Women Are Relationship Leaders!

Hey, girl. Welcome to the get yout Guy coaching podcast. My name is Anwar White, but you can just call me your own personal dating and relationship coach. Each week you'll hear actionable advice, tips, and strategies that you can implement in your own love life. I'm talking about healing your heart, dating effectively, and understanding men so that you can, you guessed it, get your guy. Are you ready to level up your love life? All right, let's go.

Hello, hello, hello, my loves. Oh, my gosh. I'm so happy to see you tonight as we talk about leadership, how women lead in relationships. Because I want to tell. I want to keep it 100% real with you, girl. If you're not leading in relationships, you're not doing it right.

And I'm not saying that to be shady. Nobody's being shady up in here. I'm keeping it real. 2022, we have to do things differently than how things were done in the 1960s, 70s, and 80s, right? So there's a new way of actually being in relationships. And I want to talk about that because I think it's really important. And I think that there are so many women out there that are engaging in relationships and dating the old way, right? The way that our moms and our grandmothers used to engage in dating and relationships, and in doing so, actually abdicating all of their power. I want to let you know on this International Women's Day that, girl, you have all the power. You have all the power. You actually just need to understand that, embody it, and then use it, right? I want you to understand that you're the queen and all of these guys are your suitors, right? You are the CEO of your love life. All of these men are interns. So there are a lot of people out there that are talking about how men are the leaders and men have to be strong and lead.

They don't lead anything. They don't lead anything. And you know what the tea is? They don't even know it yet. They don't know that they lead things. If they're in a healthy, masculine, feminine energy relationship, they don't know. So I want to talk to you about why you may be thinking this way. Why. Why you need to actually change the way that you're thinking about this. If you're thinking about it old school. How you can really embody the leadership that is necessary for a successful relationship in 2022. As someone who gets women into relationships every one to two weeks, I see this all day, every day. And so I just wanted to Share with you how I'm thinking about leadership in relationships and how women have all of the leadership capabilities they just need to do it right. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Okay, so you'll hear a lot of really like, sexist, chauvinistic men on podcasts, male dating coaches talk about lead. We have to lead, right? The women need to submit and all this other stuff, right?

And a lot of women will actually listen to that and believe it. And I want to let you know that these men want to find women that don't question anything that they say or do where there is a power imbalance in the relationship so that they don't get to get called out on their insecurities. Don't listen to these men, ladies, Please don't. Look, you can take what I'm saying with a grain of salt as well. I'm not here to force you to think the way that I think. I'm just letting you know on the work that I've been doing for a decade and what I've seen to be actually successful. This is the reason why the women that find their guys in my program stay with those guys and actually get married, right? Roughly 80, 85% of the women that I work with get into relationships in my six month program. Of those ladies, about two thirds of them get engaged and married within two years with that same guy, right? So I am someone who is focused on getting people into the healthiest, best relationship of their lives. And so I want to let you know that the way to actually do that is by leading the relationship. And I'm going to talk about what leading means, right? I talked about all of these male dating coaches and these chauvinistic pigs talking about wanting women to submit. You will never hear me use that word, submit when it comes to women, because I think that they are the most powerful creatures on this earth and they will hopefully save this earth and the craziness that is actually within it. Right? But I think that society tries to teach you that you don't have agency, you don't have power, and that you're supposed to do what you're told, Right? I think that's how a lot of women are raised when they are young women and that gets ingrained in them. And so because of that, they end up actually bringing that into their adult relationships. Please comment in the chat if that has been you. If people, whether it was your father or your mother who didn't actually give you the agency that probably was necessary to thrive, right? Because that's the thing we learned this early on, we learn it through what happens in the household, but we also learn it by the models that we have, right? We see the way that our mothers are around our fathers and our grandmothers, around our grandfathers, and we say, oh, this is how we're supposed to be in a relationship. This is what love looks like. I'm supposed to tone it down. I'm supposed to let him make all the decisions, right?

That doesn't work here. Why doesn't it work now? It doesn't work now because if you look at the data, the data will tell you that women are more educated. Women are going to college at a rate of 4 to 3, so at least 25% more graduating, and they're getting there. The pay gap is starting to actually equal, equal out. What a lot of people don't realize is that actually women, many women are paid in a similar way, like compared to men, but the entire average of women. Because there are some women that actually change their employment, especially when they're pregnant or, or do have children. But for full time working individuals, women are paid similar and sometimes more than men, right? Not all the time. Why am I saying this? I'm saying this because, ladies, you have so much more power than you had before. So the models that we have are not relevant anymore, right? So many of our mothers and our grandmothers had to have a man to actually survive in the world.

