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get your Guide coaching podcast. I am your dating coach, Anwar White. And I wanted to talk about something really interesting that not a lot of dating coaches are really talking about. And you know, if you come to me, you come to my podcast or any of my socials, you know, I'm going to give it to you. AP Styles. Never. 101, honey. And today is definitely going to be an AP course because I want to talk about energy. Now everyone else is talking about masculine and feminine energy, but there's really five specific energies and I'm going to highlight them in this episode so that one, you can get clear about where you're at, and two, you can figure out what you need to do to get to the energy to actually attain your love goals. Because here's the thing, you can get into a relationship tomorrow by lowering your standards, but I want you to get into the right relationship. And also when you get into the right relationship, I don't want you to self sabotage yourself, right? Because you haven't done the work needed to actually sustain and make that relationship thrive. Okay? So the five energies that I have are the hyper feminine, the healthy feminine, the holistic, the healthy masculine, and the hyper masculine. And yes, these are kind of offshoots of feminine and masculine. But not a lot of people are talking about the holistic as well as the difference between the healthy and the hyper. And I want to talk about this because I know that when you can identify where you're at, you can also identify what work you will need to do. Okay? So girl, I want to talk about the hyper feminine energy, okay? And the root cause of this energy is when you grow up without the masculine love, right? That you actually grow up with feminine energy and feminine love. And you receive that, but you don't actually receive masculine love. And so some of the values that you pick up in your hyper feminine energetic state is that you might be reluctant to make any effort in things. You might have uncontrollable anger, you might have casual indulgences, and you might, you know, desire for, for sex and orgasms. In a way that might not be super healthy. Right.

You know, when we're thinking about some of the thoughts that you might have when it comes to being in your hyper feminine energy, this is about, you know, some of the thoughts that you might have are, you know, trying to figure out or thinking that you might never be happy. Right. Or feeling like there's no point to finding happiness or you know, trying to understand how to be fully fulfilled or thinking that happiness is only for a certain kind of person but not for you. Or trying to rationalize why you won't be happy or catastrophizing. Right. And saying that I'm never going to be happy. Right. These are beliefs that you might be accepting as true. And some of the motivations that you might have as it pertains to being in your hyper feminine energy is social validation, getting instant gratification, making sure that your lifestyle is perfect. Always focused on constant pleasure, even if it is sacrificing responsibility, and then obviously also obtaining materialistic things. Okay. Some of the fears in the hyper feminine are around, you know, being forgotten or dying alone, you know, having an empty life or being exiled from a tribe, experiencing some sort of social embarrassment, you know, fear of criticism and fear of just general conflict. Okay, I know I'm giving a lot of kind of negative aspects, but the hyper feminine energy is really about surviving. It's not about thriving. And instead of the desire, let's say for social validation, we want to focus on self validation. Instead of instant gratification, we want to focus on delayed gratification. Instead of trying to make your life perfect, we want to focus on being present in the moment and grateful for what you have. Instead of always focusing on pleasure, we want to focus on earn pleasure. Or if you're focused on materialistic things, I want us to focus on meaningful experiences. Right. So there, there are ways in which to shift the way that you're living to get out of the hyper feminine. But you know, I wanted to kind of lay out what the hyperfeminine is. Okay, all right, so now I want to talk about the healthy feminine. And the healthy feminine is all about unconditional acceptance, about really not trying to force positive change. It's about letting yourself experience life, the good and the not so good, you know, and understanding that some people don't want to change and they just want to be comfortable and that's okay too. And allowing them to experience the consequence of their actions. Right. Understanding that when another person that you're in a relationship with, when you're in your healthy masculine feminine understanding that once they've suffered, that they will become aware and have the choice to either stay where they are or make changes. So the healthy feminine is about unconditional acceptance. The other part of healthy feminine is also about emotional support. It's about being a guiding, supportive person, friend, partner on standby while the other person is going through their own development, right? It's about spreading positive vibes when you talk with the other person. It's about smiling, it's about humor. Those things work great. Ultimately, it's about making them feel like they're the most important person in the world. That's emotional support, and that's part of the healthy feminine energy. The other part of healthy feminine energy is all about patience, right? Being patient with one's progress, not being impatient, not feeling, I gotta get my guy right now or I gotta get my promotion right now. Understanding that it will come when you do your work, right? And understanding that change can happen in a day or two or in several decades. But also understanding that you must never give up on your goals and never lose hope. Understanding that they will come with patience. And then lastly, when we're talking about healthy feminine energy, we're also talking about charity, right? It's about offering nice gestures. It's about relieving suffering when the opportunity presents itself. For example, you know.

