Anwar White, a dating coach with 14 years' experience, outlines three dating archetypes — the Nice girl, the Hard girl, and the Hurt girl — describing their origins, communication styles, beliefs about men, work, sex, and their problematic parental relationships, and offers guidance on the inner work each type needs to form healthier relationships.
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Girl, which girl are you in dating? Now, I've been a dating coach for 14 years, and as your fairy godbrother, I want to let you know I've gotten thousands of women into relationships and there are three types of women, three types of girls in dating that I have seen come in and out of my program. And I wanted to highlight those with you today so that you can figure out which girl are you and what work you need to do to level up and get into the best relationship of your life. So the three girls in dating are the nice girl, the hard girl, and the hurt girl. So let's start with the nice girl. The nice girl is someone who's a people pleaser and who wants to be liked. And so why is she like this? She's like this because she doesn't know who she is and she doesn't necessarily value herself. So she's gonna need a little bit of confidence. Okay, so how does she communicate? She communicates. She doesn't talk about her feelings and emotions. She apologizes for no reason, and she's not being forthright. She can be a bit emotionally dishonest. So she's going to need to learn how to be a bit more vulnerable. Now in terms of the way that she thinks about men, she wants to please them and she's going to work hard to do so. That's a boundary work. Okay. In terms of dating, relationships and love and sex, she is someone who is a hopeless romantic. She is someone who is a bit too desperate for it and wants it to happen now. And in sex, she doesn't know her own body and she's just focused on pleasing him and not necessarily herself. Her problematic relationship is her loving but overly critical mother. So she's going to have to heal some of those inner child wounds. The second girl is the hard girl. So she has armor on herself. She wants to protect herself. It's her against the world. Why? Because she's been hurt and people have come for her. And she has got to learn how to take that armor off and trust herself so that she can trust others. This takes a level of vulnerability. Now, how does she interact with men? What does she think about them? She wants to compete with them. She wants to beat them at all costs. So understanding her masculine and feminine balance is going to be really important here. How does she think about work? She derives her value through her work and her work product instead of understanding her innate value. So this is again about self esteem more than anything else. How does she think about love, dating, relationship and Sex, she wants it, but she doesn't believe that it's going to be able to happen to her. And she thinks because of that, she thinks it's a waste of time. Now, in sex, she's focused on actually getting her needs met, and she doesn't care about anyone else, so she's numb to it. This is the girl that can hook up with a lot of different guys and feel nothing. And in terms of her problematic relationship, it is again with her mother, it's because her mother did not satisfy or fulfill her needs, emotional or otherwise. Sometimes abandonment. And the last girl is the hurt girl. Now, this is a girl who thinks that everything is her fault based on how she grew up with a lot of traumatic experiences. And so why does she think that? Well, she's had to play very small to survive, so she's doing that in her adult romantic relationships as well. How does she communicate? She doesn't. She doesn't speak her truth. She is quite emotional, and sometimes she's emotionally dishonest. Okay. So she's gonna have to learn how to be vulnerable. How does she think about men? She thinks they're dangerous. She thinks that she wants to run and avoid them. So part of her work is actually understanding men. Okay, what does she think about her work? She has imposter syndrome, so at points, she thinks she's at 100%. At other points, she thinks she's a zero. And this individual often has ADHD tendencies as well. Just FYI.
What does she think about love, dating, relationships, and sex? Well, sometimes she uses sex to numb her pain and to try to gain power and control in terms of relationships. It'll take her a long time to actually put herself into the love game because she's scared and she doesn't want to be hurt. Again, what is her problematic relationship? Her father, who is angry, narcissistic, and maybe even abusive. Okay, those are the three ladies, the three girls in dating that I have identified. Let me know in the comments which one you are. And if you need help with this, you already know. As your fairy godbrother, I'm here to help you, and you can just book a call.
