The Case For Dating All Men (Not Just Black Men)

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go. I never felt the way I do without anyone but you.

Hello, my loves. And thank you so much for joining the getyourguy coaching podcast. I thought I would make a special episode today because recently, over the past week or so, I went mega viral, girl. I mean, I was on Twitter, I was on Reddit, I was on YouTube, I was on Clubhouse, and the black men were mad at me. On TikTok, I had created a video around dating inside your race, black love, and how hard that actually is for black women. So in this episode, I want to break it down for you in totality. And you know, the intention of this episode is not to tell you to not date black men. The intention of this episode. And I'm always going to focus on making sure that black and brown women get their guy and get into the best relationship of their lives. My intention is to let you know that we have to widen our net. We have to keep as many options open as possible to get the greatest probability of getting your guy. And that includes dating everyone. Here's the thing. The women in my client who are getting into relationships every week. I actually just got off of the phone with one of my clients in New York who got into a great relationship after last year. This time like freaking out and almost having a panic attack before a first date. Now she's in an exclusive relationship with amazing guy who just pours into her.

I say all that to say my job is to get you into the best relationship of your life. And I don't care what it looks like, I don't care what package it's in. All of that. I mean, girl, at the end of the day, I thought I was going to be with some six, two, light skinned boy who also had his MBA from an Ivy League institution. But girl, I am with a white man who was 5, 8 and round and French Canadian and I could not be happier.

I can't even imagine being as happy as I am now. And I want all of you to experience that based on the best partner for you. So I say all that to say y' all date everybody date absolutely Everybody. Roughly half of my clients end up with black men. The other half end up with non black men. A lot of white, a lot of Indian, a lot of Hispanic. So, you know, get your guy, girl, at the end of the day, okay, so I want to break down how difficult it is to find a guy, a black man, who is ready for a relationship. And this is. These numbers are really based on, like, American statistics. I just want to give you that because I know a lot of my girls in Canada or England or Africa are going to be like, no, that's not the case. Girl. These stats are based on. Based on everything that's happening in America right now.

So. And, you know, you might have heard this already, but I was an undergrad statistics major. So the way that I look at love, dating and relationships is based on quantitative and qualitative information and data, okay? So, you know, please believe that the things that I say are always going to be backed up with numbers. I'm not going to give you any bullshit based on, you know, you can't see me now, but I've licked my finger and put my finger in the air. No, girl, well researched things that I'm talking about always said, I'm never going to give you any BS here. Okay? So let's get into the statistics so that you understand just the general difficulty of just focusing on black men. Because I know there are a lot of women that do that. And it's important to understand that it's hurting you and it's making your love life much more difficult than it needs to be. And I want to make this easy, because when it's easy and it feels fun and light, you're going to have more success. Okay? So in America, for every hundred men, roughly 13% of those men are going to be black men. So just to say you're either online or you're at a conference and there's 100 men in front of you and you're just dating black men, you are already eliminating 87% of the guys out there. Okay, girl, what are we doing here? So we just have, out of 113 black men that we're looking at now, when we actually look at the men that are ready for a relationship. And I will talk a little bit more about this later on, please understand that roughly 80%, and this is across races.

It goes anywhere from 75 to 85% of men out there. But I'm just averaging out 80% of those guys won't be ready for a relationship either. Emotionally unavailable, financially unavailable, not Ready to settle down, all of those things. So your 13 black men suddenly turn into three black men out of the hundred black men that are either online that you're looking at or at this conference, imaginary conference that I put you in. Yeah. So now you just have three men.

Now, when we take into account unemployment and underemployment, which is roughly 30% of black men, that three becomes two. So now we only have two men that are, you know, basically ready for a relationship. Now, we also have to take into account that 5% of them are going to be gay and another 2% are going to be in prison. Now, that doesn't change the number. You still have two out of every hundred men that are actually bare minimum ready for a relationship. Yeah. So that's one out of every 50 guys that you're looking at if you're just dating and focused on black men. Now.

I know that that is not what you're looking for, meaning, like, you have more, you know, criteria. And so many of you, all, because y' all are smart and successful and are often looking for men that are just like you, are looking for different things. So I want to put in the, what I call the talented 10th qualities. Height.

