A short YouTube monologue (humorous and critical) in which the speaker expresses disappointment in Samoan men, focusing on perceived small genital size and unsatisfactory sexual experiences, interspersed with a personal anecdote about a man named Toa and direct prompts to the audience for agreement. The tone is comedic, derisive, and sexualized.
Chapters
Okay. Apollo said, thoughts on Samoan men. I'm disappointed in them.
I'm not at my normal desk because I'm redoing my office.
See this little thing? That's what the Samoan men are giving.
Sad.
That's how I attract. That's. That's. That's how I think about them.
Disappointment.
Where's the rest of it?
You got all that body but nothing down there.
Samoans are like a shot glass, girl.
Someone said, oh, nar.
More like, oh, no.
Womp, womp. Yeah, it's sad. It's really sad. And if you don't believe me, talk to any of your Samoan or Pacific Islander sisters. They'll tell you the tea. They'll tell you that they just lay there pretending that these Samoan men are hitting the walls and they're not even knocking at the door.
Not even that.
I hate it.
And if you don't believe me, go onto YouTube right now. Type in the Rock WWE. And look at his shorts. Flat.
Like a Ken doll. Trying to see if I have any Barbies around here from one of my daughters.
If you want to play Barbies, get with a Samoan man.
I once knew a boy named Toa.
He was my first Samoan, first and last.
Toa just had a toa.
And I was pissed.
I had to keep a straight face, had to keep a gay face. Like, you know how that happens when they let you see. And you know it's not going to do anything, but you don't want to.
You don't want to make any sudden moves because you don't know what they're going to do.
So I gave them one of these smiles.
So, you know, I tried it.
Because mama didn't raise no quitter. Mama didn't raise no fool.
And the gag was that it was. And let me know if you've had this experience, ladies.
It was falling out.
It kept on falling out.
What am I supposed to do with that?
Ladies in the chat, let me know if you've ever been with a man and he can't keep it in.
What are we doing here?
Yeah, girl. Me cracking this smile.
That hurt more than him trying to ram that little Tootsie Roll.
Can't do nothing with it, girl. Especially if it's falling out.
The girls in the chat know. They know that when it falls out, you know this is not going to be a good session. Because often what happens is when it falls out, it gets a little bit chilly and it starts to go soft. And then when it starts to go soft, you're over. And then what you got to do? You got to try to warm it up. Chris again. And you're doing more work. When? Girl, I had a hard day. I'm here to lay. I'm here to lay down, get my rocks off.
