Dating coach Anwar White shares scripts Black women can use while dating. Set boundaries with preference phrasing, send a three-sentence breakup message instead of ghosting, and answer vague questions broadly while you watch how he acts.
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Girl, you cannot be cute and mute while dating. You're gonna have to talk your shit. And sometimes that's really hard for a lot of women because they've been conditioned and programmed to perform for men. But we're not doing that anymore. That's lame, girl. No shade. So as a dating coach for almost 16 years now, and as your fairy godbrother, I'm here to put you up on game, to give you language so that you know how to navigate this dating thing. So without further ado, let me share with you what I know so that you always know what to say while you're dating. So let's start with boundaries, because if you don't have boundaries, you won't be able to date well. And if you can't date well, you're not going to get into healthy relationships. So language that I use for boundaries is either prefer or comfort. I would prefer if you called me at a certain time or I would feel more comfortable if we went to this place for our date versus this place. This is giving you the opportunity to set your boundary and actually have it being received well. A lot of us try to tell somebody what to do and tell somebody about themselves and nobody wants to be told what to do. And so that's why date boundaries can feel really unsafe for you because you're going to be met with a lot of defensiveness. So preference and comfort. When you're getting ready to get rid of a guy, don't ghost him unless it's completely unsafe what you want to do instead. And the reason why I say this is because dating karma is real. And I don't want you to have that because whatever you put out there, you're going to get 10 times fold back to you. So if you ghost some guy, you're going to get ghosted 10 times. Instead, I just want you to use three quick sentences. Hey, it's been great getting to know you. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling a connection, but I want to wish you the best of luck. Simple in HR mode, no emotion. Don't go into this over explanation of the how, when, why.
Over explaining is a trauma response and you don't need to do it. Next, a lot of guys will ask you what you're looking for. Don't get annoyed. This is a very normal question when it comes to dating. You want to keep it broad. You don't want to go into the details because you don't want to give them the checklist, because a lot of guys will memorize that checklist, cram for the test just so that they can sleep with you. You want to be very broad. You know, I'm looking for a really great connection and hopefully it will turn into something long term just like that. And then you want to sit back and you want to be in observation mode because ultimately dating is dataing and you're collecting data to figure out if this person has the natural skills to actually be in an amazing, healthy relationship. Anybody can fake it for three weeks and check off all the things on your list, but you, you want to see if that's naturally in them or not. Another question that gets asked a lot is why are you single? Now, what you don't want to do is get snarky or defensive because this is a test question. They want to see, are you crazy or not? So you want to be very clear, very maintained, and just let them know, you know, I focused a lot on my academics and my career and now I'm ready to really find the person that is right for me. What about you?
Matter of fact, clear. There's no defensiveness, there's no insecurity, and we keep it moving and we do the UNO reverse on them now. I hope that this was helpful for you. Let me know if there's anything else that you don't have language for in dating, and I will try my best to answer each and every one of those comments. If you need help, definitely book a call with us so that we can help you out with language and other skills in dating, because dating is a skill at the end of the day.
