Why It Won't Happen For Me is FASLE THINKING

Hello, hello, hello everyone. If you are interested in figuring out why oftentimes that inner voice in your head is saying it's never gonna happen for me, and why that's false thinking, I want you to stay tuned because over the next 20 minutes or so I'm actually gonna go through step by step why that is completely false thinking and the things that you will need to do to actually get into your dream relationship and level up your love life. Okay, So I have an entire amazing program that is set up to actually have you focus in on the things that you will need to make sure that we are making your dreams and reversing your false thinking into reality. Okay? So for those of you that don't know me, my name is Anwar White and I am the creator of get yout Guy Coaching. I help sensitive and high achieving women level up their love lives, state with confidence and ease, and also as the name of my company says, get their guy.

Right. So if that's something that's of interest to you, I want to make sure that we are getting into contact with each other because next year is going to be epic. And I already have a ton of women that are in my group program and I want you to join if that's something that you are ready to do and really just level up your love life. Right. So I was talking with a couple of women over the past week and one of the things that I kept on hearing was it's never going to happen for me. It's never going to happen for me. I've already kind of come to terms with it. So I'm just going to focus and level up on the things that I can control and let this thing go. And that is the, that's not the right way to go. And if I know you, if you follow me, you're probably a very high achieving woman and you've never done that in your entire life. So why would you start with this part of your life? Here's the truth. The truth is that 89% of women will get married in their lifetime. So probability is that you are going to get married in your lifetime. That's what probability says. And as a statistics undergrad major, I know what I'm talking about here. When it comes to probabilities, one thing that I think is important for you to realize and one thing that I'm really focused on with my clients is making sure that when you do get married that that's it, that you're not having two or three or four different marriages that you're actually finding the person that is meant for you and really doubling down and creating the healthiest relationship that you can create. That takes work. It's not like it's automatically going to happen, right. It's like not one of these things where, oh, suddenly everything is good and like I can just jump into a relationship and things are just going to be perfect. Right. This happily ever after ending that we see so much at the end of Disney movies, that's not how it goes. And so you have to be prepared to actually be ready for the healthiest relationship of your life. Right. And that's what we're going to talk about today. So what will you need to believe in order to reverse this thinking? Well, I actually think that you have to actually start doing different things for you to actually believe something different. Right. Because if you continue doing the same thing, you're probably not going to get different results. You're going to get the same results. And it's going to be this cyclical kind of thought process where you're feeling even more hopeless about your love life. The first step is to actually start doing new and different things in your love life to get a different result. And through that result, your thinking will actually change. And that's what I help my clients do. So, for example, one of the things that I see a lot with women is actually like turning into someone else. When you are engaging with men.

You'Re fine with your friends, you're fine with your family, you're fine at work. But when it comes to men, something changes. Your voice gets a little bit higher, your body posture gets really coy and defensive, and you start to play small. Right. Ultimately, you start to play small. And when you're small, you're not being yourself. You're being 20, 40% of yourself, not 100%. And it robs you of showing the world the amazingness of who you are, but it also robs the person that is trying to get to know you because they think that they know you. Because you're only representing the. A small portion of yourself, the portion that you think they're going to like. And then what happens? And this is for my ladies out there that have these situationships slash quasi relationships that last for two to three months is that research says that you can only. You can be someone that you're not for only about three months. And then you kind of have to. You kind of are yourself. There's nothing that you can really do about it. You can't keep up the, keep up the charade you know, and this is why in relationships like that three to six month period, we call the comfortable stage where everyone starts to become themselves and you get to see the good, bad and the ugly. And what happens is that if you can get past that stage, that three to six month stage in your relationship, you're probably going to be good because you've seen all sides of your partner. But if you are showing this 20% side of yourself and thinking that that is going to do it, you're sadly mistaken. And this is one of the things that I'm seeing a lot with my clients. I'm getting a question here about what if you're typically shy, you get to be shy. Girl, no one's saying that you shouldn't be shy. What we are saying though is that I want you to be your complete self. I want you to shine parts of yourself. And I actually want to challenge you here because I think that oftentimes we are strategically shy. So I want to call you out here. Okay. I don't think that you are shy at work.