That's not the case anymore. You actually get to hold it down on your own. And oftentimes women, especially women of color, have more stable employment than men do. So this thing about having people, men, lead, it was something that happened before and it's not necessarily relevant now. So I want us to be super clear about that. I want us to be super clear about it because what these fools will have you thinking is that you have to listen to a man that has half your intelligence and doesn't think through things as much as you do. And you're just supposed to be okay with that, right? It's kind of like.

Okay, I'm not going to get political. I'm not that girl. Not tonight. I might get messy another night, but not tonight.

Okay? What are the dangers of being led versus leading? Because so many. And let me know if you've been in a relationship where you've allowed a man to really lead the relationship. Tell you when you're gonna. Tell you when you're gonna go out, what he wants to do. He talks about the things that he wants to talk about, right? What happens is that because we have been programmed to allow men to have their way.

We abdicate our power. We have no power. And that actually leads to being taken advantage of or used or abused in a variety of different ways because we haven't learned how to speak up. We haven't learned how to set boundaries. We haven't learned how to understand men and communicate with them accordingly. Right? So it's actually, like, not safe to be led. It's much safer to lead. I want to talk about what I mean when I say leading, because I think sometimes people will think of leading the way a man likes to lead relationships, and that it's actually not the case at all, right? So here's how I think about relationships, and I hope that this helps you think about the way that I am thinking about leading. So I have this analogy that I talk to all of my clients about, about a car, right? Men will be the drivers of the car, but women, I believe, are in the passenger side with the GPS with the ways in their hand giving the direction of where that car is going to go. And I ask you, who's really leading? Is it the driver or is it the person with the GPS who knows where the destination is? Because without the destination, you can go nowhere. If the man wants to stop driving and he leaves the car, you can just hop on the driver's side and you can drive yourself there because you will always have the gps, right? So I ask you again, who's leading that car?

It's important, right? Leading in a relationship for a woman looks different. Doesn't look like, I'm gonna do this. We're gonna do this. We're gonna go here, we're gonna do that. No, that's not what that's about at all. Right? I want to talk about that. Right? Because that's the masculine way, right? It's the doing, it's the problem solving, it's the acting, right? That's masculine energy, right? I'm talking about more of a feminine energy. I'm talking about really setting your requests, letting your wants, your needs, your desires be known, and having the man make those things happen. In this car analogy, it's saying, you know what? I really want us to turn right here. And then he turns, right? That's how we lead, right? So I think it's important when we're thinking about relationships that you get to do it a different way. We don't have to do it the way that society or society has told us or how it's been modeled, that actually women are the leaders of relationships. How do you lead? You set the pace of the relationship, and you set the depth of the relationship pace, how fast things go or how slow things go. You will be the one that says when sex will happen. Generally, when you want to be exclusive. He could ask all day long. But you saying no will keep the pace at whatever pace you feel most comfortable with. When you will move in, when you will share the I love yous, when you potentially will even get engaged and married. Because Data says that 70% of women are bringing that up first. Right. So the majority of women are bringing these things up for them to actually happen. This is how you lead in a relationship. Right. So many women and so many of my clients push back when I tell them no. This is how it goes. Because they are so focused on the fantasy. Right. That Disney and rom coms and the Hallmark Channel give you that. Oh, these men are going to, for some reason in their heads, like, take the initiative on some of these things. They don't. They don't. Why? Because men are very focused in the present, and women with their amazing minds are focused in the past and in the future. Men are very linear. Okay, I'm sitting with you and I'm having dinner with you right now. That's how they're thinking when they're on a date with you. Women are a little bit in the present, but also thinking about the future. Okay, what are we going to do next? What's the next date? Do I want to get married to him? What are our kids going to look like? Oh, then I'm talking. I'm thinking about the past. This guy reminds me of this guy. Oh, he's doing this different than this guy is doing, right? All of these different things. Things happening in a woman's head. That's why you need to set the pace, because you need to be really clear first. Your mind is already probably already thinking very futuristic, but you need to be very clear about what you want every step of the way. That's why when my clients get into the best relationships of their life, I have them set a relationship timeline. Yes, I know it sounds really unromantic, but it's to help them get clarity about what they want to happen every step of the way so that a relationship doesn't get stagnant, that they know exactly what their requests are and their boundaries are, and that they feel clear and confident in communicating those things in a timely manner. That's why we set the relationship timeline. So women are in charge of the pace of the relationship. Therefore, they are Leading the relationship. The other thing that I want to offer to you is that women also set the depth of the relationship. And when I say depth, I'm talking about the emotional place in the relationship. The relationship will only be connected if there's vulnerability. And unfortunately, because of the patriarchy, men are socialized not to be in touch with their emotions. That's realistic. It's not ideal, but that's just how things are. And so what that means is that you are going to have to be comfortable being vulnerable. Right. And that can be really uncomfortable if you're not used to doing it. And if you don't have the confidence to it, do so. That's one of the things that I focus on in my program is being able to be vulnerable with these men so that they can actually also be vulnerable with you. And that's how connections are formed. If you're not able to be vulnerable, you will not, and I repeat, you will not connect deeply with a man. So, I mean, that's really the second module in my program. We start off with that after we talk about dating strategy, because it takes a while to master and perfect. But the rewards of learning how to be vulnerable are so, so, so grand.