Getting someone, you know, something nice to drink or making a plate for someone. And I know that there's probably some feelings about that if you've watched your mother make plates for the male members of your family during holidays. But that's also part of the healthy feminine energy. So I just want to offer that, you know, our mothers and grandmothers and foremothers, they didn't get everything wrong. Okay? So, yeah, that's the healthy feminine. Now I want to talk about the healthy masculine, and then I'll get to the holistic. So the healthy masculine is all about. Is all about kind of inspiration and inspiring and being a positive role model that people can look up to and, you know, be inspired to take action. Right? The way that the healthy masculine kind of, you know, represents itself is that this is about really sharing story and other resources on overcoming struggles and being able to do and act in a way where you are leading by example. Right? The other thing that I think is important with healthy masculine is being able to educate, right? Being able to teach the people that you're in relationship with. Obviously, those who want to learn about the values that make up who you are and what you are and what Makes things successful. Right. Someone who's in their healthy masculine and self actualized has no problem mentoring and educating others, you know, if it is asked of them. The third thing that I want us to focus on when we think about healthy masculine because this is these are the things that I want you to be looking out for if you, once you're dating and looking for healthy masculine, energetic men is engagement, right? Are they, are these, is the healthy masculine engaging in healthy activities, productive activities? Right.

We want to make sure that they are not actually engaging in, you know, things that aren't going to be productive, things that are not going to serve them, right. Are they working well? Are they doing things for their community? Are they doing things for their circle, family and friends? That's what we want to look for in the healthy masculine. Awesome. Okay. The other things that I want us to focus on is environment, right? Are they creating and designing an environment that makes it easy for them to win and also hard for them to mess up? Right. Or, you know, making it hard for them to do things that are not going to fully serve them? Also, healthy masculine is also about fun and celebration, right? Are they making, are they having a good time? Are they able to crack jokes and add to the vibe, you know, you know, and celebrate other people? Are they able to, you know, do whenever somebody does something in a positive way, Are they able to celebrate with them and make the other person feel good and great based on the actions? There are so many men out there that like, I talk to women all the time and they're saying, yeah, he's really jealous of my success. Success. He's not in his healthy masculine. Yeah, healthy masculine will celebrate you, will lift you up, will put you on a pedestal and say, she's a queen. Everybody look at her. Let's rock out. Let's celebrate her. That's the healthy masculine. Okay, so we've talked about the hyper feminine, We've talked about the healthy feminine and we've talked about the healthy masculine, the holistic. And this is the crux of what, why I wanted to talk about this. The holistic energy and is a mix of both the healthy masculine and the healthy feminine energy. Why do I say this? I say this because, you know, most dating coaches or personalities or influencers online will focus on hyper feminine and hyper masculine. That's interesting and good. And they'll be talking about how to get to your healthy feminine while dating. But here's the thing, ladies, when you're in a relationship, you have to actually get into your holistic Energy, which is a mix of both the healthy masculine and the healthy feminine. Why do I say this? I say this because when you're in relationship, there are going to be things that you are going to have to take the lead on, and there are things that he's going to take the lead on because you've got. You both have different skill sets. It doesn't make any sense to be led. Right. Or, you know, let someone lead that is doing something worse than you. That's not good for the team, that's not good for the partnership. When you're in a committed relationship, this is about what's best for the team. Just like when you were back at school, you divvied up the task and roles based on everyone's strength. It's the same for your relationship as well. So, you know, if you're a woman and you are, you know, an accountant, you might manage the budget for the family, right? You might do those things and manage the financials, which might have been traditionally focused on the masculine energy or the male role. No, that's not how it goes. Especially in 2023. A lot of other people are having you date as if it were the 1960s and women are not where they used to be. So, you know, telling women that they have to just stay in their feminine energy and absolutely every aspect of their life is ridiculous and not effective when it comes to achieving amazing things in the partnership. Okay, so the thing about holistic energy and when you're in a relationship with people is that you're going to have to figure out.

