Anwar White explains why people struggle to talk to multiple men: they treat dating apps like marriage searches and give up too soon. You need about 100 conversations to find 3 viable dates, and 6 to 9 months of consistent effort to build momentum. Most matches won't work out, and that's the math, not a failure.
Chapters
I find it hard to talk to multiple men because many of you all are are swiping for marriage instead of swiping to date. That's why you're not dating. You're trying to marry. That's a problem. You need to date men. You need to date. Let men court you, show up for you. You think that you're going to go from 0 to 100 and then everything's going to be a fairy tale. No shade, but that's not real.
The romantic part of dating is not like these apps are first talking to them. The romantic part of dating is when you understand that this person has the relationship skills and you do as well. And now you all are intentionally being courted and courting for something serious. But that doesn't happen for a while. A lot of us.
Are thinking that every person that we talk to is going to be the one. 97 out of 100 guys that you talk to will not be the one that you won't even probably meet them in real life.
Understand this.
The people are like, oh my God, I want to delete the apps. The same percentages are the same off of the apps as well. So you can delete the apps if you want to. But I think it's important to understand that you still going to have to have 100 conversations with people out in real life to find three that you'll want to go out with and that are actually ready for a relationship and that are actually a match for you.
Do the math. How many men in real life are you meeting every week?
Please put it in the chat so that we can do the math.
0. 0. So it will take you infinity to find your man. If you want to just get off of the apps. Someone said 2. So it will take you 50 weeks for you to find somebody.
1. So it'll take you what, a year and a half or so.
You want to date online and offline.
Very important.
I'm glad that you all are keeping it real. So when you tell me, oh my God, I hate the apps. Go ahead, go offline then, girl and continue meeting your zero to one guy per week and see how long you're gonna have to wait. I would rather get through guys quicker through apps than meet one guy a week and wait for a year or two and a half or two years or more to find somebody.
What do you think? If I'm lying, I'm dying. Erica said, eat us up.
I'm giving Pac man up in here. Honey.
This is important. If you think that the quality of Men is significantly different online and offline. I have something to tell you. It isn't. Now what?
Now what?
Someone said, you write, let me respond to these men. Respond to them, girl.
Someone said, I actually want to cry. Omg.
I don't understand why.
If you went to college and you knew if you showed up for class every semester and after eight semesters, you would get a degree.
Why can't we think of dating in the same way? Because what I know is that if you're consistent and you show up a little bit each day for six to nine months, you're gonna find somebody. But most of you all are giving up after one week, three weeks, a month.
So of course you're going to lose all your momentum in your dating results. So part of the work, because a lot of people are like, how does a dating coach help me find a person? Is working on your mindset so that you're not getting triggered by every other thing that a man is saying or doing to you so that you can literally be consistent enough for you to find your person. That's the value add of a dating coach, beyond helping you understand your blind spots and helping you heal.
In the chat, let me know how long do you keep your apps on before you stop them?
A week? A month? Most people are saying a month, two months. Do you know that you won't get any sort of momentum until you've been online for three months?
Someone said 12 hours, girl. Not a long shift.
So we have to have the healing and the mindset to be able to do this longer.
Okay.
Some of y' all are saying two or three days. Y' all are killing me.
Y' all are killing me.
Yeah. You will need about three months before you get any sort of momentum.