Right. I don't think you're that shy around your family. But with men, you want to act shy and you want to act brand new. We're not playing that game. Right. That means that there is some underlying trauma that we actually need to bring up to the surface and heal.

When you tell me that you're typically shy, I want to challenge you a little bit. I want to ask you why. And in my program, we're going to figure all of that out. We're going to figure it out so that when you're aware of it, you can minimize its power over you and you can actually heal from it. Right? Yeah. So that's something that's really important to understand and realize that we've got to show up differently. I'm not saying be a different person.

I'm actually asking you to be the true essence of yourself. I want you to think back to when you were 5, 6, 7 years old. That little girl who was carefree, who was brave and courageous and did whatever the hell she wanted to do and said a lot of different things that maybe her family and mama did not want to hear. But she was free and she was strong. That's the essence. That's who I'm trying to get out when it comes to this love and dating game. That's part of the work that we do. Because if she's not coming out, this walled up version is coming out and that is not doing anyone a service. Okay?

So that's something that we're going to have to change from an exterior point of view, right. We're going to have to do different things to have different results. And through those results, you get to have proof of possibility that you can have different results in your love and dating life. And that's how your thinking can change. Right. The other kind of thoughts that I think happen too, especially for my high achieving women, is that they feel like they're gonna have to settle.

Have you ever felt that way before? Like, oh my gosh, I am gonna have to just find some little thing, something so that I can finally get married and do what everyone's telling me I need to do. Right. There's some women out there that feel that way. You will realize that I never tell my clients to settle. That's not what this is about. If anything, I am holding the standards that they really want firm so that they're not going under, into the gutter, into the riff raff, right? We've got to stay, we've got to keep our standards really solid because that's how you create success. And this is how you find the man that you are going to spend the rest of your life with and not someone who you're going to have a situationship with or someone that you're just going to know for a couple of months and that be it. Right. I am in the business of getting my clients married and in relationships forever and in their healthiest relationship. So there's no way that you're going to settle and no way that I would ever want you to settle. Last.

Live that I did, I talked about what you really need in a relationship. So those are the things that you're going to have to hold steady to and evaluate men on, because those are the things that are going to help you create an amazing loving relationship. I think another thing that women think that they need to do to make it happen. Right. Is that they're gonna have to go on a ton of dates. Right.

My thought process on this is a little bit different than a lot of other dating coaches.

There is something to be said for it being a numbers game. I mean, most of my clients maybe seriously date three men, three to five men. After having a hundred conversations on the apps with other like a hundred different men. Right. But this is about the standards that need to be had.

I think a lot of women, especially if you're high achieving and you're doing, doing, doing that, you think that, oh my God, I'm going on a date, going on two Three dates a week. I'm doing this thing. I'm being successful in love and dating. That's not what this is about. My approach is on quality and not quantity. Right? Let me say that again. Quality, but not quantity. If you're going on a ton of dates, nine times out of 10 you're going to be disappointed because he's not going to be the guy for you. And going on a lot of dates is just going to remind you of that and you're going to feel like it's a waste of time because the date's not going to be great. That's a recipe for dating disaster. I want to teach you how to do it differently. And that's why I have my own dating process that I teach all of my clients how to move through, evaluate vet so that you are only going on physical dates with the highest quality man. The man is going to make you number one and make you a priority. That's something that's really important that I want you to think about in terms of some of these false beliefs that I hear often. I have to be someone that I'm not. I'm going to have to settle. I have to go out on a lot of dates. None of those things are true. There's a different way of doing this to get you different results, and I want to be there to share it with you. Okay? So here's the thing. When I think about all of these different beliefs, one of the things that is the central theme of it is that I'm going to have to.

