Dating coach Anwar White says your type isn't random: it's shaped by trauma like abandonment wounds, codependency, or daddy issues. He maps five common preferences (emotionally unavailable partners, bad boys, older men, narcissists, no one) to their roots and offers concrete fixes: vulnerability work, better boundaries, and reclaiming childhood play.
Questions this video answers
15 years.
January 3, 2025.
Chapters
Girl, this is no shade. But you don't have a dating type. You have trauma. And as a dating coach for 15 years and as your fairy godbrother, I wanted to share with you some of the types that I hear so many women talk about and what that means for your trauma, but also for your healing. Because at the end of the day, you attract what you are and you choose what you are. And if you are choosing from a traumatic place, you are going to go for the worst of the worst of the guys. And I don't want that for you. Not this year, not ever. Okay, so let's get into this. Now. If your type is emotionally unavailable guys, it's because you're emotionally unavailable. Because like attracts like at the end of the day, and that's no shade. What you're going to need to do is learn how to share your feelings, learn how to be vulnerable. And if you can't access your feelings, girl, you're going to need to have an emotion wheel to figure out what those feelings are. Okay? And if your type is not attractive guys, it is often because you might have an abandonment wound and you think that these guys can't do better and that they'll stay with you forever and they'll never leave you. No. At the end of the day, if your attraction to these guys is not growing in the first two to three weeks, you've got to let it go. Now, if you're into bad boys, it's because you want to be a bad boy and that you're too good and you're the good girl and you need to explore the totality of who you are at the end of the day. This is the case for a lot of Christian girls, a lot of really smart girls. You're going to have to be in your main character energy, which is a mix of both masculine and feminine energy. This is about being all of yourself, full out, without shame or regret. If you're into old men, and that's no shade, it is because we have daddy issues. And you are trying to chase your daddy's love. You're also trying to chase the girl who was never allowed to be the daughter that you wanted to be. And so what I have for you and what I want to offer to you is that you're going to need to find surrogate father figures that you can start to feel a little bit more like, like the cherished daughter that you want to feel. If your type is the younger, less established guy, it is because you are looking for control. And I want to give a special shout out to those, those girls that were their oldest daughters, the oldest children who had to take care of everything and anything in the household starting at the age of 10 or 12. Your job is actually to find the fun little girl inside because your childhood was robbed from you. So think about the ages of 8 to 12 and figure out what you like then and start engaging in those activities so that you can find the fun side and not feel like you have to be missed. Responsibility all the time, all day, every day. Special shout out to the single moms out there too, because they, they have this type as well. If your type is narcissists, please listen up. If you are always engaging with narcissists, it's because you have a codependency issue. And you've probably established that from your mother, who was probably a narcissist as well. Now, the way to get away from that is boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Anytime you say something like, I feel guilty for, or I feel bad for or I don't want them to feel, no, a boundary needs to be set. I prefer if. I would feel more comfortable if. Speak up and set those boundaries, girl. And finally, if you are attracted to no one, if no one is your type, it's probably because you are hyper independent and you won't allow yourself to be attracted to other people because other people have completely disappointed you and you don't feel like you can rely on anyone. Your job in this instance is to learn how to ask for help and to realize who the people are that you can trust and not trust. But you have to be able to allow people to show up for you to make that determination. Now, I hope that this was all helpful. Let me know if anything resonated with you. And if you need help with this and moving through some of these types that are actually your traumas, definitely book a call with me. All right? Be well.