In what things you are the authority on and the things that you're not the authority on. So the things that you're an authority on that you do the best, that's when you're going to take the masculine energetic approach. The things that you might not be as good at, that's when you're going to take them more. That's when you're going to employ a more feminine, energetic approach. And that's how you have successful relationship management and leadership when you're in a relationship. The masculine and the feminine, I think is helpful when you're dating, but you want to start to get into your holistic energy when you get into the relationship. And in 2023, you get to choose what energy you want to date with. You can date with a masculine, healthy masculine energy, or at least get there. It just means that you'll have to kind of engage with a healthy feminine energy and vice versa if you want to stay in. If you Want to be in your feminine energy. You want to get with a masculine, energetic man. Because relationships are about compliments. It's about the yin and the yang. It's not about clones. Right. Understanding that your masculine energy will start to learn more feminine energetic traits, and your feminine energy might learn more masculine energetic traits. Once you're in the relationship, you have to allow yourself to do that. It's a very important point that a lot of people aren't actually talking about. And I know that when they understand this, they're going to actually have better relationships, because that's why we're dating, to have amazing, fulfilling relationships at the end of the day. So, no, you don't have to always stay in your feminine energy, and you don't have to stay in your masculine energy. Right. Biologically, it doesn't actually make sense either because many of you have elderly men in your lives. At least I'm hoping that you do. You'll realize that around 50, 60, their testosterone is going down, which means that they're learning to be more and more in their feminine energy. And you'll notice you got a lot of older men that are really close with their pets, a lot of older men that are into gardening and nurturing. It's because they are learning how to get more and more in their feminine energy. Whereas women, right. Their estrogen is lowering, so they're having more testosterone, which means that they're, you know, in 50 and 60, when they become menopausal, it's actually their greatest time to be successful in doing and, and, and really having an amazing trajectory in their professional lives. Okay? So realize that these energies shift as you grow older as well. I'm sharing all of this so that you all know that you don't have to stay stuck in a box. Right. We get to shift. And that's why I want to. I'm highlighting all five of these different energies. Okay, so we've talked about the hyper feminine energy. We've talked about the healthy feminine energy. We've talked about the healthy masculine energy, and we've talked about the holistic energy. Okay, Now I want to talk about the hyper masculine energy. And well, before I go into that, I just want to talk specifically to and about women of color because many of you have grown up where you've had to be in your masculine energy. Part of the work that I do is actually focusing on the feminine energy, not because you have to be in your feminine energy, but because I want to set you up to be in your holistic energy when you're in the relationship so that you have both approaches that you can use and know how to employ them based on the situation. Okay, so when you do hear me talk about, girl, you got to get in your feminine energy and learn how to sit comfortably in that. That's where I'm coming from. I'm not coming from this, like, you know, hyper masculine place, like a lot of dating coaches are, where they're like, they want women to submit. I think that word is disgusting. You'll never hear me use it when it comes to dating unless I'm talking shit about those people.