Be someone I'm not. That I'm going to have to ignore my needs and my wants and trying to find something in this way.

And I want to offer to you that you don't. It's that you just have to do it a different way. And it means being your whole entire self in this process on these states, not muting yourself, right? I think there's some quotation out there that says.

Know polite and women never made history. I want you to make history in your own love life, which means that you have to be your unabashed self. Right? And that can be really scary when in, you know, in the past, you may have been rejected growing up or in school and bullied for being yourself. But as an adult, you get to experience that in a different way. And, and so it's important to actually.

Find out. And I will say this, there are some women that really don't know themselves, and that's okay too. Part of the work that I do is Actually figuring that out in this chapter of your life. So if it's scary to actually understand that, actually I don't know a big part of myself, that means you're doing the work. That means you're on the road to understanding 100% of yourself. And when you can get there, you can actually play and play hard in this love game. And that's the exciting part, that's the most amazing part. So.

That'S what I want to offer to you. Right. Are there ways in which you can go from where you are to where you want to be? Absolutely. I have a certain way that's really successful. Roughly 80% of my clients get into amazing relationships around the four month mark and around two thirds of them are married within two years. So if those are your goals and that's what you want, definitely send me a message or book a consultation call with me. Like I said before, I have this proprietary dating system that really is. Helps you set amazing boundaries because that's what you're going to need when you're dating and you're in a relationship with someone who is maybe doesn't do the thing that you want. You have to be able to learn how to communicate that boundary and be confident in it. Right. You're going to have to learn how to be vulnerable. Right. So many women out there feel like vulnerability is a weakness. It is the biggest strength and the key in relationships to connecting with men on a deeper level. If you've ever asked yourself why you have situationships, it's because you haven't deeply connected with this man and you haven't been as vulnerable as you need to be. And so I am teaching my clients how to do that, not only within my dating system, but just in general. And then thirdly, I think it's also really important for you to also understand.

What sort of energy you want to have in the courtship of your relationship. There's a lot of women out there with dominant masculine energy. And it's going to be difficult for you to find a man that's going to do a masculine man that wants to deal with a masculine woman. One of two things will happen.

He will either butt heads with you because we're trying to.

Lead, trying to control, trying to do. There can't be two main chefs in the kitchen, Right. Or he will regress into a teenage boy, a Peter Pan, and you will end up mothering him and being and doing things for him. Right. One of those things will happen. Am I saying that you shouldn't be in your masculine Energy. No, what I am saying is that I want you to be super conscious of the energy that you want to portray your love life, because that will indicate exactly who you should be dating. If you're in your masculine energy, you should be dating more nurturing men. If you're a mask, if you're in a dominant masculine energy and a woman and you want a masculine man, it means that you're gonna have to show up differently. You're gonna need to learn how to sit comfortably in your feminine energy, which is really scary for a lot of us to do because of our past experience. Experiences. But our work is making sure that we're healing from some of those experiences, and we're showing up in our feminine energy so we can attract the man that the masculine man that you may want. Okay? So that's the work that we do in my group coaching program, and that's why it's transformational. These things that I'm talking about may be very difficult for you to do, but with accountability and learning in a community and a group of women, it accelerates the learning process, and it empowers you to really take hold of these new, amazing tools that you're going to learn and not only rock your love life out, but also other parts of your life as well. There's no coincidence that my clients get promotions that they, like, have better relationships with their friends and family because they know who they are and what they need, and they're able to confidently communicate that with those around them. Okay, so I want to actually just highlight a client of mine. I'm not going to use her real name because we keep things confidential here. I get your guy. But we'll call her Fifi. And Fifi went to the best school. She went to Ivy League undergrad, Ivy League professional school, master's level school. And she was a nice girl. And she.

