Anwar White (YouTube) advises Black women to choose partners who are emotionally and materially "built" rather than trying to rescue men who are "drowning" — a metaphor for men struggling (self-imposed or societal). He uses a pool/suntanning anecdote to show women should not dive in to save struggling men, claims only a small percentage (he states ~2%) of Black men are relationship-ready, and urges seeking healthy Black men who have done the work. The tone is candid, cautionary, and practical.
Chapters
Elizabeth said, a lot of black men can't help us or see the need to take care of us. Then go to somebody that can.
Girl, no shade. But if he's drowning, he can't save you. He can't. He can't lift you up. I always think about it like this. Think like during the summers, I would always, every day we would go to the pool, even though we could barely swim, no shade, shout out to the half swimmers out there. And.
We would always see these women that would be kind of suntanning every day, real cute. And.
They were doing them. Now, when you talk about black men that can't help you, can't see you, I want you to think that. I want you to understand that most of these black men are drowning for a variety of different reasons, self imposed or societally. Right. That's a word. So think of them as drowning. Some in the deep end, some in the shallow end. Girl, you're on the side of the pool sunbathing. And what we're asking is for men to be able to put some, you know, SPF on you. If they can't do that, it's not your job to dive in, to save them from drowning, to bring them back outside of the pool and to hand them the freaking sunscreen. And many of us are doing that. This is why you always hear me say, I want you to be with men that are built. They have to be built. They can't be drowning.
And most of these men, specifically black men, are drowning. Do I say that with glee? No. I'm a black man. I want all of them to succeed. But I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that, oh, my God, all these black men are amazing. They're great. They're relationship ready. They're not. And I get a lot of shit about it because, you know, people think that I'm trying to kill the black rights. I'm. I'm trying to tell you things and share things based on what the data says. I don't care what Essence tells you to do. I don't care what all of these other publications are telling you to do. They are selling you a pipe dream. I need you to understand that there's out of all of the black guys, this black love. There's probably about 2% of black men that are ready for that.
That have done the work, that are successful, that are intelligent.
That have the emotional capacity to have great relationships.
Half of my clients get with black men.
I just make sure that they are getting with healthy black men. And that's what I want for you all as well, okay?