Right? So when I say when women lead relationships, they're leading by setting the pace of the relationship and setting the emotional depth of the relationship, which means that you got to get deep. You got to know yourself enough to get deep and be confident enough to share those parts of yourself with another person. That takes work. If you have been raised not to do that, and so many women nowadays have been raised not to do that. Right. Please let me know if you're one of those women in the chat. Right. Have you been taught to be vulnerable, that it's actually safe to be vulnerable? If not, it's going to be hard for you to deeply connect with a man.

I think sometimes women feel like, oh, you know, if I flirt, if I give you cute banter, that's going to attract a man. It might get his attention initially, but it won't keep it. Right. That's not how you lead a relationship. That's temporary attention. Yeah. I think it's important to think about this and understand it when we're talking about how to lead a relationship. I'm getting questions in here. What's being vulnerable? Being vulnerable is being able to share the parts of you that you're ashamed of, that you neglect, that you're scared of, that you're embarrassed about sharing all of that, but not just sharing all of that. But also sharing your feelings around yourself, your experiences. Oftentimes we will actually.

Talk about what's happened. We'll give our thoughts and opinions on that. And that's not necessarily being vulnerable because I don't learn anything about you when you just share your opinion about something. Right. If you tell me you don't like Donald Trump, okay, well, a lot of people don't like Donald Trump. What does that mean about you exactly? How does that. What about him elicits a certain or yields a certain feeling from you? Right. This is important. So I just want to talk about this car analogy again. Men will drive the car. Women will be in the passenger side with the gps, with the ways on directing exactly where their car goes. Without that, there's no direction in a relationship. And you will never meet the destination if you don't hold the gps, the emotional gps, and the actual directional gps. So I was talking about what do we actually need to lead these relationships? I talked about clarity of goals, what you want and what you need, and being clear about those things so that you can actually post them at certain points of your relationship. And also in your dating journey, last Sunday, actually in my group program, I gave them the entire journey of how I want them to date, from date one to exclusivity. Every date has a purpose. Every date has something that I need you to focus on and something that I need you to share. There's different levels of vulnerability. There are different things that need to be given or not given. There are different things that you need to take care of and he needs to take care of. Right. And so, you know, I think a lot of people don't necessarily think about things that way. Do you have an idea about what you're going to do on date four or date six or date eight? Probably not. Right. The way that I teach my clients, it's all about understanding the male psyche and understanding when he is going to want to actually become exclusive. So, but this is about leading it. This is about being able to say this state, I want to do this, and then it gets done. Right. And you being clear about what you would like each step of the way. Pretty sure many of you don't know that. And because you don't know that you are giving up your power, you're letting some person drive without gps. Right. Am I saying that men don't know where they're going?

Yes.

Most men don't know where they're going. Most men don't have a gps, especially an emotional one.

