Anwar White argues dating isn't wasteful if you learn from it and have a strategy. He estimates 90% of men aren't relationship ready, and says the fix is healing work and a concrete plan for who you want.
Questions this video answers
The speaker estimates about 90% (saying it used to be ~80%).
Chapters
Rapid fire. Louisa, let's talk about men wasting your time. Well, I think that dating is not a waste of time. It's a waste of time if you don't learn anything from your experiences. The better question that I think is how are you ultimately evaluating these individuals to even engage with them? Because if the evaluation process that you're having is flawed, then yes, it probably is a waste of time. Now if I'm asking you this and you don't have a very clear cut strategy in terms of how you're interacting and choosing these men, we can't get upset about the men, right? Here's the thing.
It used to be 80%. That's why I was saying I'm leaning into my clients right now. But based on how things are going and the nature of society and culture and, and kind of how the values are being separated between men and women right now, it's probably looking closer to like 90% of the men out there are not relationship ready. So it's actually going to require you to have more of a strategy while you are dating so that you don't get caught up in those 90% of guys and then hate dating and hate, you know, men. Because there are some really great guys out there.
But our job is to find them. Our job is not to like engage with the 90% of them that are not it. If you don't have a strategy and most women don't, then I can see how that would be a problem and how dating would be horrible if you don't have a strategy in the chat. Let me give me a hashtag nostrategy because that's your first step, right? To get a strategy and then the second step is to actually heal. Right.
What I know for sure is that when individuals start dating and they're not healed, just like parenting, dating will bring up all of your stuff. And that's why you have so many people that are like starting and stopping and dating because ultimately they get triggered and then they want to step away because they don't know how to deal and work through those triggers. But what happens is they start again and then they get triggered in the same way again because they've never actually like worked through the trigger. Yeah, I want all of you to like use dating to work through all of those, the traumas and the triggers that you have so that when you do find your man, and that's what I do as a dating coach, you're ready, you're ready for the best relationship of your life. Now most of my clients get their guys between months six and nine just because it's. It used to be months three through six, but it's just takes twice as long to get your person now. That's just the nature of the dating game right now. The apps are not happening and all of the other things that I've already described. And so it requires. And here's the thing, you can heal on your own or you can work with somebody to help you heal throughout the process. That's why I think a lot of women come to me to help them on their journey.
