Dating coach Anwar White explains why they focus on Black and brown women: they face specific barriers like dating racism on apps, weakly enforced boundaries, emotional suppression, and hyper-independence that make vulnerability harder. White's mission is helping them overcome these obstacles to find lasting love.
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Creating a harsh and traumatizing environment so my plant can grow up big and strong, just like my parents did for me.
Hey, girl. So I get a lot of questions about why are you a dating coach for just black and brown women? It's the majority black women. And I. The answer that I say to that is that there are unique challenges that black women have that no other group has. And so I want to go through them a little bit so you understand, like, why it might be a little bit more difficult for black women to date now than other groups, especially our white counterparts. So first, let's talk about boundaries. Right? Our foremothers and forefathers never had boundaries. We couldn't say what we could or what we couldn't do. And so what happens is that that pathology continues. And in our households, we're not allowed to have boundaries. So that when we're in our adult relationships, it's hard for us to set and follow through with boundaries to begin with. So that's one. Boundaries. Number two, it's vulnerability. It's hard to be vulnerable because guess what? In the majority of our households, our emotions are not necessarily celebrated or welcomed. So we learn to kind of bottle them in because oftentimes our parents don't have the skills to hold space for us emotionally. So there is a challenge of learning how to be vulnerable because that's how you deeply connect in romantic relationships. So that's number two, combining the lack of vulnerability and the lack of boundaries. The way that many black women try to protect themselves is by being hyper independent and being in their masculine energy. And so part of this work for many black women is to learn how to recalibrate both the masculine and the feminine energy so that they can find someone that perfectly aligns with them the yin to their yang. But many black women are in their masculine energy. So part of the work is learning how to sit more comfortably in the feminine energy. So that's another opportunity. Another opportunity that I see so much as a dating coach for 13 years for Black and brown women is that there's dating racism out there, which makes it harder. So like the latest research says that response rate for black women on apps is around 32, 33%. And for non black women, it's closer to 44, 45%. That just makes it harder to find people. Let's not lie to ourselves. There's racism out there. Another issue that I see so often is the that ultimately many of us are code switching, right? Because we had to. Whether it was in the homes when dad was angry or just out in life trying to navigate these different environments. But what that means is that oftentimes black women will split themselves. There's one they're one way at work, one way with friends, one way with family, one way with men. And part of my job is to bring all of those split parts together. The other thing that I see so often is that there are a lot of black women that are late bloomers. They were never taught how to date. They couldn't date. And the first time that they're dating is in college versus some of our white counterparts that we're dating in fifth grade. Girl, these white girls have 10, 15 years on you sometimes. So we have to learn how to date. Most of us were told, don't be fast and don't get pregnant. And that was the extent to being taught how to date. And that doesn't work. Yeah. So as you can tell, there are tons and tons of challenges, but they can be overcome. And I try to help my clients overcome them. And I think that's why many of my clients have been really successful, because we pinpoint on these specific challenges to help them level up in love. If you're interested, you can definitely book a call. If not, listen to my podcast and come to my lives, because I want to help as many black women as possible find love. I think it's atrocious that the Marriage rate is 29% for Black women and other groups, it's almost double that. So my job, my mission, my purpose is to help all black women find love. And that's why I do what I do. I hope this helps in sending much love to you all.
