Anwar White, a dating coach with 13 years' experience, argues that working harder won't change how someone treats you. If you grew up earning love through performance, you learned to chase validation. Instead, stop performing, share your feelings, ask for help, and see if he actually pursues you when you step back.
Questions this video answers
August 25, 2023
13 years
Chapters
This is gonna upset some people because it upset me when I heard it. But people who are not treating you well are not going to treat you better if you work harder.
Hey, girl. I love this point so much because I see so many of my smart and successful women clients that think that if I just work hard, love will come to me. And this is probably how they've been taught when they were raised. Whether it was getting the good grades or doing well in sports, or even doing household chores, there are many of our parents that only gave us attention and validation based on those things. And so we believe that that is how we receive love. We believe that we have to do or perform to be loved. And that couldn't be further from the truth. You actually just have to be. You are inherently worthy of love and deserving of love. And so part of this work as you learn how to heal yourself to get into the best relationship of your life. At least that's what I do as a dating coach for 13 years, is making sure that we're learning to be. What does that mean? It means making sure that you are sharing your feelings, making sure that you are asking for help, making sure that you are in acceptance mode versus judgment mode, AKA learning how to be more in our feminine energy. This is especially true for immigrant children, girls that were are women of color. Girls of color because they're just raised differently. So how do we do this in dating? We do absolutely nothing. And see if he actually shows up for you and pursues you and makes it happen for you so that he knows that he's not going to get a lot from you, but that shouldn't be predicated on what he does for you. So you make sure that the relationship is not transactional. And once he shows up for you, that is when you start to give a little bit to him, but not as much as what he gives to you. I hope this helps. And if you want to learn how to do this and also heal this book, a call with me. I'm here to help.