And if they're going. Most of them, generally, perhaps if they do have a direction, they're not considering which way you want to go. And that's the problem. Yeah, I'm not here to bash men. I love men. I'm married to a man. Right. But I also want to make sure that we're entering into this situation with clear eyes. So we need to get clear on our goals. We need to heal our wounds. Once we heal our wounds, we can actually go to the emotional depth that is necessary to deeply connect with a man. Right. We need to have emotional regulation. What does that mean? It means that you've got to be able to manage your mind and your emotions to clearly communicate with the man so that he can do what you would like. Because if you're yelling, if you're telling him about himself, instead of sharing and communicating about what you're experiencing and feeling, he's not gonna. He's not gonna hear the message. He's just gonna want to atone and appease the messenger. He's just gonna want to stop you from being emotional, stop you from crying, stop you from yelling. So he'll just do and say whatever just to stop it. Because men don't want drama.

Let me know if you've ever been in that situation where you've been so worked up and you've been expressing yourself and he's just been like, okay, sure, whatever you want. He's not listening to what you're saying. He's listening to your tone. But if you're regulating your emotions, he will clearly be able to hear, listen, and digest the things that you're saying, and then therefore be able to do what you would like him to do. Right. After you regulate your emotions, you also need to learn how to communicate with men.

Communicating with them means that you have to understand them, understand what makes them tick, how they're perceiving you, what they're thinking about.

And then finally, we have to learn how to set boundaries. Right. Being very clear about what's acceptable and what's not acceptable, how you want to be treated and how you don't want to be treated.

Guys won't know. I think sometimes women feel like, oh, he should know how I want to be treated. No, he doesn't.

He's dated a variety of different women, and every woman has liked, preferred different things. So he is going to approach you with the things that have traditionally worked with other women. But that doesn't necessarily mean that those things are going to satisfy you. But we can't get mad at him because he's doing what he's found to be successful in the past. We have to actually just communicate to him what we want and what we need, right? So setting those boundaries are really important. I tell my clients all the time, even the best men are going to get it wrong a third of the time. Not because they're like, you know, oblivious, not because their intention is wrong, but because they just don't know that it hasn't been communicated to them. Okay? Now, if you want to get clear on your goals and your wants and your needs and heal those wounds and learn how to regulate your emotions and understand men and communicate them so that they hear you and set boundaries, girl, you need to get into my program. That's what we're doing all day, every day. So.

I gotta ask you, are you ready for that? Are you ready to learn all of those things so that you can get into the best relationship of your life? Because that's really what I'm in the business of doing, right? If so, I want to just invite you to book a free consultation call with me. This is a complimentary consultation that I give to anyone that is ready to make love a priority this year in their lives. So if that's you, please go to www.getyourguycoaching.com apply and let's talk. Let's talk about how you can start to lead your future relationships instead of being led. That you can keep your power, keep your clarity and your confidence so that you can have some of the best relationships of your life. Not just romantic. All relationships work. Relationships, family relationships, friendships, relationships with social media. All of those things we discuss in my program. Because how you do one thing is how you do everything. In Sunshine always says, book the call. It's life changing, girl. Wasn't life changing. Look, when you're on the call, I just give it to you straight, no chaser. I give you everything that I know and I give you what the opportunities are for you. And you get to make the decision about whether you want to work with me or not. Either way, I'm still going to be rooting for you and wanting the best for you and your love game. So, yeah, book the call. It's life changing in Sunshine always says so. I hope that this was helpful as you start to think about how to lead in relationships, because that's the name of the game. And if you don't know how to do it, and many women don't because they haven't been taught this, they haven't been given the tools to do this. Let's chat. DMs are always open and I'm always here to support women. I love women. I think that they are the better gender, the more powerful gender, the gender that is going to save this world. And so, on International Women's Day, I wish all of the women out there an amazing and amazing empowering day, week, month, year life. Okay? All right, my loves, I love you all so much. I hope that this has been really, really helpful. I want you to lead your relationships. I do not want you to abdicate any power and then get used and abused and taken advantage of. That's old news. We're going to do things a different way to get different results. And so if you're ready to do that, reach out. I'm always here to help. All right, my loves, thank you so much. I'll talk with you soon. Bye now.

Hey girl. Thank you so much for listening to the GetYourGuy coaching podcast. If you like this episode and want to talk with me personally, please book a free consultation at www.getyourguycoaching.com. apply or subscribe and leave me a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. Talk soon.