Was not, as she put it, confrontational, or she felt like speaking up and telling people what her needs were was confrontational. And we taught her that that wasn't the case, that she had to speak up, that she had to play bigger right and not keep the peace, that she got to take up space in her relationships and in the room. And in doing so, she got her dream job at Google. And she also got into the most amazing relationship that she's ever been in. And they're actually moving in in Q1 of next year, which is so exciting. So in a couple of months. Oh, my God, I need to check in with her. So I actually received a prayer from her Like a week ago. Beautiful lavender soaps and candles and scents. And it was a surprise because I actually don't give my clients my address. But she stalked me. Her stocking skills are probably on par with mine, but she wrote this lovely card and I just wanted to share it with you. She said. An Lahr an overdue. Big thank you for being my coach and champion this past year. I have greatly appreciated your advice and support and am beyond grateful for where I am today in love and life. Thank you for helping me grow and realize my voice. Now I get a little bit emotional because this work is. It's so important and you know, the thought of it won't happen to me is a thought that I think so many women have. And I want to offer to you that that's not not the case, that this can happen to you. This is a woman who was never in an amazing relationship before. That was only in situationships and she was able to level up her love life and do things a different way for an amazing, amazing result. Not only am I going to enjoy the lavender, but I'm going to enjoy seeing how this relationship flourishes, seeing how they're going to get married and I will be at their wedding and and why I do what I do. I love love and I think that not only do you need it, but you deserve it. And I want to help and partner with you to get there. So if you are someone who is ready to level up their love life in the next year, you're ready for your new love chapter. I want to invite you to either send me a message or you can actually book a consultation call with me. Not only will we talk about your love situation right now, but I will give you an understanding of what my program is all about and how my program is going to help you get to where you want to go in terms of your love goals. Right. I've seen some messages in the comments about how being independent is intimidating. Being independent and being in your masculine energy is not intimidating. I want to challenge your thought on that. Being independent is a level of femininity that is not attractive to a masculine man. If you're independent, if you're doing everything for yourself, it means that there's no use or value for him. Right. And so if he's not needed here, he's going to go somewhere else where he's needed. He's not intimidated. There's just no use for it. It's like, you know when you're at work and there's like eight people doing the same thing.

You're going to be like, okay, you all have it. You don't need me, so I'm going to go and do something else. It's the same for men, Right. So your independence does not intimidate him. He just doesn't see any value in being in your independent sphere.

Right?

Yeah. I have some comments in here talking about, you know, that it's really hard to drop the masculine energy, although you have a feminine side. It's so hard. This is about the confidence and the being vulnerable. Right. And being in the practice of it. One of the reasons why it's hard is because you're not in the practice of it. Of course it's hard. It's like going to the gym and like working out for the first time. That is hard and it makes you really sore and it hurts. But after a month or two of practicing being in your feminine energy, it becomes second nature because it's inherent to you. What's happened is that you've hidden it to a point where you don't feel safe actually representing and being and embodying it. And so the work that I do with my clients is forcing them and pushing them to get comfortable and doing this. Right. And being in their feminine energy, if they choose to be, be in that energy. Right. I have a client on now. She knows. We start talking about our feelings and we start communicating with an emotional will so that we're in the practice of it, because that's what vulnerability is about, that we have to get comfortable and know what we're feeling and what's going on and be able to communicate that that is feminine energy. Feminine energy is about being, not doing right.

Setting boundaries, making requests, and then sitting back and waiting for men and other people in other relationships to do for you. Right?

This can happen for you. We just have to do it a different way. And I want to help you get there. So if you're ready. Right. I'm not here to force anyone. If you're ready to do this and do it well, as ll once said, doing it and doing it and doing it well.

Reach out. Book a consultation. Call with me. My applications for my group program are closing about a week from now. So you have about a week to figure out if this is what you want or not. Right.

Because we are going to get your guy in 2022. And if you're not ready, you can wait for the next session. But why wait when you can just create and do it now? All right. All right, my loves. I hope that this was good for you. I look forward to hearing from you. Reach out. Let me know what's resonated with you in this live and I'll talk with you soon. Bye.