Transcript of a short comedic monologue (YouTube) in which a single speaker gives playful, exaggerated dating advice and preferences about men of various ethnicities (Samoan, Dominican, Puerto Rican, Colombian, etc.), physical traits, and desired levels of roughness. The speaker intersperses audience/comments-style lines and repeated punch-related jokes and references to names and cultural stereotypes in a humorous tone.
Chapters
Anyone know where to find the Samoan men? Don't find that. Don't be in the bed with them. That's all I got is saying, unless you want to be highly disappointed. Tall Ceknini said, wait, what do you mean, disappointed? This is your Samoan man.
A nose. You want a nose? I don't. Gigi said, what about a Dominican, Puerto Rican?
See this vitamin bottle? No, girl. No, girl. No, girl.
You see this apple watch, girl? You see this apple watch box, girl, those are the Dominican squirrel. Someone said y' all like being tickled. I see. Not me, honey. I need to be punched.
Punch, baby. Lucky me. Said, I know that's right. Pounded, honey. Chazi said, heavy on the punch. He said, mike Tyson punched, Honey, I don't like to get Mike Tyson punched. I like those, like, you know, Those fights at 3:05, right after school, and there's like a couple of punches and then it gets broken up real early. That's my punch, girl. That's my punch.
That's my punch. I can't be doing. I can't be punching too much. I'm not. I'm not a power bottom like Mr. Jake's. Honey. Not that. Honey, not that. Connor said, Mr. Jake's dead, girl. I mean, I don't know him enough to give him his real. His first name. Maybe Diddy does. I don't. You know, I have a little bit of home training, so I don't like to call elders by their first names. Gene said, slow and steady beatings for me. So you like whoopings? That's what you're telling me, girl, you know what it is? It's. Praise the Lord. It's, hi, mom, how are you doing? What can I do for you? Hi, Mom. I wash the dishes. Is there anything else I can do? Megan said, yes. Give me that slow beat.
She said she wants the beginning of that Lion King song, honey.
What about Colombian men, girl, they packing the most, Girl, I can't be telling all this. Tm my mama heard the girl. The Colombians. That's why you have to spell Columbia with an O, girl, because that's how they'll leave you.
J. Bella said, but Amore. I want the boxer girl I used to talk to. Can I kiss him tonight?
Send me a picture of him, then I'll give you the answer.
Said your mama gonna catch you. What my mama don't know won't hurt her.
