A dating coach (Anwar White) argues that asking questions on early dates won't reliably reveal whether a man is serious; actions do. He lists behavioral signals of seriousness (consistent weekly asks, planning and paying for dates, respecting boundaries, delaying physical contact) and urges a mindset shift from interrogating men to focusing on one's own authenticity and power—particularly advising Black and Brown women to stop code-switching and show up fully. The coach also briefly pitches a coaching program and consultation link in their bio.
Inara said a good question for first or second date to know if he is looking for something serious. Questions are not going to help you figure out if he's looking for something serious. His actions will. You can ask all the questions in the world.
It's not going to get you anywhere. It's not going to get you anywhere because people and good number of men will lie to get into the bed with you. So I don't want you to think that if I just ask him this, I'll get him, I'll figure it out. No, if he's serious, he'll ask you out at least once a week. He'll plan the dates, he'll take care of all of the dates, the logistics, the payments, all of that. And he'll really ask nothing of you.
And he'll do that for an extended period of time.
And he'll be very respectful and he probably won't touch you for the first or second date because he's overly respectful of your boundaries.
That's what it looks like. The thing that you want to do because it's not about whether.
Okay, let me take a step back because there's something that is very interesting about this question and it is this.
You're trying to figure out what he wants to do.
Is he serious or not? When you ask that, you've already lost your power because you're. You're basing everything on him and what he's got going on. You've got to focus on yourself and figure out what you got going on and see if he can rock with that or not. So this is a mindset shift and this is one of the things that I help with my clients to do so that they're showing up in their authentic power and their authentic selves to be able to see and have the best strategy to evaluate if the person is actually good for them or not. I will tell you, and this is why I'm a dating coach for black and brown women specifically, is that a lot of y' all are code switching. A lot of you all are splitting yourselves. What does that look like? It looks like you're one way with your parents, you're one way at work, you're one way with your friends, and you're one way with men.
So part of the work that I try to do in my programs, and by the way, if you're interested in that, you can go to the link in my bio and apply to have a consultation with us is put all of those split parts together so that you're showing up as your full, authentic self, 100% of yourself, so that you can be 100% loved. Most of us are showing up as our 60% cells, and then when you show up that way, you can only be 60% loved. Yeah.