Income, graduate degree. So we have one out of 50 that are bare minimum black men that are ready for a relationship. Now, if we include that they need to be 6ft or taller, which is only 15% of the population, if we are focused on a man that has a graduate degree, which is 9.5% of the population, and if we're looking for men that are making six figures, which is only 15% of the population, you end up with 0.4% of black men that are ready for a relationship out of 100.

So that's roughly one out of 250. So, girl, when you tell me it's hard out here trying to find a black man that's ready for marriage and love and all of those things, I believe you. Right. You're never gonna tell. You're never. You're never gonna hear from me. Oh, no, girl, it's not. No. If you're just focusing on black men, this shit is gonna be hard. The numbers are. And the odds are not in your. On your side, you know, what did they say in the Hunger Games? May the. May the odds be ever in your favor. Girl, when you're dating just black men, they're not.

So I think it's important to understand that now when we do the data for dating all men, right, the numbers come out to one out of every seven men are going to be ready just bare minimum for a relationship.

Okay. One out of every seven, which I think is around 14% or so, something like that. So if you date all men, right, you have a one in seven chance. One out of every seven guys that you chat with meet will be at least ready for a relationship. If you're just focusing on bare minimum black men, it's going to be seven times as hard to find that. Now if you're looking For a talented 10th black man, it's going to be, I think up to 35 times harder for you to find that girl. That's hard. That's really hard. And you don't have to do that if you don't want to. Right? There are. And I know you're like, I don't know, I'm just not attracted to these non black men. I want to say something about that because I think this is super important.

You know, I read a lot of research projects, not just from statisticians, but also from psychologists. And one of the things that they say is that often our attraction is based on the archetype that has brought us trauma. So please believe that so many of us are focused on black men because one, we are either trying to heal from the trauma of our black fathers and we are trying to feel that void that they have left thinking that if I get with a black man, those things will be healed. Guess what, girl, your father wounds are not healed by you getting with a black man.

And two, it's because these black men are hot. Honey.

As a black man myself, I can tell you we are super, super hot.

But the reason I'm also saying this is because when so many black women are emotionally stunted because of the way that they grow up, women, you know, when you're a black girl, you're not allowed to have emotions, you're not allowed to have feelings. And so you numb those things, right? If you don't believe me, just try getting your hair done at five or six years old and crying and telling your mom that it hurts. And she's saying, stop crying, it doesn't hurt. You're just tender headed, right? As just a small example, why am I saying all of this? I'm saying all of this is because when you're emotionally stunted, you are going to be overestimating and over indexing other ways to make connection with men, either physical or intellectual, but not emotional. So so much of my work is helping my clients like, you know, level up emotionally so that you, you can Be connecting with your guy on all three levels. But if you're emotionally stunted, you're going to hyper focus on the physical.

And this is why I hear so often, but I'm not attracted to non black men. Well, girl, you have to give them a chance and you have to get emotionally connected with them to have attraction grow with time. But if you're not even giving them a chance, you will never see that attraction grow.

The other things that I hear are, yeah, but there are a lot of racist people, and I don't want to be fetishized. Girl, no shade, but there are a lot of racist people and people that are prejudiced in the black community, Black men specifically. And you might already be, you know, fetishized based on your physical attributes, your skin color, or many other things. I want us to know that, you know, every racial group is not a monolith, just like we're not a monolith as black people, Black men and black women. And so we have to give the individual grace and really get to know him on an individual level to see if he's the right person for us. Okay. Now, you know, earlier I talked about the fact that, like, 80% of these guys are not ready. But I want to highlight why that's the case. Because I got a lot of pushback from a lot of those big, mad black men in the comments of all of those social media channels around. Well, where did you get the 80% from? Well, I've been doing this work for 12 years, and each one of my clients has a dating tracker. And we track all of the men that they talk to, either where they have phone dates or physical dates. And we rate each one of those dates and.