Okay, So I just wanted to clarify that because I think there's a lot of like, conversation about all women need to be in their feminine energy. And that's just not realistic these days. Okay, okay, so let's talk about the hyper masculine energy because a lot of men are in this and it can trip you up, Especially if you're a woman, woman of color. In your masculine energy, you will actually go for the hyper masculine men because they have more masculinity than you do. And so you think their hyper masculinity is actually going to make you feel like you're in your feminine energy and you're probably not. No shade. Giving you all tea. So many of us are actually dating hyper masculine men. And these men are suffering, right? And the root cause of this is because they haven't had any masculine love and they haven't had any feminine love. Girl. Can you imagine? That's tough. That's really tough. Some of the values that these hyper masculine men, hyper masculine, energetic individuals have is that they fear. They're just afraid, right? That they are. They've had some sort of abuse or violence or oppression in their lives. Also they have this, this drive, this selfish desire for more. I always have to get more, more, more, more. They might also have uncontrolled anger or have this arrogance and superior view of themselves. They also might be painfully jealous. Yeah. And if I'm talking about the hyper masculine, you're like, oh, that's me, girl. It's no shade. We get to heal those things. That's what I do in my program. So if you're interested in learning how to do that, girl, book a call. We'll. We'll rock and roll this. Yeah. Some of the thoughts of the hyper masculine energy is loneliness. They might think no one loves me or catastrophizing and saying nobody will ever love me. They might have some pessimism, right? There's no point of me even finding love or dwelling on the past and, and thinking like, no one's ever loved me. Or they're very much in their judgment, right? Thinking, oh, this person will never love me.

Or they might, you know, talk about the fact that love doesn't exist. Right. Or love only happens when X, Y and Z happens. Right. This is really important because those thoughts will create your feelings, especially as it pertains to dating and relationships and love. And this is why it's really hard for the hyper masculine to allow themselves to be seen because their thoughts around love are so, so closed off already. Right. The motivations for the hyper masculine is a desire for, for power over others. Whether that's physical, whether that's sexual, whether that's financial. You know, if you, if you, if you make more money, then you'll be more powerful and you'll get to control other people. They also have a desire for obtaining materialistic things. I gotta get my Beamer. I gotta get my bins. I gotta, I gotta get this, you know, eight story house. Right? X, Y and Z. And they're also focused on instant gratification. You'll realize that the hyper masculine and the hyper feminine have actually so much in common. Yeah. But the, the motivations for the hyper masculine, we actually need to shift. And I'm sharing this because I know that I have some people listening right now that are like, oh shit, I'm in my hyper masculine. How do I shift out of this? Yeah. It means instead of trying to have power over others, we have to aim for having more power over ourselves. Mastering ourselves, killing our egos. Right. And having kind of this no self like thought process in our lives where we're not making everything about ourselves. Instead of obtaining materialistic things similar to the hyper feminine, we have to start focusing on obtaining meaningful experiences. And then similar to the hyper feminine energy, instead of desiring instant gratification, we've got to aim for delayed gratification. This is why in my program I tell my clients don't. I would recommend them not having sex until they're in an exclusive relationship. This will determine whether a man is in his hyper masculine or healthy masculine. Yeah, good. Okay. Some of the fears that the hyper masculine has is that they fear appearing weak. Right. Or they fear being taken advantage of, or they feel they fear being exiled from the tribe. Also failing. And criticism.

Again. There are, there are some similarities with the hyper feminine. Yeah.

So.

Why am I talking about this? Well, one, I want you to get real clear on what energy you have, girl. And two, I want you to really get clear that the goal is not to be in your masculine or to be in your feminine. The goal is to be in your holistic energy ultimately and drive yourself to that to have a successful relationship. Because it requires both healthy feminine and healthy masculine. Right? Here's the thing. The narcissists of the world don't have holistic energy. They have narcissistic energy, which is a combination of the hyper masculine and the hyper feminine. Yeah. So we got to shift that. And if you're interested in doing this work and learning how to get here, definitely book a consultation. Call with me and you can join one of my amazing programs to help you get there. Alrighty. I hope this has helped as you start to navigate your energy and love dating and relationships. With that said, I will talk with you soon. Much love to you. Bye bye.

Hey girl. Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts, talk.