Anwar White gives dating advice to women raised in church culture: take initiative instead of waiting passively, trust your gut over authority figures, and know both your nice and shadow sides. He warns that overly-nice inexperienced church women attract predatory men he calls purity vampires, and that unhealthy courtship patterns move too fast too early.
Chapters
Okay, Apple user said. Can you speak to the church girls going into dating? Well, first of all, the church girls need to go to bed because you all got church in the morning, honey. And the Lord doesn't like red eyes. Secondly, what I think is important is a lot of church girls wait for God to bring them a man. And I want to offer. What did they say? Faith without works. Girl, you gotta do something. You gotta work, right? You gotta create your love life. You can't just wait on it. So that is one of the biggest things that I want to tell all the church girls. Okay?
I want to say you gotta. You gotta create your love life. You're going to have to.
Also.
And I say, I want to say this with love and respect.
You're going to have to think for yourself.
Oftentimes when you're raised in the church, you are used to people telling you what to think.
How to think about things. And most of the time, it's from a preacher who is a man. And so oftentimes what that means is. And most of the church leadership is male.
So one of the things that I think is important for you to understand is when you're in a relationship, it's going to be very important for you to listen to yourself.
I do this, it means your gut, your intuition, your alignment with spirit.
And not necessarily your husband or your man.
Okay? This is very important because your man is going to put you on your throne as a queen, which means nothing goes without you. And a lot of my Christian girls think that they have to be with a boy in the church. And a lot of those men are narcissists, patriarch, overly patriarchal, and like, know it alls right and judgmental. If you don't follow this, this, this and this, you're a hoe.
Sans said Anwar. We don't want to disappoint or offend God, but you're made in his image. How can you disappoint him? How can you offend him?
Please understand that.
That you get to. Hold on, let me just get this right.
The other thing that I want to offer.
Is you're going to have to explore the totality of who you are as a woman.
My church girls, y' all are very nice.
Y' all are very nice. And you're only living in this nice land, but everyone has a shadow land.
That you refuse to even go into.
The reason why I want you to explore that is because I want you when you're dating and when you are navigating your world, your life, to Be able to show up as your full self. And that's a combination of both of those things.
Because guess what? When you're in a relationship, he's going to see both of those sides. You can't hide that from somebody when you're in a relationship. So you better start showing up as you are right here, right now.
A lot of the church girls aren't doing that. And then they're getting played. When you're a church girl and you're overly nice, you're going to actually attract the predatory men, the predators.
They're. They're purity vampires. They want some of your. Your purity for themselves.
That's why also, it's going to be helpful for you to understand your balance. Okay.
I talk a lot in my program about these kinds of predatory men that will chomp, chomp on women that are school girls, athletes, church girls, nice girls, because they know how to work your emotions. They think, if I just try the hardest, this girl's gonna fall in love with me. And it works. Because most of the church girls actually don't have a lot of dating experience because they're not allowed to date. So when a guy is putting in all of this work and effort, which, by the way, doesn't mean everything, they think this is the fairy tale. This is what it's supposed to look like. It's not supposed to look like a 10. Effort, actually. When a guy is getting to know you, it's supposed to start out at like a 7 and then increase as time goes on and he gets to know you to an 8, 9, or 10. But a lot of us don't know that because a lot of us, and this is no shade. We're still living in our Disney movies.
Or too busy at Bible study on Wednesday nights.
Some of us. No shade. Couldn't have the channels that were above 13. So we don't know what's really going on in the world.
Yeah. So.
We get to expose ourselves to all of that. And that's part of.
Holding the light and the not so light parts. Okay. I hope that's helpful for all the church girls out there. Love you all to death. I grew up in the church till I was 15, so I have a little bit of understanding or at least of an experience.