We highlight. Each man has their own card, age, race, career. So we're able to understand, okay, how far did this go? If it broke off or you broke up or there was ghosting, why did you all break up? So we're able to categorize each and every man. And so being able to highlight and categorize this over the last 12 years, I have over 16,000 data points, which is more than statistically significant in terms of understanding that 75 to 85% of these men are not ready for a relationship. And that's okay, too. Yeah. So, but I want to talk about why specifically so many black men are not going to be ready for a relationship. Because I think, you know, it's important for you to understand this.

So when we think of education, please understand that black women are much more highly educated than black Men. And the disparity is the greatest between all of the races. So in terms of black bachelor degrees, two thirds of women are getting those. In terms of master's degrees, 3/4 of black women are receiving those black master's degrees. Yeah. So they are much more educated than black men. Am I saying that that means anything about intelligence? No, what I am saying is that they're much more educated. And what we know is that with this education comes a lifetime increase in earnings of anywhere from $600,000,000 to $1.1 million. Okay, yes, these men can go and get trade jobs, but their income trajectory is not going to be as high as, you know, individuals that do get their degrees.

Okay, so the other thing that I want to mention as we were talking about income is that, you know, when you look at the total data in terms of income, Black women versus black men.

It tells one story. But when you dig into the data and slice it up a little bit, it will tell a different story of the data. So on average, black men make around $48,000.

Sorry, sorry. On average, black men make around $50,000 a year. Black women, on average, make around 46 and a half thousand dollars per year. Year. But when you break this out.

Married versus single, it's actually single black women that are making more money than single black men. So single black women are making $49,200 versus single black men that are making $48,400, roughly a 2% more, which is statistically significant. Even though it sounds really small, it's actually significant. Why am I saying this? I'm saying this because when black women are making more money than black men, when black women are emotionally available and doing the work on themselves, when many black men are not, then Black men, it becomes hard to make the case for what added value Black men will be able to bring to black women. Talking in totality here, obviously there are a lot of black men that are doing the damn thing, and we love it. But it is important to understand. And this is the only race where this is the dynamic where single women make more than single men. Yeah, all of the women are more educated than all of the men. Right. But the disparity and the discrepancy or is much greater for the black race. Okay, so black women are educated more Black women are making single Black women are making more money. Let's talk about actual numbers. So for every 100 black women, there are 88 black men.

And when we take out the individuals that are married, then we have a 20%.

Increase or surplus of black women to black men.

So when you see that black men are not settling down as often or as quickly, please understand that they have a lot of numbers so they get to play the field and there's no incentive to settle down because they have so many other people that are vying for their attention. And also they're going to need more time so that they can self actualize and get stable in their career. No man is going to start a family if he doesn't feel stable in his financial situation in his career. So I wanted to highlight that because it's a very important point. The median age for black men to marry is 33. The median age for other races is 30 to 31. Very significant. They're getting married later because of the financial and the actual volume difference. And this is why so many men are quote, unquote, not ready. Specifically black men not ready in this moment. Yeah. Now why am I saying all of this? I'm saying all of this because I want you to get your guy and you can play this struggle love thing. You can play a struggle dating life and, and that can lead to your struggle love, or you can make it as easy as possible. And that's why I'm sharing all of this. I'm not anti black, even though the men in all of these comments will tell you that I am. I actually think that if there are more women, you know, that quote, unquote, surplus of 20% more black women than black men. If 20% of the black women out there were actually dating outside of their race or dating more openly, it's actually going to make the. It's going to incentivize black men to not wait and actually connect and get into relationships with black men, Black women quicker because they don't have as much selection. So I posit that having black women date outside of their race will not only help them find a partner, but also make the black mating game more competitive. Which means that you're going to have more relationships because men are going to feel more incentivized to.

Settle down with get in relationships with married black women. Okay. I hope this was interesting and helpful for you.

If black is the way that you're going to go, girl, I'm cheerleading for you. I support you. I wanna, I'm rocking with you. But if you want to just find your guy and you want to make it as easy as possible.

I wanted to highlight and lay out the case to date all men. All right, my loves, I will talk with you on the other side. Bye bye.

Hey girl. Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review. Wherever you listen to your podcasts talk.