A short YouTube segment by dating coach Anwar White discussing touch deprivation among Black and Brown women. He claims many Black girls receive far fewer hugs than recommended, links cultural parenting patterns (acts of service, limited emotional expression, corporal punishment) to underdeveloped bonding physiology (vagus nerve, oxytocin), and frames this as affecting adult romantic intimacy and ability to connect.
Chapters
Hey girl, did you know that you need four hugs a day just to survive? You need eight hugs a day just to maintain, and you need 12 hugs a day just to actually grow. Black girls over the age of five are only getting about one hug a day on average. I am Anwar. I am a dating coach for black and brown women. And the reason I'm talking about this is because I've been doing this work for about 12 years now. And I know that the majority of my clients and the women that I talk to that are black or brown actually feel uncomfortable when people touch them. This is what we call touch deprivation or starvation. And it affects our adult romantic relationships because when we're dating, oftentimes we won't know what's in between kissing and hugging and sex. And so it actually hurts us because we don't know how to intimately.
Satisfy our partners. So, girl, if you know me, you already know that our parents have a big part to play in this. Black parents often show their love through acts of service, which means that there's not a lot of hugging and kissing. Those are quite rare. And then touching is basically non existent. And if there is touching, oftentimes it doesn't really feel authentic and genuine because the emotional security and safety isn't there, because there's not a lot of emotional expression. And also because there's so much spanking happening in our household that actual touch can feel abusive or violent. So when you combine all of those things together, it means that our vagus nerves can be underdeveloped and our oxytocin development center can be underdeveloped as well, which means that it's going to be harder for us to make connections with other human beings. Now let me know in the comments if you don't like to be touched. Let me know if you've had similar experiences growing up with your black parents. And also let me know in the comments if you need some help. You can check out my bio and I can definitely help you with that so that you can get your guide this year. Hope this helps.
